Well.... guess I'm gearing up to O! It's funny - I'm just ridculously optimistic for this month. I feel like we are starting to try again for the first time or something. And - let's just say that the BDing is going rather well. Guess 3 months of preventing has helping our libido too (tee hee).
Well, I have to say..I stumbled onto your forum and have read every one of your postings and I feel like I'm reading something I've posted myself...I just wanted you to know that you are NOT alone!!
Here is a brief description of my story..
I just turned 32 in Sept. my DH is 31..I have a 9 year old daughter with my college boyfriend..wouldn't you know that was an 'accident' at the time! ARGGH My husband and I have been together now for 3.5 years and have never used protection..we are in a good financial place so we always had the attitude of whatever happened..happened. Well..since we have now been married for almost three years, we decided recently to actually 'try' to concieve..but were somewhat concerned b/c we haven't NOT tried in three plus years and haven't gotten pg ..so we were afraid there was a problem!
I actually took one round of clomid in Oct. 2005 had the u/s to see if my follicles were ok..and turns out I had 4 follies on each side...PLUS sized! So then for the past year i've been trying to convince my DH to get tested which he finally did about a month ago and turns out he's above average also! So..we found ourselves in your boat..unexplained infertility!
On the weight issue...I can completely feel where you are coming from..I too workout 5 days a week and eat relatively healthy but since having gotten married June 04 have gained over 40lbs!!! I was in GREAT shape when I got married and having been a college athlete, had no problem staying in shape..I actually trained for quite awhile to be in a fitness/bodybuilding competition...and believe it or not but my DH is a personal trainer for a living! But I just can't shake the weight that I've put on ever since I turned 30!
And it's always been in the back of my mind that I really DON'T want to add 'baby' weight to the already 40lbs that I need to lose..but I can't get the damn weight off and don't want to wait till i'm 40 to have another child!! So it's been quite a dillemma. My BMI is currently 36...which is really strange because I'm wearing a size 12...but having been an athlete for so long I have built up alot of muscle..which BMI doesn't distinguish between muscle and fat..NOT AN EXCUSE at all..and I'm like you...just want to be skinny sooo bad it SUCKS!
So while we've been ttc...this month, my dr. put me on 50mg of clomid on days 3-7...i went to get the u/s yesterday and had 2 good sized follicles on the left but NONE on the right!?!? Which is sooo weird!! How could I have gone from 8 total follies to just 2?! My periods have all been on time and normal my entire life..and I never thought that I had a problem with ovulation..but maybe I do?! So Dr. wants to do 100mg's of clomid next month if i'm not pregnant (crossing fingers!) AND a shot of Novarel...do you know anything about that?? I'm just now starting to research it!
We thought that we may have had the problem figured out..my DH and I have talked about it and not too be too graphic, but we kind of thought that gravity had alot to do with why the little swimmers couldn't make it up stream! HA So I've decided this round to elevate my hips and stay vertical for at least 30 mins afterwards..but still...the minute i stand up it all seems to go south, again, not too be too graphic...but I remember having unprotected intercourse with my ex fiance when I was pg with my daughter and I NEVER had this occur..have you?! I'm not sure if that means that there is something wrong with my cervix that it's not letting it in? I must have a steel curtain for a cervix hahahah.
Anyway...tonight is day 15 so this and tomorrow should be our luckiest nights..so wish me luck!! and keep us posted on your journey...I really can relate to it and that helps!!!
P.S. Any idea where I can learn all of the abbreviations? ha I am not as well versed in what they are and it can be confusing hahaa!
Prob TMI, but my CM today is CRAZY. Lots of it, and totally stretchy. And, yesterday, Aaron was chasing after me - we BD'd both in the morning and at night! Hope he isn't too worn out for tonight too. Tee hee.
My OPK is still neg - but I wonder if I missed my surge... but didn't test on Monday, and didn't test yesterday until the evening.
Well I have come to the realization that while you are ttc...there is no such thing as tmi haha..I can say that i used to be a VERY modest person...I wouldn't even say the word "period"..and definitely wouldn't talk about it! haha Well that has all gone to the way side...especially since I found myself openly asking the nurse at my obgyn if I should be concerned about my dh's semen leaking out of me too quickly! I got off the phone and thought, " oh my god..did I REALLY just ask that?!?!" hahahha..
Have you read anything about how often you should be doing BD? I was looking some things up online last night trying to get a definite answer on that because my dr. told us to do it every other night beginning on day 12 and going through day 16. Well..needless to say...we followed those directions...and then I went to the dr. on day 14..and she saw that I had too large follies on the left and a big fat NOTHING on the right side...which is VERY odd...considering that my last u/s showed 4 HUGE follies on each side..and now we are down to 2 and 0?! I am starting to wonder if maybe this is contributing to our 'problem'? Anyway...she told me that I should be ovulating in a day or two..so we went home and BD'd but THEN..the next day I was 100% sure that I was ovulating..it was the worse ovulation that I've had so far!!! Then, realizing that the day of ovulation, you stand your best chance at pg..we went ahead and bd'd anyway..even though there wasn't a day in between ...my theory was...if it's my last possibility of the month...what could it hurt?!
She also told me that if nothing happens this time, she will increase my clomid to 100mg next month AND add in a shot of Novarel to stimulate ovulation w/in 24 hours after taking it. Have you done this yet????
