Geez - I really haven't been posting much! I think I O'd yesterday - but have no idea, as still no OPKs or charting... but I can't resist checking out my CM and it was really fertile the last couple of days.
It's our anniversary today! 3 years! I gave Aaron a cool engraved door knocker (trust me, he loved it) and he gave me a half day at the spa. I'm tempted to run over and use it this weekend, but I think I'm going to save it... first - just in case we have a miracle and get a BFP this month - I don't want to be getting massaged and hot and everything - might as well be safe. And second - I think I'll be pretty stressed out next month, with getting ready for the IVF and everything. That is probably a better time anyway.
One week countdown to the docs! My weight is in a good place, but I notice that when I have something with a lot of salt (chinese food, sushi with soy sauce) I gain a bunch of water weight - like 5 pounds! And it takes about 2 or 3 days to get rid of it! So, this week, I'm being really careful about not only the amount of food that I eat, but also the salt content.
I'm both excited and nervous to see the doc. I want to see my bloodwork results, and learn what our next steps are... but I also am a bit nervous about those next steps! Here's hoping that our well timed BDing paid off this month, and I don't even have to worry.
Wow. Haven't updated here in a while. It has been a big whirlwind the past few weeks....
Went to the doc on 5/29, and it was a 'decent' doc visit. I have lost 15 pounds since I saw him last, and was totally expecting him to be happy - but instead he pointed out that he'd like me to lose another 5 pounds. So I started crying. Awesome. But then he gave me the plan - that I would not need BCPs, would start lupron on CD21, and to call on CD1 to set up my pre-op app for IVF. Oh, and that Aaron needed another SA - but that we should be all set for IVF this month.
Aaron called to set up the SA, and then couldn't do it until 6/6 (which, honestly, WTF? Why did he have to set up an appointment? Just for labwork!?). And on CD 1 I set up the pre op appointment, and asked for the nurse to call me back because I had some questions. When she calle dme back, she asked why I had set up the pre op stuff when I wasn't approved for IVF yet? Huh?
I freaked out. Turns out that there is a very low chance that they can get the paperwork through the insurance in time... so we are going to have to end up waiting until July to start the IVF stuff. I was really pissed off about it when it happened... but now I've accepted it.
Funny thing is - how much you want to bet they'll be some insurance miracle, and we'll be fine for this month.
Today is the EDD of my ectopic pregnancy. I'm not overwhelmingly sad, unless I really start to dwell on it. June 14th.... think about it. It's the most perfect due date ever. Give birth the end of spring, and take my 3 months of maternity leave over the summer. I'd get to spend a lot of time with my friends who are teachers... I was visualizing trips to my family's cabin the Berkshires, cute pictures of me 'showing' at Christmas...
But **** happens.
I'm not sitting here crying all day. Of course I wish I was already on the other side of this battle. But - we have a 'battle plan' and a path forward. And we are in a better place financially and physically this year than we were last. I just have to keep on focusing on the good - otherwise I think I would have sunk into a deep hole of depression.
Still no word from the 'insurance lady' as I've started to think of her. She felt the fastest we would hear something would be a week - which hwould mean tomorrow (she couldn't send anything in until Aaron's SA came back). Blech.
Next week, Aaron is gone for the whole week for work. I usually plan a whole bunch of things to do with friends so I'm not lonely - I don't think I'll do that this time. I'm just going to stay home with the doggies and relax.
Wow! Havent updated here in ages. Mostly because nothing exciting is going on with TTCing... and I have my blog to write on. I found out on 6/25 that I was rejected by insurance for IVF - because I wasn't infertile... you know, since I had been pregnant in the past year!??! Oh. I was MAD.
My doc is appealing the decision, but we have already decided to do this month as another DIY cycle, and then be ready to start everything in Aug/Sept. At the latest, I should hear back on the decision by the 20th.
I've also decided to go get a second opinion. My doc has done some pretty annoying things - don't need to go into right now - but also is very focused on my weight. I have lost 33 pounds since last year, and all my results from the blood work and everything else do not show any indication that my wieght is the issue. But I swear to god, each time we talk, my weight comes up.
Anyway.... that is it for now - gearing up to O and hoping we can do this on our own this month and aviod IVF all together!
Well, I got denied by our insurance AGAIN. We relaly have to wait the full 12 months after the ectopic.
