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Thread: room for more love (ttc after vr and loss)

  1. #381
    Posting Addict deborah74's Avatar
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    yes i've been to Dr Havelock several times. He's young and knowledgeable. I was referred to him by my new gyno three years ago. She did a practicum with him and so she sent me to his clinic when it was relatively new.

    I'm seeing a new dr now at UBC. He is a 'pioneer' in IVF in BC. He's not old though, he must have been young when he started.
    http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/105fd1
    TTC since Feb 06 6 IUI, 4 rounds clomid, 3 rounds of injections, ultrasounds, HSG, Laproscopy, Hysteroscopy, Naturopathic Dr, tcm and acupuncture= BFN
    Natural BFP = m/c May 07 @ 6W6D
    BCP for IVF August 1
    Synarel August 15
    Stims August 29 Repronex 150
    September 11 ER 10 eggs=No eggs fertilized, rescue ICSI failed
    my journal: http://www.pregnancy.org/bulletinboa...ad.php?t=14537

  2. #382
    Posting Addict deborah74's Avatar
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    I`M AN IVF GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Yesterday`s appt went wonderfully. Dr. R was so sweet. He made things relaxing and almost fun, and was very supportive. He was patient with me answering all of my questions. DH`s semen analysis was very good. He was so proud lol.

    The keyboard is acting up so i`ll have to tell more later.

    We get to start with next af. I start bcp cd 1 and then synarel 2 or 3 weeks later, followed by stims another 2 weeks in. I`ve already done an edd calc guess and its may.
    http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/105fd1
    TTC since Feb 06 6 IUI, 4 rounds clomid, 3 rounds of injections, ultrasounds, HSG, Laproscopy, Hysteroscopy, Naturopathic Dr, tcm and acupuncture= BFN
    Natural BFP = m/c May 07 @ 6W6D
    BCP for IVF August 1
    Synarel August 15
    Stims August 29 Repronex 150
    September 11 ER 10 eggs=No eggs fertilized, rescue ICSI failed
    my journal: http://www.pregnancy.org/bulletinboa...ad.php?t=14537

  3. #383
    Posting Addict deborah74's Avatar
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    Im so sad.

    Its 10ish days before bcp, 10ish days before starting a new process that has me FILLED with hope, and Dh and I have been fighting all afternoon.

    Of course its mostly his fault lol. But seriously, how can I have a child with this man when we are fighting so bad?

    kwim?

    That was yesterday. Last night we had plans to go to a dinner party... of all nights. It was good, able to pause my thoughts for a night and enjoy positive company. Came home and straight to bed.
    I was out all day today till 3, dh had left a dozen pink roses for me. (sorry shaking my head) I guess it was nice of him. Oh and an email saying sorry for what I said, i love you. So glad men can explain their feelings so ellequently.

    I went shopping for the family since i'm going to visit mom and dad in two days. Got 6 frozen pizzas (that should hold them for 48 hrs without my cooking lol) and was taking them to our outside deepfreeze when I saw something VERY upsetting. In our carport just laying on the ground was a box (ours) of rat/mouse poison, ripped open and surrounded by blue powder'. My heart immediately sank and panic rose. My cat..... and my dog. I'm not so worried about my dog since we have a gate in the back that keeps him out of the carport. But the cat roams everywhere, as does our neighbour's cat. The neighbour came home that second and I panicked, cried and asked about his dog and cat. They don't seem too worried. I think our last cat died from poisoning. I'd be VERY sad if my cat died but let me tell you............ if something happens to my puppy, well i'm not sure what shape i'll be in. It would take a baby to help mend my heart.... he is my baby. (literally a replacement I think)

    I called the vet, there is a bloodtest to check and it would cost with visit $160. As i'm typing this I just realized that it would probably take overnight for the results... if the cat ate enough it would be dying by then.

    Anyways everywhere I look online says that within two hours the cats show symptoms. I had dh cancel appt. I had called my sis who lives in the country up north and she called her 'farmer lady' neighbour and she said her jack russell got into some awhile ago. The vet told her he would have had to eat alot....

    I'm calming down, after freaking out. Oh and I called Home Depot because I went on the product's website that was on the package... no links or any info on who to call in case of ingestion etc. What if my kid ate some? No help at all. So I call Home Depot and of course my phone is on high volume or something, i'm talking very shakily and the woman has no idea what I said, so I start to cry and she was very helpful after that... lol well she got me the man in that dept who helped and gave me a 1-800 number to call. I asked and what am I calling? The company. Well its 5:30pacific and as we all know the centre of the Canadian universe is Ontario... eastern time zone and all offices are closed so no help.

