TTC #1 ~BFP 6/18/07 ~EDD 2/25/08

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TTC #1 ~BFP 6/18/07 ~EDD 2/25/08

Well...

I have a hard copy that I had been writting in. But it seems like since I am on here the majority of the time it might be a good idea for me to type here since I have neglected the other.

I must first say to anyone who reads this that: I CANNOT SPELL!!! So don't mind me. My degree is in Mathematics...I am good with numbers!!!

I really love pg.org. The friendships I have made here are so amazing! It is just really nice to be able to have a place to share what I am going through with others going through the same thing! I cannot stop talking about it! The information I have learned already is priceless...alot of it is better than any book I have read...and I have read SOOO many!

I will post more as I think of it Biggrin This is so fun!!!!

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Oh yeah the whole 2 thing...

There are 2s that keep popping up for me...
my 2nd CY ttc
O on CD 22
temp rise to show O on the 22nd
ShamROCKED 2x
Easter Bunny Bit me 2x
One of the docs came in with her TWINS on O day
I have dreams about twins
there is more...I just can't think of it right now.

I am crazy I know:)

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Today was a fun day:) I got to go golfing with DH and we hope to turn Sunday afternoon into our golf day! It is nice to get out and be active with DH!!!

On the TTC front I have had a TON of creamy CM ever since I Oed...has me very confused. This is so not the norm for me. And there are a few other women in the same boat as me. I just really don't want to get my hopes up this soon. I really want this so badly though! I am just so scared that if I let to much time go by that my endo could get unruly again and make thing very hard. I have been being good and trying to learn everything I can about my body to try to do everything I can to be healthy.

I am just so scared that this is going to be a really long hard struggle for me. And with my endo it is to the point that I don't want to tell anyone I meet in person b/c they are always like I am so sorry...which freaks me out! I just want to have my first child so that I can prove to myself that there is nothing to be worried about...and so that if and when I do tell people I have endo I can tell them that I was able to get past it and have children. I try to stay on the positive...to the point where I try to keep myself in the dark! I am just so scared of the unknown and that I wont be able to have children and that would just kill me and DH!

But I am going to give things time and try not to worry until I need to. This is something that is next to impossible for me. I am the woman that worries about everything. This is another thing I am trying to work on:)

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I am super excited about golf! I did so digging and found it is fine during pregnancy. Here is a link and you can look at other sports too...I found it the most helpful!!!

http://www.health24.com/fitness/Specific_Sports/16-2175-2183-2277,33782.asp

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Today is an off day for me. I just feel so worn out. I am so scared of the unknown.

I feel very blah and just want to curl up and go to sleep. I am scared that I am going to over analyze things and get my hope up too much!

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Crazy emotions right now. I think I just really need some sleep. I think I really get scared when I see others dreams come true and then something happens. I just wish all of us that want our BFP could get them and if there is something wrong that it happen before or at implantation so that the hurt of loss doesn't kill us later. I'm just so scared that this is going to happen to me one day! Life can be so unfair.

I have been trying to be so upbeat today and I just don't have the energy to be. I think I may call it a night for now and try to take a little break from the main boards. I saw the doc with her twins again today and I was so happy! I just hope that is me some day. I feel like it is going to be me...I really do. I am just scared it is all in my head and that I just feel this way because of how badly I want to have a family. And to be the mother I never really had.

I want to test earlier than FF says to but I don't want to see a BFN. I'll see what my temps look like and I may test on the 1st like I was going to do at first. We shall see. I so want this to be it for me.

I refuse to go into any symptoms...I'll put them on FF and nothing else...I am sure that wont happen just like the testing:) I have been feeling O like pain on both sides...not at the same time...and pulling when I stretch...and my dogs have been all over me! Ok I had to get that out:) I am going to have dreams of high temps and implantation to make me feel better. I will be back tomorrow:)

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So this is what I have today: Bloating, Irritability, Fatigue, Backache, Dizziness, Increased Appetite. And I think my alergies are back after 10 years!!!! Oh and hot flashes like crazy today!!!!

So I am going to test on the 2nd b/c the 8th is way too far away...and it was pointed out to me that it is another 2!!!!

