I thought I'd start my journal by including my first posts here on this website, since they include background info....
6/8 1:55am - Getting off BCP board
I've been lurking a little bit and decided to join tonight.
I'm 29 and will have been married to my wonderful DH for 2 years in August. No kids yet.
Dh & I were planning on TTC soon, after my ob/gyn recommended that we not wait much longer (I have a history with ovarian cysts and lost one ovary), and we decided that this pack of BCP would be my last.
Then DH was in a motorcycle accident almost 2 weeks ago. Thank God he is alright! But, he broke a bone in his hand and hurt his back pretty bad, along with a knee, an ankle, and many scrapes, bumps, and bruises. I keep finding myself in tears when I think about the fact that I could have lost him. I just feel like an emotional mess. We've been dealing with a lot even before this... going through a bankruptcy, living with my parents...
We were going to wait to have kids until we were financially ready, but people kept saying that there is never a perfect time. Then when my doctor suggested we start trying soon, we got serious about it and decided that it was time... but now with DH's injuries, he hurts so much that I am afraid to even touch him. I have no idea how long it will be until he is well enough for BDing. I am sometimes even afraid to fall asleep in fear that I'll roll over and hurt him. It's 1:45am right now. I couldn't sleep so that's why I'm here.
6/16 1:15am - TTC for the 1st time board
I joined last week and posted on the "getting off birth control" board because I am on my last pack... (5 active pills left now) after about 7 years on them. My ob/gyn put me on them at age 22 to control my ovarian cysts.
I had a large cyst ("the size of a baby's head" in my dr's words) and when they did surgery to remove it, they discovered that it had destroyed my right ovary... so they removed the ovary along with the cyst. Over the next couple years they discovered a smaller cyst on my left ovary that was drained and then later removed when it grew back. Since that last surgery, I have had no new cysts!
So, with one healthy ovary my next mission was to actually find a man I would want to spend my life with and create a family with... 3 years ago, it finally happened when I was set up on a blind date with the wonderful man who is now my husband.
Fast forward to this year... I went in for my annual ob/gyn visit and dr asked if we were going to start trying soon. He recommended that we not wait much longer because of my history. I had been expecting that, so DH & I had already talked about it and agreed that if dr. said we should, then we would... I went home and told DH and we decided that June would be my last pack of pills before TTC.
Then about 3 weeks ago, a truck pulled out of a parking lot w/out looking and hit DH on his motorcycle. Thank God he is ok!... but he did break a bone in his hand and hurt his back and knee pretty badly. It could have been so much worse, and we are very grateful that he is alive.
So now, TTC is on hold until he is feeling well enough for BDing. He will have a cast on his arm for 6 weeks and physical therapy for his back should last around 12 weeks (at least) so who knows.
Meanwhile, I plan to finish off this pack of BCP and start charting so that I can be ready for TTC whenever he is. Today I got a digital thermometer and the book, TCOYF, that I had been hearing so much about. I came home and have already read the first 5 chapters so far.
I have been an emotional roller coaster ever since the accident (if you read my first posts, then you already know that! lol)... The littlest things set me off and I'm
Sorry this is so long. If you read all this, thanks for hearing me vent...
If you jumped to the bottom, here's the short version (LOL):
History of cysts / Finishing last of BCP after 7 years on / Had planned to TTC soon until DH was in accident / No BDing for a while , but I will start charting with my next cycle so I'll be ready when he is!
Randy is hurting pretty bad today. And he is so frustrated with everything... daily phys. therapy appointments, all the phone calls and dealing with insurance and lawyers, etc... and today we found out that our insurance is not going to cover any of the $4200 paint job he had just done on the motorcycle.... He snapped at me today in the middle of some of this frustration. His right arm is in a cast, so he can't write things down very easily when dealing with the phone calls, so I have been dealing with most of them. It's hard for me sometimes because i don't understand all the info about the motorcycle, etc... So anyway, I wasn't thinking when he asked me to call someone again and I asked why I was making all of his calls. That's when he snapped at me and grabbed a pen and he starting writing down questions he wanted to ask the lawyer. Man, what was I thinking? I think my phone rang right after that or something and when I came back in, I asked him if he was mad at me. He said no, that he was just upset about everything. The whole thing has just really been wearing on both of us.... We have never had a real fight, just little stupid stuff like that. We've been through a lot, and I'm very thankful that we have a strong relationship to hold on to during the rough stuff. I feel like we have had more than our share of rough stuff though. When is it our turn for some good times???
