Still here, but sorry i'm venting about the bb's and other places I chat on regularly.
Hardly anyone has even said goodbye. I'm online for a few more days unless the company makes me pay 30 more days.
I'm depressed and it makes me overreact and also obviously be 'needy' and sad but I just had to vent. I wish my bb sisters would actually say something to me. I'm so sad not to just lose my friends here but all of my cyber friends and chats and info. And going to basic cable will be the craps. The stepkids are going to have a crap on me.
Its probably because i feel so unloved at home right now and I've relyed on my preg.org family for 4 years.
Today is my sprouts edd anniversary. Noone in my family or dh or friends even remembered but like I have said in the past, I forgot until this week so I can't blame them but wth, it still hurts.
I just wish someone would say 'hey, I acknowledge that you exist (me) and hope to see you soon online and kup" or ANYTHING.
This is not directed to my faithful readers. Love ya all.
I feel a bit stupid. I'm still online. We have not finalized any new job prospects so I have not called to cancel the internet just yet. We may still need it for work.....
Stepkids are back. NO bad attitude but still stressful already for me since I take everything so personally and cant handle some of the stuff they say. example: I got several gallons of free paint when visiting my parents and while the kids were gone we started painting the living/dining rooms. It took about 5 days for us novices to do it, still painting after the kids got home. DSS keeps asking "so are you done yet? when will you be done? I like the side walls like they are, you dont have to paint those, it looks good you can stop now..... when can we have the furniture back to where it was?" GRRRRRRRRRRRR this was over and over, he doesn't like how its hard to watch tv with the furniture all pushed to the centre of the room....... I tried to be nice saying well when you move or redecorate this is just the way it is until your done.
I knew where the questions were going and the kept coming which added to my frusteration. I'll leave it at that. They enjoyed their trip and getting spoiled by grandparents and are mostly happier now which is good.
Now I gotta figure out what colors to do everything else lol.
STILL PAINTING!!!!!!! :lol: at myself. BUT i'm proud to say that the living/dining room is well, almost done :lol: I have to do one more coat on the main walls tomorrow which means retaping for it. Mom and Dad are down for a visit and i'm sure Dad will help me lots and we will finally be able to get our furniture and stuff set up again.
I did cancel the internet/cable last week. They give 10 days in case you change your mind I guess. DH plans on putting it under his name but he hasn't called to find out anything about it. It will probably have it being cut off to make him call. oh well, almost every day I remind him but he's a big boy. We are getting along a bit better now. Still have comments to each other but at least he's not divorcing me now. Sigh. I cannot believe how those words to me seem so easy to say. Well they are not easy for ME to say but i've heard it so many times it doesn't mean what it mean's kwim?
I do feel good about having the house painted up nice. It looks so 'homey' now. I look at everyone's pics on facebook or preg.org and their houses/appts always look so nice. My place has always looked so sad. We rent and they painted the entire house a cross between eggshell white and light cream. No wonder i'm depressed :lol: It looks like a loony bin in here.
As for ttc, well i've 'withheld' for over a month now. For me is simple as a woman, men fight, threaten divorce, shout, then grab your azz. So wierd. I'm like NO don't hug me or touch me. I say the way to a woman's heart and body is thru her ears. DUUUUUHHHHHH
I have an appointment at the new fertility clinic in a week. It feels wierd going while we are fighting but this is for my entire life, the chance at a baby. No I don't mean I plan on having a baby with DH and then leaving, i'm not leaving and i'm sure he isn't either he's just mental too. Actually speaking of which, tomorrow he's going to a psychologist/councilor for the FIRST TIME ever after his first wife passed away. He never dealt with it and he needs anger management.... I didn't have to capitalize that since everyone who knows me or reads this blog already knew he was depressed and acts out. I hope he grows up. I can't wait to hear how it goes tomorrow. And I hope he keeps it up. He's promised to go in the past but for the first time I think he actually WANTS help and wants to feel better emotionally.
Dh got a job offer, kind of a promotion and I also was offered however I declined for now. I'm not ready for more challenge yet but I said i'll still do part time work cleaning and the owner was fine with that. We know each other on a personal basis too and he understands my being depressed right now.
I guess thats it for now, i'll think of lots to talk about before the end of my internet. I'm sure without that the kids will go bizirk on him and he will have to hook it up again fast. :evil:
LOL cd 29 and no cramps. If this was a 'regular' month i'd be getting my hopes up yet again but we didnt dtd at all.
Dad helped out in the house yesterday. We got the main portion of painting done, he fixed one of the eavestroughs, installed a programable thermostat and even worked on a leaky toilet! Its always nice when they come for a visit LOL. The kids are always happier too when we have company. I can't wait to get more organizing done.
