Trying for Baby #1 through IVF

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Joined: 03/16/15
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Trying for Baby #1 through IVF

Well - I keep on coming over to this part of pg.org - so I think it's finally time for me to start my own journal.

Introductions first - I'm 30, my DH is 32 and we have been married for over two years, TTC for 16 months. At first I kind of had to pressure my DH into starting to try - at least going off BCP. He wanted to be married for 2 years before we had a baby (HA. Looking back on that time now... how innocent we were).

I had been on BCP for a long time (over 10 years) so I figured it would take a bit to get it out of my system, so when we didn't get a BFP in the first few months, I wasn't that worried. After 6 months, I started using OPKs.... and then... after a year, I went to my yearly checkup and basically freaked out.

Health-wise, I'm in great shape. My periods have alway been regular, I exercise 5 - 6 times a week, but I am overwieght. So - since that this the only thing 'wrong' with me - I started blaming that. "I'm so fat I can't that is the reason". Anyway - my doctor did a bunch of bloodwrk and tests, and the truth comes out.

Unexplained Infertility. See, all that bloodwork went fine. DHs SA came back 'normal'. So, now - we are working with an RE. Last cycle was my first time with using Clomid, and we didn't have success, so this cycle we are doing clomid again, but this time with IUI and a trigger.

Let the fun begin!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

So - things are just going GREAT here in Clomid land. My SEs this month have been much more severe than my first month - I had a headache for 4 days straight last week! Augh.

My FIL has been living with us for over 2 months now (long story, but he was living out of the country for 5 years, so doesn't have a house in the US - moved home on June 10th, is closing on his new house on Aug 1st, thank god). That is also adding some strain. It isn't like DH and I can just sit in the living room and talk about how I'm nervous about the IUI or anything... because he doesn't really want to share our TTC issues with everyone. Anyway - last night I went up to bed somewhat early, just to read. But I was hoping that my DH would follow - and we could talk a little (and I'm surprised he can't read my mind!?).

He did come up, and want to talk at 11 PM (sigh) and I sort of lost it. Started crying and everything. I just want this baby making stuff to be easy! I don't want to have to go in for 'transvaginal ultrasounds'! Yuck. Anyway - we talked about me just needing his support, and how things will probably calm down a bunch with my FIL moves out this weekend - but for now I'm sad (thank you, Clomid), and he understands.

In follie news, I did have the ultrasound this morning, and it was no biggie. They saw one big follie at 16.5 mm, and a few others at 12 mm. Now I have to go in everyday to check the progress, and when it hits 18mm, I'll do the trigger. And then the IUI the next 2 mornings after.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Well, this morning that big follie had grown to 19mm! The others are still at 12mm... but I'll be triggering tonight and going in for the first of 2 IUIs in the morning.

Of course, it can't be easy - my doctor's nurse just quit - so they don't have anyone in my office to do the procedure tomorrow. I have to drive into the Kennmore Square office - Boston rush hour traffic... that'll be fun. Plus - my manager is here from Chicago to mid-year reviews. He got here today (I was in late because of the U/S this morning), and then is here through Thursday - with me having IUIs at 10:30 both Weds and Thursday.

I decided to tell him everything I was going though - mostly to explain why I was going to the doctor so often - and he confided in me that he and his wife went through IVF. So that is good - at least he understands what this is all about.

I'll report back tomorrow about the IUI - wish me luck!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

OK - the little guys are where they should be!

SWIM :pinksperm: SWIM!

Not without a bit of drama, of course. I was stupid and didn't fill my trigger shot script in advance, and when I went into the office on Tuesday - I truly wasn't expecting to need to trigger on Tuesday night. I usually don't ovulate until CD16 or 17... but there was the big follie. At lunchtime I went to the drugstore - they didn't have Novum in stock. None of the CVSs in the area did either - or Walgreens or anywhere. :twisted: Then the hormones started kicking in and I was FREAKING OUT.

I drove back to work, and started going down the list of CVS's nearby - and thankfully found one that had what I needed. Of course, when I went to pick it up, it needed my doctor to call the insurance company for them to cover it - and at this point it was 6 PM. So I just paid for it - $68 (could have been worse).

Aaron did the shot for me - I totally couldn't look.

Both days the IUI was a total non-event. I barely even felt it.. and Aaron and I had a blast hanging out together in the morning - he would go give his 'sample' and then we would go out to breakfast together... and just sit around and wait for my appointment.

So, now the 2ww begins! I'm visulazing the little guys in there - looking for the target - go get em! :bluesperm:

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Well - nothing much new to report. Now I'm just WAITING until I can test (which isn't until Aug 10th). The fun part is all of a sudden, Aaron is all excited too. He is pretty good about being non-emotional about things - leaving me to be the one whose is a little crazy. But he told me yesterday that he has been dreaming at night that we are pregnate - and all the fun things he'll do with the little guy! I just think that is too fun.

As for me - I don't feel any different since the trigger and IUIs. I know that some woman get pg symptoms from the trigger shot - but not me (at least not yet?). The one annoying thing is that I'm still having night time hot flashes from the Clomid - I must have been up 4 times last night. But, at least no more headaches.

Not much else to report - it's hot here, so I'm spending the weekend inside in the AC!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I feel weird. I know it is too early for any symptoms (4 DPO) - but I am super tired (well - that can be explained, stupid nighttime hot flashes), and I'm pretty down. I don't know why - I think a lot of it is our lack of alone time with my FIL living with us. Let's hope I feel better tonight - he is moving out as I type this!

