Thread: room for more love (ttc after vr and loss)

I'm home safe and sound. Nice surprise, my stepkids were invited to visit their uncle for two nights. DH and I had a nice night alone Perfect. It was really nice, complete with bubble bath and candles, oh and moving some more stuff over to my DSD's new appt.

This morning he wakes up and says he realized that we have company coming tonight and not tomorrow night. These are old friends of his from back east and its her first trip to the west coast. We went into crazy mode cleaning and re-organizing the living room. I also put out the new garden lights I got on vacation, re-potted a few plants and put up my new plant stand that has six shelves of plants in our living room window. I planted a few new things for DSD's appt too. I had to do some first aid on my garden because the dogs decided while I was away that they could dig up a few plants. I picked a bunch of tomato's ... oh i have to go rinse them from the veggie wash I got on discount on vacation....

This week has been pretty good. I've canned the homegrown tomatos, took me about 4 hours to do all the work, ended up burning the bottom of the pot and got only three jar's of sauce

Hope it tastes good.

Then I made a BIG batch of sauce with meat and canned that. That batch I got 7 jars with a full crockpot full left over to make lasagne. I also made strawberry jam! Today DH and I went blackberry picking and i'm going to make some jam. DH went home and I stayed another 30 min. When I got home I saw what was left of a big mess our dogs made. My dog carried in a small potted plant that was outside in the rain for two days so it was almost mud. They proceeded to track the mud onto our new wool area rug that my mom gave us. DH told me the carpet was very expensive. I"m so mad. Dh tried to vaccum it and also put a wet rag (I got mad at him for doing that like it ground in the dirt even more) He's now gone to buy some carpet spot cleaner that someone recommended. I've got a headache. I was so happy , even humming and now this. Sigh. I sure hope the cleaner does the trick. DSD just came home from school and said 'what happened to the carpet' immediately so its very noticable.

carpet didnt come clean. I got more professional advice, just to blot it with water and hope the dirt comes out..... I'm so stressed over it.

I made more jam, canned salsa, made 9 lasagne for the freezer, pitted plums to do something with but not sure, maybe more jam.... all that but I can't make a baby. Oh well.

Its a beautiful day, i'm thinking of trying to make plum dumplings that I found online. More yummy food to get fat on.

Mom and Dad are coming to stay a few days tomorrow. Good timing, i'm feeling depressed lately. Today though was funny, I woke up and what got me excited to get out of bed was canning pickles!!! I"m nuts. I made dill pickles and bread&butter pickles for the first time. Guess i'll find out in two months if they are any good. We've been enjoying the jams and last night we had some canned spaghetti. Everyone seemed to like it.

Its cd 1. I just can't believe that i'm not getting pregnant. This is rediculous.

My 2nd bff called me today. I"ve been avoiding her and I think it was the same on her end. She told me they found out her baby is a boy. I knew it would be, why wouldn't it be. She has a girl so this just is perfect. Makes me just roll my eyes that I can't get pregnant and can't get anything in life. (violins)

Carpet looks much better.
Garden is just winding down for the season.
The blackberries I picked i've now been told were sprayed with pesticides.
Not in the mood to dtd which is a side effect of my meds which i've upped to two pills/day (dr's orders)
Thank goodness for my puppy.

Tonight's menu was bbq steak and salmon, corn pepper salsa, mushrooms and onions in garlic butter, baby red potatoes and a nice red wine. My dog is going nuts

Had a nice day. I forgot to take my happy pills, maybe I should take them now. Maybe i'll take one pill now to at least keep some in my system for today.

Its gotten so cool at night. We normally keep the patio door open for pup to come and go but its way too cool. Great this means we will have to turn the heat on in the next week. Another bill to contend with . :

I've been keeping myself busy in the kitchen. I canned another batch of salsa and I made borscht for the first time and canned that too. Its my 'therapy'.
Garden is almost done now, just some zuchinni still growing. I'm trying to ripen a ton of green tomatoes in the house. Maybe I should try fried green tomatoes

Our extended medical insurance ended last week so I went to my doc and got whatever prescriptions I might need in the future filled. I had not used my fertility med allowance yet so I went to get some injectable meds. He gave me a prescription for 15 vials and when I took it to the pharmacy they told me my cost would be $700!!! um no I won't be doing that. So we did 5 and I ended up paying $70. Its not enough to do a treatment cycle but I have it now so I'm hoping to end up trying it again one more time in the future when i'm feeling better emotionally.

We are going on a family road trip to my parents next weekend It will be the first time my dsd comes with us. She's never been up north. Can't wait to show her around town and see small town living.

I took a test with me planning on testing the last day we were at my parents.... ever hopeful for a surprise bfp and it would be so sweet to tell my parents face to face.....

I didn't bother testing. It would have been early anyways and i'm not feeling it.

We had a nice time. Friends took me and dsd on a canoe to a little island on the lake where we had a bonfire and snacks. Played with her little 18 month old boy, he is adorable. All the time I was thinking my baby would be the same age if it lived..... I could be doing this right now with my own. I just enjoyed the time I had and said a few extra prayers.

We are home now and I"M WORKING THIS WEEK! I havn't worked since Feb. I don't want to work permanently but dh got a job for a week cleaning newly built condos and he needs help to finish on time. I'm excited to do it as I won't be alone.... less nervous because he will be with me and I know its not forever. It will do me good to give it a try.

I'll have to plan for dinners, I havn't needed to organize that in the mornings for a long time. Tonight is crockpot dinner. Guess I better go start that as DH is picking me up in two hours to go to work and I havn't walked the dog yet.

We never ended up working on Tuesday and started the job Wednesday. It was HARD work. I sweated so much it was dripping onto my glasses. It was so dusty that I was blowing black snot all evening The day went by fast and it felt good to do a good job. We worked well together and today we finished this portion of work right on time. Thursday was our 4th anniversary... we didnt even get each other cards.... I was so tired and oh, to top it all of af came that day. LOVELY. We plan on celebrating on Monday.

Today DH went with a buddy to Seattle on a bus trip to watch the Seahawks play on Sunday. Its just me and pup and dss tonight. It's not quite 9 and i'm ready for bed. I have bruises all over my body from work and i'm very tired. I'm so glad to have the next two days off. We accepted another week of work. Perfect, we didn't have rent money so this is a very good thing.

I'm starting to wonder when we should try another cycle of fertility treatments. I don't know what to do. I think it will just happen when my body lets it regardless of treatments.

So I peed on a stick today.............. its CD5 and I poas. No it wasn't an opk.

Someone announced that oops, I guess my 'period' for two days wasn't really a period but i'm actually pregnant.......... silly me thinks hmmm I just had my period but it was half what it usually is, very light ..... then today I had some cramping very low but no spotting... maybe i'm having a chemical pregnancy or a m/c....

So I poas. Negative.


Thats all.

Oh thats not all. Dh and I finally celebrated our anniversary today. We went out for a really nice dinner. Then home to bed by 9 as we are both so tired. I'm up again at 11:30 pm . Too much red wine at dinner and I can't sleep. And i'm coughing alot again. I'm having some gingerale which I got for my dsd who's very sick with the flu but looks like she's making a turn for the better after sleeping for two days straight. Good times.