A Saffer's Journey to a First Generation Yank - Page 3
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Thread: A Saffer's Journey to a First Generation Yank

  1. #21
    Prolific Poster BokkieNYC's Avatar
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    So it's been a few days since I posted anything here. It's been a rough week. My moods have been grrrr, my nerves raw, my mind in a fog. For most people "seeing red" when they get angry is a metaphor... for me it's a reality. And this week has felt like the precursor to that stage: I think only someone who is near-sighted and wears eye glasses can sort of understand what I mean when I say I feel itchy behind my eyes, and inside my head. It's the closest description I can come up with as to how I feel when one of my "moods" are coming on. And once that "itch" sets in then I find it very difficult (almost impossible) to understand/follow what someone is telling me if it at all disagrees with what I believe/feel at that moment. And then I SNAP! I snapped at my therapist on Thursday. But I'm glad it was her and not DH because he has enough of his own stressors without having to deal with my craziness.

    Today was ok. I work from home on Fridays so I didn't have to deal with anyone except via instant messaging and email. Plus my mind doesn't feel itchy so I'm hoping that means I'm passed the worst of the adjustment period and that by exercising at least 3 times a week I can control this. I'm still worried about when I have to knuckle down and start studying (ie next week) because I get really stressed when I'm studying. I just feel like I can't cope with work AND studying AND housekeeping.... and now we have the dog....

    Calm. Breathe. Focus on something calming.

    I need to learn to not allow my mind to get so wrapped up in the worries and get all overwhelmed. I know how to alleviate some of the stress. DH has already agreed to let me hire some domestic help, it will only be once every 2 weeks but at least its some help. The rest is up to me to time manage. You'd think I'd have a better grasp of managing my time while studying considering I've been working on this undergrad degree for 6 years... I just lost most of my momentum and motivation after we moved to the States. But I am 4 classes away from graduating so I MUST PERSEVERE!!

    AF is now 1 day late based on my previous cycles.... I wonder how long its going be.... I want to get started with TTC again (not that we stopped BD-ing)

  2. #22
    Prolific Poster BokkieNYC's Avatar
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    Today was really good! I went to the park with Crazy Dog and then we had mid-morning nookie. And my mood has been really calm. My mind is calm and clear. No iritability. We managed to cross a few more things off of our long-standing to-do list: we took the small change that we have been collecting for 3 years up to TD Bank and put it into the Penny BAnk... $200-odd!! And I sewed DH a swimming cap out of stretch cotton so that he can start doing light exercise in the pool at the Y. Feeling very proud of myself

    YAY!

    Tomorrow is DH's birthday and for the first time in 3 years I actually have plans and a couple birthday presents. I only hope tomorrow goes as calmly as today did. I always seem to lose it on special occasions and then everything is ruined.
    Last edited by BokkieNYC; 03-12-2013 at 11:56 PM.

  3. #23
    Prolific Poster BokkieNYC's Avatar
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    Had a sad moment this morning just before DH's folks skyped us... we were going to announce the pregnancy today on DH's birthday I suppose I will keep noticing these milestones until we get preggos again.

    Thankfully it was just a passing moment and has not impacted the mood of DH's birthday

  4. #24
    Prolific Poster BokkieNYC's Avatar
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    Oh-Em-Gee!! I am stuffed beyond belief! Dinner at Eleven Madison Park was PHENOMENAL!

    15 courses. ooof!

    I hope DH really did enjoy it because right now he looks a bit miserable from the richness of the food. His stomach doth protest. I've made myself some ginger tea and i'm now settling in to watch Love Actually for the gazillionth time. It's my "chill out" go-to movie.

    Urgh, tomorrow I have to start studying. Urgh.

    Night-night.

  5. #25
    Prolific Poster BokkieNYC's Avatar
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    It's been a busy while, hence the silence. Weekend in Vegas was ok. I'm glad we went but I wouldn't go back again. I'm not a drinker nor a gambler so there wasn't much to do.