Only 3 more active BCP's left... then I will start charting as soon as AF shows up. I am nervous about going off the pill. I have been on them ever since my first cyst and I'm afraid that the cysts could come back now that I'm stopping them. I have to keep reminding myself that I need to go off them so I can chart and make sure my body gets back to normal and we can be ready for TTC whenever he is well and able. The waiting is hard for both of us (not just for the BDing ), but after we decided that we were going to TTC, we were getting excited about becoming parents.
Why did this have to happen? I mean, I am sooooo incredibly grateful that it wasn't any worse than it was, but why did it have to happen at all? It is so hard to watch this strong and independant man, have to ask me to open lids for him, help him get dressed or shower, and anything else he can no longer do with all of his injuries limiting him. I hate seeing him in so much pain... watching him limp into his dr. appts... or watching him try to sleep, way over on the other side of the big pillow that is propping up his arm... I hate it all so much...
Had another long day today. Our annual family reunion beach campout is this coming weekend so my dad was having the motorhome serviced and we had to follow him to drop it off this am. Then it was on to physical therapy and then to Randy's MRI appt. After filling out a ton of papers for him, and waiting for them to call him in, I went home since the place was only a couple miles from us. They had said it would take about an hour because they were doing two; one for his back and one for his knee. It was only a half hour later that he called and said he was done. As soon as we got home, we got a call from them saying that they had forgotten to do his knee! So we went back (I am soooo glad that it was so close to us... I would have been very upset if it had been an hour drive like it is to see the ortho on thurs!) I waited for him this time. The knee took longer than his back, which surprised me.
We came home and took a little nap and then I took my dad back to pick up the motorhome. My parents leave for camp tomorrow or Wed.
I am sad that we won't be able to spend the week at the campout. Randy has all his dr. appts and also he's not sure how comfy he would be sleeping in a tent... he has a hard enough time in our own bed. We are going to go up on Sat and spend the day and maybe one night if Randy is feeling like it.
Saturday night was my last pill and AF is due tomorrow. So, I will start charting tomorrow morning. I'm excited and scared and sad all at the same time. I can't believe I'm off BCP after 7 years. I pray that my cysts will not return. I just wish we could start trying right away.
Better go get some rest so I can wake up tomorrow and take my temp
I am so stressed out today, and so emotional. Tomorrow a.m. we go to bankruptcy court.
DH had bought a failing business from his uncle (found out later the uncle knew it was going downhill before he sold it to him ) at the beginning of 2002. I quit my job and starting helping with the business a few months later. We got married in August that year. By the end of the year, we knew it was a lost cause. The overhead was killing us.
Also, in October, we got a call from the landlords of the house DH had been renting for about 12 years (and that I had just moved into! grrr).... They told us they had to sell the house. We had 3 months to be out. (Oh, and we had just finished painting and putting linolium in what would have been my craft room )
We weren't sure what we were going to do. My parents offered us my old room and the den next to it, rent-free. We decided that it would be a good opportunity for us to save up a little before getting an apartment. They said we could stay as long as we needed to, but we said "6 months tops"......a year and a half later, we're still here. We'd struggled with our debt for too long and finally decided to file for bankruptcy.