Oh how I would love to see 2 lines:)

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Same symptoms and a head ache that I had to break down last night and today and take Tylenol for...and it helped!!!!

I paid for a Cheri prediction to help pass the time in the 2ww. I can't wait to see what she has to say. I am so excited and I will post it when I get it!

DH is so funny. He is being a POAS pusher!!! He wants me to test today at 7 DPO!!!! He said he wants me to get my BFP soon so that he can brag to everyone that he is going to be a daddy!!!! I so hope this is my month!!!!

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well...my symptoms have all more or less gone away except for the weird AF/O type cramps at random and large amounts of creamy CM! So who knows what is going on...if my temps stay up where they are or higher till 12 DPO I will be VERY hopeful:)

Now there are more 2s today. I got the first half of my Cheri prediction...so it will be in 2 parts and she sent it to me just after 2 pm.

Well the first half of the prediction was April as the find out/conseption/birth month and a boy. This made DH day b/c he really wants a son...while I REALLY want both:) So fingers crossed for twins:) It would blow me away if she told me twins in the second part!!!!

The other night I had a dream that when I went in for my first visit that there were 2 heart beats and they said twins and then I went in for an u/s and they said triplets!!!! Oh wow...we would have our work cut out for us:)

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Today has been one of those really crazy days. I have had the oddest things happen. My boobs are secreating a white watery non-sticky something and only when stimpulated. I was super freaked out about that. I did digging and found out it is normal...but I will ask the doc about it on the 23rd. FF is saying that my chart is Possibly Triphasic on Day 30. I am testing tomorrow in the AM. Oh and I have been super b*tch today!!! DH says I have to be preggers. I can't wait to test in the morning. I have never had a night pass as slowly as tonight is!!!!

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I was so sure I was going to get a BFP today...but didn't. I thought I would be ok too...and I'm not. I know 12 DPO is early...but still...no time is a good time to see a BFN! What a wonderful Monday this is going to be for me :cry:

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Well...13 DPO still no AF and still no BFP. I keep getting really scared that AF is here b/c of cramps...but it is gas pain...I just go poo and I feel better...4 times today already (Carrie would be so proud...lol). Well I will test again in the AM and hope for no AF and a +!!!!

I know DH has his hopes up real high! He keeps calling and asking me how I am...translation...has AF shown. He keeps telling me its ok this is only our 2nd shot. I would just feel like I was letting him down if I wasn't. He keeps asking me what I think and I don't know if I can trust what I think and feel anymore! Everything is all out of wack.

I JUST WANT TO KNOW!!!! Is that asking too much?

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Well...

Next week I am going to have my GYN mail/fax my records to my new OBGYN before my appointment on the 23rd. At the same time I am going to ask my GYN if I should talk to her more about my endo and what was found in my lap done SEVERAL YEARS ago or if I should talk to the new doc about it on the 23rd. I know this is only CY 2...but already my cycles are getting longer and longer...back to "normal:( What good is Oing if the rest isn't working??!?!?

Waiting for AF sucks! My temps are down and I just want her to just get her stupid torture done before the weekend so I can relax then! I really am going to try a more laid back approach this CY and try not to stress out so much (yeah right)! I am just going to try not to get my hopes up...

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CD 1...

So I am going to try to be relaxed abou things this time. I am not going to DTD just because I am Oing...I am going to go with how I feel and how DH feels and go from there. I think I just need to relax...I was a little too high strung last CY and I don't need to be that way. I need to make this fun and enjoyable and not work for us!

So I went a little crazy in the buying department. I got a few things to help me relax that are ttc related. I got a book on relaxation, a Yoga 4 Fertility DVD, and a CD too. I also have my anual/ pre-pregnancy check up with the new OBGYN. So I am feeling good.

I am also going to take this time to learn alot more about endo. I want to be able to ask the doc loads of questions and see where she stands.

I am going to lurk on the birth boards and resist posting. I think it just got my hopes up too high. I loved being in there though...but I just don't think I can handle it until I get my BFP!

