TTC #3, Please Lord, only 1 this time!

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Joined: 11/13/02
Posts: 98
TTC #3, Please Lord, only 1 this time!

October 27, 2003

Well, here goes. Seems so weird that I am starting a TTC journal. Technically, we will not actually be TTCing until January, but this seemed like a very fitting time to begin my new journal. There are a couple of big things going on right now that will allow us to TTC. 1. I have one BC patch left (1 week) and then I am done with BC until the next one is born and done nursing. 2. Friday is my last day of work. I have made the decision to commit career suicide and become a SAHM. I know it will be worth it, though!

Everyone who I talk to here at is very supportive of my desire to TTC again. But it seems like everyone here in my "real" life thinks I am nuts. TTC with 7 month old twins?? You can't afford it! You should wait until the girls are older so you cam give them lots of attention! How are you going to be able to handle three kids?? I am so sick of the comments. Yes, my girls are still very young. And I don't know what God has in store for me on this TTC journey, but hopefully I will be pregnant by April. That means that the girls would be approximately a year and a half old when the next baby is born. In my eyes, it's perfect. I don't want to wait too long so that the twins are close, and then there's a third wheel who is too young to relate to... the annoying little brother or sister that they are forced to bring along with them when they go places.

If I knew for sure that we would be having 4, then it wouldn't be such a big deal. We could wait a few years, then have 2 more really close in age. But who knows? I am not sure that we will still want another once we have 3.

Anyway, I am glad that we are planning for this one. The girls were truly an accident... well, a suprise anyway. And then to find out there were 2 in there! Man, was that a shocking U/S. It will be nice to actually be preparing for this one. We are not, however, telling anyone in our families that we are TTC. We don't want to deal with the comments or the questions. We would like for it to be a suprise to everyone else when it does happen again.

I have been reading the journals of some of the other women on here who are TTCing. I pray for them that their quest for a child are answered very soon. It seems so unfair to me that there are people who don't even want children who get pregnant and either choose to end it, or who choose to neglect their children. Then there are others who wait their whole life to be a mommy. Just makes no sense. The girls weren't planned, but they were very much wanted. They are well-loved and I thank God every day for the blessing that I have been given. I wouldn't wish twins on ANYONE, but as people have always told me, God never gives you more than you can handle. But I wonder how easy or hard it will be for me to TTC again. Since it wasn't planned before, I am not sure if it was a fluke, or if I am just really fertile. I am hoping that it is easy again this time around, but I am not counting on anything. So here's hoping!!

To all of you other ladies who are TTC, I am praying for you and wishing that you get everything that you want! I hope you don't mind me starting a journal so early, but there are so many feelings and stuff that I need to put somewhere, even though we haven't started yet. So I can't wait to start my journey with you all!


Joined: 11/13/02
Posts: 98

October 28, 2003

Well, the countdown is on. After today there are only 3 more days of work for me here at my office. Not quite sure how I feel about that. I am happy, relieved, and sad all together. I feel like I am kind of losing some of my purpose. But I am excited to have so much more time to spend with my girls. I just received an e-mail from my boss's boss Smile telling me how valuable I have been to the company, what a great job I have done, how I am a great "strategic thinker" and how much I will be missed. It really made me feel so wonderful. It's weird how you never realize how appreciated you are until you are leaving. :-?

I start my part time job tonight at Target. I have to go through the stupid orientation again tonight. I went through it last year when I was hired there for a seasonal position. I hope it goes fast tonight! I will miss my babies. :cry: I won't get to see them at all-- I dropped them off at daycare this morning at 7:30 and they will be sleeping when I finally get to see them again. Oh well, it'll pay off in the end. The girls were really crabby this morning. Could have something to with the fact that they were both up at 4am this morning? This time change has really messed with them. But, besides the fact that they were up at an ungodly hour this morning, this is the second night in a row that they have slept through the night. Could this possibly be the beginning of a consistent sleep pattern?? Could be a sign if it is... I said that I didn't want to TTC until my girls were sleeping through the night... and it's about time--they are almost 7 months old!

So, now that I have really gotten on the road to TTC, I am getting excited. I was thinking about it last night and thinking of names. When I was pregnant with the twins and we didn't know what we were having, we could NOT for the life of us come up with a boys name. I just have such a hard time with boy's names... there are very few I like. And all the ones I like don't seem to fit well with our last name, etc. Well, anyway, maybe before I start worrying about names, I should work on the conceiving part. :roll: I put my last BC patch on this morning...

