Trying for #2... Not quite as easy as I thought.
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Thread: Trying for #2... Not quite as easy as I thought.

  1. #1
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    Default Trying for #2... Not quite as easy as I thought.

    I am writing this for a couple of reasons. 1.) Because the people that I always talk to about it are probably tiring of hearing it. 2.) Because it brings me so much comfort to read others' journals.

    So, here's the story.

    We had our first child in November of 2002. He was conceived farely easily. It took three cycles and we didn't chart or temp. This led me to believe (for some reason) that it would be even easier to conceive this time. Wrong. Well.. We knew last September of last year that we would want to start a year from then (this September) ttc our second child. I had it all planned out. I was going to get pregnant in September and then graduate in May and have a baby in June. Well, not so much.

    September, I didn't chart or temp, just went by my cm and also bd every other day almost the entire month. Well, at the end of the month I was having some ewcm, so I ofcourse jumped on the ole' internet and starting trying to find reasons to believe that it was a sign of pregnancy. Ofcourse I found them everywhere. This led me to test early (something I typically won't do) Well, I bought a box of tests that are supposed to be able to render results five days early. Great for me! Well, I took the test and put it down and started the timer. I was half way expecting it to be negative, but also very hopeful. When the 3 minutes was up, I went in and holy cow, it was bfp!!!!!! I was shaking, heart racing.. I didn't want to wake my husband up because I had planned how special it was going to be to tell him this time. (Last time he was with me when I found out) Well.. I can't hold it in. I go in there and I wake him up (midnight) and tell him we're pregnant. He was so happy, I was so happy.. Great. Well, then I went and called a friend and told her the happy news. At this point I'm starting at my hpt in joy and disbelief and uh oh.. the line starts to disappear... Huh.. what's that all about? Then it's gone. Luckily the box came with two, so I took the other one. Very obvious positive, and then after ten minutes the line disappears. Hum... pregnant? Not so much. Then I have to go in and tell my husband, sorry, false alarm!

    So, I get over that trauma, on to cycle 2. I was ok with it, because it's not that often that it happens with one try right? Well, cycle two comes around and I have promised not to test early!!!! Af day comes, but no af. Ofcourse my hopes get very high!!!!! The next day I test, bfn. I'm still hopeful because I got a bfn with ds. So... next, next, next... no af. Five days late!!!!!! Ugh.. why?????? Ok, onto cycle # 3. It's ok Malisa.. It's only been two cycles. Get over yourself.

    So, at the end of cycle number three, but a week early, I start spotting brown blood. Ofcourse, I'm pretty excitied.. Implantation bleeding, yay.. This goes on lightly for three days. But so light a lot of times it's not there and it never even gets on my underwear. Ope' here we go again, af late that night. Then it was there the next day. Then it was gone.. WEll, ofcourse I had myself convinced that I was one of the lucky ones who has a period but is still pregnant. Took an hpt, nope.. not so much!!!!!!!!

    Well, this is our fourth cycle and the first to use opk's and temping. I'm still very frightened and nervous about doing something wrong with those, but am hopeful that this will be our month! I tell everyone it's ok to be hopeful because assuming you're not pregnant doesn't make it any easier to see a bfn!

    So, this is my month! look out old navy cause I'm gonna start shopping for maternity clothes next month while they're on sale!!!!!!!!!

    That's my story
    God is good, all the time!

  2. #2
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    Default hum...

    Not sure i'm doing this right, but we'll see.

    Anyway.. this has been a very frustrating month, I'll tell ya. You know.. the last few months I haven't been charting or temping thinking that would be the relaxing everyone feels necessary to tell me about. But I started opks and temping this month. I've gotten frustrated with it and started slacking, but so far it shows that I haven't o'd. I'm so hoping that I'm either doing it wrong or am just o'ing late. I'm on cd 26 right now.. I've been known to have a 40 day cycle.. But we're not going to bd tonight because neither one of us feel like it.. bluh. Who knows.. I haven't had cm this month either. It has picked up a little the last couple of days in that my underwear are wet but when I wipe, it's not visible which isn't like me. I have been kind of dehydrated though, so maybe that's it. I don't know. I'm just frustrated.

    This is a very chaotic process.... We'll see. Maybe my lazy behind will temp. in the morning and see.
    God is good, all the time!

  3. #3
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    I don't even know what to say. I'm feeling very down right now. I just want another child so badly. I am trying desperately to get on board with God's plan (I realize it's going to happen either way so I better start liking it) but it is such a struggle. With people in my family continuing to get pregnant accidentally, it's very hard for me that it isn't in God's plan for me to get pregnant on purpose. I feel scared, I feel lonely and I feel lost. I don't feel like a lot of people understand me. While I know people on here and bbc totally do, it's the not the same as your close friends that you talk to everyday on the phone. When they tell you to "just have a glass of wine and have sex" as if that's going to make everything better it's very hard to take.

    Today I've been peeing a lot which I can't help but excited about even though I'm 99% sure I haven't ovulated. I don't know where to go from here. I'm just so confused. When I set out on this ttc journey I really, honestly believed that God and I were on the same path with my desires. I had the plan all laid out and I just expected it would happen. I don't understand it, I just don't. Today I was reading about the chances of fraternal twins after one pregnancy. I thought, maybe that's why God's waiting because he's going to give me twins. Yeah.. I know. But anything to give me hope that it is eventually going to happen for me.

    I am just blue.. I hope tomorrow is a better day.
    God is good, all the time!

  4. #4
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    Well.. Last night a friend of mine told me that she was pregnant, accidentally with someone she's been with less than 6 months. I'm not judging her, I'm just asking God why not me? This is so hard. I'm happy for her because she's happy, but I'm so sad for myself. It's really hard to deal with. I'm saying prayers to not be bitter and jaded, but it is hard. I will continue to pray.
    God is good, all the time!

  5. #5
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    Well, I know I just wrote yesterday but I'm feeling particularly down right now and don't have anyone to talk to about it. I've been feeling kind of crampy today so i'm just feeling really depressed. At this point, I just have no hope. I'm scared I'll never have another one and I am just so upset. I plan to test in the morning to be sure, but I've gotten myself all worked up just thinking about a bfn. I wish I knew someone out there understands how I feel. I feel like a baby for complaining the way I have been.. but I just canno thelp how I feel. I feel so alone in this...
    God is good, all the time!

  6. #6
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    Well, I've been feeling much better lately. I finally got some distance and realized that there really isn't anything I can do to control this. For a backup plan, I have applied to grad. school and am very excited. So we'll see. Right now I'm cd 22/35-40 so who knows!
    God is good, all the time!

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