Well - looks like that day I thought I O'd, I did! I have some 'chart stalkers' giving it a look also - but wouldn't that be awesome? That was the day that we BD'd 2 times.
I forgot how stressful it is to be in charge of it yourself. For 3 months before the ectopic, I would just go and take the Clomid, get the u/s, and have them trigger my O and do the IUIs. Now I feel so much more stress to be sure that we are 'doing it' at the right time. I'm so hoping we are able to get a BFP on our own. I've pretty much decided in my own mind (haven't discussed with Aaron yet, though) that I'll start the road to IVF in April.... but would much rather make it naturally.
Tonight, Aaron and I are having a special date night. I finally got a promotion that I have been waiting for over a year for, and a nice bonus and raise. We are going to one of my favorite resturants for dinner, and then to the spa for a massage. I'm really looking forward to it!
CONGRATS!! on the promotion!! That must be a stress reliever if nothing else HAHA.
I read that you have done IUI? How far along in your ttc journey did your dr. do that? we haven't even discussed it yet? But this is our second month ttc..so maybe that will come up sometime soon?!
I am now 5 dpo and not feeling well AT ALL and my boobs are soooo sore!! I have no clue if it's even possible to have symptoms this early..probably not =( With my daughter I didn't even know until I had missed my period by 8 days...but i was in my last year of college and not exactly keeping track of that stuff =(
This weekend was both good and bad. I hate it when that happens. On Friday night, I was in such a great mood - Aaron and I have a wonderful dinner, and I had a great massage.
On Saturday, I noticed that my CM was still looking fertile, so, of course, started stressing out. I think I O'd on Weds (or FF thinks I did).... but my temp on Saturday Am was back at the coverline (but back up again Sunday and this morning). We went to dinner at a cousin's house on Saturday night, and I'll admit to drinking too much. When I got home, I was trying to 'make a move' so we would BD again... I just want to be sure that we give it every chance we can this month... and Aaron got pissed off - and then I got pissed off. And we just went to bed.
I'm too nervous to just come out and say 'we need to have sex now' because I know it will piss him off. He hates being on a 'schedule' for sex - so I'm always trying to be all coy and seduce him at the right times of the month. But, often, he is tired or sick or whatever on what I think is the 'right day' and I get all stressed out. I feel like I am investing so much in each cycle - in the past I have been on hormones and taking shots, and now I'm doing accupunture ever week along with drinking this freaking nasty herbal tea - and I just don't want to waste a 'chance' because he is just being stupid.
Sigh. I guess after almost 2 years of trying, I'm just a big stressed out mess. I try not to be, to just let things go - but for instance, this cycle it seems like I O'd on CD 13 - I've never O'd that early before! It's weird (although good, since we BD'd 2 times on that day).
I know I need to sit down and talk with him about all this - but I know he is going to tell me to just relax. And I dont really have an answer for that anymore. I obvously can't relax. I want a baby so bad at this point it hurts - and I find myself thinking about the decisions that we have made because we want a family (like the size and location of our house) and other decisions that we are putting off until we actally have a baby (a new car for me, job switches) and it is eating me up. and actaully wondering at some points if it's even worth it. Do I really need a child? I know that from all my friends with baby's that their whole lives change (and I know, deep down) it's for the best - but now I've had some much time to think about it - can I handle that change? Can I even handle a baby? Not like my life is carefree, but I pretty much do what I want and go where I please... I have loads of hobbies and passions that are time consuming and will need to be curtailed when we have kids...
Augh. What am I saying. I ache for a child of my own. I'm just having a ****ty day. Sorry for the vent.
I was messing around with my temps on FF - looks like I either O'd on CD 13 or 17. And if that is the case, we have it covered on both days....
Aaron and I talked last night. He is mostly frustrated that I'm so 'obsessed' with getting pregnant. And concerned that it seems like I've wrapped up my identity with the fact that I'm not pregnant yet. For me - I guess the biggest frustation is that most things in life, if I want them badly enough, I can just work really hard, and get it. And no matter how hard I work at getting pregant - it doesn't seem to make a difference.
I wish I could just let it all go, and enjoy the process and all that crap. Unfortunatly, I'm the definintion of a type A person. I just don't know what to do at this point. At least Aaron and I had a good talk, and I know that he feels the same way I do on most things. But he is so much more confidant that I will get pregnant soon, and everything will be wonderful. I'm a worrier. Always have been, always wil be. And Aaron is of the school 'it'll all work out'... and the thing is - it always does! Why can't I take that approach!?
Aaron, my mom and I just had the most wonderful weekend.... we took her to NYC for her 65th birthday, and it was great! Lots of fun. We saw the show Wicked, and went to a wonderful dinner - at a resturant that was on the same level as the skating rink at Rockefeller center!
Of course, now I'm starting to obsess in the 2WW. When I was pregnant last time, I noticed that my skin and my hair became super soft... and it's feeling that way again. And, my temps are standing steady and high... and even if I didn't O until Cd17, I'm either at 13 or 9 DPO.... I usually make it 10 before I get AF. I'm going to force myself to wait until at least Friday, if nor Saturday to test.... but AF is scheduled to come on Thursday. I can make it, I know.
But you know I'm going to make sure tonight that I have some HPTs around!