So - I was wondering what the rest of you long term TTCers do to deal with the wait? I'm an avid knitter, and I have been amassing lots of yarn and baby patterns since before we even got married... when we started TTCing, I made a little baby blanket, expecting to be pregnant that month. Since that was 1 1/2 years ago - obviously that didn't happen.

When we started going to the RE, I decided to pick up my needles, and start making baby stuff. I'm going to store it all in a little basket... so it's ready when we finally have success. It's been helping - I've been able to get excited about making the little things - but also awkward - when people ask what I'm knitting, I have to admit that it is for my yet to be conceived baby!

Oh well - that is work works for me - what about the rest of you???

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

OK - so I'm now all the way to 5 DPO (note scarcasm).... and my stomach has been hurting for 24 hours. What is the deal? I of course consulted Dr. Google, and it's way to early for pg symptoms... I guess it's an s/e of the HGC shot?

Sigh. I wish the next week would just FLY BY! The good news is that I'm going into NYC for work tomorrow, and then doing the Breast Cancer Three day walk this weekend - so I'll have something to keep my mind busy for most of this week.

I wish there was some way know right away that the IUI worked. Going crazy here!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Wow - after posting every day for a bit - it has been a long while! But like I said in my last post, I have been busy.

The trip to NYC ended up with us having to get 'rescued' from the train. I was on the Acela, which runs on electricity, and a big storm passed through, knocking all the power out. So didn't get home until after midnight, when I was expecting to get home by 7!

The Breast Cancer 3 day was SO much harder than I expected. I trained just like they told us to, but I guess nothing really prepares you for being on your feet walking for ten hours a day. But, I walked every single mile... so 22 miles on Friday, 19.3 on Saturday and 17.9 on Sunday. I'm pretty proud of myself!

As for TTC, I'm going on vacation tomorrow. AF is due on Friday... and my doc said I could test on Thursday. Here is the thing. Aaron won't be around until Thursday afternoon. He doesn't want me to test until he gets there - which would mean waiting until Friday. I thought I would be annoyed about it, but I'm both excited and scared to test.... so I guess it is ok.

I'm going to call in and pick up my Clomid for the next cycle just in case. I'm going to be on Nantucket from Weds - Sun, so just in case I get AF when I'm supposed to, I'll have it. I only have to pay a $10 co-pay... I bet that is the first time I hope that I'm throwing the $10 away!!!!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

OK. Well, basically right after I posted my big quandry over when I should test, AF came. I thought I was OK with it, but then I called Aaron to tell him, and started crying. he was very sweet about it... saying not to worry, we'll get it to work...

But MAN. I thought we had covered every single base this month. Goes to show, us type A's can't just work harder and get prego!

The rest of my week was great - I went to Nantucket and had a little vacation - of course work called every day, so not much of a vacation. We did spend time on the beach, and watch a Boston Pops concert - and the dogs got a lot of play time - so good time was had by all.

I go into tomorrow to talk to my RE, I have my CD 11 ultrasound scheduled for Friday, and I think he is going to have me get and HCG this month - but I'll report back on that after tomorrow morning.

Now to go check on all your journals... see if we got any BFPs while I was gone!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Augh. I just wrote this big long post, and lost it.

Just got back from the RE - I really like this guy! He is so calm and understanding.

First, we talked about this past cycle - how I only had one big follie, and he said that of course more is better. My lining was at 7mm, which he felt was just on the good side of good (that makes sense, right?). He also looked at my DH's sample results - and the good news on the front was that he was very happy with those - even said the sample from the first IUI was 'off the charts'. Now, my DH is walking around all proud of himself.... lol.

The other thing that was concerning me is that we had planned to go away for the weekend, and now, I count out the days and see that CD11 is on Friday. If things go like last month, I would need to drive into Boston on Saturday morning for the ultrasound follie check, and then trigger that night, and then need to be back in Boston for the IUI on Sunday. My doc said that we wouldn't worry about all that. We'd do the check on Friday, and maybe Saturday if needed, and if I do the trigger on Saturday night, we would just BD on Sunday, and do the IUI on Monday. He said that the Monday IUI was the most important.

If this cycle doesn't work, then I will take next cycle off, and move onto injectables. But first - this afternoon, we will be doing an HSG...make sure everything is clear.

Phew. Big new plan, huh?

I'll update later with the results from the HSG.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

The HSG showed that everything is clear! My tubes and everything looks perfect.

Let's hope the 'flushing' does it's job!!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

So. I've been so stressed out this week! It started with going to the doctor on Monday, and dealing with the quickly scheduled HSG. I'm glad that we got it done, and that everything is clear, but I'm still a little pissed off that he didn't warn me how much it would hurt. Grrr.

Then, I went to go pick up my hsg shot that I had dropped off that morning, and they said it needed a doctors confirmation, and that would take 3 to 4 business days. :angry4: Why didn't they tell me that when I dropped it off? Now I took 30 minutes out of my day to drive to get it, time that I didn't have because work was so crazy that day..... augh.

I then ended up being at work until 11 PM that night... pissed off because I was still crampy, and stuck in my stupid office (where they turn the AC off after 8 PM. Yeah, that was a nice touch.)