I heard today that my friend Jenny thinks she may be pregnant. If it's true I will be SOOOO happy for her! She and her DH have been trying for years. The last time she managed to conceive, she miscarried it... and I was there when it happened. How horrible. I really, really hope for her sake that she is pregnant, and that she can hold on to this one. I'll say a prayer for her today.

Well, back to work. I have a lot to do before the end of the week.

Dayna and Nicky-- Thank you both so much for the wonderful welcome. Smile

Nicky-- I hope that you find out what is wrong with Earl very soon-- sounds like you ahve been having a scary week!

Dayna-- GL for this cycle!! Sounds promising!

Joined: 11/13/02
Posts: 98

October 29, 2003

Well, it's finally happened. It must be an omen. I said that I didn't want to start TTCing until my girls started sleeping through the night. Both of them. And guess what-- they have both slept through the night the last three nights in a row. Once again, they were up at some stupidly early hour (5am this time instead of 4:30am, though), but I can deal with that. I need little prayers that this continues! :-?

Last night was the orientation. I missed my girls a lot. When I got home at 9:30, both girls were in bed as usual, but so was DH and the dog! WHAT? He must have been tired. So when I got home, I ate a very late dinner, went in and stared at my girls for a while, kissed them goodnight and kicked the dog off the bed so I could get some sleep. Smile

Nothing much more to say about me right now-- not much has changed since yesterday. I have been having some weird, bloody CM over the last few days (TMI) which doesn't make any sense since I am still on BC until Monday and then I won't be due for AF until the next Thursday. I am not sure what would cause this... also CM has been very slimy and more prevalent than usual. Any ideas?? Sorry if it's TMI, but this is a journal entry. Lol

I still haven't heard about my friend. I'm still praying for her that she might get a BFP from a HPT... I'll share when I hear.

Nicky-- thank you again! I am glad to be here, too! Smile

Dayna-- congrats on the cohosting the 35+ board! Sorry about your BPN... I'm praying that you retest soon and get a BFP!!! Here's hoping!!

Kelly-- thanks for the welcome!! I wish you could be on the April 2003 board, but maybe we'll end up on another baby board together... maybe the Oct or Nov 2004 board???? Biggrin GL to you!

Joined: 11/13/02
Posts: 98

October 31, 2003

It's days like this when I wonder how I will ever be able to handle staying home with the girls, let alone how I will be able to handle having another!! It's also days like this when I realize how wonderful being a mommy is and how lucky I am. Smile

Today was my last day at work. It's now official-- I am a part-time working SAHM. Ha. Somehow I thought that I would feel more liberated. But I think that knowing that I am going to go to work tomorrow morning for the first time at mt PT job really kind of ruins it for me. I didn't even have a small break between jobs! :roll: Oh well. It'll all be worth it in the end.

I wonder how Target will react when I get pregnant again. LOL I ended up leaving them with no notice when I worked there last year PT because I was having pregnancy complications. HA HA! Well, not really complications. Cashiering and being on my feet for extended periods of time while supporting a twin pregnancy in the front was KILLING my back. I could barely move each morning when i got up and I had sever pain all day long everyday... even when I didn't work. Once I quit, it was gone. Too much standing on concrete floors, I guess. At least I got a docs note so I was eligable for rehire. Blum 3

So, I remove my BC patch on Monday night, then I am free of BC for a while! I am trying to decide if we will use another form of BC (condoms?) for the next couple of months, or if we will just kinda let it happen if it happens, even if we are not really intending to try until Jan. DH and I will need to discuss that. I am excited, but not really ready yet. So we'll see.

My girls were cute today in their costumes. But Gabby was throwing up all day and not keeping down any food, so she wasn't really in the spirit of things. Poor baby!! :cry: I felt so bad for her. I never imagined that a 6 1/2 month old child could heave and throw up so hard!! Up to this point she has been a champion spitter upper, but I was NOT prepared for actual vomiting. It scared me, but by the end of the night she seemed like she was almost back to her old self and she actually kept her last bottle down. So far anyway. Here is a pic of my girls in costume tonight. WAY cute!!!!!

