Well, I guess it's about time that I get down to it. I need to start this journal for myself, therapy I suppose. I can't believe that this is happening to me. I am having difficulty getting pregnant. There .. it's been said. I want to be pregnant, but am not. All of this time, we've been using NFP ..... avoiding with all of our might. Now we can't conceive for our lives UGH!
I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks, twin gestation, on September 8/2003. That's when I had the D&C anyway. I ovulated on Nov 6/03. That would have put me due on the same day as Jocelyn was in 2001, so we skipped it. AF came Nov 16, followed by an Annovulatory cycle with Af returning early January. The problem is not that I can't get pregnant as much as I can't ovulate.
The ovulation thing is caused purely by stress. I am sure of it. I am so heavily stressed living in this house with my IL's (for two years now) and the stress of looking for a new job attempting to relocate and all. I just want it all to be over with, a new job and a new place to live. I am going to go to the doc to find out what is going on tomorrow morning. I started taking the Paxil that I have left over again 3 days ago .. maybe that'ss be enough to relax me, and let the hormones take over. Who knows.
Anway ... today is CD 15 and I have had hardly any CM in the last 3 or 4 days. I have been taking Vitex 3 times a day for the past week as well, but it doesn't seem to be working yet. Bummer.
I went to the doctor this morning to talk to him about my anxiety. It's getting out of control again, but I don't like what Paxil does to me. It makes me VERY tired, upsets my stomach and kills my sex drive. So he gave me a script for Wellbutrin. It's supposed to be best for sex drive, and he felt it would be safest for any impending pregnancy.
I'm continuing with the Vitex to see if the combo of the two might do the trick. I had some creamy Cm today, so it may be starting soon.
We had friends over for dinner today, so I kept busy all day preparing for that.
OT- Jocelyn only wet her diaper one time today, and that is because DH didn't potty her after her nap this afternoon. Oh well, it's a start!
Well, I'm back from what was supposed to be a relaxing weekend with my girlfriends at a cottage, but the pipes froze, so we had no plumbing. It still wasn't a bust, but not as relaxing as it could have been. I took my thermometer with me, but I didn't use it since the numbers probably would have been skewed due to alcohol consumption and I didn't have a clock to see what time it was when I woke up. I also noticed a bit of slipperiness while I was wiping my butt in the forest! (ha ha .. not fun) But no signifacant EWCM yet. Heck, it's only CD 20 for heaven's sake.
Anyway, I am continuing on with the Vitex for now and I seem to have found a good time to take the Wellbutrin so that I feel only minimal effects ... in the early evening, so my gassiness happens while I'm sleeping.
We didn't get to BD last night... I was cranky and picked a fight, so it didn't turn out, but I'm sure we'll get to it tonight, and continue on our every other day routine. Hopefully (maybe) we'll get an O this cycle. Wishful thinking? I hope not.
Well, it snowed and it blowed, but we did not get a snow day today. Bummer. We made it to work, albeit 15 minutes late, we still worked all day today. It's supposed to get nasty again tonight, so maybe tomorrow we'll be luckier!
Anyway .. I only had a little bit of Cm today, nothing to barely shake a stick at, but it was EW. DH and I never got around to BD'ing last night .... I picked another fight instead. UGH! I am SO grumpy lately, I think it's the Wellbutrin. Isn't it supposed to make me feel better soon? I hope so. But, we are getting along better today, so I think we are headed to bed now. Hopefully I'll get some more fertile signs soon.
UGH! That's how I feel today. I am grumpy and a little put off with not ovulating. What is wrong with me? I am so frustrated. I try to pretend that a little bit of creamy fluid is stretching, then realize that it just wishful thinking. I had absolutely NO cm today. Totally and completely dry. Even after BD'ing last night.
Today my friend ( and coworker) brought her new son in to work for us to see him. I miss her so much. She and I became so close before she left for maternity leave, and had her baby. I know she's busy with a newborn and all but I'm looking forward to seeing more of her as she establishes a routine. She was a ROCK while I was miscarrying. It doesn't seem like much, but it was so helpful to have her "walk ahead" of me at work and let people know what was happening, so that I wouldn't have to explain it myself until I was ready. If you're reading Emily, it was so nice to see you today. I hope we can visit soon.
