Well, here I am after 12 1/2 months of TTC, and 1 miscarriage (around the 2 month mark). I'm only 26 years old and "healthy" (DH is 24). My family is huge - no major fertility issues on either side, but apparently it isn't going to be as easy for me. It seems that I only ovulate once in a while. We already know that I'm capable of getting pregnant, but after about 4 months now of tracking my cycle (using BBT, LH tests, Ferning tests, etc), it's clear that I'm not ovulating as I should be.
I was finally able to get a referral to see the gyno about a month or so ago, after a while of just seeing my family doc. Luckily, the gyno agreed right away to start me on some Clomid to get things going. I was so relieved.
So now I'm on day 16 of my first cycle on Clomid. I haven't ovulated yet, but I'm hoping that within this next week I'll see some positive tests. I took an LH test on Thursday, and you could barely see where the line was suppose to be (it has to be darker than the control line to be positive). Tonight I took another one, and the line was ALMOST as dark as the control line, so it looks like I'm getting closer. I'm just so scared to get my hopes up again. It seems like I've been dreaming for so long, and all I've faced so far is heartache and disappointment.
In the meantime, my sister-in-law (DH's sister) just had her first child one month ago. He's beautiful. I got to be at the hospital when he was born. Now some of our close friends are about to start ttc too. One of my colleagues is pregnant with twin girls, due any day now, and the list goes on. I'm happy for all of them, but it makes this struggle so much harder.
I just wish I could do something to get my mind off this for a while. But honestly, I can't help but be obsessed. I don't always voice it to others, but every day I dream about being pregnant - about what it must feel like to feel that tiny life growing inside me. I dream about what my children might look like. Will they have red hair like their Gramma? Or dark hair like me? Will they have my DH's eyes? What will it be like to watch him hold them, and sing them to sleep?
I wish I could fast forward through the next few months. If I could just conceive and make it to the second trimester, so I tell myself, then maybe I'll finally see the day that I've been dreaming about since I was only a baby myself - the day I become a Mommy. But for now, I wait...