Since I have been so busy with work and the girls and stuff, I have not had a chance yet to read everyone else's je for today. I'll get caught up soon. Hope you are all having a great weekend so far and that AF stays far, far away for all of you! Smile

Happy Halloween!!!!!!!

Joined: 11/13/02
Posts: 98

November 3, 2003

Well, today was the first day of oficially being a SAHM. It's going to be interesting! Lol Not much to report, except for the fact that I just may survive this. Smile

It snowed here today-- got lots of the white stuff. I was looking forward to it, but also NOT looking forward to it since it will be so much more work to get the girls ready to go anywhere. They were so cute all bundled up today, though. I have to bring back their hat&mitten sets cuz they are too small, so I will do that when I go to work tomorrow night.

I removed my last patch tonight. I am officially off BC now. I expect to get AF sometime around Thursday. Then I will be able to start getting myself familiar with my cycles minus the BC. I am very regular, of course, on BC, but I never really pay attention when I am not on it. So I will begin the chore of paying attention. I will not be temping in the beginning... will only do that if DH and I have trouble conceiving. I hope it won't come to that.

It's really going to get hard to find the time to get on here now that I will be home each day with the girls. I have NO downtime with the two of them right now. It was always so nice when I was at work cuz I could always pop on when I had a few minutes. Oh well, I will find the time. Probably will end up keeping myself up way too late each night like I am doing right now. :-?

On that note, I am way tired. I will try to catch up with everyone tomorrow! Good luck and baby vibes to all!! Smile


Okay, I am back-- couldn't go to bed without reading all the journals!!

Dayna-- LMAO at your post!! Yeah, 2 Melissas. Smile Thanks for the compliment on my girls! Smile

Nicky-- I'm glad that you managed to have a good anniversary! Sorry that Earl got all the attention, but at least you got to get out! Here's lots and lots of babydust and lasers to keep AF away!! I hope she stays away for a LONG 9 months! Smile

Kelly-- thanks! Your puppy is SO cute by the way!

MelissaJane-- congrats on finally TTCing again! I hope it goes quicker for you this time!

Joined: 11/13/02
Posts: 98

November 5, 2003

Ugh. My internet Explorer is acting up… I keep getting fatal errors that shut down Explorer.. every time I try reading or posting I get booted! I finally managed to get all the boards read, but couldn’t possibly take the time to post! So I am actually writing this in Word and will cut and paste so I don’t write a novel and lose it all! :x

Still waiting on AF so that I can officially begin counting… not going to be temping yet, but will attempt to kind of chart and keep track of my cycle. I have no idea how long it will be once I am off BC. I am thinking she should be showing up tomorrow, but I am not having any cramping or anything, so I don’t know what the deal is. I went out and bought some prenatals today so I can begin taking them. I know I have some left over from my last pregnancy because I was horrible and could never remember to take them once they were born and I was nursing, but I don’t know where they are. Besides that, there is nothing more to report regarding TTC.

Today was day 3 of being a SAHM. Can I just say that I suck as a mother???? I never knew just HOW HARD this was going to be. :shock: I mean, I had an idea, but my idea did NOT prepare me. UGH. How am I going to do this every day for the next few years? And I am thinking I want another?? What am I trying to do, kill myself?? Yesterday I did not leave the house with the girls and it was the day from hell. Belle is teething HARD and is so crabby and clingy that it is unbelievable. Gabby is starting the teething thing now, too. My question is, how long is this supposed to last??? Please say it’s going to be quick… I’m guessing that it’s not. But anyway, I decided that it is easier to leave the house with them because then they are in their carseats, occupied with the outside world. So we went to run errands. Little did I know that it was FREEZING outside today! :shock: What was I thinking?? Winter is coming on FAST and HARD. Yuck. Anyway, I gave up after the first errand and went and hung out at my grandma’s house with the girls. It was cheating, but hey, it worked out for both of us. Grandma got to see the girls which made her day, and I had help taking care of them which made MY day! LOL Lol

The girls were really good tonight, though. Once Rick got home we all hung out and watched last week’s episode of Survivor so we would be caught up for tomorrow night. The girls hung out and played and managed to stay up till 8:00. Which means that they may actually sleep past 6am tomorrow! Lately they have been going to bed at like 6:30 (not by MY wishes) and don’t sleep well. So I am looking forward to a peaceful night and a late morning. :-? Dirol

The girls have been fighting a case of some stomach bug for the past few days and now they have passed it on to me, I think. :x I woke up last night feeling like the world would be wonderful if I could just puke. I never did, but I have had an icky tummy all day and have not eaten anything until about 5 minutes ago when DH brought me some chocolate chip cookies. What a sweetheart. Though I DO think that I should have something more substantial. Oh well. :roll:

Anyway, I have rambled tonight. I must miss going to work and telling my co-workers about my days. And to top it off, I have not been able to get on more than every other day in the last week. Oh well.