I've been watching the show "horders". I feel so bad for those people. Its motivating me to go thru and get rid of stuff :lol:
Mom and Dad gave me a painting we got in Hawaii in 1983 and it matches our wall colors perfectly. I'm so excited, I've always liked it.
Wow, the pills must be working because i'm feeling motivated to go thru and throw out some more clutter :)
Oh Dad bought himself a workbench and its probably going to be too big to take home with them in their car so I guess thats an excuse for me to go visit them again soon :lol:
I think i'll go up in a month again. It will take me that long to go thru my things and get more packed away for storage at my Sister's house.
One of my bff's went into labor yesterday. I took her and her dh dinner and then gave her a massage. I left at 9pm. I got a call at 1:22 am saying she had just had the baby! It went so quick. I saw her today and got to hold him. I was very excited for her as this is a miracle baby. I gave her an outfit my dh gave to me awhile back when we were inbetween treatment cycles. I was having a hard time and he surprised me with two boxed sets from a skateboard shop with one boy and one girl outfit. I gave my bff the boy outfit but told her it was 'on loan'. She understands. I also gave her some suede leather boots that will fit him in a few years lol from my stash. I have a matching pair I got really cheap for if me too.
I just hope I get to experience this whole process for myself one day.
Just a quick update. My gf had her baby boy that night only 3 hours after I left!!! She did really well and he's a little boy, 6lbs something. I got to hold him 6 hours fresh. I was sad that I didn't get to be there for his birth but oh well.
I've been working a little bit, today dh and I left for work at 6am and got home at 7pm. I feel ok actually,
gotta go eat.......
I have a diagnosis. I have Antiphospholipid Antibodies. The RE I had my second opinion discovered it. I thought I had already been tested for this and it came out normal. He told me I must have my testing done at the hospital since most labs are not very accurate for this test here. I did and sure enough it came back positive. I asked him on a scale from one to ten how severe is it. He said 4.3 lol. He also said don't panic, i'll have you take an asprin every day after your surgery and this will help. I have already tried taking baby asprin for a few months last year but i'll be more diligent with this.
He said symptoms are miscarriage, low birth weight babies due to the placenta not working efficiently (my cousin lost a full term baby due to this!) I can't believe it.
The RE said this is a contributing factor but he thinks we can still try on our own and have a good chance at conceiving and carrying to term.
Today I had my pre-op visit with my gyno. She asked how my second opinon with the new RE went. After a very quick chat I accepted the fact that its probably not a good idea for me to have the lap done as it will probably not do any good. I can always come back to that option in the future.
She was really sweet and also printed a copy of my latest lab results showing the different levels that were normal/abnormal. Yea, more internet hunting :)
Tomorrow i'm leaving to visit my family. Looking forward to it, nice quiet time with no responsibilities. Sis is taking off a few days so we can do some shopping in the next city. I guess I should start to think about packing.
Cramps are here. I have had bad poops though yesterday and today so its probably a mix of af coming and that. Lovely combination.
I had a nightmare last night. Someone close to me who's young and single casually said I think i'm pregnant and they tested and sure enough they were.... I ended up just running out of the room and outside and just ran... then the dream came to an end. It was so real. Abortion was mentioned too. Wierd.
Took pup for his walk today and enjoyed the snow and frozen river. Mom is going thru her cupboards for stuff I can sell at my garage sale this spring. I've never done one before and i'm hoping to get a little extra cash from it plus clean out a few things. She found an italian pasta maker that looks brand new in the box. Jackpot. I'm about to go online and search for some recipies. Yum! I can just imagine the mess :lol:
Dh sent me a photo of a tall ship coming into the Vancouver port for the Olympics. He is working in the new building right along the waterfront beside Canada Place. Gorgeous view of the mountains and Stanley park. I hope we can make time to go to some of the free events next week. Not too often that the Olympics come to town!
Back home and doing well. Dh and I have made some good progress in our communication.
Last night the whole family went into downtown Vancouver to walk the streets along with the thousands out partying with the Olympics. It was alot of fun and the night was beautiful. I was actually laughing alot which was really nice. I got my nails done today and it always makes me feel pretty and 10 lbs lighter go figure. Pup started running to the street and I had to grab him and broke a nail after being home for only one hour. I went back and got it fixed already.
We plan on going downtown again on Tuesday night. DSD is going to a free concert tonight.
We went prom dress shopping this week and today we are ordering her 'gown'. I'll have to post a picture of it, its gorgeous.
Got some good news today. DH's parents will be joining us on our summer vacation. My parents have booked a houseboat for 4 days this summer. It sleeps 16 and its beautiful. I'll get some photo's of that too. Its a real treat for this summer.
Off to watch more of the olympic coverage.