I am going to keep positive engery...:)

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I know I said I wasn't going to be a birth board hopper anymore...but I just can't stay away. I think I just need to keep in mind not to get my hopes up too high!!! I learned alot of priceless info while on December and who knows what I might miss out on if I don't talk it up in January!!! Maybe I will end up with twins due and January that come early and I get my new years babies!!! That would be nice...but I just want a happy healthy baby and any day will do just fine...just hope it is soon:)

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I am so blah lately! I don't know what my problem is. I have been more relaxed this CY so far but I don't know. I know lately I have been very emotional and I just don't know what is wrong (within the last 2 days). I just feel like it isn't going to happen for me. I know listen to me boo hoo...but that is just the way I feel right now. I am trying to stay positive and all but it is just hard right now for some reason. I think it is just getting to me that there are so many women that can get a BFP right off the bat while the rest of us strugle with it! I think I will be beter after I go to the doc and talk with her about everything that is going on with me. I just want to have my baby and be happy!

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Well if I am not pregnant I am getting a Monitor on CD1 to help me! I am sick of reading lines! I have gotten so many different results on the internet hpts that I just want to scream!!! I still have yet to get something...anything...on a name brand hpt. I am acared to use a digital because I don't want to see it say not pregnant. I am scared to get a blood test because I hate needles and I am scared that it too will say I have 0 hcg. I don't trust the opks anymore. Based on my last two CYs regardless of anything else I should have my answer by next weekend and most likely before Sad I just wish it could be just a little easier!

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I thought I had some weird cramps before. Today they are even more bizare. I really don't want to get my hopes up. I am just lurking on boards right now and seeing how everyone else is and not posting. I still feel like I need to type out how I am doing and so that is what I am doing here.

I keep going back and forth on how I feel and what I want to do. I am just so confused. Well one really weird thing today and yesterday...and I am going to sound crazy...but my pee smells like fried chicken in the afternoon! I even made DH smell and he agrees. So I don't know what the deal is. The only change I have had is that I eat breakfast at work now (baccon eggs and potato).

I think it is calming me down not to post on the boards. I know it has only been a day...but still. For all I know it could just be that it is FRIDAY!!!!

I took a look at my chart and made one adjustment. I changed the temp on 5 DPO. The temp I had in there was within 6 hours of me taking Tylenol for a head ache and before my normal time. The temp I used is about 3 hours after my normal time, but it was about 9 hours after I took Tylenol. Granted most of my temps were taken much earlier than normal. The solid circled ones are the only ones taken at my normal time and the rest more than an hour before. So I am up in the air. Oh and the spotting on 6 DPO is from my pap smear. I had my yearly check up that day. Plus to make matters even better I had a yeast infection that I took meds for that day that the obgyn told me to take. So I have no clue if the infection or meds could have messed with my temps. I have no clue what the deal is with the 2nd + OPK. Regardless of anything I am almost positive I did O it is just a matter of when. If I don't have my period by this time next week and no bfp and temps still up I will be hopeful then!!!

I know I said I was going to wait until Monday to take the digital...but I think I am going to take it on Sunday and go with the every other day method. Oh and I did some chart stalking and found some charts that give me hope...here they are:

Negative hpt on 22 DPO and + blood on 23 DPO

Negative hpt on 19 DPO and + blood on 25 DPO

I hope I am able to get a positive hpt and not need a blood test. I want to see the words pregnant and be able to take an hpt part way through the pregnancy and be able to feel better until an appointment b/c I see a blazing positive. The nurse at the obgyn office I talked to told me to call he back on Tuesday if no AF and still no bfp. So I hope I will be able to get a blood test then. I want this to be my turn! And I also just want to know so that I don't keep getting my hopes up if I'm not!

The joys of ttc!!!!

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So this is what FF tells me this morning after I enter my temp: You have more than 18 days of high temperature
Please take a test, you may be pregnant!

Yeah so I didn't read that until after I peed. Plus this morning I feel like a baloon!!! I thought I was bloated before...but man on man. If I am not pregnant my body is beain REALLY mean to me!!! I had AF like cramps last night before I went to bed and they scared me. I know there is still a chance that AF will show and that a few of my temps were off and that I didn't O on CD 13...but time will tell. So I will take the digital in the morning...so nervouse (sp?)!

