After 18 months of TTC, my husband and I decided it was time for a break. Our last cycle of trying was back in July, and I'd basically had it and was ready to just live life normally without having to deal with trying to get pregnant. It was a fantastic break! I did two musicals during that time period, where I played the lead as Mrs. Johnstone in Blood Brothers and Mrs. Cratchit in A Christmas Carol. I love theatre so had I gotten pregnant before I know I would not have been able to participate in either role.
Also during the break something great happened. DH got fully hired in at the hospital and within a month after that we got insurance! FINALLY! THREE YEARS OF WAITING and we finally have it. We're also in a two bedroom duplex, so DH said in the middle of this cycle that he was ready to go ahead and start trying again, even though we'd planned to start again in January, not December. I said, sure why not, so here we are, back TTC with our life MUCH more stable. We're hoping this is it for us. We're not expecting to get pg on this first cycle back of trying, but if it happens it happens and if it doesn't, well, there's always next month. I have fairly good coverage for infertility treatment as well, so I give it 6-12 month worth of trying again before I put my foot down and decide to start trying IUIs and IVFs, but hopefully we won't have to get to that point.
Wish us luck for round two!
So things are still looking up, but we didn't conceive our first cycle back =[ However, I'm getting positive OPK's and I think I'm Oing today. We've BD'd a few times and we probably will tonight so that's all we can do other than hope for the best.
UGH. WHY IS THIS TAKING SO LONG TO GET PG?! I see women on here getting pregnant after 2 months and it nearly kills me...
Were on Cycle 24, but cycle 17 of TTC. That's still a long effing time. =[ I have another show coming up next month, and I think I've decided to keep trying throughout it. I don't want to stop, and I want to have a family. I spent most of last year dealing with theatre, and now I really want to focus on my family. It's what means the most to me right now.
Next OB appt is Jan 25th! Whoo. It's with a new Dr, and I've heard great things about him, so wish us luck!
I reread this stuff I've written, and it makes me so sad. For some reason or another, we've still been unable to conceive, and it was finally time to put it on hold for a good year and a half to two years. I'm 27, and my DH will be 29 in December. I'm not really worried about having to wait a couple of years because it's all for a wonderful reason.
I always wanted to think that there had to be a REASON as to why I wasn't getting pregnant. Everyone around me had is or was pregnant and now has kids. It's incredible. I kept wondering, 'Why me?' I'm sure there's others out there who are asking themselves the same question. The whole time I kept reminding myself that there had to be a reason... but I still kept wondering why. It didn't make it any easier.
I got involved with community musical theatre back at the beginning of 09. The summer of 08 I had seen one of our community theatres do the musical Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. (sp?) My sister was only 13 and got the huge privilege to play Tobias (Toby). The show was amazing, and after seeing it I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life.
I first played Petra in A Little Night Music. (That was spring of 09. I tried out for the same community theatre that had done Sweeney Todd after seeing how professional it was. My sister still is and was in the same company as me.) Petra is a fun loving, 'let it be', naughty, and funny young maid. I had a great time playing her. She was one of 9 principal parts. In Fall of 09 I got the best part I could have imagined. I played the lead in a popular British musical that is still running on the west end. I got to play Mrs. Johnstone in Blood Brothers. A mother of six, 2 months pregnant, (not knowing it's with twins) and her husband recently left her. She decides she can only take care of one, and gives one away to a woman who is married without child. They have money, and she knows her son will grow up in a loving home, and he does... for the most part. She goes on to tell Mrs. Johnstone that if these two boys ever find out they are related they will die the same time they find out. The play is written incredibly well, the music is amazing, and our cast was great. It has a tragic ending, which is noticeable the moment everyone positions themselves on stage. I went through every emotion in the world to play that role, and it paid off. The community seemed to really like it, and I still get noticed and get praised about playing that role. It was probably one of the top three best moments of my life! In Spring 2010, I played Gladys Murphy in the musical Copacabana. It was a blast. She was a former Copa Girl at the Copacabana, now cigarette girl at the Copa. She's originally from PA, but has been in Brooklyn since she was a teenager. The story featured Lola, played by my sister, and was written around the lyrics of Barry Manilow's popular song Copacabana (with a twist!) The orchestra was amazing, and it kept us constantly dancing backstage. I was once again cast as a principal role.
