Thread: room for more love (ttc after vr and loss)

I woke up today and my temp was down. Then I stressed over should i test or not? should i wait one more day so i'm in a better frame of mind with dh...... more celebratory or what.
Well after an hour I poas.

I dont know why I wasted all of that mental energy.


On tuesday I'm heading to the island to be with bff and watch her kids for a few days. They just moved towns so a new ferry ride for auntie. Guess I should plan on making cookies to decorate, they love that. I can't imagine doing that for my own l/o.
I did that for my stepkids and they got all giddy over it, nice for a change.

cycle 36

im still away at my bff's. dh 'surprised' me and got my shift for sat covered and came over with puppy for a visit. stepkids are taken care of...

so we are having fun relaxing, eating and drinking wine, playing in the snow. Oh and taking care of my cramps.

guess no tcm herbs this month because im not home to get them. good, they are so gross so i'm off the hook.

i hinted to dh and bff that i want to go straight to ivf since nothing else is working and dh said no way can we rack up more debt, gotta pay off some first. I know he's right, i'm the one who stresses over that more than him...

I got another cold.... dont understand its only been one month since I Was sick and had to take time off work....

We had a nice visit on the island with my bff. TOday Back to work at a manager meeting and my boss told 'all of us' that there are no more spontaneous days off and he needs two weeks notice for days off.......

guess that was pointed to me. Shaking my head. I Just finished the xmas season in retail, i'm burnt out. I took ONE more day off than planned.....
He didnt give me a hard time at all. Now I just need to have an amazing sale this week with our sidewalk sale to smooth over the rough edges and I should be back in business.



As for home, dh had to take today off work. Yesterday his back was getting really sore and he limped alot and ended up crippled. Today I made him go to the dr in the am and he ended up being sent to the hospital for xray. He's off work for a week with a possible 'slipped or bulging' disk. Great. He has no sick pay or any vacation pay. THis means no wages at all. We are still behind from him being off to see his dad. Guess i'm definately not having a bought baby this month or next.

So over two years ago the owner of my company told me exitedly that they were looking at getting us a new location for our store. My location was very profitable and only 700 sq feet. The new mall to be built would have all popular stores and my store would be almost 3000sq feet.

SO...............

after years of asking the head office, when, what....... and then a customer told me that we were getting a new store one year ago. I flipped on my dm, not tellingme thinking the company was going behind my back and hiring all new staff for the new store later to say oh sorry your store is being closed..... but no job for me............

well ff i've just had an ex staff (she moved away) tell me yesterday that she's been talking to my new district manager about applying for manager position for the new store...... he told her hiring would be held at the end of this month. NOt one internal posting has happened.......... not for manager or part time. i'm more p'd off for my staff, and how that will end up effecting me (disgruntled staff means i need to smooth crap over).....

i'm not sure what to do. there is an add on craigs' list for the store in question. I called another neighbouring store to see if any of their staff has been offered a chance at transferring..... nope.


Dont' know what to do. My store's lease is up in one year, after that I could be out of a job. I'll have worked in that location 10 years, 17 yrs with the company......

Finally a day off work after 7 busy ones straight. I asked dsd to get her own way to school and she did (so I could sleep in).............

of course dh woke me up at 5:30am when he got ready for work, then dss was snorting away and coughing, then I finally had to tell him to go back to bed and stay home from school as he was too sick (flu and now pink eye, lovely), then the dog..........

no sleep in for me.
Busy running around with errands but took pup to the dog park and had a nice walk. So cute, he's a big boy now

I took my first opk this month today, think its pos or close. I'll take one tonight just to compare. I havn't temped at all this month and as of yesterday decided to not do anything and try to 'relax'. Well now i've poas and thats all shot to h e l l.

DSS came home today with a note from the teacher ....

"I think he is still ill and incase you feel he should stay home again i've prepared some homework for him to be caught up"

very sweet teacher and we got the hint......

DSS came home and his other eye is now infected, the first one is almost totally normal.... we didnt know that when he went to school today, the second eye happened as the day progressed. Good thing I sent him with antibacterial stuff so it looked like we were trying to prevent it from spreading.

