TTC #1 Jounral

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Joined: 03/22/03
Posts: 5
TTC #1 Jounral

Day 13.

Hi again, not sure how to move my other journal over here, so I will start again. Not much happened today, I think that I am getting a head cold though. Feel like crap... :cry:
Hoping that this week goes really quick, only three more days to go then I am on holidays :!:

I am so sick of work at the moment, there is so much work to do and I am only one person. Employers are ringing me now to get people over easter! Hello!! You have known about easter since January, why leave it tilll now!!

I like the ones that ring up wanting to see 10 resumes that afternoon, makes me want to laugh in their face Lol

Anyway I shouldn't be so grumpy. I might go and have an ice cream!!

Michelle

Joined: 03/22/03
Posts: 5

Day 15

Not much happened today, sorry I didn't post yesterday, got home from work late, then my Dad came over.
Still recovering from my head cold. Felt better today still stuffy though. DH and I went and bought easter eggs for each other and neice and nephews.

I'm sad.... my dad and my mum are still married but they are having problems, I am really close to my dad at the moment, but it is hard, becuase on one hand we are father and daughter but on the other hand we are friends. He talks to me and shares stuff with me about his relationship with mum, that maybe as a daughter I'm not sposed to know.
He has polycythemia, a form of blood cancer. He is heathly now, but he has to go and have radiation therapy. I just hope that he gets to knoow his grandchildren and they get to know their grandfather.
I have to stop thinking about that or else it will make me cry.

I am going to test on 30th, then if it is a BFN but no AF I will test the following week. So I begining the 2-3ww Smile

Anyway I had better go, I am feeling a little better. Then there is the fact that I have one day of work left until my holidays.

I have a lot to do tomorrow, better get some sleep.

Michelle

Joined: 03/22/03
Posts: 5

Day 16.

Not sure if I have O'd yet. I have been sick which has thrown my temps out anyway...not that I have been very regular with it. Still trying to get the hand of the CM thing. I bought a book on the billings method, it was the only book on TTC that was in the bookshop. Hopefully it will give me some good ideas, even if I don't follow all of it.
I have had some cramping, but I spose that could be anything. I'm sure when I get the hang of the CM it will be right.

We have been BD'ing fairly regularly. But I am starting to think that I won't O this month being first month off BCP. But it is only day 16. I have decided though that I will test on Wednesday 30th then if that is a BFN then I will test the week after if AF doesn't arrive. I think I have already said that though Smile

A friend from work brought her little baby in today. She is almost 6 weeks old. so beautiful, and that little baby smell.... I watched her with her facial expressions, I could have watched her all day.

I think that I am a little tired, that is why I am sad. I just don't think that it will happen this month, but I really want it to... I should stay positive, and I know this week will go very quickly because I am on holidays, then it will only be two days until I can test or until AF comes...

I'm going to keep BD'ing, just in case Smile

I might rest tonight though...

Michelle

Joined: 03/22/03
Posts: 5

CD 28

Sorry I know it has been a while since I have added posts, but I have been busy Smile

Back at work this week. I went to my grandparents house last week, they are selling the house that my mum grew up in, is really sad.

AF is due tomorrow, took a early preg test yesterday but BFN... I am feeling sick though, not enough to throw up but enough to be yucky...
Have had cramps, and headachy, sore BB's but not too sore.

Will wait and see if AF shows tomorrow.
I have been a little weird, coming up to the end of my first cycle off BCP. My DH has noticed and keeps asking me what is wrong, but I don't really want to let him know how I'm feeling, I don't really know yet... I just don't know how I will handle it if AF shows tomorrw. I know that it has only been one month, but it is the first time we have been TTC and this will be my first BFN month... I know this probably sounds stupid and I don't think it would get any easier, but I didn't really expect to feel this way. I mean I kept telling myself that "It probably won't happen first month, I'm not really expecting it too, lets just see what happens"
But we say that, we all know it is a lie. It's not that I don't trust DH it's just that it is something I want to work through without him. I guess maybe becuase I don't think he would understand. Not being a woman and all...not that men don't want kids as much as we do, but I think it is different for woman...
It;s weird, writing it down makes me want to go and tell DH. I think having it in perspective, writing it down first so I have a clear idea of what is bothering me helps.

I am having a bit of cramping now... I will still hope that AF doesn't show tomorrow, but well I have a feeling she will be here...

Michelle

Joined: 03/22/03
Posts: 5

CD 29
No AF yet.

Told DH how I was feeling last night and he was really supportive. I felt so much better. We were actually talking a bit about it tonight. I am still feeling sick but haven't thrown up. My BB's are getting sorer with each day, but that could just be PMS. I never had sore BB's before but then again I was on BCP so that may have stopped it.

This may be TMI but they actually look different...they actualll look swollen! anyway...DH thought that there could still be a chance that I am, he wanted me to take a test tonight! He said that it was really exciting, he even offered to do it for me ! Lol

I had to explain how a home preg test works and he said that he wanted to be there while I took the test, like in the same room! I can imagine the two of us in our loo, which isn't very big as there is also the hot water system in with it. (it is seperate to our bathroom)

I said that I would rather do the test then we could look at it together, but he said that I would get to see it first. I said that I wanted to do it by myself incase I wasn't but he said that he wanted to be there to comfort me.

I tell you, DH's can be so weird, one day he's really blaze about the whole thing (it will happen when it happens) "to ok lets test now I want to know".

I am still getting a little bit of cramping, but that could be my IBS. sometimes the pain I get from that I confuse with AF pains. Maybe becuase I have had it for so long that I didn't realise!

I really want to test, but I won't. I want to give my body enough time to give me a BFP!! I still worry becuase the first test I did on Monday was BFN.

How are these mood swings? I have gone from one day feeling really down and thinking that I am not preg to really excited thinking that I could be Smile

If I can't wait I will test tomorrow if AF isn't here. I am sposed to be going out for tea with some friends so maybe that will keep my mind off it until Friday Smile