Work is still stressful, but I think we've worked past most of the crap that we were stressed out about.... so I sat down and started planning out my vacation days for the rest of the year - that always makes me happy. One vacation highlight is that a girlfriend of mine is renting a house in the FL Keys in Dec, and invited us all out to spend some time with her. I am SO in!!!

In baby making news, I get my u/s follie check tomorrow morning, and then we'll make the plan for this weekend. Since we are going away, we'll prob BD on sat/Sun, and then IUI on Monday morning.

Got to go call CVS to see if my stupid shot will be ready tomorrow morning.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Today I had my CD 11 Follie check, and I had one at 14.5, two at 12.5 and one more at 12.

I guess I'm starting to get fed up with going to the doctor so often, because when I saw that my follies weren't ready to go, I was pretty annoyed. So I was getting ready to schedule an ultrasound for Monday, when I find out my office's tech is out next week - for the doc was telling me I would need to go into Boston for that. Which means a minimum of a 2 hour round trip drive, esp in the morning. He must have sensed my frustration, because he told me just to use OPKs, and we would schedule my IUIs this month off of that.

And I was fine with that - but then got to thinking - why would I not give this cycle every possible chance? I called around, and found myself an appointment in the Wellsely office at 8:15... so I at least won't be too late for work.

And in stupid CVS news, I so glad my doc suggested I use Village Pharmacy instead of them. My doc sent in the script yesterday to Village, and today they called me - and they will be SENDING me the shot. I don't even need to drive there! Cool, huh?

So, I'll still be using the OPK this weekend, just in case, but if I don't O on my own this weekend, I'll prob do the trigger on Monday night, with an IUI on Tuesday and Weds.

Phew! Things are complicated this month, huh?

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

OK - I took OPKs this weekend, and they all were negative, but with a little light line. So - this morning, I went in for the u/s - expecting for my lead follie to be up to at least 18mm... but no luck. It's sitting at 16mm right now.

Which - although different from last month, is more on par with what I saw when i was tracking naturally and with the OPKs... so I'm back in for another u/s tomorrow morning, and I'm guessing IUIs on Weds/Thursday. Plus, I was a little nervous about getting my meds in time - because they are coming in the mail. So I'll have another day for those to arrive.

At least I had some fun this weekend - we visited my FIL at his new house - it is really coming together nicely!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

OK! So, I had an 18mm follie on Tuesday. I had to drive into Boston for that follie check - but they got me in at 7:15 AM, so it wasn't that big of a deal.

Last night, DH gave me my trigger shot, and either I'm getting used to all this poking, or he is getting better at it, because it didn't hurt as much as last time.

This morning, we went in for the IUI, and my DHs count was at 32 million, which he was rather proud of... and the nurse mentioned to me that my cervix looked 'nice' - it was funny for the two of us to be proud of things we really don't have any control over! Since we were the only couple in for an IUI today, we were done by 10:30! Last month, the sample wasn't even done being washed until 11 Am.

Anyway - back tomorrow for the second IUI... and then the dreaded 2WW begins!

Joined: 03/16/15
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This morning was almost as fast - I was in for the IUI by 10:20. And, for whatever reason, I'm feeling pretty confident about this cycle. I don't want to get my hopes up too much, but hope is what keeps us going back, month after month, right?

I have my follow up appt with my doc on 9/5 - if I haven't gotten AF by then, that is the morning I will test... seems so far away!

Cece

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Ah... the 2WW. I'm so busy with other things this month, that I don't really have time to obsess as much a usual, which is probably good!

This week, I'm taking Thurs/Friday off - and spending the first part of my long weekend with my mom. I haven't seen her in a while, so it should be fun.

This past weekend, I spent a bunch of time finishing up presents for some of my friends. One was a sweater I was knitting for my brother in law's girlfriend's 5 year old daughter, and then other was a quilt for a friend that is expecting in Oct. As I was making this stuff, I realized that I'm not sad about these people having kids. Isn't it funny - that when it's people that you truely like/love, that you are happy for them and thier new families.... it's when you see the random stranger or people you know that a prego 'by mistake' or don't want kids - that is when it hits you.

This weekend, I was asking Aaron if he was wondering if it 'worked' this cycle. And he said no - that even if it didn't - we were going to keep trying until it does! Which, I of course knew, but it's nice to hear him say it every once in a while.

Cece

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Well. Now I'm on CD 31! I've never made it this many days past O... but since Sunday, I've been having brown spotting. That has also never happened to me - so this cycle is just plain weird.

I tested on Tuesday - it was a BFN. I also went to the RE on that day, and he talked to me about moving onto injectables. So, the plan is to take this month off af any meds, and then with my next cycle, move onto the injectables. Which would normally be a great thing, but as usual, life interfers. I need to go away for work on Oct 8 - 12... and that is pretty much exactly (if everything stays normal) when I would need to be monitored. Of course, the longer AF takes to arrive, the better chance I have of starting the injectables next cycle....

GAH! The good news is that this weekend, I'm going to go see someone and get hypno-therapy. I'm such a high strung person, esp with all this fertility crap going on, that I'm hoping this will all help.

We will see!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

OK - the spotting is over and AF is here. Who knows? Maybe this unmedicated cycle will do the trick!?

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So - I did the hypontherapy on Saturday - it was awesome! I really didn't know how I felt about hypnosis... like does it even work?! But I definitly got into a trance, and she did the therapy - but I don't really remember what she said. I do remember bits and peices... it was all postive, affirming things - which I think is the most important. I was starting to feel very defeated about this whole TTC process, and this weekend gave me a little shot in the arm to be positive.

