I made a decsion, i'm seperating from my husband. The logistics (lack of a better word) are of course complicated. I'm going to stay at my family's home up north which is a 12 hour drive from here so its difficult to move stuff around. For right now I plan on spending the summer up north, grow veggies in my sister's garden, hopefully get some part time work and just heal.
I'd like to be living where I am again in the fall, not the same house I mean get my own place.
I have an appointment with a financial/debt counsellor on Tuesday so i'm here for another week at least. Then i'll be hightailing it up north.
I don't expect my husband to stay living here for longer than a few months, i'm sure he will move to eastern canada where his parents live as he just can't take care of his finances on his own. Plus as I said before, there is a feminine draw for him there too.
He's not trying to win me back at all. Not even trying. He's being a poo head. Makes my decision alot easier.
I can honestly say I tried.
I"m not looking forward too far in my future, IE divorce or getting back together. I"m not making any plans for the first time in years. I just want to heal and get my life on track, on MY track. Its time to stop this trainwreck.
Oh Deborah, I'm so very sorry for what you're going through. I hope you'll accept my thoughts and prayers during this very difficult time for you.
You are an incredibly strong woman and deserve every happiness and this kind of pain should not be a part of it.
I am a divorced woman and I do unerstand the pain, uncertainty, and confusion of going through a separation. It was the most difficult time in my life too. I almost didn't know where to begin.
But I know that as I made it through and found a way to strengthen myself and love again so too will you. But for now just know that you are strong, beautiful, smart and deserve the very best of everything. Do what's right for you.
Please take care of yourself and if you every need anything don't hesitate to pm me or put out a post - I know there are lots of us rooting for you and willing to help you with whatever you may need.
:bigarmhug: We are here to support you no matter what you decide or what happens. We all care for you and want what's best for you.
Thank you Angela my friend and Christina for your kind words. And to my friends who sent me pm's.
My plans are continuing. I'm looking into storage companies to keep the things I cherish safe and some furniture for myself. I told DH today of my plans, timeline and that I plan on moving back here but into my own appartment. He asked if I planed on divorce, I said no, i'm not deciding anything final and that this is as far as i'm planning.
He said he wants to stay local. I don't see that happening but it would be nice rather than him move across canada. That is at least it would be nice for him to keep the stuff I can't store lol.
I'm doing alright, my friends tell me i'm being very strong. I feel resolved in my decision, I know its the right thing to do.
I'm looking forward to being able to make plans this summer for myself, fishing, maybe little road trips with sis or niece, or mom and dad. Or myself. I'll be staying with my sis alot and there is a secluded lake a few miles from their house that I can take pup too. Can't wait to do that.
If I can only have DH figure out how to get a loan for 20K to cover half of the debt we incurred (he charged but on my name) in our 5 year marriage so that I can handle the payments without going bankrupt. So sad as I used to have amazing credit before marrying him and i've always been very responsible financially. He won't get a loan though, i'm screwed and stuck with his debt.... Hope the credit councillor has some way out for me on Tuesday.
Lots to think about. The counsellor was really nice and thorough. No decisions made yet, but I think i'll have to make the decision in the next two weeks. Its somewhat possible that I can manage if I lower the debt thru settlement with the banks, however i'll still be owing monthly and i'll probably never get 'out of debt'. So why waste more time and money and stress over this and why not just start the bankrupcy procedure now.
Lots to consider. My head is ready to explode.
I'm taking a break of thinking of all that and I got some boxes today to start packing up more of my things.
thanks for the hugs :) I needed that.
I'm at my parents now, with my pup. I've been here a week and have been keeping busy with them and my sister. My sister cleaned out a room in her basement for me to move into, put up a closet rod and blinds, set up a bed and dresser, looks like a comfy room. It should be nice and cool in the summer to come as well. For now i'm at my parents. A bit sad to 'move in' permanently.
I made an appointment with a counselor here on monday who deals with women leaving abusive relationships. I'm hoping to get some advice on services provided for legal counsel and whatever else i could use. Maybe some self esteem workshops would be good... I don't see myself as their 'typical' client. Sorry but I just can't believe I let myself be conned and used in the way that I have been.
I just read an article on being careful not to become overly resentful, good advice. I don't want to make things worse for my future. I want to start loving myself enough to be strong and stand up for myself, spend energy on that rather than stewing over what he's doing or not doing.
Got to tell myself i'm 'still young' enough that there is lots of life ahead of me.
I'm thinking i'm headed for divorce.
He doesn't want me anyways. Why fight for someone to stay like that?
Maybe there is still a chance for me to have a baby with someone else.... i'm not about to jump into a relationship just for that though, with someone who doesn't have kids preferrably, maybe we could adopt?
saw two counselors today, one to just talk thru emotions, another is an advocate for women leaving abusive relationships. No I've not been beaten physically but that is a very good description of what i've gone thru emotionally and psychologically.
I've just been strong or so I thought to get thru it, hang in there to try and have him 'realize' that i'm good for him and love him and the kids... and hanging in there to have my own baby....
sigh. cleansing breath. feels good.
Heading back 'home' today. Not to my house but to a friends. Countdown to packing up my final things.
I wish I knew that dh was not going to move away until I get back into town so that I could leave some things like my deep freezer etc. Kindof hard to store that. Getting a bit stressed out but i've made it this far so I should remind myself that some of the worst is over.
Why do I find myself wishing I'd lost 10 lbs so that when he see's me he will like what he sees? This is crap.
Deborah, I was lurking around and came across your journal. Im so sorry that things have turned out this way for you...you have always been so sweet and supportive on these boards and to see you have been treated so poorly is just not right. Stay strong and stay in counseling...you can do this and rebuild your life and self esteem too. Ive been there...and done that. :) Best of luck to you. :bigarmhug: