TTC #1 after m/c and Ectopic
Well ive thought about writting a TTC journal for a while now but havent really been up to it.
Now after my ep on 4th June 06, im again actively TTC for the third try.
A little about me,
My Name: Carla
My Age: 20
Partners Age: 32
Together for 3yrs
TTC Since June 2005
:angel13:: m/c @ 5wks Sep 05
:angel13:: e/p @ 6wks June 06
My ectopic pregnancy story:
Friday night my period pain like cramp go so servere it reduced me to tears, my partner immediately called and ambulence and i was rushed to emergency. At first the doctors thought i just had a urinary tract infection and ordered some urine tests and blood samples, they also did and internal and i had no bleeding so they told me not to worry about the baby, they sent me a gynocologisit who i swear was on drugs!!! she was so out of it and didnt know what the hell she was doing!!! she did NO examination of me and just did some HCG tests, i asked her what they were and she said 'i dont know 1500 and something i think' she couldnt even be bothered looking in my file and telling me the exact result, she told me not to worry but i said to her that my levels have now gone down as they were 2224 4 days ago, she had no idea!! and kept telling me to keep an eye on my spotting, after repeating myself 5 times that i had NO SPOTTING she finally got it through her thick head!!! anyway she kept me in friday night to have a vaginal scan in the morning, i went to the nurse and got my exact HCG levels and they were 1100 not 1500. the gyno insisted that theres nothing wrong with the baby and my HCG levels were "normal" she was the worst doctor!!! anyway, i had my u/s in the morning and there was no baby in my uturus but there was a 5cm mass seen in my fellopian tube, a few hours later a new gyno (who know what she was doing) came and broke the news to me that it was an ectopic, i was devistated, i broke down and couldnt calm myself, i just kept thinking how unfair i had to go through another loss, and how i was going to do it again. I just wanted to keep my baby. Anyway the nice gyno knocked off and went home and i got the stupid gyno back who didint understand or speak english, she said the baby was 'dissolving' itself and i wouldnt need an operation, i kept telling her of the intense pain under my ribs and she kept ignorning it and wouldnt write me up any pain releif.... so i suffered throught the night, they moved me to womens health unit (where all the newbowns are) and i got a new gyno who used her brain and knew the pain wasnt right. it turns out the tube was on the verge of bursting and was leaking blood so id been bleeding internally for the last 2 days, they took me into get the baby removed sunday morning. I was so scared, i knew i would wake up empty and without my baby, they wouldnt let me see my partner or mum before i went in, i was so alone, they said they would have to take my tube and it would lessen the chance of me getting pregnant again, i was terrified, anyway, when i woke up from the operation no one would tell me ANYTHING i wanted to know if i still had my tube. they took me back to my room and my partner mum and dad were there, they told them straight awat that i still had my tube, but they were ignoring me THEIR PATIENT!!! by the time i got back to my room it was about 1pm and visiting hours werent until 3pm... the mothers who just had their healthy babies were allowed visiters but i wasnt, i woke up empty, alone, lost and sad and the nurse wouldnt let me see my mum or parner for another 2 hours, so i laid alone in my room and cried by myself. i was so angry, i wanted my familly, my mum has gone through this and i wanted her support, i missed my baby instantly. when 3pm came, i was allowed to see my mum for an hour then the nurse said they had to leave because all the babies in the ward needed their rest and she said all the new mothers needed rest, what about me?? i had no baby, mine was gone and i needed nothing but my familly, and they took that too. i had my own private room, so i wasnt disturbing anyone or their babies!! anyway, they told me the baby was 6 weeks, healthy and with a strong heartbeat. They offered me NO support, no counselling, no books or anything and i couldnt even grieve with my familly because they werent allowed in, it was bad enough being stuck in a room watching all the new mums with their babies, they even stuck a baby bed in my room, but my baby was dead. I remember asking to use the phone to call my mum because i was alone and crying, the nurse said ok, walked out of the room and spent the next 15 minutes playing with someones new baby, while i was left crying by myself with no one.... i felt so unimportant and out of place. Im sorry it be complaining so much but i was totally ignored because i didnt have my angel in my arms. im finally home now, i have a 1 in 5 chance of having another ectopic because when my tube heals, it can cause scaring, which causes ectopics. Apparenly i had this first ectopic because when they took my gallbladder out, they werent gentle and they grazed my tube causeing scar tissue.
anyway, i havent got my angel inside me anymore but i wish all you ladies out there the best, i want you to know how lucky you are and how blessed you are. Im happy for all of you out there, i might cheack in time to time and see how your all going, but for now i need to grieve. Thanks for all your support.
So there are the basics, I bled from my ectopic on the 4th so im counting that as my period, I've been doing a Basal Body Temperature chart this cycle and ovulated on the 19th, which i BD'ed 15th, 16th, 20th and 21st so hopefully i caught an egg.
Between my m/c and ep, it took 8 months to conceive and im hoping this time it only takes a few cycles. I want a baby more than anything right now and i want it to go right, i want a healthy baby after nine months and im praying to god SOOOO much, i just hope he hears my prayers and answers them. I want to be in the maternity ward for the RIGHT reasons, not because im loosing my bean.
Well now im starting my TTC journal, dont expect me to stay long!! :wink: I hope :shock:
Im currently in the middle of my 2WW as im at 6DPO and ill be POAS'ing either on 14DPO or 16DPO, the longer i wait the better chance of having a BFP show but CAN i wait that long? lol it just drives me crazy not knowing.
I have a cough at the moment and think i might be getting the flu, its kind of one of my pregnancy signs, sort of, the first time i was preggers, i got the flu and tested and got a BFP and the second time i got the flu again and tested and got another BFP!!! Strange. Im praying to god that there is nothing wrong with my eggs or :bluesperm:
When will it be my turn? the day i deliver my healthy baby will be my miracle!!!
HCG Blood Test appointment on Thursday 29th June, to cheak my levels, here is my HCG Chart: