"...And Can Fly Only By Embracing Each Other."
I'm usually really weird about these online journal things, but I figured, eh, why not have a place to go to when I'm stressing over TTC.
I should introduce myself by saying that my name is Lindsay. I'm 24 and from Kentucky. I got married to the greatest man ever, Jeremy, on September 29, 2007. We just started trying this month (January.) AF came on the 25th, so I decided to start temp charting. We got a BBT thermometer the other day. I've been temping quite low for some reason... I'm going to continue to see what happens.
Why am I doing this?:
I want a baby to complete my family. I feel that I'm prepared to be a good mother, and I know that my husband will be such a wonderful father. I pray that God blesses us with a child everyday now. I'm doing the same for everyone else on the boards! I know we all want a BFP! *sends baby vibes*
Problems with conceiving?:
-I've had chronic cysts on the ovaries to where I've had to be on birth control to shrink them. Yeah, it makes it a little hard to get pregnant when you're on the pill! They can also be very painful especially around ovulation time.
-Now double that pain! I also have a bladder illness that is very painful and unfortunately incurable called Interstitial Cystitis (IC) along with something called Pelvic Floor Dysfunction. This makes getting pregnant hard because it can often times cause even more pain after intercourse. It's either that, or I'm in pain already and can't have sex with my DH. I've dealt with this for over two years now, and there doesn't seem to be a lot known about it. I'm currently on medication for it though. If anyone else has any of these problems please feel free to contact me. Especially about IC. (I've heard that heating pads are bad, so it worries me that I have to use one of those as well to help with bladder issues...)
-They think that at the beginning of last January 07 I had a miscarriage. If I was pregnant I wasn't very far along at all. Just weeks, and I didn't even know it. By the time they did a test the hormone would have been out of my body. I bled for two weeks. I'm still bothered by the fact that I don't know... It worries me that we can't have kids. It's a big worry of mine...
The good news?:
I've read up about IC and apparently women can conceive, go through labor, and it doesn't cause infertility. I know, and have read, that the 3rd trimester will be harder than it is for most, but it's worth it to at least bring one child into this world! If it's too hard on me, I won't have another, so right now I'm just looking for my one little miracle.
It's going to be a rough and tough road, but I'm prepared for it. I hope to meet a bunch of new friends along my journey of TTC and hopefully through my first pregnancy as well. I hope to remain positive about it all! That's all I can really do!
SOME UPDATED INFO AS OF 9/14/08
1) I'm much more open now about things and am not as shy about blogging as before.
2) I'm 25, and mine and DH's one year wedding anniversary is coming up on September 29th!
3) We tried for four months, slowed down for three, so I came back mid cycle 8.
4) I started temping again near the end of cycle 8 and will continue to do so if I don't get pg.
5) I still believe that God will give us a baby when the time is right no matter how hard we try.
6) DH and I's sex life is WAY better. If you read below you will see some problems we had and somehow thankfully they got fixed! So, yay for that!
7) I'm not sure about my problems with ovarian cysts, but I'm sure they are still somewhat of an issue...
8 ) I still have Interstitial Cystitis since it is incurable and Pelvic Floor Dysfunction along with it, and I don't see the illnesses going away any time soon =[ However, I've been ingesting Marshmallow root through pills and tea. I've heard it can do wonders to help heal the insides and sooth them like Aloe would.
9) Do I still live in chronic pain? Yes. Ever since December 24, 2005. It's hard to want to BD when you're in pain so conceiving for me will be easier said than done because what if I'm in loads of pain on a day I'm O'ing? I can't just jump in the bed and BD. That would kill me. Thankfully, I have a very loving and patient husband!!
10) Good news about getting pregnant and having Interstitial Cystitis is people like me with moderate to severe pain often times feel less pain during pregnancy and sometimes their symptoms will go into remission so that's awesome. (The third trimester will be really hard though.) This would be AMAZING since I fear pregnancy to be quite hard on me, and am nearly terrified of labor still because of my bladder.
11) I'll be considered high risk no matter what because there are meds I will continue to HAVE to be on.
12) There is a possibility that I had another m/c for my 3rd cycle TTC. Now that I have a paid account with FF you can check it out by clicking on the ticker in my signature.
13) If not pregnant by Christmas I plan to buy some Clear Blue Digital OPKs. If you look through my journal you will find pics with OPKs I used, but I think I would prefer seeing a smiley face to a line. Sometimes it's hard to tell if it's as dark or darker than the control line.
14) I've learned that TTC is such a rough road. I constantly wonder when it will be MY turn to be a mom... Though, I want to keep trying. I'm determined for us to bring a healthy baby into this world.
My temp was 96.1 again... still very low. I'm going to try and remain patient and continue charting, but I have no patience. That's going to be a problem. I'm very fatigued. I've been sleeping AND taking naps. I just feel like I can't catch up on my sleep. It sucks feeling groggy all the time. I know some of the meds I'm on certainly help with that, but still... I don't want to be a zombie!
I'm on day 8 (technically 9 now) of my cycle. I've heard from some to start trying on the 9th and do it every other day until the 17th. I've also hard to start trying on the 10th and do it every other day up until the 18th. Ugh, I need advice... Apparently my mother says that I shouldn't just get up after intercourse, and that I should lay there...
