I had a IVF baby. I very early IVF baby. I gave birth to Rebecca at 16 weeks. Due to an incompetent cervix. I have grieved and mourned my baby girl but since the loss I have had panic attacks and severe depression. I am on meds to control the depression and anxiety and for a while they work. But today I feel so anxious and I am scared that I am going back wards in my recovery. My husband is so frustrated with this whole thing. I have been out of work on disability since Sept 1 and it runs out Feb 4. I thought I was ready to go back but between the hot flashes and panic I had yesterday and the panic that woke me up at 6 am this morning I don't know if I am strong enough.
I want so badly to be normal, to be happy, to laugh at life again. I had a wonderful week last week. I had lowered my dosage of Effexor xr to 337 mg from 375 well yesterday I took 375 and had hot flashes and anxiety all evening long. I don't know if it the meds or all in my head.
I also feel that I suffer from pmdd (horrible pms) my anxiety syptoms seems to get worse on cycle day 12 and continues to get bad until 3 days after my mensus begins. This has been the pattern for 3 cycles now. I switched from Yaz b/c to Yasmin b/c pills to see if it would help. I just don't know what to do anymore.
I want a medication or therapy that will work. I want to feel happy all the time. I know I can never bring my daughter back and I have dealt with that what I haven't dealt with is the fear of the unknown and of having these attacks. They take over your life. All you can focus on is when the next one will be and if you can go out of the house ok and drive ok. I started B complex vitamins and magnesium because they are suppose to help with pmdd. I am half tempted to through the b/c pills out the window. I really think they are messing with my body and mind.
I don't know if how these journals work but if you have had any of these experiences and have found a way to help yourself please feel free to pm my. Any and all advice is appreciated.
I just thought getting these thoughts out of my head might help with the anxiety.