I will try to post and if it works, I will copy my old journal here when I get a chance.
Last night my mom told me that my 21 year old cousin is getting married on Memorial day weekend. She is due in November. She made it very clear that she is getting married because she is pregnant. Craziness.
It really bothered me that she can accidently get pregnant--and I have been trying hard for a few months without success. Don't get me wrong--I could be a lot worse off--but I guess I am just jealous. I need to get over it and quit being a baby.
AF came today and that didn't really help the situation. Third time is a charm, right?
I am not going to write much tonight.
Babydust to all!
Here are my old entries--hopefully it works:
Hello! I decided to start journaling here because:
1. I have always been more able to think about things by writing.
2. We are not telling anyone that we are TTC. DH and I have pretty pushy families and we don't need the added pressure. (His grandfather told me that I needed to get pregnant on my wedding day as we walked out of the church.)
I am 27 years old. DH (Steve)is 32. We were married October 23, 1999. He is an ironworker. I teach first grade at an inner city school. This is my third year there. I have many teachers in my family, and none of them understand my attraction to working with inner city kids. They keep asking when I am going to start teaching in the suburbs because it is so much easier. I have very low-income families in my class, and most of the parents are under 30. (One is 32) Most work multiple jobs or work and go to school. I really love the kids and their parents. They are just very REAL--they say what they think and don't try to tell me how to teach. (I have found that many people think that because they went to school--they know how to teach it.) I feel a really strong connection to my kids--many kids love their teachers, but these kids really need me. I guess I am a little co-dependent!
Anyway--I was never in any hurry to start TTC until December. I had a lightbulb moment! DH's best friend's wife got pregnant. When DH told me, it really bothered me. I was crazy jealous! It was weird because I had not seriously thought about getting pregnant. His friend and wife invited us to dinner a few days later and I picked a fight with DH so we would not have to go. I just couldn't spend the evening with them. I knew that we would talk a lot about the pregnancy. I was afraid that they would pick up on my jealousy. (I am so bad.) Then I felt really bad, because 2 days later she had a miscarriage. Poor thing. They have been trying for about a year and were so excited.
I decided that I needed to talk to DH about my feelings.
DH and I had originally planned on:
1. Getting married
2. Getting financially set
3. Adding on to our house
4. Starting a family
So I was really nervous about asking him about TTC because we are just now saving up to add on. I finally brought it up at the beginning of March. (I was PMSing and feeling brave!)
I had a huge speech prepared--I know we have talked about this, blah blah blah--and he stopped me after like 2 minutes and said, "Do you want to start trying to have a baby? Is that what this is all about?" I said, "YES!" And he said, OK, we will start.
I felt really stupid because I had been so nervous and worked up about it! But I am also very HAPPY that he wants to start!
So because I am nerdy and have to read up on everthing I ever do--I found this website and started charting my BBT. I am trying to learn how to do it--it is going pretty well. It is much harder for me to read everyone's posts because I keep having to look up what all the acronyms are for! I am getting there!
I am on day 10 of my cycle. (I know there is an abbreviation for it--but I don't feel like looking it up right now!) My cycle is like clockwork--28 days. So I am hoping that pin-pointing O will be easy. We will see how it goes!
That's all I have for today!
See, I am already bad at this because I skip a days. Oh well!
Not much to say today--I am in my fertile-very fertile time-(day 12-14)-so we have been bding a lot. DH says he feels "used." I told him he would get over it!
He did say that it is weird to go from years of worrying about an unplanned pregnancy to TTC. It is a total 180. I feel the same way--it's just the complete opposite way of looking at things!
Well, I either ovulated today or will tomorrow. I had EWCM yesterday--but I can't really tell much from my temperature. It dipped a half degree, but it has not spiked.
I am not looking forward to the waiting part. I am not good at waiting and I have little patience. Maybe we will have a little beginner's luck--but I have a bad feeling that it just didn't happen this time. But then again, I am pretty pesimistic (spelling?) so who knows!