    Sigh, I can feel my shoulders tightening up. Oh and my baby dog has a cut on his paw... I had already been to the vet 30 min prior to my shock but decided to dress it myself because it would have cost over $60 there. On to walmart I went to get dressings etc.

    Honestly.

    Oh AND THEN, I tell my sis that yup i'm coming for a visit and she said "good, I need you. I'm loosing my job."

    Honestly.

    I said "don't do this to me"

    What next.

    yup I said it, WHAT NEXT
    http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/105fd1
    TTC since Feb 06 6 IUI, 4 rounds clomid, 3 rounds of injections, ultrasounds, HSG, Laproscopy, Hysteroscopy, Naturopathic Dr, tcm and acupuncture= BFN
    Natural BFP = m/c May 07 @ 6W6D
    BCP for IVF August 1
    Synarel August 15
    Stims August 29 Repronex 150
    September 11 ER 10 eggs=No eggs fertilized, rescue ICSI failed
    my journal: http://www.pregnancy.org/bulletinboa...ad.php?t=14537

  4. #384
    Posting Addict deborah74's Avatar
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    I made it up north in one piece. DH and I had another raging fight. My animals are fine. I'm relaxing up here, wondering what to do since its cd 26 for me and our plan was for me to start bcp with af and so begin our ivf cycle. I'm not sure I want to do that while we are fighting. I know we arn't getting divorced or whatever but I just am such a 'romantic' that the experience will be 'ruined' kwim? Then again I try to imagine what life will be like with a 2 yr old and will I really care that we had a bad week of fighting the month we started IVF? Probably not.

    Sigh.

    I just entered the cake I made for dsd's grad party in a contest. Its called "surf's up" and I got the idea from the July 2010 bb. They have a sticky thread of ideas for all sorts of crafts and Heather posted a cake she made. I LOVED it from the time I saw it. I wish I had used lighter colored crumbs for sand but oh well, next time

    HMMMMM Cake
    http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/105fd1
    TTC since Feb 06 6 IUI, 4 rounds clomid, 3 rounds of injections, ultrasounds, HSG, Laproscopy, Hysteroscopy, Naturopathic Dr, tcm and acupuncture= BFN
    Natural BFP = m/c May 07 @ 6W6D
    BCP for IVF August 1
    Synarel August 15
    Stims August 29 Repronex 150
    September 11 ER 10 eggs=No eggs fertilized, rescue ICSI failed
    my journal: http://www.pregnancy.org/bulletinboa...ad.php?t=14537

  5. #385
    Posting Addict deborah74's Avatar
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    I've got bad cramps. No spotting,,, yet. AF is two days early. I guess thats a nice thing. I don't have my bcps yet and i'm supposed to start them cd1. Now I can't find my ivf instructions. I thought I brought the whole package with me to read over. Sigh. Maybe this will force me into another month of waiting. Now looking back, one month goes by really quickly.

    Ouch. these cramps are bad. I STILL have hope, after all of this time that I might be pregnant the natural way. I would love to post a surprise bfp on my bb, call the re and say umm guess what. Why do I still have hope? No that is not a true question. HOW do I still have hope is more like it.
    http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/105fd1
    TTC since Feb 06 6 IUI, 4 rounds clomid, 3 rounds of injections, ultrasounds, HSG, Laproscopy, Hysteroscopy, Naturopathic Dr, tcm and acupuncture= BFN
    Natural BFP = m/c May 07 @ 6W6D
    BCP for IVF August 1
    Synarel August 15
    Stims August 29 Repronex 150
    September 11 ER 10 eggs=No eggs fertilized, rescue ICSI failed
    my journal: http://www.pregnancy.org/bulletinboa...ad.php?t=14537

  6. #386
    Posting Addict deborah74's Avatar
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    Guess we are putting off IVF for one more month....

    http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/105fd1
    TTC since Feb 06 6 IUI, 4 rounds clomid, 3 rounds of injections, ultrasounds, HSG, Laproscopy, Hysteroscopy, Naturopathic Dr, tcm and acupuncture= BFN
    Natural BFP = m/c May 07 @ 6W6D
    BCP for IVF August 1
    Synarel August 15
    Stims August 29 Repronex 150
    September 11 ER 10 eggs=No eggs fertilized, rescue ICSI failed
    my journal: http://www.pregnancy.org/bulletinboa...ad.php?t=14537

  7. #387
    Posting Addict deborah74's Avatar
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    I've been reading the July cycler's thread every other day. I can't believe so many are cycling now.
    I decided to wait one more month. I drove 550 miles north to visit my family last week after a few days of fighting with dh. (thats not why I left, just worked out that way) While there we had a good timeout except for one bad phone call which happened to be on cd 1. I went out and got my bcp, planned on taking them that night but then decided it might be wrong for me to start until I got home and worked things out with dh. We did just that. But i'm now on cd7. Oh well, time will fly by now i'm sure. Maybe we will have a better chance at getting a bfp with me and him in a better frame of mind.

    I also had a few interviews with a Canadian Lingerie company called La Vie en Rose. I like their stores. I got a job offer and i'm to tell them tomorrow if i'll take it. I'm not freaking out over the decision, in my heart I always knew what i'd say.
    (the interview fell into my lap so to speak, a previous co/worker recommended me and I said i'd be willing to meet with the District Manager to talk)

    I figure that my life's goals right now are to be a better wife/mom, focusing on my spirituality AND become a birth mother. Managing a large outlet store just doesn't fit in with fertility treatments and the scheduling that comes along with it. Oh and we went shopping yesterday and my feet were killing me, legs too. Standing all day at work just isn't for me anymore.

    I have unemployment insurance until next Feb. Right now we are still eating and have a roof over our heads. Dh is finally keeping quiet about his dreams of a big screen tv and better vehicle.

    Sorry I've been quiet the past two weeks. It was a hard decision for me to wait a month and now i'm over it, looking forward to spending more time on 'getting healthy' and hopefully having my dreams come true.

    ps, all I can think about is having triplets.
    __________________
    http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/105fd1
    TTC since Feb 06 6 IUI, 4 rounds clomid, 3 rounds of injections, ultrasounds, HSG, Laproscopy, Hysteroscopy, Naturopathic Dr, tcm and acupuncture= BFN
    Natural BFP = m/c May 07 @ 6W6D
    BCP for IVF August 1
    Synarel August 15
    Stims August 29 Repronex 150
    September 11 ER 10 eggs=No eggs fertilized, rescue ICSI failed
    my journal: http://www.pregnancy.org/bulletinboa...ad.php?t=14537

  8. #388
    Posting Addict deborah74's Avatar
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    Dh and I are doing pretty good. Today we called around to find out exactly what our current debts are at. I paid off two credit cards... well now i'm in overdraft but there is almost no interest.....


    All systems are go for starting bcp next cycle. I'm excited.

    Its been wonderful weather, garden is doing great finally. Nothing ready to eat, not for awhile yet i'm sure. OH except for rhubarb. Gotta think of what to do with it. Yum.
    http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/105fd1
    TTC since Feb 06 6 IUI, 4 rounds clomid, 3 rounds of injections, ultrasounds, HSG, Laproscopy, Hysteroscopy, Naturopathic Dr, tcm and acupuncture= BFN
    Natural BFP = m/c May 07 @ 6W6D
    BCP for IVF August 1
    Synarel August 15
    Stims August 29 Repronex 150
    September 11 ER 10 eggs=No eggs fertilized, rescue ICSI failed
    my journal: http://www.pregnancy.org/bulletinboa...ad.php?t=14537

  9. #389
    Posting Addict deborah74's Avatar
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    I got the job! And I turned it down! I was upfront with the District Manager and told her a bit about me and we were going to try IVF and so the timing wasn't right for me to start a job. She was awesome about it and told me to call her anytime when I wanted a job! Later I went into the store to shop and the assistant manager told me the boss said she hoped I would take the job in the future! That made me feel good.

    Then yesterday happened.

    I was a mess yesterday, i've had one sleep to calm myself down but it was a very bad day.

    I got a letter from Health Canada. I was given a SECOND wonderful gift from my 'secret infertility sister' (not so secret). She mailed to me her 'leftover meds' as she is expecting her wonderful miracle baby this winter. This gift made it possible to go for IVF next cycle. Anyways the letter said I could not receive her package and customs was returning it to sender.
    I called the office, talked to a very nice lady who was extremely sympathetic and i believe she looked for loopholes but in the end said the package had to be returned to its sender in the US.

    BAWL

    I felt my hopes being ripped out of my hands.
    I felt my 'secret infertility sister' being slapped for her wonderfully unselfish and generous gesture.
    I felt punished for wanting a child.

    Sigh

    Then I went to walmart. lol. Took the stepkids for bathingsuits. Long story short a woman was standing at the changerooms where I was waiting for DSD. The two very nice sales associates were busy putting back the mess of clothes and started speaking in a foreign language to each other. It seemed to me they were talking about work and not people. This customer lady started saying very rude comments loud enough for the entire department to hear "the manager told me they have to speak english" "they came to our country, they need to speak english, they are rude"
    She had a young daughter, maybe 7 with her and she repeated her mom, they are rude. She didn't totally get it though as she said "english and french are our languages'.