Dayna—the YMCA thingie sounds fun—have a great day!

Nicky—I really hope that when you retest you get a BFP. I’m hoping for you girl! I really, really hope that they get all of this stuff straightened out with Earl very soon… I have been thinking about the two of you!

Kelly—thanks for thinking of me… I think I’m adjusting. Slowly. Smile

Anyway girls, I’ll talk to you later. Good luck and hugs to everyone!

Joined: 11/13/02
Posts: 98

November 6, 2003

Well, today was a good day. My girls and I stayed home today and I did not go nuts. Smile When DH got home, I was happy to see him, but didn't feel an overwhelming sense of relief like I have every other day of the week, which means that I was not too stressed out. I even got the dishes done and the kitchen cleaned up today, and when DH got home dinner was almost ready. And it wasn't one of those darnned dinners from a box, either! I made rosted chicken, stuffing, and squash! Yay! i was on the phone with my mom when DH walked in the door and the timer on the oven beeped at the same time. I told my mom I had to go cuz Rick was walking in the door and my dinner was beeping at me and she said, "Okay, little miss Suzie Homemaker!" I laughed, but really, it kind of felt good, believe it or not. Tomorrow the girls and I will go suprise my grandmother and visit her at her craft sale. Smile She'll like that cuz she'll get to show them off to the other crafty ladies Smile and I'll get out of the house. We didn't go anywhere today, so I ended up watching TV all day in between playing with the girls and cleaning and cooking. I really hate daytime TV. So I think that I am going to try ot make a point of getting out of the house at least every other day. Smile

It was cold today. Why do I live in Minnesota? Actually, I don't mind the weather. I was ready for it. Once it hits November I have come to expect the cold temps, but it just came on so FAST. I think that's why everyone here is complaining about it. I can't believe that Christmas is just around the corner. My SIL called me today while she was wrapping presents. UGH. How depressing.

Well, I THINK that today could qualify as CD1. I am spotting... kind of. Weird. I usually get AF full-force on Thursday. We'll see what tomorrow brings, I guess.

Anyway, not much else to talk about. Hope all is well with everyone!!

Dayna-- sorry the X-mas thingie wasn't all that great, but at least you had fun. I had to laugh when you talk about hiding the bootie from DH cuz I used to do that, too, and we weren;t even TRYING to get pregnant! I wasn't expecting to have babies for a long time but I would always buy little cute baby things when I saw them!

Nicky-- So sorry about stupid AF and your BFNs. I hope that AF stays away and you get a BFP soon! Also, I hope work get better... I know that my husbands lawfirm is hiring Case Coordinators... is that similar to what you do? If it is, let me know, I may be able to get some more info for you if you are interested...

Goodnight all! BABY DUST ALL AROUND! Smile

Joined: 11/13/02
Posts: 98

November 10, 2003

Well, I didn't get to post this weekend-- a lot was going on and I jsut didn't have the time. Well, today is CD 5. Of course, nothing to report at this point. DH and I had one FINAL talk about me going off BC. I reminded him that if I was going to go on for another month that I had to start it today, and he said that he didn't want me to, so I guess it's really official, now. I believe that we are both planning on using protection, but who knows... not even really sure we have any on the house anymore... maybe I should check that out. Not that we ever seem to BD anymore... :roll:

We had date night on Saturday night. DH and I went out to dinner at the same restaurant where we met. Ironically, we got sat in the same booth that we sat in that night, too. Lol It was nice. Then we went to a movie. It's the first movie I have been to since the last Harry Potter movie, which came out last Thanksgiving season, I believe. That means it's been almost a year! But I realized when we were about 20 minutes into the movie why we never go to them now that we have the twins. We were both so tired by that time that we were almost miserable! (It was only a 9:20 showing! :shock: ) Anyway, at least the movie was funny enough and good enough to keep us awake. We saw ELF. Definately something I would recommend. VERY FUNNY AND CUTE!