She also suggested that I try some accupunture, which I will definitly do. I was actaully getting some work done by a friend of mine who is licensed in accupunture... but I think it may make more sense to go to someone who doesn't know me.

This weekend, as I was feeling so great about all this TTCing, I took an old dresser that we were planning on using in the baby room (but was missing drawer pulls and painted a gross yellow color), and I sanded it down and painted it a nice bright blue. I even ordered fun little zoo animal drawer pulls to put on it! I was excited to work on it, because I have been knitting a bunch of baby items and also have done a few quilts, and I will use this dresser to store that stuff until the baby arrives.

See?! Positive thinking. Great stuff.

Joined: 03/16/15
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I went to acupuncture this morning - very interesting. I actually have a friend who does acupuncture - but it isn't her full time job (she doesn't even do it on the side, but is fully trained) - so it was hard for her to be consistant with me. She would have to go away for business or whatever, and then I would end up missing a week.

Judy, the acupuncturist, said that she has had a lot of success with people with fertility problems. She is working on lowering my stress levels, and getting my energy flowing. And she also suggests that I should start temping again - as it will help her with her treatment plan. I will also start with some herbal treatments next week.

Oh - and the last thing she asked? Do I get massages often? And I said no - maybe once a month? She suggests I go more often - that my back is too tight, and my Chi (energy) would flow better if I was more relaxed. Now that is some medical advice I like!!!!

Joined: 03/16/15
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You know what is annoying? Now that I am temping, I can't sleep through the night. I keep on waking up at 3 or 4 needing to pee.... and then worrying that my stupid temp will be wrong because of it. Augh!

This cycle seems to be moving slower that the past 3... and I think it's because I'm not going in to the doc all the time! I can't belive I'm only on CD 9, but that is a good thing - as I think the timing will work out just right to start the gonal next month. I made an appointment to go to see the nurse with Aaron the end of the month so she can walk us through the dosing and injections. So long as AF holds out until Friday (10/6) I should be able to start the injections this month. (Cause I'm going away to Vegas for a work conference the 8th - 12th, and I need to be monitored starting on CD 6 or 7).

In non-TTC news, this weekend is my 'birthday weekend' and I have my friends coming over tonight for a little party, and then my mother is visiting on Saturday.... and Monday (my actual birthday) a whole SPA DAY! I start off the day with a facial, then lunch, then a 90 minute massage, and then a herbal wrap! Sigh. I can't wait.

Joined: 03/16/15
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So - not only is this cycle going slower than those in the past - but it's a weird cycle. I woke up on Saturday morning, and had bleeding like a had AF! That has NEVER happened to me before.... I called the doc, and he didn't call me back until late in the afternoon (by which time, I was having brown spotting). Told me to take a preg test, because this could be a m/c. That freaked me out a little, but then, I thought - at least I would know that I could get preg!

The next day I took the test (figuring it was best to wait for FMU), and it was negative. Of course, I only waited 3 minutes, (because it was 5 AM when I woke up needing to pee and I was sooooo tired I went back to sleep), and when I looked at the test again at 8 AM, there was a faint line, but I was sure it was an evaporation line.

Then, since Sunday was CD 11, I took an OPK in the afternoon - and it was postive! Which was early for me, but figured that this whole cycle has been so crazy, maybe that was right. But - every day I have been getting a strong postive. So 4 days of + OPKs makes me think that is wrong also?

Sigh. I have a call into my nurse, we'll see what happens. DH and I have been BDing as much as we can (I'm in Chicago for work now, so we didn't last night, but we will when I get home tonight!). Worst case, we have an appointment with her on the 26th to go over the injections, so maybe I can get some questions answered then.

Joined: 03/16/15
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OK - so here is the deal. I had a u/s on Thursday morning, and I have one HUGE follie - it's 34mm. So, we are just going to leave it be for now, and the do a baseline u/s if AF starts. I'm hoping it doesn't turn into a cyst that messes things up!

Right now, I'm working from home, and I have my 3 year old neice, and 4 month old nephew visiting (along with my MIL, BIL, and his wife) - it's a full house! But fun to play with the little guys. I haven't gotten to the point where seeing little babies upsets me, I really can't get enough of the little guy.

This morning, I went to my acupuncture appointment, and got started on my herbal treatment... I'll let you all knows how it goes... of course with this messed up cycle, may not be the best time to judge. They taste kind of gross, though!

Joined: 03/16/15
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This morning I went to my scheduled meeting with the nurse, to have her walk me through my next cycle of meds. I'm going to be doing Foilistim and then antagone (at the same time! Two shots a night! :shock: ), my normal HCG trigger shot, 2 IUIs, and then progesterone. After she walked us through all the shots and how to do it, I first asked the question did she approve of the acupunture and the herbal stuff.... she says that acupuncture is proven to have an impact, but she wasn't sure about the herbal stuff, and will ask the doc. She also explained that the way this medication works, is that I use the injectables for one month, and then nothing the next, then injectables, ect, for 6 months (3 cycles on the injectables), before we move onto IVF.

Then we started talking about how screwy this cycle is, with the CD 10 bleeding and the cyst that has formed.... and she said we would see on the baseline u/s how is was resolving itself. Once we started talking dates, it became obvious that with my travel plans for work (going to Vegas on Oct 8 - 12) that even if AF holds off (she is due on the 5th, I need to get her on the 7th in order for me to be home in time to start being monitored on CD 6), I couldn't start the shots without the baseline u/s on CD 2, at which point I'd be in Vegas. :?

