Sarah's TTC saga

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Sarah's TTC saga

When DH and I started dating in September 2001, marriage and children was the furthest thing from our minds. He was just getting out of a bad marriage and I was enjoying the single life and "playing the field." Therefore, I was not concerned nor upset when he chose to get a vasectomy reversal a couple months into our relationship. He already had children and after court battles and child support, was not really wanting to have more.

By 2002 we were living together and discussing marriage and spending the rest of our lives together. I realized that I would not be happy nor feel fulfilled if I had to go through the rest of my life without a child of my own. We got engaged in the summer of 2002 and had a meeting with a urologist about having a vasectomy reversal. Needless to say, we had much discussion (and a bit of arguing!) about the topic of a vasectomy reversal.

We were married in January 2003. Three months later my husband's National Guard unit was deployed. Fortunately he did not end up having to go to Iraq, but it was a wake-up call for both of us that we needed to start trying if we were going to have a baby.

DH had his vasectomy reversal in September 2003. The procedure went well and the doctor said that he felt that it was a success. DH submitted a semen sample to the doctor in December and was told that he had a good number of motile sperm. Naively, I thought that I would be pregnant within a few months.

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I began temping and charting. Fortunately I have relatively short cycles (26 days average) and I ovulate every month so I knew that that was not the problem.

When I hadn't gotten pregnant by the beginning of 2005, I decided that it was time to talk to my doctor. She referred me to an OB/GYN as I chose not to see an RE for the time being.

My ob/gyn performed a progesterone test at 7 DPO and the results were within normal ranges. She then ordered an HSG x-ray. It was one of the most unpleasant experiences of my life. It hurt while it was going on, but the worst part was the cramping I experienced for several days afterwards. The good news was that my tubes are open, so that's not the problem.

The next step my ob/gyn recommended was an SA for my DH. This is where we ran into trouble. DH flat out refused to submit his "sample." He said that since he never had fertility issues in the past and since his SA from 2003 was good that he did not need to do another one. We fought about this for quite a while and many tears were shed on my part. Finally in February of this year he agreed to get an SA done. The results were not good (to say the least.) The doctor called me and said that there was only one sperm in his sample and it was dead. I was so upset. DH thinks that it was not a good sample as (TMI WARNING) the ejaculation did not feel the same as it usually does. He thinks that he was nervous and tense and therefore did not produce a normal sample.

He is willing to have another SA. Hopefully we can get it done soon. I would really like some answers. I am hoping that the last one was just a fluke as my DH believes it to have been. I am holding out hope that something can be done and I will get my miracle.

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So I am on CD 24 now, approximately 11 DPO. I've been having a cramping feeling in my abdomen (somewhat like AF cramps) for the past few days. I'm feeling overly emotional too, like almost crying several times yesterday for somewhat silly reasons. Why do all the early pregnancy symptoms have to be so much like approaching AF symptoms?

I was silly and wasted an HPT yesterday. It was only 10 DPO and I didn't use FMU...BFN, shocking :roll: At least it was only a Dollar Tree test so I only wasted a dollar. I don't have any more tests in the house I will just wait for AF to show her ugly face and not test any more this cycle. On the bright side, DH was talking about his SA again last night. He told me that I need to go pick up the collection cup as soon as possible so we can get the next SA done. I would do it right now if the stepkids weren't staying with us for the summer. Try explaining that to the kids! Lol

Today I feel like AF is near and that makes me upset. Plus, I got an e-mail yesterday that one of my friends just had a baby, then my mom calls this morning to tell me about another girl we know who just had a baby last night. I know I should be happy for them but I can't help but feel jealous. Must be PMS.

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CD 25. AF should show any time now. In fact I was quite surprised when I got up this morning and she hadn't arrived yet. I'm so torn in 2 directions. The rational part of me says that I need to just wait and she'll be her by the weekend. The dreamer in me says that I should go buy some HPTs and test tomorrow morning. Sometimes I feel like I'm about to start then sometimes I don't. I have to then remind myself that I start feeling this way every month. I just get so discouraged, when will it be my turn?

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Well, the spotting started last night and AF is here in full force today. On to yet another cycle. Why does it have to be so hard for some people? Sometimes I feel like maybe I don't deserve a baby or am not supposed to b/c it's been so difficult. It's hard not to feel down after nearly 3 years of BFNs every cycle.

I guess our next step is to get another SA done. Again, if only the stepkids weren't here! On the bright side, DH agreed last night that he would go back to the urologist who did his VR if it turns out that that is the problem. That's a big thing since it hurt so much having the reversal done. It means a lot to me that he would be willing to go through that again so we can have a baby. Although he can be a big pain in butt at times I do love my husband and so look forward to the day when we have a baby together.

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CD 2 and, thankfully, the cramps are not nearly as bad today. DH encouraged me to find and order a vitamin/supplement for him to take so today I ordered a product called "Fertility Blend" Hopefully it will increase his sperm count, I figure that it can't hurt to try. I also ordered some "Preseed" as I've heard of some success stories in using that.

I also picked up the collection cup for his next SA. I am hoping to get that done and turned in sometime this week. I'm so happy that we are back on track and I'm feeling confident once more that we will someday have a baby!

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I started reading about IVF, and more specifically ICSI, today (at the suggestion of another pg.org poster) and I'm feeling more positive about TTC than I have in a long time. According to the info I read about ICSI, they can extract the sperm from DH even if his next SA shows that he still doesn't have any sperm. The major problem that I see arising is the cost. DH's health insurance covers infertility at 50% but I don't know if that covers IVF/ICSI procedures as well. For now I need to get DH's next SA done and wait for the results. If they are still low/none then I will ask for a referral to an RE to start the process for the IVF/ICSI.

I WILL HAVE A BABY SOMEDAY!!!

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Yay, DH is making me so happy! He keeps asking when we are going to get his SA sample turned in. This coming from the man who flat out refused to even do an SA a few months ago. He's worried that we will miss out on another month(cycle) if we wait too long. Hopefully we can get it done tomorrow. Keeping my fingers crossed that there will be at least a few swimmers in there!

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I just checked the mail and the Fetility Blend and preseed I ordered have arrived. Now I just need to remember to get DH to take it everyday. I'm hoping he can make it home early today so we can get his sample turned in before we leave town for the next few days.

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:bluesperm: :pinksperm: :bluesperm: :pinksperm: :bluesperm: :pinksperm:

Yay! I just got back from the hospital lab from turning in DH's SA! We should have the results back tomorrow. Keeping my fingers crossed for good news...

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It's so good to be home where it's quiet! We left Friday morning to bring DH's son home to Arizona. It was a crazy, whirlwind trip (2 days there and 2 days back) but I am home and home is good! Now the bad news:

We got back the results of DH's 2nd SA and he still has no sperm. We've done a lot of talking in the last few days but have yet to come up with a decision. We will either:

1) Go back to the urologist who performed DH's VR and see if there is a blockage that he can repair.

2) Try to have the doctor extract the sperm from him to use for IVF/ICSI.

3) Use donor sperm.

4) Just not have a baby.

The only option that I cannot live with is #4. Although I really want a baby that was made from both myself and DH, I'm at the point in my life where donor sperm does not sound like such a bad option. DH even said that being the biological father is not what counts, it is being the child's dad while he/she is growing up that really matters.

I think that we will get a couple of consulations to see what the costs involved will be for our different options. It's seems terrible to say that cost will be the deciding factor, but we just can't afford tens of thousands of dollars worth of treatments right now.

I have an appointment scheduled w/my ob/gyn for this coming Monday (8/7) so hopefully I'll have more information then and will be that much closer to making a decision.

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I had my appointment with my ob/gyn yesterday and I am feeling very postive and hopeful. DH and I have decided to proceed w/TTC by using donor sperm. It was a difficult decision to reach but we did a lot of talking and decided that it really is the best option for us. DH says that it doesn't matter who the biological father is, that he will always be his/her daddy.

Now I just need AF to hurry up and show! I have picked a donor and had the spermbank fax the application forms to my doctor. As soon as she fills them out and gets them faxed back then we are good to go. I'm supposed to track my LH surge using OPKs (at around 4pm each day) then call her office when I get a positive OPK and she will do the IUI the next morning. Luckily, my doctor's office can store the vials of sperm for up to 6 months so I can order it ahead of time so it will be there waiting when my body is ready.

The doctor said that most women who have regular cycles and ovulate on a regular schedule like I do, usually get pregnant within the first few IUI attempts. I'm so excited, this may be it for us!

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AF arrived today and for the first time in 3 years, I'm actually happy about it. It brings me that much closer to my first IUI w/donor sperm. I ordered 3 units from the donor that I chose. It should arrive at my doctor's office by this Friday, 8/18. As soon as I get my LH surge on OPKs I'm supposed to call and arrange for the IUI to happen the next morning. I usually O between CD 11-13, so technically I'm less than 2 weeks away from the "big day."