I guess I wasn't finished because now I am back.
What gets to me is that I never had any idea that your window of opportunity to get pregnant is so small. Nobody ever tells you that in all those sex ed. classes in school. They make it sound like it is so easy to get pregnant and like it can be done at any time during the month. I know that anything is possible--but the probability is so low. I have learned more about my body in the past few weeks of charting than I have in my life.
OK, I'm done complaining now.
My DH is out of town this weekend, so that means I will be on this website ALL WEEKEND!
I was feeling confident about my charting--but now I am starting to wonder. My temp hasn't really gone up, just a half a degree. I am going to wait a little and then send it to "the experts " on the TTC 0-6 month board.
I have all of next week off because I am on spring break at school-- so I am pretty happy!
Last time I wrote--I mentioned that DH was out of town. Well--it turns out that I think I might have Oed while he was gone!
I'm not really sure though--because my temp spiked for one day and then went back down. So it is possible that I didn't O at all this cycle! BOO! If I did O--I am wondering why my temp went right back down--could be a progesterone problem. I have an appointment with my OB on April 9th--so I will definately see what he thinks.
I am worried that DH is going to let it slip that we are TTC--he told me that he almost brought it up to a friend the other day. I just don't want any added pressure--I put enough pressure on myself all the time.
AF should be here next week--I had a little cramping yesterday and my face is breaking out a little--that always happens exactly one week in advance.
I am so glad that I started charting though, because I am learning a lot about my body. I always assumed that since my cycle is almost always 28 days, that I ovulate on day 14. But it turns out, that I might ovulate later than that. So I probably won't get a BFP this month, but at least I will have a better idea of what I am doing. Plus, I ordered some ovulation predictors for the next go round so I will have a much better chance of figuring out O. If anything, I have learned a lot about CM. On day 17 it stretched over an inch! WOW! There's something that they don't teach you in those "learning about your body" classes in middle school!
So I am staying positive--it would have been crazy having a baby right before Christmas, right? January would work out much better for me!
I am tired of spring break--I want to go back to school and see my babies!
This will be short because I have 100 things to do!
So now my temp is up! How weird is that? It went up for one day, down for 4, and is back up high for two days. So now Babymed is saying that I just ovulated, but I don't believe that because my CM says I Oed earlier. My temps have been wacky my whole life, so I am prone to believe my CM. I will ask my DR about it at my appointment. CRAZY!!! Plus I ordered TCOYF and another book and they will come next week right when AF is due!
DH and I had a great day yesterday. He was rained out, so we went shopping, and got some lunch and saw "dreamcatcher." Get this, we are in line to get tickets, and in front of us is a mom and 3 kids that were all under 8--guess what they bought tickets for--DREAMCATCHER. Plus there was a mom and 2 kids around 6-8 who bought tickets for it too! That movie scared the poop out of me--they do not need to be seeing that! I just wonder what some people are thinking! I have kids in my class (first grade) that were talking about how scary "The Ring" was. I refused to go see that movie with DH because I thought it would give me nightmares and I am 27! People just need to think and stop desensitizing their kiddos!
Back to the point--DH and I had a fantastic day!
Like I said, AF is due this week--I think she is coming. I have all my usual signs. I am staying positive about next month!
Gotta go clean my house!
BABYDUST TO ALL!
Temp is back down again today--I am so weird!
I got into a big fight with DH yesterday--so I definately think that AF is coming because it was a really stupid and emotional thing. My hormones are raging! They always do before AF comes!
I am so happy that I get to go back to school tomorrow! I miss my kids! Plus, I had a student teacher for the past 10 weeks--it will be so nice to have my class back entirely. I liked having her--but I am used to spending my whole day with 6 year olds--it is weird to have an adult around all day. Plus, she was with me all the time--so it will be nice to have a little time to myself again.
I am a little sad about AF coming.