So what is there to look forward to? What made me stop TTC at least a year and a half?
(more to come! ...lots to write and i gotta get my butt in bed. will finish sometime after i get up!)
MY HSG HORROR STORY! (CD9, Cycle 42)
Why? Infertility for nearly 5 years, but didn't start charting until January 2008. Worried about a blockage and Endo.
I had my first HSG today at 7:30am. It was physical and mental torture (AKA HELL) for me, and I want to tell the story of what happened, and what's going to happen. I have read others HSG horror stories and also stories of how it went perfectly well. Well, this is definitely a negative one!
First, you must be aware that I have Interstitial Cystitis and Pelvic Floor Dysfunction. IC causes chronic pain in the bladder along with frequency and PFD causes all of my pelvic floor muscles to be EXTREMELY TENSE AND TIGHT. (This includes all abdominal muscles and the vagina, cervix, uterus, urethra, bladder, rectum, and anything else like that in the abdomen.) Because of this, I decided to get smart and take meds beforehand.
I was up ALL night long, worried about this and was expecting the worst just so I could go in and be like, "Oh, that was nothing compared to what I thought it would be." (...if I had only known...) So, an hour before my HSG (6:30am) I took a 10mg Lortab, 1.5mg of Xanax, and a 10mg Flexeril. I knew for sure they'd be needed. I had no idea they wouldn't do a darn thing for me.
I got to the hospital. Was only slightly loopy. I take at the very least 31 pills a day due to my conditions. Therefore, it was going to take a lot to chill me out and relax all of my muscles. At this point, things were just barely kicking in. [NOTE TO SELF] I need to take my meds a good hour and a half or even two hours before a procedure where meds are needed for me.
My husband was not allowed back with me, which I was very upset about. There was no reason that he couldn't have come back with me to hold my hand and be there for support. A nurse took me back into the procedure room where I reminded her I would need to pee just before the procedure due to my Interstitial Cystitis which also causes frequency. There was a bathroom attached to the room. I had to undress in it from the waist down, but I kept on my socks (bad idea), then put on a hospital gown. I urinated, washed my hands, then waited sitting on the table for the doctor to get there. I was manic and still had anxiety. I voiced my worries and was listened to by the nurse, but was assured it wasn't that bad. (ha ha ha...)
The doctor came in. He's my OB, and I really like him a lot. He's a tall, African-American man who is a great patient to doctor type of guy which I like. (I can go to an appt and he will talk to me for over 30 minutes if need be. Once, he was in with me over an hour!) I reminded him of my conditions and admitted to taking meds for it, which he thought was a good idea. We laughed a bit as they finished up preparing things over the seat he was sitting in because it was crooked so the nurse brought him a new one. I asked where the stirrups were. They didn't have them on the table. This is where I failed in wearing wearing socks. Had I known what was about to happen, I would have needed the grip my feet could have used against that metal table I was on.
I scooted down to the edge of the table, and he said he was going to be easy yet work fast. He put the speculum in which felt uncomfortable, and yes, there was a little pain with it. It made me wonder if it was a special one because I didn't remember a speculum ever hurting quite like that before. Next, he swabbed my cervix then had to clamp it open... or something like that.