So after all that, we made the big decision to not even start the shots this month, to wait until Nov to begin the shots. And that is even better, because with the one month on, one month off schedule, that means that I won't have to worry about my girls only vacation getting in the way (going to the FL Keys on Dec 6 - 11th!!!). So, if this all doesn't work (let's hope it does!) that means IVF would be starting in April or may.

Joined: 03/16/15
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Nothing new and exciting to report today. I had my weekly acupunture appointment this morning and got my new set of herbs for the week. She asked me what I thought of the taste, and I said GROSS! She laughed, and asked how I was making the tea - and I told her - with hot water. Turns out - I should be making it with a small amount of hot water, and once everything is disolved, add cool water. I did that this morning with my dose, and it wasn't anywhere near as gross.

Last night I had a fun get together with a few of my girlfriends. 5 of us got together, and out of the 5, three had gone/or is going through fertility crap. So we exchanged stories, and that always makes me feel better - especially since the other two gals have had success.

I know it isn't a matter of 'if' it is a matter of 'when'.

Joined: 03/16/15
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I was reading on of my favorite infertility blogs (a little pregnant), and she is blogging about the joys of getting ready for IVF - with the post title of 'Spread Zeppelin'. Talking abotu the joy of daily b/w and u/s. One of the commenters said "We come from the land of ice and snow, where the hormones rage and the follicles grow...."

That just made me laugh.

Joined: 03/16/15
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I haven't wanted to mention, but this weekend, my nipples were VERY tender and sensitive! I know I lot of people have had a bunch of pg symptoms while on fertility drugs, but not me.... and I'm not even on any drugs this month. Anyway, AF is due on Weds or Thursday.... so I'm going to wait and see what happens.

This cycle has been pretty messed up, with the bleeding on CD10 and then the big cyst.... and not knowing when I ovulated, thanks to the messed up opks. If I did ovulate when FF says I did - I'm already 14 DPO! But I'm going to wait until Friday to test. My DH and I are going to Vegas this weekend for a work conference.... so I'd like to know one way or the other. It's kind of annoying that AF is due right as I'll be on a trip.... but I'll get over it.

Joined: 03/16/15
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OK... 16 DPO and still no sign of AF, and my temps are still high!

I've decided to test on Saturday. One thing that is stopping me from being super excited is that my nurse said that sometimes when you have a cyst, your cycle is longer. We'll just has to wait and see!

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Temps continue to rise.....

Hopes rising also!

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OK - today my temps was down, but just .25. Don't know what that means, but AF still isn't here on CD30. I want to test, but then again, I'm afraid.

No matter what I'm testing tomorrow morning.... I really hope this is the time!

Tomorrow afternoon I'm going to a baby shower. It's for a good friend of mine - I'm hoping that if the test is negative tomorrow morning that I don't freak out at the shower. Don't think I will, but you never know, right?

And then, on Sunday morning, my DH and I are leaving for a work conference in Vegas! I got us tickets to see a show, and it should be a great time. We get back on Thursday - so that is at least something to look forward to.

Joined: 03/16/15
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BFP BFP BFP BFP!!!!!

I tested this morning. I woke up at 4:45 - really needing to pee... so I just went and took the test. The second the wetness touched the test strip - it got a result!!! I made a little squeel - and Aaron asked if I was OK - HELL YEAH I AM!!!!

After 18 months. I can't even tell you how excited I am.

Off to Vegas tomorrow morning for work - so I won't get in to see the doc until Friday at the earliest. I'm just going to be excited for now. Maybe I should gamble while I'm there (we usually don't) considering my luck is so great!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

OK - I'm back from my trip. We had a blast! Of course, we had fun telling random people that I was pregnant - I have only told a few people close to me that we got the postitve test. Our best friends (Aaron's and mine) and my brother. This weekend, I'm going away for a weekend in NYC with my girlfriends... so I'm guessing I'll tell them also, since I'm weak.

I don't know how people keep the news to themselves for so long. I went in for bloodwork today - so I'll find out what my hormone levels are and if everything looks ok. I'm a little nervous, but with how my stomach feels, I'm sure I'm pg, this will just confirm it, and tell me what I need to know (like if I need to go on progesterone or more supplements or whatever). I'll post the numbers when I get them.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Got my levels back! 10,206!!! And the progesterone is at 6.1. My nurse felt that part was a little low, so is talking to the doctor about it, and will get back to me if I need to take progesterone.

Yippppppeeeeeeee!!!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

OK - tomorrow is my very first u/s! I'm excited and nervous at the same time. If everything comes back OK - I think I'm going to make the leap to a pregnancy journal....

Wish me luck tomorrow!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

This morning I went for my 6 week u/s. When they scaned my uterous, they didn't find anything. I was SO upset - I though my numbers from last week meant great things.....

The doc sent me into Boston for a higher quality u/s, and it confirmed my fears. I was crying a lot this morning this morning, but now I've calmed down. I've pretty much cried myself out. The embryo is resting right next to my right ovary... so the doc was pretty concerned. I also got the numbers from the bloodwork in the AM - and they came back at 10,765 - so no real change from last week, but enough that it doesn't appear to be going away on it's own.