Excuse me, but I'm a shower person. I'm very OCD about germs and stuff, and with my bladder and the inflammation I deal with (pain) it can make it worse so I ALWAYS shower after sex. She's like, 'Noooooooooooooo don't do that!!! Lay there at least an hour! Put a pillow under your butt, and sleep rather than letting it all run out of you!' Thankfully, my mother and I have a good relationship, and I can deal with hearing her say things like that! hahah
What to do???
One of my best friends (who is on this forum) had her baby earlier 2/5/08 at 6:15pm. She was 8lbs 13 ounces. 20 1/2 inches long, and beautiful! Welcome, Starla Sophia, to the world!
Everything seemed to go very well. I'm going to go see her and her DH again tomorrow at the Maternity Ward. Both are good friends of mine and my husband. They were our Maid of Honor and Best Man at our wedding on 9/29/07. Anyway, I got some pics and vids earlier just after her delivery. I can't wait to show them to them! I didn't get to hold her, but I'm sure hoping to tomorrow(/today consider it's 1am now.) YAY! Can't you tell I'm excited for them. I'm like 'the proud friend.'
And I should be near my ovulation point! My DH and I are trying every other day, the even days of my cycle from at least day 10-20. Wish us luck and send us baby dust along with your prayers! My husband deserves to be a father because I KNOW he'd be such a great one! I can't wait until we conceive our first!
Copied from a post I made in the TTC forum:
This is probably incredibly selfish of me since my biological clock is ticking, but does anyone else have problems with their DH and him not getting erect on occasions? Sometimes, he has NO problem whatsoever, but he said that even since his first time he's had issues with it. This, obviously, has been very frustrating for me, and since I'm not a man, I don't understand their sexual organ very much...
I think it's psychological more than anything. His mother was raped by two men and chose to keep him. He didn't even find out until he was 17. Thank God for her not getting an abortion with him, because he wouldn't be the wonderful person he is today if she had.
Anyway, we've gotten into it over this many times. It's stressful and frustrating to want a baby, and sometimes your DH can't even get hard for you. He says it's not me, and that he wants a baby more than anything, and I believe him wholeheartedly. I'm just not sure what to do, or how to take it. I find myself crying or leaving the bedroom if and when it happens. I know that only has to make it worse on him, but I can't help but get upset by it. I was just wondering if I'm not alone in this. I could really use some support and advice...
Please don't hound me with, "Oh, my husband NEVER has that problem." That's seriously the LAST thing I need to hear... I KNOW there are men out there that don't. I'm not ignorant to the situation. I just don't want it rubbed in my face. It's been hard enough as it is...
We are on cycle 13 TTC #1 still, but DH, thank God, got over this issue within a matter of months. I'm VERY pleased (hehe) to say, that this has not been an issue for quite a long time, so if anyone reading this has the same problem with their DH in the beginning then I suggest talking to him about it then letting it go. Eventually, he'll get over the mental part!
I'm starting to get used to this BBT stuff. fertilityfriend.com finally showed what day I ovulated on in my cycle. I was right! Day 16! My cycle usually goes two days over so I typically go 30 days instead of 28. The good news is we had sex in the early morning hours of the 15th! Dare we say a possible pregnancy? If not, there's always next month! *dances around with baby dust*
Oh, and BIG BROTHER STARTS TONIGHT!
Now fertilityfriend.com is saying that my ovulation day was on the 18th. If that's so then there's even more of a chance that I could be pregnant because we had AM sex the day before and the day of ovulation! I'm not trying to get my hopes up, but if I get a BFP then it'll be days after my bday! I'll be 25 on the 21st. What a great birthday present that would be!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The people over at the favorite tv show forums are pissing me off... I can't help that they didn't make a spoiler thread until AFTER i wrote a spoiler in the Big Brother forum... WTF... like seriously. Every little thing is irritating me. I've been like a mad woman, and it's sad that they've upset me because BB is my all time favorite reality show. I subscribe to the feeds and everything... I'm just bummed out I guess.
So, probably some not so good news. I've been temping this whole cycle (i'm on day 30 which is when I usually start) and my temp has dropped over the past two days, and is now below my horizontal red line on fertilityfriend.com... Unless it goes back up tomorrow, then I'm expecting a period, if not by the end of the night even... It's sad. I'm glad I haven't taken a test though. I'd much rather see blood than a BFN... So, I'm just in waiting as I sit here and cramp.
I started my period as I expected... It was more sad this month than last because last month we were just trying around the time of when we THOUGHT I was ovulating. I was off, so there was no chance last month anyway, so I consider that this now is the official start of my 2nd cycle. Only makes sense I guess. This will be my second month of charting as well, so it's getting easier and easier to understand.
I'm a little depressed, but it's okay. I realize that it would have been a miracle for me to get pregnant the first month of truly trying, but I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for next month!
And now... to deal with AF. IT JUST STARTED, AND I'M READY FOR IT TO GO AWAY! Grrrr.... At least that horrible pressure 'pain' has gone away. You know, that pressure feeling you get JUST before you start? Like the day of or day before? Ugh... I was totally ready for it to start. Now I just want it over with. I'm ready to start cycle two! Whoo! lol