First grade is going on a roller skating field trip this week, so that will be super fun! Plus, TCOYF is being shipped and should arrive too--right along with AF. Hopefully it will help me get my head together!
It's time to feed my animals--I am about to be attacked by my cats!
Baby dust to all!
I already wrote today--but I am bored. Sunday night TV sucks. DH was really tired from a long day of GOLF! He was in bed and snoring by 8:15. I will not be able to go to sleep tonight because I slept in for the past week and do not feel tired at all. Plus our movie channels are not working right and won't be fixed until Thursday. Boo!
So I got online, and here I am! My new thing to do is: BABY SHOPPING! I tell myself that it is OK as long as I don't actually buy anything. So I put everything on my WISHLISTS. I have 27 things on my wishlist at BabiesRUs. I keep telling myself that it is OK, because it will make life easier when I do get pregnant! In reality--I think it is loads of fun! Sorry for the pointless entry! Everything in BABYQUESTLAND is the same!
BABYDUST TO ALL!
I started a journal for my baby. I read about someone saying they would do it somewhere in these journals, and it sounded cool to me. Just to let him/her know how bad we wanted him/her. Plus--I always wonder what my parents were really like when they were younger, and I think it would be interesting to get a glimpse. I want to keep the journal until his/her 18th b-day. I can start writing just a few times a year eventually, but I have been giving a lot of background info at this point. We'll see how well I stick to it! Waiting for AF--or hopefully not--but I doubt that.
Had the best day at school today--my kiddos were too precious! I missed them so much!
Babydust to all!
Not a lot to say today. I had a tough day at school--too many kids forgot their medicine today. (I have 3 ADHD kids--not the kind where it's like--maybe this kid doesn't need it--these guys are like--OMG, this kid needs meds! All 3 are just MEAN, physically aggressive and unpleasant without it.) But I lived!
AF is not here yet--due tomorrow or Thursday. I definately think she is coming. BOO! Maybe I am just a big pessimist--but I have a feeling that it is not going to be easy for us to conceive. Hopefully I am just being a pessimist!! ( I am just like that!)
That's it for today!
This will be quick--TCOYF came and I need to go read!
ROUND #2! AF came today. BOO! It's ok, we had a serious talk. She can have her way with me this time and then I don't want to see her until 2004. We just need some time away from each other, it will do us both some good. (I think I am delirious from the cramps. I also think that delirious is a hard word to spell! If it's spelled wrong, sorry-I only teach first grade!)
So, here we go again! I really didn't have my hopes up, so I am not really upset, but I still would've loved a miracle.
DH said that his cousin told him that she had a dream that I was pregnant! I wish! I really want to be big and preggers at Christmas! The bigger the better! Off to read!
BABYDUST TO ALL!
Wow--I didn't get online yesterday at all and I just spent around 45 minutes catching up on all the TTC 0-6 posts. I need to write more there--I am always in a hurry and just read everything.
Waiting for AF to go away. CD #3. I have the most horrible cramps for 2 days--and then none for 2. In a way, I wish they would just spread out and be medium intensity for all 4 days. They really knock me on my booty the first two days.
My stomach has been really upset lately. I have acid reflux to begin with--but it has been really bad since Thursday. It has not been quite as bad today--I am hoping it keeps getting better.
My MIL gave me her old scanner. I tried to hook it up to my home computer--but my printer doesn't have a parallel part--only USB, so it wouldn't work. (My computer is only a few years old, the scanner is from 95) So I took it to school and hooked it up to my laptop--yes we get laptops at my AWESOME school--and it worked. I want to play around with it and put lots of pictures in my album. I will work on it next week.
I read TCOYF all at once Thursday night. (I read fast!) A lot of the stuff I already knew because of this website and babymed. I still learned a lot though. I think part of my temp problem was that I was taking my temp for 5 minutes. I read somewhere that you should do that--but I guess I missed the part that said that is only if you have a glass themometer. DUH! Compared to other people's charts, it seemed like my temps before O were awfully high. My temps for my new chart are already a few tenths lower. I definately need to slow down when I read!