    I've started studying. And I'm exercising regularly again. Even both at the same time Keeps me awake while I'm studying. But my head is starting to feel a little clearer. Still struggling on this low dose. The Psych says he's going to keep me on this dose until after my exams so that I don't risk any further issues readjusting. I'm happy with that arrangement because I really need time to adjust. I also don't want have to increase the dose again...

    I started charting using OPKs as of Tuesday. I'm on CD8 so it's no surprise that they're negative so far. I have no idea what my cycle is going to be like this time, but if it goes back to the usual 29 days then I should O around CD15. I hope this is the month!

  6. #26
    Prolific Poster BokkieNYC's Avatar
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    So. I'm on CD14 and still no flashing smiley face on the OPKs

    Looks like this really is going to be a 36 day cycle... that is going to suck. How is this going to affect our chances? I don't know anything right now.

    And my studying is not going anywhere. I have like 9 weeks left and still don't know anything!!! But I can't seem to motivate myself to concentrate. I'm not interested in studying anymore. It's been 6 years and now I'm 4 classes away from graduating. I was going to finish them all by June but now I have to do one...ONE!!... in October because it's been scheduled on Memorial Day.

    GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

  7. #27
    Prolific Poster BokkieNYC's Avatar
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    So. I'm on CD14 and still no flashing smiley face on the OPKs

    Looks like this really is going to be a 36 day cycle... that is going to suck. How is this going to affect our chances? I don't know anything right now.

    And my studying is not going anywhere. I have like 9 weeks left and still don't know anything!!! But I can't seem to motivate myself to concentrate. I'm not interested in studying anymore. It's been 6 years and now I'm 4 classes away from graduating. I was going to finish them all by June but now I have to do one...ONE!!... in October because it's been scheduled on Memorial Day.

    GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

  8. #28
    Prolific Poster BokkieNYC's Avatar
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    Got my smiley face on the OPK on Friday!! I was very confused because I was expecting at least 2 flashing smiley faces first but it turns out I have a different version of the OPK. Mine is not that advanced. So according to that yesterday and today are the Peak Fertility days and I should O today. I think I O'd on tho. I had all the "usual" symptoms but i don't know if any thing is "usual" any more. We dtd'd on Thursday and last night and i will instigate later today again so i should be covered.

    Hold thumbs!
    baby4s&a likes this.

  9. #29
    Prolific Poster BokkieNYC's Avatar
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    So the OPK gave me smiley faces on CD16-CD19. We dtd'd most of that time so I think we're as covered as we could possibly be this month. Now I'm in the 2WW (or 3WW if you believe my cycle calculator) and I'm already dying to POAS. I'm only 4dpo so it would be a HUGE waste of a test but.....

    I really don't think I can hold out until the end of the month tho. I was planning to hold out until 1 week after when my cycle calculator says AF should arrive (which is 4/19). But I really don't think I can last that long. But at the same time I don't know if I want to test early and run the risk of a CP.... or even test on the first "missed" day because that would put me at 4 weeks and I'm not planning to go to the OB until at least 6. I kind of want to wait until 6 weeks to test because then I won't have so long to get "attached" in case anything bad happens again.

    But I KNOW I shouldn't think like that. I should be positive. And deal with things as they happen instead of preempting them.

    I know all this, but that doesn't quiet the voice.

    In other news: still barely motivated to study but at least I am half way thru the first pass on the material. My furbaby ate my jeans on Saturday, ate a bunch of sticks on Monday, threw up the sticks on Monday and has been not-so-happy since. HOwever she is Lurrrrving the diet of boiled chicken and rice that she's getting because she was sick :P

    Nighty-night, don't let the bed bugs bite.
    Last edited by BokkieNYC; 04-04-2013 at 11:51 PM.

  10. #30
    Prolific Poster BokkieNYC's Avatar
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    So I caved an POAS'd. BFN. Not surprised but now maybe I can wait until at least 10dpo.
    Last edited by BokkieNYC; 04-05-2013 at 11:33 AM.

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