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I'll be honest...I am SCARED $HITLESS to test tomorrow. I would so much rather see red than to see a digital say not pregnant. I feel like tomorrow is the big exam and I didn't study as hard as I could have!

I talked to DH about everything this morning and about how I wouldn't get my hopes up too much higher until next Friday if I don't get a BFP yet since based on last CY AF would have hit. To which he says I thought you said you were already late and that it was the only reason he had his hopes up real high. He so doesn't understand all of the charting and all! So of course that hurt me a little that he was only going on that. Now that I read that I think I am the crazy one since I don't even trust what is going on. He has been at work and keeps calling and saying sorry and that he really does thing I am pregnant.

At this point I really don't feel like I can trust myself. Most of the time I feel like I am but I keep telling myself I am not. I should have insisted on a blood test last week!!! I am really kicking myself now. At least I would know and not have to hope that a test is telling the truth. If I see it say pregnant tomorrow I think I will have a heart atack or faint or something. I think every test in the house will end up being used and Lord only know how many more I might buy just to prove that all the others are not false positives. And here I go talking about getting a positive again when who knows if I even ovulated on CD 13.

Well I did get some cleaning up done today...which helps me to relax. I feel so much better when everything is nice clean and organized. It has been really hard for me to get motivated lately. It seems like all I want to do is well...nothing! I just don't have the energy to get the things done that I want and need to get done. It is alot of the reason I like being on here typing. This doesn't use up too much energy. I wonder how many calories I burn typing...LOL!!!

I did get a little more reading in. I am trying to re-read all of the Harry Potter books again before July 21st for the third time...well the last one it will be the second. I love these books. I can't get enough of these books I think they are just wonderful. I can take my mind off of things and get lost in the story for a while. I have some major catching up to do. I am only part way through the second book and will have 4 more after that. And the rest of them are much longer. I think it is so funny...I pre ordered the last 2 books and the last one for July. Yet the last one I didn't read right away since I was re-reading the books and I know it will be the same this time. I just want to make sure I have it though. I know I am crazy!!! I think they are wonderful books about people and relationship with an interesting twist. Anyhoo...I know that is off topic but it helps to relax me! I will be reading Harry Potter to my baby before he or she is born Smile I can't wait!!! If I am now...I think I may have to start over with the first book...LOL...I can't have my baby to be miss out on anything...LOL!!!

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Tomorrow feels like Christmas to me. It could be the day that I get the gift I really want...or it could be the day that they forget again! :? I am tired but I almost don't want tomorrow to come. I was also looking at tickers and it scared me. I saw that I would have just over 35 weeks left. I know that is still basicaly 8 months...but still. To me right now it feels like it is right around the corner. I don't mind though.

Oh I was bad but good today. I ordered 8 more Disney movies to add to my collection. They were 50% off after the first 2 at regular price. Once I find out I am pregnant I am going to start on the Baby Einstein collection. I think they are so cute!!! Plus they are not too expensive. And the baby wish list will go into a registry and I can finally indulge in some little baby gear items and buy stuff that is on a really good sale! I think I am getting way too ahead of myself.

Oh and I know day time temps don't make much of a difference...but they have been over 99 all day today when they are normaly mid to high 98 post ovulation. Yes I am addicted to temping. And I am tempted to say what my DH says about it...but it is dirty...use your imagination!!!

OK...must go to bed and dream of positives. I know I had some crazy dreams last night...

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Well...I saw the dreaded words not pregnant on the digital. I am going to go back to sleep and temp in 3 hours if I can stay asleep that long. I did temp at 2:45 this morning with a little over 2.5 hours sleep and it was 97.8. So I will use that if I can't get back to sleep. This is such a bummer. So I will test again on Tuesday morning unless the witch shows before then. I just wish AF wouldn't drag out so far if I really am not pregnant. If I didn't really ovulate until the 2nd + opk then I have another 3-5 days to wait before AF and me getting the Monitor for next CY. If I didn't Ovulate on CD 13 then I don't really have a shot at all. So far I am able to hold it together...