I am so glad that it is finally getting warm. I am going to plant my garden this weekend. YIPEE! I love to work with dirt. If I ever quit teaching--I could totally work at a tree nursery.
I've blabbed enough for today! I am going to go read other people's journals. It is hard reading them, because I keep reading and reading and waiting for the happy ending (baby), but most have not reached the end of their journey yet, so it leaves me hanging in suspense! They should have a board with "completed" TTC journals--where they end up being preggers. Then I would get to read happy endings! I am sure there have been plenty--but once they conceive people probably start a pregnancy journal and the TTC journal gets pushed way down on the board.
OK-I am rambling on and on and on...
Baby dust to all.
DH was asking me questions yesterday about TTC. He asked to see my temp chart. I was sitting there telling him about it--he was looking at me like I'm completely insane! Especially the CM part!
He still thinks that there is a big window of opportunity to conceive. He said,
"If it's so hard to get pregnant, why did they make such a big deal out of safe sex in school? You are making it sound like it is so hard." I keep telling him--TO SCARE TEENAGERS into having SAFE SEX! I really think they should teach teens about their cycles--how to chart--just for the sake of learning about their bodies. I know that I assumed a lot of things from what I was told--and now I found out that they are all wrong. For example--I always assumed that I O on day 14 since I have a 28-29 day cycle. It turns out that I Oed last time on day 17.
Anyway--it was just an interesting conversation! He says he ready for our BD marathon again! I told him to rest up!
Time to go!
Baby dust to all!
CD 6. AF is on her way out the door. I have my OBGYN appointment tomorrow. I am apprehensive--I refuse to get even a pedicure because I am uncomfortable with strangers touching my feet--so you can imagine how I feel about my yearly checkup. UGH. But it is so necessary!
Not much to say about TTC. Today is my mom's birthday and I talked to her on the phone for a long time--DH kept making comments like--tell her about your chart...what cycle day are you on...tell her what your temperature was today...
I had to hit him--not too hard though. He is such a big mouth. I just don't want to tell everyone until things are squared away. Plus, I get disappointed enough when AF shows, I don't really want to involve a bunch of people in that.
Babydust to everyone!
CD 7--went to my OBGYN for my checkup. Everything pelvic wise is normal. We talked about TTC-he gave me the GREEN LIGHT. He gave me a bunch of pre-natal vitamin samples and told me to decide which I like best. He also gave me some folic acid.
I hate the part where he disappears under the sheet tent between my knees. Where'd ya go, buddy?
Not much else to say. I will start OPKs on day 11, although if I O like last time I won't need them quite so early. But better safe than sorry!
On my way out of the doctor's office they said, "hopefully we will see you soon, for another reason!" No doubt about it!
BABYDUST TO ALL and to all a good night!
CD 8--Temp went up a little today. No big deal. Starting to get creamy stuff. A lot of people seem concerned about CM--I think I am just really lucky, because I get a ton of it. Especially day 12-18, I usually wear a panty liner.
Not much to say--worked on my signature forever and should have it up tomorrow! Yeah! I only have powerpoint at work--and my computer there is slower than this one---and I don't have popup blocker at work....I love this site--but those popups slow my computer down SO MUCH! It is annoying. It was taking forever! But at home I have a blocker, so I don't even notice them. YEAH! But I don't have powerpoint! BOO!
OPKs and BD time start soon! DH says he is ready!
Babydust to all!
OK, that is all of them!!! WooHOO! Lucky that I haven't been here all that long!
Wow--that is one long annoying post! It didn't seem so bad on the old board with the breaks.
Anywho--I am on CD 9--no excitment yet. My second month of charting went better than my first, so I should be great now on month 3. I am really hoping that third time is a charm!