Today went well. The girls went in for their flu shot boosters. Poor babies. Then we went to Target in search of some formula, which they have been out of forever, and we are almost out! They didn't have it. ARGH! I am going to have to go somewhere else to buy it. Which makes me mad since I work at Target so I buy it there to get my discount! Makes a big difference when you are spending $100 every couple of weeks on formula!

I went Christmas shopping yesterday for the first time this season. I actually got almost everyone done. Smile YAY! Finished shopping for DH, too. All we have left is ome more gifts for the babies, and then a couple of family gifts. YAY! It was nice to go shopping. Money has been so tight, and we are so budgeted since I am not working my full-time job anymnore, that I haven't been shopping with the intent or ability to spend money in 6 months. It felt good to spend. LOL But really, it brought my spirits up. I really believe that shopping is great therapy!

So I was watching Dr. Phil today (yes, I am a SAHM who hasn't found anything to do yet during the day besides watch the kids in front of the TV-- BAD MOMMY!) and they were having a debate between SAHMs and Working moms. Wow, it's amazing how passionate some people are. There were women who were saying that WMs aren't parents since they "drop their kids off to be raised by strangers at some filthy daycare center". WOW. Strong words. And there were WMs who really held the belief that SAHMs have mothing to do besides sit around and watch soaps all day while eating bon bons. Boy, would that be nice!!!!!! As it is, as a SAHM, I barely have time to actually WATCH an hour TV program or do any cleaning or cooking or anything that doesn't have to do woth entertaining my children! Anyway, my point here is that there are a lot of misconceptions about both WMs and SAHMs. I have been a WM. It's HARD, but also personally rewarding. And I see advantages to having my kids in daycare. But I am now a SAHM. I see how hard it is, and the advantages that there are in having my kids home everyday with me. And I also see the drawbacks. I think that people need to be less judgemental and realize that whether a mom works or not is nothing more than a personal choice and that everyone and every situation is different. Just because some people believe that staying home with their kids is right for them does not mean that it's right for everyone.

Anyway, my whole point woth this was not to get on my soapbox. I just wanted to say that watching that show today made me want to write to Dr. Phil or Oprah or someone like that to get a mommy makeover and to beg for a couple makover or something corny like that. Lol LOL. hey, you never know, it could work! I could end up TV, get a free trip to Chicago, and get a free makeover and clothes! YEA RIGHT. But it's fun to dream... I really do think I'll write. Never hurts to do it. Can't win the lottery if you never buy a ticket... Lol


Dayna-- Sorry about your grandma's dog. :cry: Very sad. i hope things start going better for you VERY soon!!!!!

Nicky-- wow... long cycle for you, hunh? Maybe it's going to be good news in the end? I hope things start going better for you and Earl. here's some cyber hugs!!!!! **********HUGS**********

Joined: 11/13/02
Posts: 98

November 13, 2003

I think this is the 13th today... I can't believe how hard it is to keep track of the date when I am not working regularly! :-?

I really hate the fact that I never get to post anymore-- I just don't have the time. The girls and working the little that I am is keeping me soo busy! The other night I stayed up until alomst 1am trying to post and catch up on everything here on Then I was up in the middle of the night with the girls, and up early the next morning with them. I was so miserable and crabby that day!! I just can't handle taking care of the girls with that little sleep! Gabby is a little angel, but Belle chose that day to cry ALL DAY. She is actually doing that again today-- so I put her in her crib to cry it out and she fell asleep for like the 80th time today. :-? Not sure what to do with her. I keep thinking something must be wrong, but what?? I don't know if the tantrums are just habitual, personality, or something else. And everytime I ask my peds office about something, they tell me that nothing is wrong and that it is normal... figures. :evil:

Anyway, enough of that. I gave Gabby her first haircut yesterday. I HAD to. I didn't want to cut her hair yet, but the poor girl kept getting hair in her eyes. I saved some of the hair.. Smile

Well, I'm not sure what CD it is today... I need to look back to figure it out... hmmm, CD 8. I am having some think-like CM, but I don't really know the difference between the types, or what it is supposed to look like when you are Oing, I am new to this. Basically, I know it is too early for me to be Oing yet this cycle, anyway... but I have never in my life paid attention to how long my cycles are w/o BC. So I am taking this month and next month to try and figure it out before we actually begin.