Anyway, I'm tired tonight, I've not been sleeping well lately. This morning I was WRENCHED out of my sleep by a horrible leg cramp at 5:30am. I get them every once in a while, not sure why. I have been drinking a lot of milk lately too. Oh well. Better head to bed.
Yeah! It's my birthday today! Horay! I am now 27 years old. YIKES! Today I finally had some medium quality EWCM. Hopefully this is the beginning of a fertile period. Hopefully it will stay for a few days anyway. I am beginning to wonder if the Wellbutrin is causing some dryness down there. Last night we were BD'ing and it seemed really dry at the beginning. Has anyone had any experience with this?
Anyway, Jocelyn has a fever today, should be a long night. I think that she's comming down with the chicken pox. We'll see, by this time tomorrow night we'll know.
Well, it's my weekend right now, but DH is working so it is kinda quiet. Jocelyn's fever broke yesterday morning, but still no signs of the chicken pox. I guess she didn't catch it this time. I still haven't got any good quality CM yet. DH and I had a great night last night. Jocelyn was grumpy last night, so he stayed home and put her to bed while I went to church. I got home, had a shower then we had a romp in bed before Survivor started. It was a late night, but it was worth it.
So, not much to report on the TTC front. The stress should be lifted soon, hopefully we hear something this week from the company in Guelph that we want to work for ...... please, please, please! Then it should be lots easier to conceive. Hopefully.
I've had some good quality eggwhite this week, and we've been taking full advantage of it! We BD'ed last night and the night before! This is my fourth consecutive day of EW, so it may not be long now until O. I was having some discomfort today on my right side, but I had lots of that last cycle and nothing came of it.
Anyway, things haven't been so good with me for a few days, mentally. I am feeling mostly depressed and I'm having some anxiety, dispite the Wellbutrin that I am taking. It's not working as fast as the Paxil did, but I am going to stick with it. I got a mouth gaurd from the dentist fitted the other day for the grinding my teeth at night thing... but I can't stand it. It tastes bad and fits bad, so my mouth is full of saliva all night. Last night was my second night with it, but I had to take it out it was bothering me so much! UGH!
We have also not heard anything yet from the company in Guelph that we are hoping to work for soon, so that we can move closer to my family. I was really hoping to be moved by the end of this month .... there is still hope I think.
Survivor is on in a few minutes, so I'd better hurry and get ready.
*finger's crossed* for a temp jump tomorrow morning
Horray! I finally had a temperature rise this morning. i am SO glad to have that over with .. now on to the 2WW. As far as I can tell I am 2 DPO.
I have to go to a baby shower tonight for a friend who is due at the same time that I would have been due. That should be fun.
Not much else is new around these parts .. I am at work right now, but I had to come on and update my journal with my fantastic news!
So, the baby shower wasn't all that bad after all. I am used to being around her everyday, so it's not so tough anymore.
Anyway .. my temps are hanging tight up above my coverline. I am so happy to finally have a chance in hell, at least. I was sick of waiting to O ALL THE TIME!
I just got back today from visiting my family on my 2 days off this week. They were working, but we still had some nice time together. I got to see my friend and her 3 month old daughter as well. My mom told me that my sister told her that she was going to ask her fiance's sister to be her matron of honor ... by she hasn't yet told any of us .. me or my other 2 sisters. Wonder when she's going to drop that bomb. Not like any of us want to attend to all of Bride-Zilla's needs or anything, but it would have been nice if she had kept it in the family. My mom says that it is sending a pretty big message to us about how this whole thing is going to pan out. Heather also expressed concern about my impending pregnancy (they all know that we're trying right now) and the timing around all of this wedding crap. Like as if I am going to put my baby making on hold for her! If I am going to be out of commission in Dec , then I'll just back out of the wedding ... no biggie. Saves me $500! Sheesh. We don't even like the guy she's going to marry .. we wish she would dump his sorry *** and move on.
So we are pretty much just keeping our eyes open for implantation signs right now .. hopefully this month works out, it would be ideal!