OK. I am completely obsessed this cycle. I haven't been this bad before! I'm getting nervous as to what my reaction will be if we don't get a BFP. But - we did give it every chance that we possibly could have.... and now it's in fate's hands, I guess.
The good news is that Aaron found out about his yearly bonus today, and it's pretty sweet. One benefit of TTCing taking so long, is that we have had a lot of time to work on our house and pay off our debt. For me, in Sept, I will have my car fully paid off, my student loan will be done, and my credit card debt will also be gone! That gives us back $1000 a month (enough for daycare - lol). Our house, when we first bought it, it isn't like we needed to make major repairs. It was just basically a time-warp. 1970's wallpaper, shag carpeting, and even fake wood paneling in one room. We have been slowly fixing things, one room at a time.... and one of the worst rooms (the one with wood paneling!) Aaron started tearing apart this weekend.
So - when the baby does finally make it's appearance, we will be able to enjoy the time - not stress about the money, or worry about getting the nursery ready in time (no worries - we already have finished that - last summer, actually).
I've also gotten 2 promotions at my work in the past two years - which I doubt I would have gotten if I was pregnant (I had to put A LOT of OT in to make the bigwigs notice me)... so there is a bright side to all this waiting.
But now - I'm ready for it to be over! Come on, BFP!!
FF shifted my O day from the 17th to the 18th.... which we still have covered...
I'm a pretty avid knitter, and I have knit more than a few items for our future baby. A bunch of people have told me that I shouldn't do it - but I think that it keeps me positive. When I knew I was pregnant for those 10 days - I knit a whole sweater! The count on handknitted baby items is currently 3 sweaters, a blanket, 3 pairs of booties, 2 pair of baby socks and one baby hat. But, after the ectopic, I kind of stopped knitting for the baby. Last night, I picked up my needles and started another baby hat. I think it will help with the 2WW - and it's SO FREAKING CUTE.
I went to accupunture today - and she was super positive. I printed her out a copy of my FF chart - and she thought it looked great. Told me to 'keep warm' this week! LOL.
I am am feeling 'warmer' than usual. And a weird thing happened this morning while I was temping. Aaron needed to get up early this morning (4:40 versus 5:00 AM - so not a huge difference). My frist temp was 99.70. Then I got up to pee, and Aaron was like - take that again! You have a fever! And the second time, it was 97.61.
I also went back and looked at when I start seeing sympotoms with my ectopic - and it was about 10 DPO. So that would be Weds. And the obessing begins.
Anyway - looking forward to a relaxing weekend. This week has been pretty stressful at work.
Well, my temps continue to rise! They are much more stable than last month.
This has been a fun weekend - we went out to visit my FIL on Friday night, and have spent the rest of the weekend lazing around. I'm trying to get through watching season 5 of 24 - so I can watch the rest of the shows I have waiting on my DVR! I used to think that sitting around and doing nothingall weekend was a stupid way to spend the weekend, but since my promotion, it's feels great to just sit and relax.
Tonight I'm going over to a friends for dinner.... and then the work week begins.
Well - had a little dip this morning (implantation?) ... and I'm also feeling like I have 'symtoms' (very thirsty, lots of peeing, and I swear my nipple are getting darker).... but I also acknowledge that I'm obessing. I'm going to need to calm myself down a little so I'm not completely devestated if Fri AM's test is a BFN.
OK. I am a complete freak. I have taken to using the handicapped stall at work, so I can look and see if my nipples are dark everytime I go to the bathroom.
I can't belive I'm going to wait until Friday to test. I don't know why I have such a strong feeling that I'm getting a BFP this month. I just do. Although my temps aren't telling a perfect story.... AF is due on Thursday. I just need to make it through Thursday. My cycles are pretty regular - so that'll be a good sign for me also. And - I don't know if this is smart of not, but I posted a bit over on the Nov 2007 birth board. They are all planning on a POAS party on Friday... so that gives me more support to wait until then!
So - I always take a multivitamin.... but this week I was cleaning out my cabinet, and found the folic acid pills my dr prescribed for me in Oct when they found out I was prego. They are still good, so I figured, why not!? So - I've been taking those -
I've been obsessivly trolling through my old charts, and it appears that every cycle the I have temped, my temp always drops on CD 11. Today is CD 10, and I'm still up - guess we'll know the real story tomorrow AM - I am totally going to have trouble sleeping tonight.
One other thing - this weekend, I am going away to my families cabin in the Berkshires. The way I figure it, no matter what the test says on Friday morning, this is the best timing for a trip I've had in a while. First off, my MIL decided to spring a visit on us this weekend - and I'm not even going to see her (heh heh evil laugh). She is the most obnoxious person about our TTCing. She is always asking what we are doing and what is going on. One time, Aaron even told her to stop asking, and she corners me and says 'Aaron told me not to talk to you anymore about the pergnancy stuff.... but what is going on?!" Augh.
Anyway - the women I'm going away with are awesome, and my mother is joining also. One of the women went through infertility... ended up with two wonderful boys. And the second woman? I don't know if you remember my story of the woman who had adopted a baby the same week I found out about my ectopic? She was at a retreat with us, and she wouldn't stop talking about how wonderful her baby was, and how I should 'just adopt' - and I was beside myself. Ruthann took her aside and told her to shut the F up. It was awesome.
Needless to say - a perfect support system for either testing outcome. Last time, I didn't tell my mom when I found out (Aaron convinced me) and this time - I totally am.
One bad thing is that I totally allergic to the cabin - I usually take Claritin when I go... and I don't think you are supposed to take that when prego. So - if the test on Friday Am is a BFP, I'll have to call the doc to ask - because it gets pretty bad.
Well, my temp went down the is morning, .4 (yesterday at 97.66 to 97.26) - I usually take it when my DH wakes up at 5. So, at my normal wake up time, I took it again, and it was UP from my last temp (to 97.87). And my nipples are still so dark!? The only time that has happened before in a cycle was when I was pregnant. AUGH.
So. I don't know what to think. Today is going to be rough... watching for AF. I was SO sure this was my month. Guess I'll just have to wait until tomorrow and test - unless AF finds me today.
I will admit that I shed a few tears - I was SO DAMN SURE.
F'ing Infertility. I told Aaron that I've scheduled an appointment for IVF in April - and he said - are you sure you want to wait that long? And I do. I want to go on our vacation, and relax, have fun, and then come back and be ready to deal with everything that comes with IVF.
Well - I called and made sure that we had an appointment to dicuss IVF right when we get back from our trip to the West coast. That gives us this cycle and next to try for the BFP naturally, and then the doc said that once we started the process, it would take him 10 days to get the IVF approved (guess it's quick once you have an ectopic). I'm going to ask some questions to the nurse this week, but I'm guessing we'll be going through everything in May.
I spent a really great weekend with my girlfriends - it was a perfect way to deal with my BFN on Friday - good wine, good food, and lots of 'girl' time. Of course, I come home to find out that Aaron needs to go away on business this morning - so I really haven't gotten to spend a lot of time with him in a week.
The doc wanted me to lose weight before I started IVF, and so far, I've lost 6 pounds. I had wanted to wait until I lost the full 10 pounds until we did the IVF - but I just can't be adding the weight loss stress onto the TTC stress. It is too much. I would like to lose the 4 more pounds between now and then (which is still over a month away, so it is totally doable)... but I'm not going to have it be my sole focus. If I get stuck needing to go into Boston for the IVF procedure due to my BMI, then so be it. I just need to move forward and get out of this holding pattern I feel like I'm in.