I was in the mood for a little BDing last night, but DH wasn't getting the hint. I think he is less interested, knowing that he would have to use a condom since we want to avoid twins again. That's why we are making sure to not actually try yet since I just came off the BC. That's what happened to us last time, and my OB said that could be the reason we had two. Then again, there is my family history, also... oh well.

Well, work just called me and asked me if I would come in tonight to cover for someone. I said yes. So bye, bye to my night off... and I'm gonna mis SURVIVOR!! :cry: :cry: Darnnit! But we NEED the money, so I am going in.

I had better get going soon, I think Gabby is getting bored watching me type. Belle is sleeping, of course. :roll:

Nicky-- SO, so sorry that you have been so stressed about everything. Your night away will be the BEST thing for you!! And yes, shopping is GREAT therapy!! I hope that things start getting better for you VERY soon. And you tell Earl that he needs to quit being a baby and start being nicer to you. He may be sick, but men are such babies!! :evil: If it were you, you can bet that you wouldn't be such a baby about it all!! Sorry, I just hate seeing you so unhappy and stressed. ****HUGS*****

Dayna-- GL this cycle!! It's great that you are planning on staying home with your little once for a while when the time comes!! I'm gonna warn you, though-- it's hard work!!! And YAY on the house expansion!!!!

Cherie-- Hey! Welcome! It's great to see you here, and nice to get to know you better by reading your journal! I hope you have a short jounal cuz you graduate soon!!

Anyway, see you all later!!!!!!


Joined: 11/13/02
Posts: 98

November 14, 2003

Guess who's on my lap. Belle has decided that she doesn't feel like sleeping tonight. I just got home from work and she's up. Figures. I am so tired and I just want to go to bed. Can I just say that life sucks right now? Wanna know why? If not, don't read on...

We are so broke. We were falling behind money-wise while I was working because of daycare, but we had a savings account with about $10,000 in it. So we were using that to make up the difference each week between what we brought home, and how much the bills were. Well guess what? Now that I have quit my job and am working PT for a lot less money, we are in trouble. We are not paying daycare anymore, but our savings is gone. We have completely drained all $10,000 since the girls were born. Can I just say, I love my girls, but we just could not fiancially handle two at a time!!! And we are thinking of having another?? Who am I kidding? And DH being DH, won't let us apply for any assistance. I checked it out, and we would qualify for WIC, which would help pay for diapers, baby food, formula, etc. But DH won't let me. I am thinking about going behind his back and doing so myself-- would that be so horribly wrong??

Anyway, this is all probably TMI, but I just needed to share. DH is always crabby and stressed out about it lately, and I don't really feel like talking to my family about it-- and god forbid that our friends ever found out. UGH. Dh had a job interview yesterday for another position at his firm that would mean more money, but I am not sure that he really even wants it. i think he applied simply for the payraise... and he would be miserable doing something that he doesn't want to do.

I never realized how hard it was to type with a kid on your lap and the keyboard pushed as far away as I can get it so she doesn't keep pressing buttons. And how am I keeping her kind of busy?? I gave her the bottle of white out to chew on. :roll: Horrible mother.

Anyway, onto the reason I actually have this journal-- though each day I am more conviced that it's for nothing more than sorting out my feelings. Today is CD 9. Nothing to report. DH and I actually BD'd last night just for the fun of it. Used a condom. Nothing more exciting to share.

Anyway-- I hope that you will all have a wonderful weekend. I am not sure when I will get on again this weekend. Love you all.

Cherie: You really think that your weight may be part of the problem? I know that it can be, but just to let you know, I was over 200lbs. when I got pregnant with the girls-- AND I had a completely healthy pregnancy. So though they say that weight can affect fertility, unless you are severely overweight, I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. Also, I wanted to let you know that I love reading your journal... way fun! Smile

Kelly: Thanks! The girls and I are getting on fine. We have rough days, but every day gets easier for me. Smile

Dayna: I totally know what you mean about not having any energy anymore. Even before I was pregnant, DH and I hardly ever BD'd anymore, and we were newlyeds!!!! I swear that I feel 80 and I am only 25!! Anytime I am up past 10pm (like tonight :shock: ) I am MISERABLE the next morning. And I used to stay up all night and be fine the next day... :roll: oh well...