It was at this point that I lost it due to pain. I'm not sure exactly what all went on down there, but I know they clamped the cervix, I was crying HARD. He was like, "Okay, I'm going to do this real fast (was talking about the dye I think) but first I want you to cough really hard," so I did. Something else took place when he told me to cough. It felt like he cut straight into my cervix (felt like it would if they were going to take a biopsy of the cervix), and I still don't know what happened, but once the swab was over, I literally just lost it. I sobbed, shook, couldn't get grip with my feet to relax... I was sobbing so hard I could feel the speculum and clamp(s) bouncing along with me as I cried. TORTURE! AND NOT JUST PHYSICAL BUT MENTAL TOO AT THAT POINT JUST THINKING ABOUT WHAT ALL WAS GOING ON. Then he mentioned putting the dye in quickly, or at least I assume that's what he was still talking about, but I was still crying and sobbing and cursing, etc... It was natural body response. I literally had no control over anything that happened. I remember yelling out that I desperately needed something for pain!
Being the good doctor he is, he did not go any further with the procedure. I was so tense that he could not even get the dye to go in, and when he tried it came right back out. (That's if he got any in there at all. I'm not even sure they made it to that point.) It was at this point he stopped and told me I would need to go into surgery to do this, and he was very nice about it. He removed everything. The two nurses and doctor apologized for the pain I was in over what they had to do, and he immediately said he was going to call me in something. Between sobs I remember saying, "Call me in something good, Doc!" He reminded me that I may spot for a few days and to keep my appt with him so we can set up surgery to get this done. I'm going to have to go completely under for my HSG... The one nurse (who I think was actually an x-ray tech) that brought me back to the room to begin with was the one that stayed when the other nurse and OB left.
I laid crying on the table for a good ten more minutes. She told me not to get up until I needed to. I felt bad. She kept saying she was so sorry, and she didn't know it was going to be like that for me, and I hated it because it was not her fault, and I made sure to let her know that. She kept saying she thought the Flexeril should have helped. This shows that nurses and doctors should pick up a book or look online or even talk to someone knowledgeable if they don't know what a condition is. I hope she went home that night and looked it all up...
I finally set up, but I couldn't see a thing with my eyes filled with so many tears. There was a thing I could hold onto to step down off the table, but my legs started shaking really bad and started to buckle underneath me. (I only have one good hand right now because my left thumb has been in a splint for over two months, and I've got more months ahead of me with that.) The nurse came over and held me up as I walked over to a chair. She was still saying she was so sorry, but I was hurting so bad at that point that I was light headed and felt like I was going to pass out, so I told her. She got me two cold rags for the back of my neck and forehead. She asked if I was nauseous, and I told her I was so she brought me a puke bucket. THAT was when my husband was FINALLY allowed to come back with me while I waited to make sure I wasn't going to pass out. I couldn't stand! Finally, they called for a wheelchair for me, and DH was off to get the car. I was wheeled to the entrance and got help getting in it.
The car ride was hell even though the pharmacy was close, and I was looped up beyond belief by this point. We got there just before they opened, and DH went in right at 9am. He went to check. NOTHING HAD BEEN CALLED IN. I called my OB and got their answering service at 7 after 9. They said they should start answering phones at 9:15am. So, I called, reminded them, and he called me in 10 Lortab 5mg immediately. THANK GOD. At this point, the nausea got extreme, but I never did throw up. We stopped by McDonald's on the way home so I could put something in my stomach since I'd taken so many meds. I got an orange juice and only two hash browns. The food did end up helping the nausea go away though. We made it home. I took more meds, was still crying, took my Seroquel, and knocked myself out while trying to watch an episode of Criminal Minds online to take my mind off of it all.
I just woke up earlier at around 8pm or so. Woke up in the same pain, just not as extreme, but this is still the same day it happened. Hopefully tomorrow I feel better. I just need to call my OB's office to ask when my next appt is because I can't find the appt card anywhere. I know it's soon though.
So there ya have it. That's my HSG horror story. I just wanted to document it and let others know what it was like for me, because it's different for us all.
I've also been diagnosed with Fibro and they are now searching for Endo. OB is trying to set me up with Lupron. Waiting to hear back from them about that because of cost, but there are ways to get it cheaper. It's what their office is working on for me. Fingers crossed for Lupron and an easy HSG "surgery" coming up!!!