I got a shot of some medication that stops cells from dividing...when they gave me the shot, I even managed to faint. Nice way to round out a pretty shitty day. I'm sure that was due to the fact that my DH and I ate breakfast at 7 am and nothing since then... and this was at 5 PM when I fainted... low blood sugar and all the stress of the day. Gave the people at the doctors office a nice scare.

Anyway - the shot should help to absorb the pregnany within a few weeks. Supposedly not too many side effects.

For a person dealing with infertility, I do see the bright side. I can get pregnant. I found this early enough to aviod blowing a tube or ruining an ovary. I now need to take 3 months off from TTC, because the drugs that they are giving me to end the pregnancy also could cause birth defects.

I'm sad, but I'll be OK.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Well - for once AF is here, and I think it's a good thing. It's less than a week since they gave me the shot - and I started bleeding heavily today. Even (TMI, I'm sorry) some tissue. I got blood taken on Sunday, and will have it taken again tomorrow morning, and then my doc will tell me how things are looking. They had mentioned me needing another shot if the first one didn't 'take' - but I'd have to think that with the bleeding, if must mean that it's working, right?

I'm still not back to my 'normal' self. I'm a little spacey and blue - but that is too be expected. I'll keep you all posted on whatever the doc says... because I'm sure he is going to want to come up with a new plan of attack for when the 3 months is up.

I worked today for the first time since Thursday, and I think it was good. I didn't actually go into the office, I dialed in from home. It went well enough that I think I'll go in tomorrow - since I didn't tell anyone at work about the BFP - I don't need to talk about it while I'm working... which is a good thing. So long as I'm not thinking about it - I'm not dwelling and getting upset.

One of the more frustrating things about this (you know, besides the whole being pregnant and now not being pregnant) is that for three weeks, I can't drink or have sex or exercise. Therefore - I'm not sleeping well.... going to the gym (or other 'exercise') tends to help me fall asleep quickly. Tonight, I'm going to take a tylonol PM - I need to get a decent nights sleep. I'm pretty crampy too - which isn't normal for me with AF - but I guess this doesn't count as a normal AF.

Wow. This entry is totally rambling. I'll KUP on what I hear tomorrow.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

I'm at work today, and it's weird. I find myself forgetting stupid things, like taking a wrong turn this morning to get here! I've been driving here for 6 years!

I went this morning and got my blood drawn... and I complained about the lady who took my blood on Sunday. First, my doc had put in a bunch of orders for me - and specifically told me ONLY to get the pregnancy test on Sunday, and then get my blood drawn again today, and get the rest of the testing done. She proceeded to fight with me! Saying that the orders were only good until 11/18 - and I should get them! AUGH. And then, when she took my blood - she did a crap job and I have a 2 inch bruise on my vein. The lady today was much more understanding and actually had 3 ectopic pregnancies....

Anyway. I wait for the doctors call this afternoon to see what the deal is. The bleeding has slowed down.. and now it is more brown than the bright red of yesterday. I have no idea what to expect... so I'll assume it is normal unless the doc tells me otherwise when I talk to him.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

OK - I have good news. The nurse called, and my HCG levels were this:

Thursday (day they found the ectopic) = 10,760
Sunday = 8,373
Today = (needed to be 15% drop for me not to need another shot) 6,081

Phew. The nurse doesn't want to talk about next steps until my levels are down to 0. I'm scheduled for another blood draw on Monday morning. fun fun.

I have a blog - more of a knitting blog than anything else ( http://fiberfish.blogspot.com ) and many of my long distance friends keep track of me that way. I decided that the best way to let people know what was going on - without numerous teary phone calls - was to post about it on my blog. One of my roommates from college sent me an email today... and it was so sweet. I'm glad I posted - even though I was nervous about it at first.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Well - today's space cadet item was wearing two different shoes to work. Sigh.

I called and made an appointment to start up with acupuncture on Tuesday. I want to get things ready for when we start in 3 months.

Last night, I went to visit my friend, and his 6 day old baby girl - it was so good for me! I was nervous that I would be upset... but it was good. She is SO beautiful, and sweet, and Brad and Cheney are so happy........ the whole thing just made me smile.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Levels continue to drop - now I'm at 2500. Which althugh I know is a good thing, still makes me sad. At least I'm longer feeling pregnant - which sucked. But I was thinking this weekend, for my crazy brain, it's better that I had this as an ectopic instead of a miscarriage. I watch some of the women on the TTCAL board, and they are beating themselves up over their m/c's - and I can say that I'm thankful that I 'caught it early'....

If I had a m'c instead - I totally would have been freaking out - what if I hadn't gone to spin class.... what if I hadn't had that sushi - would I still be pg?

Sigh. It's only been a week and a half since this all happened, and time is going so slowly. The 3 month wait for me to start TTC is going to be rough - I can already tell. Last night, I knit up some baby booties for my friend Brad and Cheney - I'm going to drop them off tonight. I made a second pair for me - and they are going to be put in my little chest filled with baby stuff. I know it will happen someday! Must stay positive! But staying positive is hard....

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Went to my acupuncturist this morning - we are only going to meet once every 2 weeks (better on my pocketbook!) but continue with the herbs. I just talked to her today and got herbs, I'll go back on Monday for a treatment.

I've decided to join to local Master's swim team. I was a big swimmer in high school and college (all american, even). This will be a good way to get back in shape, and maybe make some new friends. I'm still not allowed to exercise for another week, but this will give me something to look forward to.