Nicky: Hang in there girl. Men are stupid. Can I say that? Yes, cuz it's true. I used to get so mad at my DH even before we were married cuz he always used to zonk out on me by 9pm and always just complain that he was just sssooooo tired that he couldn;t stay awake to spend time with me. But then, the next night, he would go stay at his friend's house and be up all damn night!!!! Jerk! LOL Anyway, just go have your day away. You need it and it will do you good!!!! GL with the job-- it sounds like it's going great! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!!!! :goodluck:

Joined: 11/13/02
Posts: 98

November 16, 2003

Well, I survived this weekend. It wasn't terribly fun, though. I worked all day Saturday, then DH called me just as I got off to tell me that I should go over to his parents. He was there with the girls and they had pizza left over for me. So I went over there and had some pizza and saw my babies. they were so happy to see me... I love that. Anyway, DH told me that his mom was going to keep the girls for the night, so we left and went home. When I got home I was so disappointed. Here's why. DH had his mom watching the girls almost ALL day so he could get the house cleaned up. Which is impossible when the girls are home. So anyway, I walked in the door and the house was still a total mess!! I was devastated! I HATE a dirty house and I thought DH would come through for me. I was so disappointed that I creid. Then DH and I had a HUGE blowout fight. :argue: I told him that I was so sick of him being so lazy and that if things didn't start changing that I was going to walk out the door and leave for good. And I never thought that I would say that, but I meant it! :shock: I am just sooooo sick of having this fight with him over and over! And every time we have it I think that things will change, and every time I am disappointed. :cry: His excuse for never doing anything is always "I am so tired, I'll do it tomorrow". But as I told him last night, I am always tired. but I work through being tired. I take care of the kids when I am tired. I clean. i take care of the pets. I cook dinner every night. If I always copped out and went to bed or laid around when I was tired, nothing would get done and the girls would be dirty, smelly and unfed.

Anyway, I balled and was miserable. :crybaby: I ended up going to bed with a huge headache and woke up with puffy eyes and a bigger headache this morning. And I had to go back to work at 11:30am. :x Well, we made up, but I still expect some changes to take place... DH had better realize that.

Anyway, enough complaining and griping. :blahblah:

Today would be CD 11. Nothing, of course, to report on TTC since we are not really starting yet. And I am doubting more and more each day that we should be starting soon... but oh well. DH and I BD'd again this morning, but used a condom. And we will continue using them for a while... I bought another box today. :raspberry1:

I really, really think I just need a night out-- a night to not worry about everything, and to be able to have a few drinks and relax without worrying about not being able to get up with the girls in the middle of the night, or the next morning... *sigh*. I need a weekend off. no work, no kids, no DH. Just me and some friends. :drunk: Oh wait. I have no friends. All my friends are somewhere across the country cuz I met them here at How pitiful.

Anyway, I had better get to bed. It's late again, and I am sure I will need to be up with the girls bright and early. Oh yeah, and it's my turn to get up first tonight. Figures.

Nicky-- I am so, so, so sorry, that you are feeling the way you are right now. :comfort: Maybe you and Earl should just spend some quality time together as a married couple. Go out on some dates that do NOT include your friends. Hang out together and talk without the TV on. Go to bed at the same time and spend some time just snuggling-- not focusing on TTCing or anything else-- just being together. It may help. I really, truly hope that you can make it through this. I know you can... you just need to be committed to the two of you and making things better. And Earl needs to be committed, too. I would talk about your feelings with him and try to get him on the same page regarding saving your marriage. You need to work everything out before you really think about TTCing again... Anyway, don't mean to preach. *HUGS*

Dayna-- Glad you had some quality time with the man upstairs. Smile Just take a deep breath and know that if He means for you to get pregnant, then He will make it happen. But He may have other plans for you... time and prayer will be the only way to figure that out. Hang in there!! *HUGS*

Joined: 11/13/02
Posts: 98

November 22, 2003

Whoa-- it's been a while. Things have just been crazy here and I am finding that it is impossible to keep up with all the posts on my active boards... :roll:

Anyway, last week went well. I survived yet another mommy week. So onto the interesting news--

