I haven't updated until now because I seriously needed a hardcore break. My DH and I decided to not try this month, so all I did was temp and watch my cervical fluid. I marked the closest time we BD'd (CD 14 AM) on FF to my O day which was CD 17. YAY! At least I O'd! I was worried about this month after what happened. Anyway, so yeah, we had sex on CD 14 in the AM, so it's not looking good, but we weren't really trying either, so it's okay.
It's been nice to not have the stress of seeing other women getting their BFP's. I'm happy for them all, but it's so hard to see when you're trying so hard and feel like you're getting nowhere, ya know? However, I always pray for everyone on this site! I really do! Random acts of kindness go along way. I love all of the girls I've met and talked with, and even though most have graduated to the pregnancy boards, they are still near and dear to my heart!
I suppose it'll be time for round 5 in a week and a half!
OMG MY BOOBS ARE KILLING ME! Not that I think I'm pregnant because the closest time I BD'd to O'ing (which was CD 17 by what FF says) was early morning of CD 14. It's very doubtful (I had egg white type cervical fluid throughout that entire time though), and we've not even been trying this month. After what happened, we wanted to wait another month, make sure I O'd, and wanted to wait to make sure everything appeared normal. So far, that is the case, and that's a very positive thing!
It looks like cycle 5 will be a go, but my friends keep telling me, 'Oh, watch you be pregnant now that you stopped trying and don't have the stress of it all." Like OPK's, timing when to BD, waiting for O day to appear on FF, etc. All I did was temp and check my cervical fluid. And what do I get? A YI... All because of a couple of antibiotics.
P.S. I'm still mad that my avatar isn't showing up. WTF...
It's time to put a hold on things. DH and I are moving out of our place and into another so we can get our lives in check. He'll be able to get a better job, and by next spring/summer things should be a lot better. That means... no more TTC until then.
This decision actually was based on maturity and what's best for us in both the present and future. It will pay off in the end, and we'll be able to give our child a much better life when the time comes! I still believe that God will bless me with a child when it's meant to happen, and he will not give me anything I cannot handle. Therefore, one day I'll be a mommy whether it comes from my womb or even another country. God has already blessed me by saying that either is perfectly fine, and I have accepted that. =]
I will keep this journal close to heart. I have gotten excited, posted pics, vented, ranted, and went off in here. It only shows just how hard all this is, but I will not let go of any of it. I hope that when a year has passed I will come across this and continue this journey. Until then, I may poke around, but I know what's best for me and my DH.
contact me if you want! yahoo: i_dream_my_life_away
*We stopped trying near the beginning of my 5th cycle which means I tried very hard for 4. When I come back (unless I get an 'oops' which is TOTALLY OKAY with me!!! I'D BE ON A DIFFERENT BOARD THEN!!!) then I will start with cycle 5 I suppose. ...Eh, I'll burn that bridge when I get there.
It seems like such a long time since I've written in here. My husband and I did give up trying for several months now, but we are slowly, and mean VERY SLOWLY working our way back into trying again for our first! I'm so excited. This is really the first month I have monitored. I kept my account at fertilityfriend.com and continued to sign on every once in a while to update, (mostly to record menstruation) but for this month I have been getting on it daily.
I don't use my BBT anymore. (At least for now anyway.) I found it stressful, and I'm not to that point where I'm ready to go that far into it. However, watching the signs and remembering what to go off of PLUS having my charts has been a fantastic help, and I'm really glad I kept up with it for the most part! I mostly go off of how I feel, my cervical fluid, and different pains, and things that always seem to happen to me during and/or post ovulation (breast swelling, breaking out into sweats, etc.)
I first started charting in January, so this is my 8th cycle now... I think... Maybe 9? No... not quite. And if I'm lucky maybe it won't have to go to 9. Either way, I'm ready to start this again. I just want to move SLOW and not get my hopes up on anything. I just want to stay relaxed and have fun and continue loving and having fun with my husband. =]
It's a little strange (even though I expected it) to come back to the boards and see loads of new people. To the ones that I knew BEFORE, wow, you're amazing girls, and I idolize that you keep trying this month after month. You're a strong group of women, that's for sure! And then there are the newbies who are fun to watch because they pick at every little sign and symptom, and I totally remember doing that.