Today is Halloween - I'm wearing a funny hat at work, and then tonight, we are having a bunch of people over. We live in one of the popular trick or treating neighborhoods - we decorate the house up, and then sit outside with a firepit, drink beer, eat ribs, and make smores - while we give out candy. It should be fun.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

OK - so speaking of being a big time swimmer... I have one good thing that is coming out of this whole TTC crapola. All of those years of locker rooms have given me a toenail with fungus... gross, I know. I was dealing with it by just being sure that it was always painted... but this summer, while I was training for the Breast Cancer 3 day - it started to become painful and got infected twice. I went to a poditrist, and he recommended that I go on Lamisil. Thing is, they don't know what the effects are if you are a TTCing or prego on Lamisil - so I decided to put off using it, and just deal with the occasional pain... trying to be careful not to get it infected again.

We can't TTC for 3 months, and I need to take the Lamisil for 84 days! Perfect! You are on this medicine for 3 months, but don't see a perfect toenail again for between 6 - 9 months.... but I'm excited I get the chance to fix it.

One good thing is coming out of this crap, huh?

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

And the numbers continue to fall. My blood draw today got me to 1,328. This means I only have to go in weekly for this crap now. And she told me to call up the doc and make an appointment to start planning for what to do in Jan... when we can start TCCing again. I was going to call right away, but then realized that I need to have Aaron with me... who knows what they are going to tell me. I know that he made a comment about going straight to IVF... I'm not going to think about it until we talk.

In the meantime... I'm cleared for excerise and sex again! Tee hee. I'm going to keep it a surprise, and do something fun tonight for Aaron - and get up early in the AM and go to spin class! Yippppeee!!!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

So, this weekend was interesting. I pretty much had an extreme meltdown on Friday. I have a half brother that lives far away - and we rarely see each other. Around Christmas, he is going to Atlantic City a five hour drive from here) - and I really wanted to go and meet up with him. Well, my DH doesn't like to travel much, and is really stressed out about money (who isn't - with the cold weather and high oil prices and all the costs of fertility stuff!!??). Anyway - he told me that we shouldn't promise anyone anything - we'd see how are finanaces are at that time, and see if we can swing it.

I just lost it. His family is extremly pushy - we end up going to see them often - and they live in Nantucket (pay for expensive parking, the gas to get there, and then a ferry ticket or a plane ride over). And I really feel like I need to be around me family. My mom lives about 2 hours away - and my brothers are a minimum of a 12 hour car ride. Some of his family is actually in the same town we live in! I just don't think he is understanding.

Then, another totally unrelated thing came up - when I starterd feeling better last week, I started peeling the wallpaper in the guest bathroom (and the bathroom that the baby will use). I told Aaron it was because I wanted to have everyone looking nice for Thansgiving when the whole family will be over - but really in the back of my mind I have this crazy belief that the reason I got pregnant last month was because I was so postive, and finished up that baby dresser. Like the baby knows it's welcome if it comes or something?

Anyway - Aaron was all fired up about money, and I was all upset about not seeing my family, and I just starting sobbing uncontrolably saying that I think that by redoing the bathroom, I'll get pregnant again... and told him that I felt I was this big failure as a wife because not only does it take me forever to get pregnant, but when I finally do - it's ectopic.... and I'm crying and crying and crying... and he was just holding me and telling me everything would be OK. I think he was more upset that I didn't tell him all these crazy thoughts I have going around in my head.

Needless to say, we went to Home Depot and got everything we need to finish up the bathroom, and my mom drove up and visited my this weekend. She tends to drive me a little crazy (don't all moms?) but it was great to see her. We even worked on these really fun curtains for the baby room, and went out to afternoon tea... I feel MUCH better today.

I guess I feel (in the logical part of my mind) that everything is OK. I'm safe, I didn't lose a tube or anything, my levels are falling like they should, and we can try again in 3 months. But the other part of my wants a baby so bad it hurts, and just is still in so much pain about this whole thing that at times, it's overwhelming.

One of my friends said that I am at the point with this whole TTC thing that hope hurts. And although it's true, it makes me sad, you know?

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Still feeling good. This week has been dragging at work - but I've been sleeping better than I have in MONTHS! I don't know why, but I'm not complaining. I think this week is going so slowly because I'm excited to go away with my girlfriends this weekend. We are spending Friday and Saturday night in a B&B, just hanging out. I can't wait!

It's funny - I go between not wanting to talk to anyone and never leaving the house, to wanting to be surrounded by friends. Hopefully, I don't get overwhelmed this weekend... but I'm sure it will be fine....

I go for another blood draw tomorrow morning - I wonder where my levels will be then? I think I'm on CD 16 today... but I don't know how these things are calculated after you get that shot. I also made an appointment to see my RE on Dec 12th, so we can start making plans for whatever we'll be doing in January. I'm not supposed start TTCing again until Jan 19th - so guess we'll just have to see where AF falls for the next few months to see what we do.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Well - I have full on AF today, so I guess we are back to CD1? Augh! I hate this!

My levels came back at 300 for the HCG today. The nurse figures either next week or the week after I'll be down to 0. Blech.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

So. This weekend, I went on a weekend away with a bunch of friends. (it was a quilting weekend - no comments on how only grandmom's quilt - I like it!). 5 of my good friends came, and then there were 12 other people there also. Basically, we sit in a room with our sewing machines, make stuff and chat.