    I made the choice to say something. I calmly said after her saying something about why 'they' are working here " maybe because english speaking people arn't willing to do this dirty work, and really i'm sure since its' their first language it must just come natural to them to speak it, we can't blame them.

    Nope, she had nothign do do with that. She kept on barking and then said to the ladies "what did you say? you arn't speaking english?" poor ladies just said ooooooooookkkkkkkkk and put their tail between their legs.

    I was literally sick to my stomach.

    After paying I went back to the dept and called the staff over to say I didn't agree with that rude woman and that I tried to stick up for them. I started to tear up. I was really emotional.

    In retrospect there is one thing I wish I had added. The girl was actually sweet, said "i can count to 10 in french" and went on doing it, then she said something in spanish.

    I wish I would have said "can you say Key Hala? (phonetic) she no doubt would have repeated it to me. I would have said 'lets see if the ladies know what you can say... and had her say it to them in front of the mother. I would LOVE to have seen the mothers face when she saw her child say "HOW ARE YOU" in PUNJABI. That would have taught her a lesson. But then again, nothing could teach this woman. She said 'the manager told me you have to speak english..." obviously she has complained to the store before and probably more than once.

    Shaking my head.


    I ended my day with a visit to a long lost friend who its been a year since we saw each other. She's lost a guy who she was seeing and now her uncle to death. We had a good cry.

    Yup a great day.



    Now I had to email my lovely Stephanie and tell her that her gift is being sent back to her. I'm so upset, worried that there will be reprecussions.

    How many people send pot etc over the border with no problem and get a slap on the wrist. I may have my babies ripped out of my heart for this.
    http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/105fd1
    TTC since Feb 06 6 IUI, 4 rounds clomid, 3 rounds of injections, ultrasounds, HSG, Laproscopy, Hysteroscopy, Naturopathic Dr, tcm and acupuncture= BFN
    Natural BFP = m/c May 07 @ 6W6D
    BCP for IVF August 1
    Synarel August 15
    Stims August 29 Repronex 150
    September 11 ER 10 eggs=No eggs fertilized, rescue ICSI failed
    my journal: http://www.pregnancy.org/bulletinboa...ad.php?t=14537

  10. #390
    Posting Addict deborah74's Avatar
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    I"m back from a WONDERFULLY RELAXING vacation. It worked miracles for my marriage and family. There was no internet, no cell phones or TV. It was awesome. I'm trying to keep the 'relaxation' mode going at home, trying to keep things peaceful with the kids etc.

    On the boat I decided to have a moment with my mom and dad and I told them about us doing IVF! Mom asked if they know why I can't get pregnant... she went thru MANY losses and said they didn't test for much 35 years ago. I told them about us being blessed with funding thru the University's charity, and also the generous gifts that Stephanie has already given me of meds. (((((((((((Stephanie))))))))) Mom and Dad love you!
    They were excited for us, well as soon as I told them mom said "you guys have to stay together then" ya mom.

    I feel good, gotta work harder at taking my vitamins. Oh and I've started my healthy eating diet. Got lots of veggies and fruit in the house, oh no. I just realized something. I got some 'veggie ground round' and its made of soy which isn't very good for fertility. I guess in moderation it will be fine, and I dont have issues with my hormones so .... probably better to loose some lbs than worry about a little soy.

    Thinking about going to the gym today with DH. We took pup for a long walk already. OH this is funny. We went to get some tuna on sale and at the till is a girl who used to work for me for a few years. She's pregnant (saw on facebook), of course she's left her dh, with a new guy and this happens, anyways whatever... but she says all smily "I heard about what you guys are going to do" and proceeds to do a hand gesture of a pregnant belly. I'm confused, but she is sincere and I liked working with her.... I only told one person about it like 4 months ago and I guess she has 'spread the word". Oh well. I"m not upset over it. I just hoped that I'd get to surprise everyone with a big full belly one day.
    http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/105fd1
    TTC since Feb 06 6 IUI, 4 rounds clomid, 3 rounds of injections, ultrasounds, HSG, Laproscopy, Hysteroscopy, Naturopathic Dr, tcm and acupuncture= BFN
    Natural BFP = m/c May 07 @ 6W6D
    BCP for IVF August 1
    Synarel August 15
    Stims August 29 Repronex 150
    September 11 ER 10 eggs=No eggs fertilized, rescue ICSI failed
    my journal: http://www.pregnancy.org/bulletinboa...ad.php?t=14537

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