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So my sleep didn't get much better. I even had a dream about temping and a few other things. I woke up thinking it was real and that I had already temped at 9 am and so I looked at the term and it wasn't the same temp. So I took my temp without looking at the clock and it was really 6:45 Sad Talk about some real dreams. It was real enough to make me think it was later and that I had already temped and got 98.1!

Well...I didn't post this earlier. This is the test I had to look at:

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I am going to demand a blood test for hcg and progesterone tomorrow if no AF. If I am pregnant regardless of when I did Ovulate I will be at least 9 DPO tomorrow. I have played with FF and taken away tests and all and going by temps only I am over 9 DPO. So I can stop stressing over everything if I know if I am based on a blood test!

DH is so sweet. When he got up a little while ago he at first acts like the test is his and not mine just to be silly. Then he takes a pen and crosses out the not and tells me hun this test says your pregnant. He is a keeper!!!

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Well I just read the following on peeonastick.com
I wanted to see how crazy I was to think there was still a chance.

5. Can I still be pregnant if the test is negative (have a "false negative")? In a word, yes. You could be testing too early (before your baby is making enough pregnancy hormone to be detected by the test.) And some women (this is fairly rare, but possible) never get a positive urine test even when they're definitely pregnant (for some reason the hormone doesn't make it into their urine.) I have a friend who didn't get a positive HPT until 25 DPO! (With her second baby, a test at 23 DPO was negative . . . but a test on 30 DPO was positive. Oddly enough, with #3, her positive test came at only 12 DPO.) If you get a negative test but think you might be preggo anyway, wait a couple of days (giving the hCG hormone time to build up) and try again. It's not over until the fat lady sings-- and your period crashes the party.

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And I just found this as well. So from the looks of it in all cases...it would be a really good idea for me to go see my obgyn...

18. My period is really late, but my HPT's are still negative. What's up? For women who chart their fertility: One of the main causes of a delayed period (extra-long luteal phase with high temps) with negative pregnancy tests is a luteal cyst. In a nutshell: when you ovulate, your egg ruptures from a small follicle. This follicle is known as the "corpus luteum" (literally means "yellow body," named for its color, and is the origin of the term "luteal phase.")

Anyway, the corpus luteum produces progesterone. In the event of pregnancy, this progesterone will support the growing embryo until the placenta takes over and makes enough progesterone for itself. Then the corpus luteum shrivels up and stops functioning.

In the event that there is NO pregnancy, the corpus luteum also shrivels up and stops functioning-- ending the luteal phase. The drop in progesterone causes your period to begin.

SOMETIMES, however, there is no pregnancy, but the corpus luteum turns into a small cyst and continues to secrete progesterone long after it's supposed to stop. This is called a luteal cyst, and is responsible for too many false hopes! (Progesterone also causes PMS and pregnancy-like symptoms, such as tender breasts.) If this is the problem, it's simple to resolve (usually a single injection takes care of it) but your doctor needs to see you! Note: this type of cyst is not the same type associated with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS.) Women with PCOS are no more or less likely to develop a luteal cyst, and women who develop luteal cysts do not necessarily have PCOS. Luteal cysts do not cause false positive HPT's.

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well...another negative this morning on an internet test! Called the OBGYN office and the nurse told me to wait another week and wouldn't give me a blood test. She told me not to stress that it can delay my period! Last time I checked...stress cannot delay your period once you have olulated. Stress can delay olulation though! So it figures as soon as I am willing to do a blood test I can't get one! I was stress free all the way up until I was I don't know...late and no positive test. So I give up! You think they might do a blood test if they can feel the baby kick...even then I'm not sure! So back to waiting...another freaking week. I just want to know...at this point I will be happy if AF shows...at least then I will know something!!!!

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Well...I took another IC hpt this morning. Still no change. It is still the VERY faint pink line that I think is most likely just an evap. DH looked at it and said...I thought you said it was negative!!! I don't think I will be happy until I see it on a name brand. I will use my second digital on Friday morning and hopefuly get a blood test later that day and know something by Monday! I hope so anyway!!!