Oh and after a day of running errands DH came home early from work with his bad back, he stopped at the clinic and got his xray results.... arthritis and something else. Thats what you get for marrying an old man....

Well i'm 35 now. I think i've had a little bit of an early midlife crisis. More like an old ttc crisis. We missed this cycle. I was really po'd at dh over it. He made up eventually, surprised me with some baby layette for boy and girl. I had some clothes on hold at work for a baby too, and it was either ship it out or buy it. I bought it. Stupid. I have no money for it but i had to have it.

sigh.

dont know what our next step is. i'm tired of trying things. but after a month or two off, i'm wondering if another trip to the re is in order, maybe some more iui's????

after my last failed IUI I was devistated. We were screwed out of the insurance money promised by two different agents and they got us on a technicality.... (there is a .5% chance of us getting it back, we will know for sure in a week or two)
So we left the Re after our follow up visit with his reccomendation based on our financial situation. He said he would try clomid and IUI two or three more times, after that save up for IVF. Still no reason for our infertility.

I felt like this just might not happen for us... but wanting to try something new I went to the traditional chinese dr reccomended to me by a customer who went thru infertility for years. I had accupuncture about 12 times and drank the horrid potion she prescribed. This went for two and half cycles. BFN. I was getting very down shall we say. Then out of the blue a fellow preg.org member pm'd with an offer of the most generous gift. Unused Injectable Meds!!!!!!!!! Of all the people deserving on this site she thought of me. I didnt believe it till I got home earlier this week to a package.... yup enough for me to go all out with one more injectable cycle



The Re upped our dosage, first round was 75IU/day, second was 125IU/day this time we are trying 150IU/day

Oh and we are starting............ in ONE WEEK!!!! I call the nurse on CD1 and go in CD 3 for b/w and U/S

I was nervous to tell the RE about my meds, and they are a different kind but in the same 'family' as what we tried before. He had no problem with us trying it, maybe the med change will be what we needed all along I also was nervous posting this worried that someone will come in and confiscate my meds or take away this wonderful opportunity. But here we go, round three injectables, round 6 IUI.

Thank you Stephanie again SO MUCH. Your gift means DH and I have newfound hope in our ttc journey. I'm excited to think that we will be starting again so soon. Not that we havn't been ttc but it feels like there is little hope after so long without going thru fertility treatments.

Tomorrow is cd 29 which means af should arrive within the next two days. Then let the cycle begin

I"m excited, also scared i'm sure thats normal.

I had my baseline u/s on Friday. I was on cd 2 and ewwwwwww is all i can say. There is three RE's in my office, they rotate and we had 'my' re do the u/s. He was very excited for us that we were given such a wonderful gift of meds. He's excited for us too. So he does the u/s and I can feel the blood dripping down my ...

He says everything looks healthy and we are to start injects Sat night. Then he says 'you are on cd 2 right? Would you like a pad, you are still bleeding heavily" OMG um yes please. I got off the table after he and the nurse left... there was a huge puddle on the table, and drips on the floor of blood. G ROSS.. oh well, he's seen me at my worst before. I wasn't TOO embarassed becuase of that.

Tonight was our second injection. They are different this time. Today in the shower my tummy was sore... there is a little redness aroudn the injection site. I don't care. Just different. Maybe its a good sign, that its different and it will work 'differently'. I read the drug info and the new meds are basically double the meds of what I took before, they grow follies but also help them mature. At my age this is a good thing. Yes i'm old in fertility years.

This will work. I can't imagine being pregnant again though, and I really can't imagine being REALLY pregnant, meaning going full term.

OH>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I can't believe I didnt update on my friends/aquaintance

I have a friend, her daughter has been ttc for almost 4 years. She had a few m/c and when I had mine she called right away sympathetic and supportive (I didnt know her daughter or the situation prior) So she called to tell me there is hope, her daughter was preggo at the time 7 months .... it will happen she said. Sad to say a few weeks later there was no heartbeat... the baby had died and she had to deliver I think around 36 weeks.... So sad. After that she had another m/c too...... then surgury. They found something they could 'fix' and then after a bit she got preggo again. TODAY SHE GAVE BIRTH TO A GIRL I dont know any details but the baby is out and breathing, I dont need to know any more. I can't wait to hear details and see pictures.