Friday, when I got home, and I told Aaron about the whole 'denied by insurance' fiasco, it ended up in a meltdown on my part of epic proportions. The kind of meltdown that I have only had perhaps 5 times in my adult life - sobbing, screaming, hiccuping...gasping for breath - I'm guessing you other IFers know the one. Even as it was happening I was wishing I could stop. Wishing that I could be totally rational about this whole thing and realize that getting denied this time around only means another month until they can submit again, and I'm pretty much assured approval.
But, I wasn't rational. I find myself being SO resentful for that ectopic pregnancy that I can feel it in the pit of my stomach. I was SO hopeful and excited when I got that BFP, as was Aaron. The devastation that it was ectopic was horrible. The false hope that it gave me that at least I could get pregnant on my own - pisses me off now. Aaron and I have been trying for another 6 months since it happened to no avail. AND - if it hadn't happened? I would have been happily moving along with injectables and IUIs, and actually, if those hadn't worked, I would have just been starting IVF at this point. But no. That damn ectopic pregnancy counts as a 'pregnancy' for insurance, and means I no longer qualify for an infertility diagnoses. It also had to happen on the one month I wasn't taking drugs - so can't even count as an ectopic during infertility treatment, which would have also allowed me to move onto IVF sooner.
Instead, I'm sitting here after almost a whole year of no treatment. The fact that we can't submit insurance again until September means that I will need to get another HSG - which was VERY painful for me the first time. I know that it's impacting my relationship - as the stupid cycle of hope shows very obviously in my mood swings throughout the month (which are helped by the hormones, sigh). Sad from CD 26 - 3, levels out cd 4 - 10, gets excited 10 - 20, the nervous waiting and dread sets in on cd21.... I know I'm not telling you all anything new.
But then, at the same time, I'm thankful. I love my life, my husband, my job is decent, I've got great friends.... and I have more time to work on losing even more weight before we go to IVF. I have some time to work on learning some new technologies for work that will be good for my resume. My new friends on my block? They all started having kids around this time in my life. I know I'm not too old and I know I really haven't been trying all that long in the grand scheme of things (2 and a half years).
But staying rational is SO hard. I'm going to do my best to just have fun with these next two months. See if I can do the impossible and not think about IVF or insurance or anything like that until the end of September. Sure, I have a doctors appointment for a second opinion next week - but even if we decide to switch to her, it isn't like she can get my insurance switched any faster either.
I'm back! I didn't write anythingi n here for a while mostly because we weren't doing anything exciting on the TTC front. I switched docs, and they got me approved for IVF right away. And - I didn't have to redo that stupid HSG, I just had to do a little saline test that was no biggie.
I've been on Lupron for 11 days now, and had my baseline bloodwork and u/s this morning. I should be starting up with follistim tonight... have to wait on the call from my nurse though.
Well... starting to get pretty cranky on the drugs. I started my stims on Tuesday night - so all of 2 shots (well, plus 13 days on Lupron). Anyway - I'm at work today, and earlier in the week, I brought in a 6-pack of soda. Someone took a bottle, open it, poured some out AND PUT IT BACK. I am irrationally angry about this.
Sunday morning, I have to drive all of the way into Boston for my bloodwork - I am so curious to see how I'm going to respond to the injectables. When I was on Clomid, I got one or two follies each cycle, but I think I was doing that on my own already! I really hope this does the trick for us... I've already figured out that my due date would be around July 25 if this cycle works. Silly, I know.
Well, I got my bloodwork done on Sunday, and my estradoil was at 98. The nurse says they like to see it at 300 on day 6, so they upped my meds, from 187.5 to 300 with the follistim. My lupron stayed the same. I was all freaked out about it, and then I came to the boards, and others have had the exact same levels on day 6, and ended up with a successful cycle.
But, I've really got myself tied in knots. I was acting like I'm just excited to be doing something (finally, after almost a year of doing nothing)... but it's not true. I want this to work out in the worst way. I want to know that I'm going to be successful and have a baby! I decided to go back to my hypnotheripst tonight, and see if she can work her magic.
Tomorrow I go back in for bloodwork and u/s - I'm really hoping that they see some good stuff in there.
My blood work and u/s came back, my estradiol is up to 803, and I have 5 measureable follies - this biggest is 18 X 14, and then the next is 17 X 14. I also have a bunch of little ones that the nurse thinks will catch up by then.
I do 2 more nights of the follistim (tonight and Friday) and then go in Saturday for another u/s and blood work. The nurse seemed pretty sure I'd be triggering on Saturday night for Monday morning retrival!