room for more love (ttc after vr and loss)

Hello there. My name is Deborah. DH and I have been ttc for one year now. This is my first (and only :D ) marriage, dh has been married before but sadly lost his wife to breast cancer when she was 31. He had three children, the youngest turned 5 the same week mommy died.

We met online and very slowly got to know each other. I had never had a pet or even a roommate let alone an entire family to take care of! But we fell in love after a few years of back and forth, got married and soon after he had his vasectomy reversal. It seems to have worked, we are waiting on the specialized semen analysis which will be here next week :D

I have been on different boards on this web site and met lots of lovely ladies, never thought i'd be ttc long enough to want to post a journal. However since i'm still here I think it would be theraputic for myself to tell our story, good and bad.

Thank you for listening.

Today is CD4. I'm excited because my oldest sd is coming for a visit. She will be here for a few weeks. We havn't seen her since last summer and that was only for a week.

I had a good talk with DH the other night. I asked him if he had any timeframes for us ttc, just to know what he was thinking. He said right away, but if we are not pregnant in 10 years than maybe he would be too old. :lol:

I felt reassured hearing he didn't want to wait for anything.

Exciting day!!!!! Started out sleeping in for my RE appt, we got there almost 30 min late but they were very nice and it was no problem. DH and I saw the RE and got his SA results. He has great swimmers! After our questions were answered, we were diagnosed with 'unexplained intertility'. Next step for us will be to have an unmedicated IUI. He recommended that we use clomid with an IUI but since everything seems "normal" for us I wanted in my heart to at least try it once unmedicated. The most exciting news is that since i'm on CD 9, we get to try this month! I'm feeling really good about this.

Off to dream about his super swimmers and my dairy case.... (ever see the movie Junior?)

WOW, i'm on CD 14 which means my IUI will be in the next few days! I can't believe it. I woke up today and got nervous right away at the prospect of having it done and also actually getting pregnant. :o

I'm hoping that If i don't get pregnant this cycle i'm not too devistated. But this is much more "help" I thought i'd need in getting pregnant. ANd alot longer than I thought too. I thought i'd be pregnant within three months. Oh well, good things have come out of ttc taking longer than "planned". I've had more time to bond with my step kids, more time to work since DH has been off sick with a bad hip since last October. He will be going to college next month until summer when he should be ready for a supervisory job.

SD is still here visiting. Its been so nice. We took her and her gf to vancouver island for the weekend.

OK, this is crazy. Its cd 16, and I still am getting totally negative opks. I had a hard day today at work, stressing out that somehow i'll get the pos at noon and its too late to do an IUI for that day and the next day it will be too late........

I called 4 different pharmacy's and got prices for opk's since i'm using dollar tree ones and starting to think maybe they are not the smartest to use for an IUI cycle. The ones i got in the states are one dollar each. Tonight I got some from Safeway for $36.99 for 5 tests. OUCH

Baby, if you read this, i love you very much, you are worth every penny! :)

YEA!!!!! I got a blazing pos opk! It came up dark right away. I was so excited. I had a busy morning, all giddy and trying to not talk about it at work for the hour that I was there. Here is a copy of my post in the Dec birth board:

just got home. It went fine. It started with me "loosing" my dh, he went to give his sample without me, i wanted to go too but it was too late. SO I sat in the waiting room and started freaking out, what if they mix up the sperm with someone elses sample? What if I have someone elses baby? and WHY didn't I think to ask of their procedures before we got to this point?

ANyways I quizzed him and he told me that they are very throrough, you put your own label on the cup etc, double check names and everything. SO that felt better.

As for the procedure it was fine, except she had to switch speculums to a longer one (i'm thinking im not that worn out am i?) lol
And then she had to do some fishing with the catheder but told me this happens alot. All done in about 15 min, after a 15 min rest we went home. I dont get to have a blood test for 13 days, i'm thinking to myself, does she not know how much of a poas addict I am? there is no way I can hold out that long.

Wierd morning today. I woke up with cramps. Very uncomfortable cramps. I temped and it was very low, pre O low. Anyways I had a nice time staying in bed and snuggling dh almost till noon! So nice. But when I went pee, I was spotting. What is going on with my body? Felt just like af was starting. I'm still spotting tonight, just a little but still there. And light cramps too. I'm not taking any advil just in case we have a bean in there.
I wish someone could tell me if this is normal. Oh my DH told me that the nurse at the re's office told me I might have some spotting. But did she mean right after the procedure? Why three days later.

I'm not feeling so stressed, it just seems to be sounding like that in this journal. At least writing it down makes me feel better like someone will take care of things for me.

The nurse suggested that I go in to see the dr for him to "take a look" since i've had cramps that started sun am along with spotting and are now light flow. The dr took a look at my cervix to make sure that the bleeding wasn't from a cut during my IUI and he said that it was definately not a cut but "looked like menstral flow". He was trying to let me down softly for this cycle I think. I said but i'm only 3dpo? CD 20? and i've never had a cycle shorter than 28 days for the past year and half. He sent me for hormone testing to see whats going on and get a baseline for the next cycle, not including this one i've obviously just started. We intended on going onto clomid and iui but he suggested that we first find out whats going on before doing that. No kidding.
I was devistated. Why do my cycles go screwy now?/ and bleeding at 3DPO OMG i'm scared at what i'm going to be facing with ttc from now on.

Back to work today after one day off. The doctor called me to tell me that my results proved that I was having a normal period and that we will have to re-evaluate how closely i'm monitored as to when I O. That makes me think that the dr thinks my IUI was misstimed and that maybe i o'd alot earlier. ITs the most logical explenation for me to have a period right after o. I know what i saw though, I took opks for days before and they were all negative. So who knows, this month will be just on our own, its the last chance we have to make a 2007 baby.
I better start saving lots of money, this baby has already cost me alot.

I"m so excited though to be going away for the weekend by myself. I"m going to be spending time with my best gf and she has plans to spoil me. It sure feels nice to be spoiled. I can't wait.

What a nice weekend! LOTS of snuggles and kisses from my honorary niece and nephew. My gf took me out on the town friday night, sat we chilled out at home and then did some shopping. Today she treated me to a massage and pedicure at the spa. WOW, i really needed that. I truly relaxed friday night and all day yesterday. Of course things started to bother me when I was trying to sleep last night, and this afternoon the stress level was going up. But I got a nice welcome home from DH so that is making me feel better.

Oh and my gf also bought me tonns of supplements to boost my fertility.
It felt to have so much support and good vibes.