I have been putting off updating this journal, I'm not sure why. I guess I'm ready to say, I got a BFP on Tuesday!
I woke up at 4AM because I had to pee, so I went ahead and temped. I was 13DPO and my temp had gone UP, not down. That was a clincher for me. I knew something was up, as I had also not started my usual pre-AF brown spotting. As I was getting out a HPT to take, I was thinking, either I'm pg or I have some kind of infection.
So, I took a Dollar Tree test and within about a minute, I could see the beginnings of a faint line. I could NOT believe it! I had been thinking and dreaming of seeing that 2nd line for over a year!
Here is a pic:
I was sort of freaking out! I also took an Internet cheapie and there was a faint line there too.
So, it's like 4:30AM by this point, and I had been fumbling around getting the camera, taking pics, etc. so I was sure DH was awake. But he wasn't, so I went and laid back in bed and of course I couldn't go back to sleep. So I laid there and prayed to God for this baby to stick, until 6:00 when DH's alarm went off. This is so lame...I hadn't come up with any cute/sweet ways to tell him, so I just reached over and hugged him, and said, "Guess what! I took a test and it's positive!" His head shot up and he goes "REALLY!" Definitely woke him up that time!
So I was still in shock most of the morning. But I wanted confirmation with a digital. So I held my urine all morning and at lunch, I went to Walmart for a digital. (that was the quickest trip to Walmart ever made, I think). I took the test in the bathroom at work:
So, that was Tuesday. Today is Friday. Every day since then I have taken a test - Wednesday's was definitely darker than Tuesday's. But Thursday and today's tests were not really darker than Wednesday's. So of course I am a little worried. And it seemed like my bbs were not as sore yesterday and today as they were earlier in the week. I know all these things are probably okay, but I am surprised at how overtaken I am by worries. It is still SOO early in the pgcy (I am only 4 weeks today). I wish I were further along. It is a constant battle in my head of telling myself not to worry, to just give it all to God, but everytime I go to the bathroom I am checking the TP for spotting. So far I haven't had any and that is SO surprising. I am a spotter, plain and simple. I spot before AF every month, I spotted after my HSG...just call me a dalmation...I am spotty. So even though it hasn't happened so far, I completely expect to go to the bathroom one of these days soon, and I will have spotted. Maybe it will mean something bad, maybe it won't, but I fully expect it to happen.
I have not let myself get too attached or excited about this pgcy. While I am relieved that we were finally able get pg again, I am all too aware that it could be taken away at any moment. I am just trying to take one day at a time, and not think too much about the future. For the first day or two, I was so superstitious that I wouldn't even look up the EDD or create a pgcy ticker for fear of jinxing it. Then I decided to just enjoy it in the here and now, and be thankful for the days I DO get to be pg. And I just keep on praying. That is all I can do. I tell myself, if it doesn't work out, it was not meant to be. And we are really no worse off than we were before, (besides the fact that I will have had 2 m/c instead of just 1), b/c I really didn't expect to get pg this cycle. I was fully expecting to start Clomid again next month.
SO....I wait. Wait until I get some indication either way of what is going to happen. My first Dr's appointment is Oct. 20. Wish me luck!