I have a hard copy that I had been writting in. But it seems like since I am on here the majority of the time it might be a good idea for me to type here since I have neglected the other.
I must first say to anyone who reads this that: I CANNOT SPELL!!! So don't mind me. My degree is in Mathematics...I am good with numbers!!!
I really love pg.org. The friendships I have made here are so amazing! It is just really nice to be able to have a place to share what I am going through with others going through the same thing! I cannot stop talking about it! The information I have learned already is priceless...alot of it is better than any book I have read...and I have read SOOO many!
I will post more as I think of it This is so fun!!!!
Oh yeah the whole 2 thing...
There are 2s that keep popping up for me...
my 2nd CY ttc
O on CD 22
temp rise to show O on the 22nd
Easter Bunny Bit me 2x
One of the docs came in with her TWINS on O day
I have dreams about twins
there is more...I just can't think of it right now.
I am crazy I know
Today was a fun day I got to go golfing with DH and we hope to turn Sunday afternoon into our golf day! It is nice to get out and be active with DH!!!
On the TTC front I have had a TON of creamy CM ever since I Oed...has me very confused. This is so not the norm for me. And there are a few other women in the same boat as me. I just really don't want to get my hopes up this soon. I really want this so badly though! I am just so scared that if I let to much time go by that my endo could get unruly again and make thing very hard. I have been being good and trying to learn everything I can about my body to try to do everything I can to be healthy.
I am just so scared that this is going to be a really long hard struggle for me. And with my endo it is to the point that I don't want to tell anyone I meet in person b/c they are always like I am so sorry...which freaks me out! I just want to have my first child so that I can prove to myself that there is nothing to be worried about...and so that if and when I do tell people I have endo I can tell them that I was able to get past it and have children. I try to stay on the positive...to the point where I try to keep myself in the dark! I am just so scared of the unknown and that I wont be able to have children and that would just kill me and DH!
But I am going to give things time and try not to worry until I need to. This is something that is next to impossible for me. I am the woman that worries about everything. This is another thing I am trying to work on
I am super excited about golf! I did so digging and found it is fine during pregnancy. Here is a link and you can look at other sports too...I found it the most helpful!!!
Today is an off day for me. I just feel so worn out. I am so scared of the unknown.
I feel very blah and just want to curl up and go to sleep. I am scared that I am going to over analyze things and get my hope up too much!
Crazy emotions right now. I think I just really need some sleep. I think I really get scared when I see others dreams come true and then something happens. I just wish all of us that want our BFP could get them and if there is something wrong that it happen before or at implantation so that the hurt of loss doesn't kill us later. I'm just so scared that this is going to happen to me one day! Life can be so unfair.
I have been trying to be so upbeat today and I just don't have the energy to be. I think I may call it a night for now and try to take a little break from the main boards. I saw the doc with her twins again today and I was so happy! I just hope that is me some day. I feel like it is going to be me...I really do. I am just scared it is all in my head and that I just feel this way because of how badly I want to have a family. And to be the mother I never really had.
I want to test earlier than FF says to but I don't want to see a BFN. I'll see what my temps look like and I may test on the 1st like I was going to do at first. We shall see. I so want this to be it for me.
I refuse to go into any symptoms...I'll put them on FF and nothing else...I am sure that wont happen just like the testing I have been feeling O like pain on both sides...not at the same time...and pulling when I stretch...and my dogs have been all over me! Ok I had to get that out I am going to have dreams of high temps and implantation to make me feel better. I will be back tomorrow
So this is what I have today: Bloating, Irritability, Fatigue, Backache, Dizziness, Increased Appetite. And I think my alergies are back after 10 years!!!! Oh and hot flashes like crazy today!!!!
So I am going to test on the 2nd b/c the 8th is way too far away...and it was pointed out to me that it is another 2!!!!
Oh how I would love to see 2 lines
Same symptoms and a head ache that I had to break down last night and today and take Tylenol for...and it helped!!!!
I paid for a Cheri prediction to help pass the time in the 2ww. I can't wait to see what she has to say. I am so excited and I will post it when I get it!
DH is so funny. He is being a POAS pusher!!! He wants me to test today at 7 DPO!!!! He said he wants me to get my BFP soon so that he can brag to everyone that he is going to be a daddy!!!! I so hope this is my month!!!!
well...my symptoms have all more or less gone away except for the weird AF/O type cramps at random and large amounts of creamy CM! So who knows what is going on...if my temps stay up where they are or higher till 12 DPO I will be VERY hopeful
Now there are more 2s today. I got the first half of my Cheri prediction...so it will be in 2 parts and she sent it to me just after 2 pm.
Well the first half of the prediction was April as the find out/conseption/birth month and a boy. This made DH day b/c he really wants a son...while I REALLY want both So fingers crossed for twins It would blow me away if she told me twins in the second part!!!!
The other night I had a dream that when I went in for my first visit that there were 2 heart beats and they said twins and then I went in for an u/s and they said triplets!!!! Oh wow...we would have our work cut out for us
Today has been one of those really crazy days. I have had the oddest things happen. My boobs are secreating a white watery non-sticky something and only when stimpulated. I was super freaked out about that. I did digging and found out it is normal...but I will ask the doc about it on the 23rd. FF is saying that my chart is Possibly Triphasic on Day 30. I am testing tomorrow in the AM. Oh and I have been super b*tch today!!! DH says I have to be preggers. I can't wait to test in the morning. I have never had a night pass as slowly as tonight is!!!!