Turns out my husband's friend's wife is preggers again. She was the one who had a miscarriage a few months ago. I am really happy for her--they have been working at it for a while and then had the miscarriage--so I am sending positive vibes her way. I don't know when she is due yet because of course DH doesn't ask questions like that. I haven't seen her for a while--I will have to call and find out. (Or walk down the street--she lives 2 houses away. )
My plan this go round is to BD every day that I have EWCM. Last time I think we were just too late in the day. I was at work in the bathroom in the morning and discovered major stretchiness. Then by the time I came home, it was a lot less stretchy. We should have BDed the night before. And I have forbidden DH from going out of town during O like he did the first month.
I have been feeling really sad today. I even went and bought shoes--that always cheers me up--but it didn't help. I need to snap out of it.
I am so tired--it is only 9pm, but I am going to bed!
Babydust to all!
all girls today--boy dust is not popping up in the window.
Haven't posted in a long time--been way too busy. My school goes to the end of June--it's extended school year. Plus, I was in our production of Annie--and we rehearsed constantly. I loved being in it--but I feel like it took over my life for a while there.
So cycle 4 had great BD timing! I Oed late--all the stress from Annie I am sure--but then AF showed. But it was weird--
I always have heavy day 1 and 2 then light 3 and 4 then spotting on 5. ALWAYS. This time I had heavy day 1, light day 2 and 3 and spotting day 4. PLUS--I had major pain on day 1 and 2. Not cramping--PAIN. I almost went to the hospital because it took my breath away everytime I stood up. But then I felt better.
PLUS--my temps are so high right now! I usually have high temps for a few days of AF, but never for 5 days. SO weird.
I guess I will wait a few days and then maybe test? I just hate to test and get a negative. That is the worst. And if I am pregnant or not--what was with AF this time?
A third grade teacher at my school is preggers. She is the sweetest thing in the world--I am so happy for her! I feel bad for another girl, she has been trying for almost a year and it hasn't happened yet. It makes me glad that I haven't made it public that I am trying. People ask her about it all the time--that would make me crazy! I am crazy enough already!
I will just keep being positive and moving on! I keep reminding myself--I want to be preggers by Christmas. I have plenty of time. Plenty of chances!
Plus I am happy to have learned so much about my body and my cycle!
I will be better about posting!
Babydust to ALL!!!
So today I find out that another girl at school is pregnant. My friend was telling me how they just started trying and how she must be really fertile. I am very happy for her--but that, "she must be really fertile" thing just gets me. How about, "she must be really lucky" or "she must be really blessed" or "it must have been her time." I guess it bugs me because it is like saying that if you don't get pregnant right away, you must not be fertile. And that's just not true.
But anyway--that's 2 teachers pregnant---hopefully I can be number 3!
I asked everyone on ttc 6 months or less what to do about my weird temps--they said maybe test. I am going to wait and see what my temp is like tomorrow. If it is way up again, I will test. They pointed out that it has not dropped below my coverline for 19 days. So I guess it is possible--but the odds seem awfully small. Plus it was a whole lot of bleeding for implantation bleeding--plus it was kind of late for that! (13 days after O)
Even if my temp drops, that's OK. I am feeling super positive about my next cycle!
Babydust to all!!!!
I forgot that I had this journal here! Here is an update!
After trying and trying and graduating from one ttc board to another, I quit posting here. It was too hard for me to watch others getting preggers while it didn't happen and didn't happen over and over and over. I ended up going to a fertility specialist after over 1 year of TTC. I have low progesterone levels, so I was put on Clomid. DH has low motility and sometimes a low count, so he had to take a supplement to improve his sperm quality. I had 3 IUIs--none of which worked. Then we did an HSG--that was the most painful thing I have ever done! It was horrible! One of my tubes was blocked during the procedure, but in the x-rays afterward it opened up. I had another IUI in April of 2005--and CONCEIVED!!!!!
I was SCARED to death that something would happen and didn't tell anyone I was pregnant until 4 months! (except my and dH's parents) My fears were for nothing.
My beautiful little miracle was born on January 25th! Today she is 6 months old and I thank God everyday for her!