DH has now had 2 people walk up to him and tell him I am pregnant. Just 2 random people that he was talking to while he was working. There is the crazy woman who looked into his eyes and said I was and the crazy man who tested the air and said I was. VERY odd...I would love it if they are right.

Oh and the whole constipation thing I thought it was a fluke the first 2 times...well now I don't know. I am an at least once a day more likely 2 times a day...well now I am like an every other day rabit poo lady. It is killing me. Oh and I have been doing these weird dry heaves coughing things lately now. VERY odd. I think I am looking too deep into things. I could go on, but I am going to stop there and get ready for work.

If I am preggo...I will at least be a lot closer to my u/s day!!!

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I am so bad! The other day I went and set up pregnancy tickers so that I would have one ready for when I do get my bfp...I keep thinking it is just around the corner. I am very calm about it. A few of my posts on my journal bit the dust with the update...so I know it doesn't look that way...but I am. I feel oh so ill this morning...every day this week the lady I share an office with keeps asking me if I am ok that I look like I am not feeling my best...to which...yeah I think it is alergies or something!!!

Well here are the tickers I played with...I know it is sad...but it helps pass the time!!!

I can't wait until I can really use them...even if I have to change the due date...I want it to be my turn...and I know my time will come Smile

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Well...my wonderful PCP came through and thought it was time for a quantitative blood test. I might find out the results on Friday...but most likely not until Monday since they have to send the tests out to be done. So my fingers are crossed. And he said we are going to think POSITIVE Smile And if it turns out I am not...I am going to get my monitor!!! My doc told me I just wanted another toy to play with if I wasn't pregnant. He is right...I have to have something to cheer me up IF I am not pregnant!!! I love my PCP...he is the greatest.

Oh and the most recent events...nipples throb...dry heaves this morning...and horible heartburn...and hungry buffalo is what I am!!! So if I am not preggo I am crazy!!!

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Where oh where could miss AF be oh where oh where could she be? Drumming fingers :evil: My temp took the second step down...this should be the day she shows! I really wish she wouldn't play games...I mean no cramps or what not yet! I know she is just being mean :?

I am just so worn out from this week. I am so glad tomorrow is Friday. I feel like I could go to sleep right now and it is only 8:30. I am tempted to go to bed now...but DH will not be home for another hour Sad Where is the skip to the next scene button!

Well...I can't wait to see what my body does tomorrow...

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I got my Clearblue Easy Fetility Monitor yesterday!!! I set it for CD 4 this morning Smile As soon as CD 6 hits the PIAC begins again!!!

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Well...DH is really getting on board with following through with the whole lets make a baby and that means BDing!!! I have to practically beat him off with a stick b/c we said we were going to go with the every other day method this time. So if you look at my chart for today you will see what I mean Smile I just hope we get our February baby!!! I really think it would be wonderful. DH's birthday is Feb 28 and if I O around the same time we will be due a few days before that!!! SO I am supper excited. Plus our 2 year is here on June 18th. I would so love it if we had that time to be happy over a BFP rather than not being able to do anything b/c the witch shows around there. I already didn't get to give DH birthday sex this year because AF hit that morning! I don't want to miss our 2 year as well!
We are still unsure if we are going to go anywhere for the 18th or not. I really want to get out of the house. Last year we got a room with a hot tub...but that wouldn't work if I am pregnant. That is going to be one thing I am REALLY going to miss...BUBBLE BATHS!!! I love them...but I can go without Smile So come on baby! I almost want to O later than normal so I can test on our 2 year for good luck!!! I might try to hold out until then anyway as long as AF does not show. I have a bunch of digitals waiting to be used when the time is right. I am sick of reading lines.
I am waiting to see my clearblue easy fertility monitor say peak. It has said high from CD 7 on! Crazy I know...but I'll take it. I just hope that I am able to see it say peak even if it is only for a day!!!
I think if this isn't our time that we are going to take a semi laid back let it happen while temping and fertility monitor just to get to know my body a little more and then if we want to use the information then go for it.
Well off to do some more latch hooking to relax!
This is what the one I am working on will look like when it is done. It is HUGE!!!