It's CD 26. I expect AF to be here CD 28-30. If I haven't started by CD 31 I'll probably test, but not before then! No POAS pusher here!!!! BFNs physically hurt me...! Definitely not worth it.
Anyway, I'm using my BBT again so I'm charting my temps now! I started doing that a few days ago so I could have the end of cycle 8 charted.
I have decided to not start using OPKs until after Christmas. They can be a little stressful, and I don't want to deal with it. I want to use Clear Blue digital. The ones with the smiley. It's easier than determining if a line is as dark or is darker than the control line. If I get antsy I'll buy some cheapies online, but I'd rather wait a couple more months first.
I decided to post with some photos on the TTC boards to share with the girls.
Near the bottom of the page: http://www.pregnancy.org/bulletinboa...358726&page=23
The top of the page: http://www.pregnancy.org/bulletinboa...358726&page=24
There's some family photos, some with friends, some from the wedding, and some from the honeymoon.
Where I decided to go ahead and start temping at the end of this cycle, I was able to find out that, yes, I did O at some point because my first two temps were above 97 for me. The last two days they have dropped so I expect AF in the next few days. Blah! At least for cycle 9 I will have temped the whole way through like I used to and like I'm used to. It's so much better knowing than not knowing when you O!!
It will be mine and DH's 1 year wedding anniversary September 29th! YAY!
We plan on getting a tattoo soon that has to do with each other's names. Yes, we are ready to and want to take that big step in tattooing where you get your spouse's name on you. He wants my name in a skeleton key that lines up with his heart. Cute! He's the one that suggested it, and I was like, "I'm in!" We may not get them on the 29th, but it's definitely in our plans for the near future, and it's best to get it done now before I get pregnant because during pregnancy you can't get tats! =[ I also would like to get a forearm sleeve done, but that may have to wait a bit longer. XD
Also, next cycle we are going to go back to trying the whole 'let's BD every other day' deal. I want to start at CD 10 and go till CD 20. That's 6 times a month for sure. Surely we can both be happy with that then have our fun whenever we like without it being planned.
I hope to find some truly awesome cycle sisters. Since being back I have met some really great girls. Everyone is so nice around here. It's hard not to get your hopes up when you have so many people hoping that this is your month! I wish nothing but the best to all of the girls here who are currently TTC!!!!
CD 30 is here. It's also now the 14th, the day FF has decided to tell me I'm most likely to get a visit from AF. However the window for it was for CD 29-31, so I might test CD 32 if AF hasn't shown up by then. I think I have a pg test laying around here somewhere, but if I have to go buy one I will.
I'm crampy, but that's about it. No other signs really. Maybe some irritability? I used a heating pad for a very short time earlier. I've heard using them too much can cause infertility. Is that true? Hmm... maybe I should have a look around to find out or ask one of these great girls on here.
My husband made an account here at pregnancy.org. *Jaw drops* I LOVE that a man is totally getting involved in all of this, and I have such a wonderful husband that he cares about us as a couple and all of the other families TTC! Yes, I lucked out, and we pray for you all!
His ID on here is HopefulHusband. And trust me, there isn't anything TMI you could say to run him off. LOL! I think he's already heard it all. haha!
I wish more DH's would get involved. I think it's amazing that he wants to know more and learn more. He's such a great person. If you see him around, make sure to say hello!
On another note, still no AF, and now that it's after midnight I'm officially on CD 31. This is the last day FF predicted for AF to start and usually I always start on or before CD 30. That means I will probably test CD 32 if no AF by then. *fingers crossed!!* I just don't want to get my hopes up.
The symptoms of AF keep coming and going then they'll come and then completely disappear. It's so strange. I hate this waiting game, but I'm too stubborn to take a test because I'm afraid of getting a BFN... My last two temps have dropped so it's very possible that the witch will show her ugly head at some point before CD 32 gets here. I hope not though! I hope to see a temp rise!!!!
I tested afternoon (yes that is my FMU because I have a bladder illness. it has messed up my days and nights because of the chronic pain i live in from interstitial cystitis.) CD 32 and got a BFN. icon_cry.gif Now it's morning of CD 33. I'm a little crampy and that's about it. Pg symptoms/AF symptoms keep coming and going. I didn't have hardly any symptoms at all of anything yesterday other than really sore bb's and well... that's about it.
If my tests aren't in from babywishes I'll probably buy a couple for cheap at Dollar General. I figure it's not over until AF shows! *crosses fingers!!!!*
I decided to start looking at some numbers/graphs.
Out of 7 cycles:
CD 27 - 1
CD 28 - 3
CD 30 - 2
CD 33 - 1 (possible chemical pregnancy)
[Normal for me to go 28-30 CDs]
Looking at the above by Cycles:
Cycle 1 - 30
Cycle 2 - 28
Cycle 3 - 33 (possible chemical pregnancy)
Cycle 4 - 28
Cycle 5 - 28
Cycle 6 - 27
Cycle 7 - 30
Cycle 8 - 33 and counting
Out of 4 Cycles (i won't have 5 full charts until i am done with my 9th!)
Cycle 1 - 18
Cycle 2 - 16
Cycle 3 - 18
Cycle 4 - 17
[Most fertile CD 16-18]
Out of 8 cycles:
Cycles 1 through 7 - 6 (bled for 4, spotted for 2)
Cycle 8 - 7 (bled for 2 spotted, for 3, off for 1, spotted for 1
[Most normal to bleed for 4, spot for 2]
Out of 4 Cycles:
Cycle 1 - 12
Cycle 2 - 12
Cycle 3 - 15 (possible chemical pregnancy)
Cycle 4 - 11
[It's safe to say 12 days worth of LP days is probably what's most normal for me]
DH will be getting up for work soon. I'm exhausted but have more meds to take because of my bladder. I have to eat with them so I'm going to figure out a way to be half asleep and make it. I might even read if I can keep my eyes open long enough. SO TIRED! I feel more crampy. That just hit about an hour or so ago. I noticed it after my shower. I can feel it in my back too. I think it's PMS... AF is probably going to show sometime after I wake up and before CD 34. I HOPE NOT! *crosses fingers even tighter* By the way, with this piece of crap period that I got for this cycle I cannot believe that I'm not bleeding like a gutted pig already. TMI but seriously... if AF shows this period will be HORRIBLE! Probably heavy and very painful... Blah!
EDIT: I made my chicken noodle soup! Letting it cool. I can't stand for long periods of time because of the bladder illness I have. I'm never on my feet long, and at most I stand for less than 20 minutes. Well, 10 minutes nearly killed me. I still can't decipher if it's cramps or my bladder, but I looked at DH and was like, "Okay, so maybe I AM going to start my period..." He just looked at me a little weird after JUST waking up lol and I just shrugged and walked away. LOL! I have no idea what my body is trying to tell me. This sucks! I just can't tell! I HATE IT!!!!!!! I could vent forever about these stupid little tricks that I don't find the least bit funny!
EDIT again lol: OMG I feel even more crampy now. Almost like something is trying to claw at my uterus. OUCH. IF AF is trying to come she SERIOUSLY needs to get here like NOW so I can order my OPKs (haha) and get on with cycle 9!!! Grrrrr... I'm so impatient! I'm also already in enough pain as it is. WHY?! WHY??!?!!!........... ...stupid body!
EDIT (ok one more!): Still a little crampy, but not as bad. Still no AF. Just confused and want my body to let me know what's up! I seriously need to try and get some sleep, but with my bladder hurting I think it's going to be damn near impossible...
Holy crap I got my first ever EVAP line!! LOL This is the closest time I got close to a BFP with it really being a BFN!... and it's a perfect example as to why you shouldn't look at the test after the 10 minute mark or whatever time it tells you to discard it.
These first 3 were with my cell phone, and I think the second picture shows it the best. It's SO FAINT, but it's definitely there. I showed my DH. It made him anxious. He stayed up hours later than he should have and will now only have four hours of sleep before work... I explained to him what it was, but he didn't seem satisfied since it still seemed to have color to it. Most EVAPs the color or tint that it is doesn't match and on mine it definitely does, but I told him it still didn't appear until well after the 10 minutes mark.
It's CD 34. I plan to test again sometime later today when I've actually had some sleep.
This second pic shows it best out of the first 3. Its VERY faint, but you can see it.
5 from my digi cam. You can barely maybe see it in pics 1 and 2.
I tried a different lighting. LOL! I don't think it worked much.