Well it's been almost 2 weeks since my last post, because there really hasn't been anything to report. It is now day 54 of this cycle, and still no AF. So I will start taking the birth control pills this evening. I'm trying to decide wether to take a 3rd hpt, just to be sure. But I don't think I'm up to it. So here comes a 3 month hiatus from ttc. It's a little frusterating, but I think I need the break. It'll give me a chance to focus on fixing some things anyway. Trying not to be depressed about this. Who knows, Maybe I'll get pregnant right away after this. God I hope so.
I read this other girls journal, and she is finally pregnant now. Reading that, really gave me hope. I'll keep posting while I'm on the pill if I have something to say.
Well I was trying to decide wether to post now or not, since I've been taking the pill. I decided to post cause it is a step on my journey to conceive, so should be included in my journal.
I've been on the pill for 5 days. having lots of headaches and stomach upset. hopefully that goes away soon. 3 months, minus five days, before I can go off and start trying again. God, I really hope this helps regulate my cycles. If I'm lucky, maybe I'll be pregnant by the end of the year. For these three months I'm going to work really hard to lose some weight. Start taking a multivitamin, etc. I'll be as healthy as I can get, and then maybe...
Potty training! She's doing really well, but lately lots of accidents. Yesterday, right after I finished posting, my little girl came up to me and said Mommie, I peed in my room. So I go in, see the wet spot, and get scrubbing. That's when I noticed the ODOR. I looked down, and mere inches from my foot was a great big poop! I had nearly stepped in it. Gross!!
Anyways, done whining. Day 6 of the pill. I am getting LOTS OF CRAMPS. I suppose it's no great surprise, I haven't had AF since May 1st. Hopefully at the end of this artificial cycle AF will show up. Then, 2 more cycles, and I can start charting and ttc again. The doc says no point charting now, cause theres nothing to chart. Anyways, started dieting today, so will keep posting any weight I lose. Feeling pretty tired today, so I'm gonna go veg now.
So 6 more pills, then HOPEFULLY, AF will arrive. I never thought I would ever look forward to that so much. I don't know what's going to happen next if it doesn't happen. My last period was May 1st.
So countdown to starting ttc again-69 days.
So yesterday we rearranged the house. We moved Michaela into the blue room, and made her old room a computer room. We've been living here over a year, and never thought to do that. The blue room was supposed to be the new baby's room. In 12 days it'll be a year since the miscarriage. I guess we (DH and I) have finally come to terms with it. I still think about it every day, but it doesn't seem to hurt quite so much anymore. I guess moving rooms helps, too. We never used the blue room before, it was just sort of waiting, for the baby who never came. Now we know for sure that it'll be at least another year before the third bedroom is needed, so we can put it to good use.
Countdown to ttc-67 days.
So It should now be like, the 4th day of my period. But still no sign. I'm incredibly frustrated. If AF hasn't shown up by tuesday, I'll make a drs appt. I'm also kinda nervous. What If I am actually pregnant, and just didn't know it? does bc cause birth defects? I don't want to think about that cause I don't want to get my stupid hopes up again.
I hate hate hate this!
So, after 79 days, AF has FINALLY arrived! Very light, lots of cramps, headache, etc. I never thought I'd be so glad to get my period, but when I saw the blood this morning (sorry if TMI), I wanted to throw a party! Anyways, aside from the cramps, and headache, I'm really tired and irritable. My eyes are actually burning, and I had a 2 hour nap this afternoon while Michaela was napping. I am so lucky. Lots of my friends' kids quit napping before they were 2, and my girl still naps 2 hours nearly every day. She didn't wear a diaper at her nap today, and still woke up DRY! I think I'll put the rubber sheet on her bed and she can go diaper free for all her naps. Not over night though-12 hours is far too long to expect her to stay dry.
So AF is still going strong. Lots of cramps, and my head is just pounding. Tommorrow I move on to my next cycle of pills. Trying really hard to eat well and take good care of myself. I'm actually posting right now to procrastinate from doing housework. Dishes, laundry, vaccuuming, mopping...sigh it never ends. Well since I can't really think of much else to say, back to the grind
Do you ever wish you were a Stepford Wife? I'm a stay at home mom, and I sometimes wish I were. There houses are always so perfectly clean, they make perfect meals, and always have something yummy baking in the oven. Somehow they manage always to be perfectly coiffed, and have time to do their daily arobics, AND be a perfect, doting wife and mother. I'm not saying I'm a slob, but my home is always sloppy looking. Not dirty, but messy. I am a doting mother, my life revolves around Michaela, and she's always clean and well fed, even if I don't have time to cook a three course meal. I definitely am not coiffed. I feel frumpy most of the time, although my best friend insists I am not, and if I were, my mother would definitely tell me.
I am blessed, however, with a wonderful husband. He actually helps out a lot. We have a barter system. Chores for favors LOL just kidding! But we do barter. Just today I said," Chad, if you will do the dishes, I'll mend your shirts and sew the buttons back on." So he washed the dishes(a chore I DETEST) and I did the mending(which I kind of enjoy doing, anyways.) Then I dried and put away the dishes, he wiped the counters, and as an added bonus, he vaccumed the floor. Lucky me.
Now for the rant section of my program. I say"so what do you want to do tonite?"
He says"Drink some beer and watch porn?"
I say"How about we drink some beer and watch an actual movie?"
He says"Why don't you want to watch porn?"
I say,"Why DO you want to watch porn?"
Anyways, I won't go back over the entire dialogue with you, but suffice it to say that I don't like porn. Chad knows this, so I don't know why he bothers to ask. I don't like porn. I think it's icky. It's not the naked bodies, smooshing together that I find so unpleasent, it's the camera angles. Well, and the anal. That disturbs me too a little. I just don't like to see close ups of a penis going into a vulva. Or oral sex. Or anal sex, either. It looks yucky. Sex organs themselves are not gross, but, really, do we need to see them streched and pulled and yanked and chewed, from various angles? If we were supposed to look at that, we would have eyes between our thighs, not on our faces! In conclusion, on the subject of porn, a great big EEWW! Sorry if TMI or too explicit. I don't want to offend anyone.
Last night Michaela had her first camping trip, with my parents. So Chad and I got the night off, which was really nice. But I couldn't sleep, cause I was worrying-for nothing of course.
Well, I have 3 more days on this cycle of pills, then AF should arrive. They must be helping, cause I haven't had any cramping at all this month, till yesterday. I usually have cramps all month long for some reason. Now I have pms, and I know because of the cramps. The nausea I had last month has mostly past, but I still get headaches every single day. The pill does that to me. Some days it's just an annoying discomfort, and sometimes, it's a raging, puking migraine. Today it's somewhere in between. Maybe next cycle the headaches will ease up, just like the cramping did this cycle.