You can pick these up anywhere and they have all different patterns this is my 3rd one and biggest one!!! I will post pictures when it is done and I hand it up!!!

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Well...I am so worn out today and I think I am getting sick Sad I am waiting to O too! Oh well I am not going to let it get to me. I am just scared it is strep...never had it before and want to keep it that way. My throat is on fine and there is some white back there Sad So if I am away for a while that is why. I am going to try to get some good sleep tonight. With any luck today will be my O day and I will be able to be sick during the 2ww to help the time go by and just before the weekend too Sad

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I have a bad feeling that A) This is going to be an anno cycle or Dirol I am sleeping with my mouth open causing my temps to be super low. I know it isn't the therm...I tested it and checked it against my back up and at other times. Plus my monitor will not change from High to Peak And I have had all of this wonderful CM and it is going to waste I am not stressed...just sad and bummed out b/c my period will most likely end up hitting on our 2 year wedding anni. the 18th. I have a feeling that this is going to be my last CY temping. My allergies have really been kicking in this summer and that might be why my temps are off right now which has me second guessing my cm.

I just wish I had my own lab and u/s so that I could check everything to see where I am at in my cycle and not need anything else...

Oh a good note...I did some gardening yesterday for the first time since I was a kid. It will be fun to see if I can get everything to grow So I think I might do some more today. We have let some of the flower beads grow over and I am scared to go in them b/c I saw a snake in them yesterday and I just don't want to have a heart attack!!! Think is that is where I want to plant our veggie garden! We will see. I am going to see if DH will help me and if not I will pay a landscapping company to come in and move everything so that I can plant. I will make them do the hard part and then I will do the rest:)

Hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday!!!

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Well I am 5 DPO now and so I feel safe getting my tickers ready just in case! YES I AM CRAZY!!!!

I just love to look at them and think these could be real. I will be testing on the 18th!!!

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I'm just not feeling it this month. I don't know what it is. I just don't feel like it is my time. It could be the stress getting to me. There is alot going on at work right now and that seems to consume me right now. I don't think our dreams are going to come true until I am more relaxed. I need my vacation next week! BLAH!

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Still no more hope for me today. I feel like AF is going to show early Sad Granted I have had a ton of stress yesterday and today so my stomach might just be a little messed up. I am feeling a little better stress wise right now. I was able to take care of one really big something that makes me feel more job security!!! So now I am just going to keep working really hard at work and things will only continue to get better. I just wish the parking was better at work Sad Oh well...I am happy there and that is that!!!

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I am still not feeling all that hopeful Sad DH keeps trying to get me to test today. I really just do not want to see a negative test. If it is positive tomorrow I am going to be over the moon!!!

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Wow...I wasn't feeling hopeful and it turns out I am pregnant!!! I don't even know what to say!! Here are the test in the order I took them. There is a faint line on the last one...not sure if I left it in long enough.

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Good things come to those who wait! I am so happy that it came true for me!!! I am in shock still. And the nausea is hitting like crazy today Sad As long as this ends in a happy healthy baby and family I am just fine with it!

I have my first appointment this Wednesday with the NP and then an OBGYN on Monday. They are going by my LMP and so I think they think I am 6 weeks and not 4. I am going to let it go so that I can get in early. I feel bad about it in a way...like I am not telling the truth. Oh well...we will see what happens...

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Well I had the first visit with the nurse to go over history and get a urinalysis done and basic blood tests. Right now they say I am due on Feb 17th based on LMP. I will be meeting with one of the docs on Monday to have a few more test, physical, and a vaginal u/s. So I can't wait to see what they end up saying the EDD is then. I am going to make sure I bring my chart with me to show them how far along I think I am so that they will not say I am an at risk pregnancy just b/c they think I should be further along. I have warned DH not to freak out if they are not able to find anything on the u/s and that they may say some bad things so that he is not freaking out in there. I would love it if we were able to see something on Monday...but I am not going to get my hopes up!!!

I am going to continue to post over here until I am sure that we are more or less in the clear. I have everything here already anyway!!!