Somewhere along the way, my parents asked us if we would want to buy the house from them when they move in 2-4 years. We hadn't really thought about it but then we fell in love with the idea. We started a plan to take over some of the bills and eventually we would take over payments on the house when they were ready to move. Lately though, we've been thinking more about getting an apartment soon. With my brother still in the house and acting like a bum (he is 26), they won't be moving anytime soon and we are getting frustrated living in such a cramped space. There wouldn't be room for a baby. It's a nice size house, but with 5 adults living here, and two households worth of stuff squished in, it is pretty crowded. A lot of our wedding gifts and other things have been in boxes ever since we moved. I get sad sometimes thinking of what we would do with the house if it was actually ours. Which room would become the nursery, etc... And competition to complete daily activities has become more and more frustrating... like almost every time I go to do laundry, someone has a load in already. ......... or I will plan to make something for dinner, and then some of the ingredients have mysteriously disappeared.
Anyway, this accident has really screwed us up in more ways than one. Randy had a job lined up, but he couldn't exactly take it with a broken right hand and screwed up back and knee. (I have been looking too, but haven't gotten any calls.) And we can't start TTC until he is well either.
His progress has been slow. When he started physical therapy, they told us there were 3 phases. The first phase was supposed to be 2 weeks, but they added a third week (this week), because his back is still too tender to move on to the next phase. I hate hate hate seeing him in pain.
Fri- 6/25: Some of my family (mom's side) from out-of-state is visiting for a wedding this weekend. Two of my cousins are PG. One PG cousin came to visit today. She showed me her u/s video... she's having a girl.
Sat- 6/26: We drove 2 hours to the beach for my dad's side family reunion annual campout. Got a few people asking the never-ending questions... When are you guys going to have a baby??? Randy wasn't feeling up to staying the night, so we came home.
Sun-6/27: Tonight is when I would have started a new pack of BCP
Mon- 6/28: Randy's friend was over and took him to PT for me so I went up to my grandma's house to visit with more family including the other PG cousin and her cutie pie DS who is about a year and a half. Got a headache toward the late evening.
Tues- 6/29: Was really tired throughout the day, had a couple headaches and late in the evening I was getting a pain in my ear that was throbbing sort of down into to my throat. Weird...
I'm on CD9 of my first cycle after going off BCP. Sunday night I would have started a new pack, so this is my 4th day off and I am starting to feel the side effects. I've had headaches the last couple days and then today my emotions are all over the place.
I took DH to physical therapy and he was supposed to see the doctor while he was there today too... So, I had called first to make sure when the doctor would be there. The girl told me he was there, and we could either come right then, or after 3:30.... well, after getting stuck by a slow train that eventually stopped, and taking a "long-cut" to go around it.... we finally got there and they told us that it turned out the doctor was only there before to get his mail and to come back after 3:30! I had to hurry out the door so they wouldn't all see me burst into tears! Then by the time we got to the car, tears were still pouring down my cheeks, but I was also laughing really hard at myself for crying!
Then I got home and called my mom at my grandma's to find out if I left my sunglasses there.... I had...., and my cousins who were visiting from out-of-state took them thinking they were my other cousin's who had left already. More crying... I had never owned a pair of sunglasses that cost over 10 bucks until Randy bought me those for my birthday a couple years ago. They were about $60... My mom said she will ask them to mail them back to us.
Feeling tired again now and starting to get another headache so I think I will go try to take a nap
WOW, that was a looong nap! LOL I can't believe how long it has been since I wrote here... So much has happened...
I got a job, started it July 30. I am enjoying it for the most part. A lot of really nice people and just a couple that are annoying.
... and today Dh got a call that he most likely has a job. So, things are starting to look up. But I still worry about DH. He still hurts. He has another appt and xrays to check on his hand and he was released from physical therapy on his back even though he still hurts and they know it.
1st cycle I had no EW at all, 9 day LP
2nd cycle I had EW, but not in sync with my temps, 6 day LP
3rd cycle EW, not in sync still, 9 day LP
and I am now on day 20 of my 4th cycle... I am starting to think that my body reacts slowly to the ovulation and that I O a day or 2 before my temp jumps up. If I go by that, I have never timed BD right for TTC, but if I go by my temp, we timed it very well this cycle. So, only God knows!!