The lady who organzies this is our quilting teacher - we get together every 2 or 3 weeks at someones house and quilt together for a few hours - so needless to say - they know what is going on with me. She teaches this other woman, Stephanie, who has also gone through a bunch of infertility treatments, an ectopic preg and finally adopted. I guess Karen (the teacher) had told her what I was going through. That isn't the problem - because it isn't like I'm hiding all my TTC issues or anything. But - I will admit - going away this weekend was hard, being the first time I wasn't with Aaron since the ectopic. So, this woman totally knows what I'm going through - and the first thing she does when she see me is shows my pictures of hre little girl. Which, honestly, I love seeing, because I'm thankfully not that bitter or angry yet that I don't love seeing little babies - they still melt my heart.

BUT THEN. She goes on and on about all the great things that you can do since we're aren't pregnant - drink wine, use hot tubs, blah blah blah. And then keeps on telling me that I should consider adoption... that it is SO much better than going through the infertility treatments, ect - SHE WOULDN'T STOP. It was brutal.

I'm not saying that I'm not open to the idea of adoption, but I've only been getting help from a doctor since June - and only did clomid. I'm only 31. I'm totally not ready to give up on the idea of having my own child... in addition.... WTF!!! How can someone who went through 3 years of infertility treatment be so flipping insensitve!? :banghead:

GAH. She was even pressuring me to go to the local RESOLVE convention on Sunday... which she repeatedly told me is only once a year - and I was like - I'm sorry, I'm just not ready to talk about it now. And she was pushing and pushing ('you don't need to talk, just listen') and I turned to her and said - my ectopic pregnancy was found 3 WEEKS AGO, and this is all still a bit raw - please back off!!!

She still didn't back off, until one of my friends took her aside and gave her a talking to. This only thing I can think is that she was so miserable for so long, and that this adoption really has made her happy, so she figures that is what everyone should do to aviod the pain. BUT HONESTLY. :evil:

At least the weekend was fun otherwise. I finished piecing a quilt I want to give my mother as her Christmas present, and I also got a little drunk and laughed and in general had a great time. Being away from Aaron was hard, but I got to cuddle with him last night, so I recovered!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Wow! It's been a long time since I posted anything.... but I'm not really offically TTCing until Jan, so I guess I don't have all that much to post about. I got my levels taken last week, and they were down to 140... the nurse is letting me take this week off from the blood draw, so hopefully, next week - we'll be a 0.

Not much going on here. We are getting ready to host Thanksgiving tomorrow, my brother and family are already here, my mom arrives tonight, and tomorrow, Aaron's father is coming. On Friday, I think I'll take my neices (twins - 9 years old) to see Happy Feet!

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

:angry2: My levels today are at 32. Thirty god damned two. I'm so sick of getting my blood drawn and the nasty nurse that I ALWAYS seem to get. I want to move onto the next step of TTC, which I can't do until my levels go down to 0.... and honestly, I can't do anything until the 3 months are up anyway.

I think I'm just fed up because I spent the weekend with my lazy ass SIL - who has twin girls. They are 8, and when Aaron and I started TTCing, said that it took her a while to get preg, so don't worry. And my brother said to me, WHAT? She got preg with those girls the first month they tried. She was at my house all weekend, and whenever the girls became a bit of a handful, she would tell me - wait until you have kids (like having kids was a bad thing). I just hate it when people, esp people that know what you are going through, say things like that. I know that kids are stressful at times, but jesus! Look at who you are talking to!!!!! Blum 3

I want my baby. I want it NOW. I want to hold my little baby and show it all the love I have stored up in my heart for it, instead of sitting here on the butt end of infertility, and smiling a forced smile when people joke about me just getting drunk and doing 'it' or that I need to relax or that 'don't worry, it'll happen some day'. I want to yell SCREW YOU!!!!

Wow. That was a bit of a vent. :oops:

Big sigh. This weekend I'm going back to get another session og hypnotherapy - maybe she'll be able to calm me down like she did last time. And I get to meet with my RE on Dec 12th... and, I'm going to Key West with my girlfriends on the 6th! Ok - things aren't all that bad.

Joined: 03/16/15
Posts: 53852

Well, last ight was my communities 'lady's holiday party'. We live on a horseshoe shaped street, and have quite a great community built up. It's an interesting mix of people - some with kids in college, and others of us just starting out with children, and then the in betweens - but pretty much everyone has kids. But last year, a few of us still didn't.... well I found out at the party that now I'm the only one on the street who isn't prego or with kids.

And, we went around the room, introducing ourselves and saying what we are thankful for, and 3 woman said they were thankful for their healthy pregnancies! THREE!!! Augh. I almost started crying... I thought I was doing 'OK' - but things like that hit hard - for christ sake - there were 20 people in the room, and 3 were pregnant. Although, it still was a good night - it's funny the things that people notice about neighbors even though we don't really talk all that much on a day to day basis. And, I got more dirt on the previous owners of the house.... by working on fixing stuff in our house, we make some assumptions or the type of people they were (messy and not good at home repair) and everyone is so happy that Aaron and I bought the house - I guess we are doing a lot better on yard clean up, ect then they did.

I'm off to Key West with my girlfriends on Weds - can't wait! One advantage to knowing you aren't pregnant, is I'll be spending a lot of time in the hot tub drinking wine!!!! Wink

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