I just found out that my DH's best friend, over in the UK, is expecting their 2nd.... In September.... same as we would've. And I burst into tears. Why does this one hit me so hard? When they announced they were expecting #1 I was totally blind-sided and had a really bad couple days after that. But at the time I was struggling with the baby-fever and the fact that we weren't TTCing and my BPD. And they were gearing up for their wedding so they were totally off my radar of potential-preggers. So why would them having #2 upset me so much??
My imagination is definitely running wild today. I've been feeling a little nauseous today and OBVIOUSLY I start to fantasize that I O'd earlier than calculated and that I'm already pregnant. Stupid thing is that I would still be too early on to be having morning sickness.
Although this time I will welcome morning sickness from the get-go because apparently it means the hormones are really high and that is good for the pregnancy.
I am SO anxious to be able to test reliably.
DH and I had a tiff last night. I was upset because of seemed to me like he was minimizing the sadness I felt when I found out about A&K's new LO that is due in September. He says he was just busy at work and that I was in a foul mood when he got home so he wasn't about to try comfort me. He (still) doesn't understand that the mood is often because I need the comfort but havent got it.
It doesn't bother me much now that I'm over the shock. But I do suddenly feel like I want to tell my sister about the m/c. Probably not a good idea tho.
Had an off weekend. The whole "friends being due in September" thing threw me for a bit of a loop. Now I'm more anxious to get pregnant then ever. So tired of having everyone else get to announce this wonderful thing. Especially the people who haven't been married long, or aren't even married yet. It's dumb but even though its not taboo to be unmarried parents I feel like I should get to be a parent first because I did it the "right" way.
I don't know what I will do if my SIL says she's preggo again.
I caved and tested again this morning. Only 7dpo but I'm obsessed, addicted and desperate. I *think* i saw a line. And I can almost NEVER see the squinters. I doubt it was an evap line because it was within about 6 min. I am going to play with the picture tonight and then upload it to DYSAL. But I will try not to put too much hope on it at least until the 19th.
"Hi. My name is Roxi and I'm a POAS/PIAC addict." chorus: Hi Roxi
Yup I've become addicted. It is now a compulsion to pee in a cup and test something every morning. I did another HPT this morning but I think it was faulty. Just got a pink stripe running the length of the strip instead of horizontal like the control line.
And I have been on the verge of tears all day. I know as soon as DH gets home and I have to turn the rock music off I will break down again. As I type I can feel the tears pricking my eyes. I wish I knew what was wrong. Maybe I will have enough will power to not test tomorrow.
I tested again this morning. I still don't see the lines but other ladies on the forum say they see something. I bought a FRER on my way home. Then saw that I already had one in the bathroom. Anways I am going to test with the FRER tomorrow which will be 10dpo. I am hoping yet not hoping or a clearer positive. I want it because I want it. But I don't because I don't know if I want to know this early. I'm worried about about having a chemical pregnancy. And I'm obviously worried about another miscarriage. Also I don't know when I should tell DH. Not tomorrow if it's a BFP. I will wait at least another week before telling him. He doesn't need to know about chemical pregnancies.
I tested again yesterday (4/11) and today (4/12) and I could see the lines without needing to squint. So I would say it's official that I'm pregnant again!! I'm feeling good about it. A little apprehensive but I suppose that's understandable. I'm relieved to know that my endometriosis is not interfering like it did for my friend. That has been one of my fears before we started TTC.... that I wouldn't be able to get pg. I always had this weird feeling that because my sister seemed to get pg just by being in the same room as a male and she's never done anything the "right" way then it would be doubly hard for me. Like the universe would make me pay the price for her easy journey. Not that her journey has been easy. She has suffered a lot with her bipolar disorder and the myriad of other issues she has. But I just always felt like that's the way it would be. And I seem to be half right. At least we now know we're fertile enough to get pg basically twice in a row. Now I just hope this bean sticks. I also seem to have a great fear that this time will be a CP.
I haven't told DH yet. I was planning to hold out another week because with my cycle not being 100% normal yet I don't know when AF is really due. Based on my normal cycle prior to the m/c it would've been today (a no-show). Based on my cycle tracker and the cycle between the m/c & the first normal period then AF is only due on the 19th. But then I caved and told my BFF and now i want to tell DH. So I pee'd on a digi test only to find out that I screwed that one up royally because I did not RTFM. So now I'm going to wait until tomorrow's FMU.
Here's to a HH9M... I'll take a HH8W at this stage tho.
So it's been about a week since I last posted something. Not much to say, really. Now that I have the BFP I suppose my TTC journey is at an end.... but I'm not going to write "The End" just yet.
I need to wait until we pass 8 weeks with a heartbeat. I'm still scared of another miscarriage. At least I've passed the point where this could be considered a chemical pregnancy. But I still have to wait another week before I see the OB to see if the measurements match the GA based on LMP.... I hope they do. I also haven't had any blood tests done yet so I don't know what my beta levels are. Maybe I should've gone for just the blood tests.... too late now I suppose. The OB didn't say I was supposed to do that. He didn't actually tell me to do anything differently after the miscarriage.
So it's been a long while since I last posted something.
I'm currently 6w5d and things are going well. I'm nauseous all the time, my boobs are sore, I'm bloated, I'm constantly hungry and I have no sex drive but it's all good! I will happily take all of that just to know that this is different this time.
Saw the doc yesterday. He said everything looks fine but that's what he said last time and then everything went to hell 2 days later. I can't help but remain anxious until I see him again in 2 weeks and make sure the baby is growing correctly. Measured at 6w/6w1d which is close enough.
Feeling crappy today. Started getting crampy feelings this afternoon and it has me freaked out. No spotting and no major lower back aches, but still makes me nervous considering today is 2 days after the first time we saw the heartbeat. That's when things went bad last time. Never mind that I'm a week earlier than I was previously. It's all about correlations....
Tomorrow is 7 weeks. If we can get to 8 weeks with a sticky bean then I think I will start to relax.
This anxiety is not helping me study. I can't focus, I just want to go to sleep. My favourite coping mechanism: sleep until the problem goes away.
Crampy feeling has eased somewhat. A lot of the ladies on my BB say it's pretty normal as long as there's no bleeding. Which there isn't, thankfully.
Woke up feeling great today. Minimal nausea, not too crampy, even boobs are feeling fine
So today we are 7w1d!! Passed the first milestone!! Now to make it to 8 weeks and then thru the next appointment. Everything is so different, I wish I could stop feeling like I have a guillotine over my neck, waiting for it to drop.