On the TTC front, I am on CD 17. Depending on how my cycle works, I probably O'd sometime in the last couple of days. I have had a ton of thick CM the last three days. So, as I have said before, DH are waiting until Jan to TTC. Everytime we have BD'd, we have used a condom, and DH is usually the one to mention it. So he's being careful. Well, last night, we were at his family's farm and we felt like having a little fun since we didn't have the girls with us, but we didn't have any condoms with. We decided to go ahead and BD, but to make sure we stoped the rockin' before he got to the end... I know, TMI. Well, anyway, when we got that far, DH didn't feel like pulling out and I said, go ahead, don't worry about it. So he did. Right after, the first thing he said, was "hello, baby". I laughed so hard and I will never forget that. But anyway, he also doesn't have a clue that I am right around O time... I failed to tell him that. Oops. Not that he would really understand anyway. Well, then I asked him, what if I get pregnant, now? I said, I'm ready, but not ready. And he said, well then we started 2 months earlier than we were planning to start. Which kind of shocked me. I think this is his way of telling me that he really is on board with TTCing, and that he has also been looking forward to starting in Jan. I have thought that he wasn't really paying attention to the fact that I have been planning on Jan start... and that he was just going aong with me to make me happy. Anyway, I share this cuz I thought it was kind of refreshing and enlightening for us. Smile

Oooh, I have to go. I will come back and write more and check in on everyone later. Miss you all!


Joined: 11/13/02
Posts: 98

Well, I am home now after my long day-- wow, 2 je in one day!!!

I have been so nervous about the possibilty of getting pregnant this cycle that I have had butterflies in my tummy all day. I really wish that I knew for sure when I O'd, or IF I have O'd. Since I am new to this, I have no idea how to tell based upon CM, and I am not temping. :dontknow: so I am so unsure. If I O'd on day 14 or 15, and we BD'd on day 16, would that mean I was really fertile, or was it too late?? I am just so nervous and I am not sure why??? And of course, I won't know until a couple of weeks from now... :roll: ugh. I must not obsess about it. Yeah right.

Anyway, I am sooo sooo soo mad that I wasn't able to make it to our MOA meeting today. I was so excited to meet Nicky!! I mean, I was excited to meet all of the other MN people, too, but I really feel like I have gotten to know Nicky well through her journal and on the various boards. Nicky, maybe you and I will have to meet sometime soon!! Smile I hope that everyone had a good time and missed me, too! Smile

So thia weekend was so horrible. We had to go to DH's grandparents' farm to help get some stuff straightened out. To explain it all would take years, so let's just put it this way. MIL and FIL own the farm. tehy bought it from MIL's parents so that it would be protected and could not be taken by the state to pay for medical expenses. The grandparents are both pretty old, and grandMIL has Alzheimer's pretty bad. GrandFIL is not as bad, but is definately not all there. So MIL and FIL have control over the property, own it, and pay taxes on it. Grand MIL and grandFIL live on the farm and haev the right to until they are forced to go into a home, or they die. (Really, they SHOULD already be in some kind of assisted living... they should NOT be living alone with as "not-all-there" as they are!) So MIL and FIL have sold the right to some loggers to thin out the woods on the property a little which will help the smaller trees grow, make the land more useful, and will somehow decrease the taxes on the property. But the grandparents are trying to sell the wood that is on the land that belongs to the loggers. And grandFIL has threatened to kill the loggers if they come back and try to cut anymore trees. :roll: :roll: :roll: UGH. So that's the main problem... and we were there to help sort it out. To make a ong story short, everyone got to arguing, people heard grandFIL threatening to kill the loggers, the sherrif got called, 3 officers showed up to try to talk sense into some old people who don't have any sense, :blahblah: ... basically it was a bust. After a while, DH and I tried to escape by running to a nearby casino. They had a craps table and I tried it. It was really fun, but I lost $20 really fast! :-?

Anyway, it was after that that everything else happened that I talked about in my last je. We came home today and then I had to work later this afternoon and I got home at about 10pm. I hope tomorrow is quieter, but I have to be back to work at 9:15am. YUCK! We are waiting on this big snowstorm... we got some tonight and it got realy windy and cold-- I know it is going to be slippery and sucky on the way to work in the morning...

Nicky-- CONGRATULATIONS ON THE JOB!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Glad that things are looking up!!!

Cherie-- don't worry about missing me! I knew you were here! Smile Sorry you are having such a time with MIL... she sounds kind of annoying and ungrateful, but, well, that's how a lot of MILs are unfortunately. Hope you have fun at the weird wedding... and GL with the BDing over Thankgiving! :shock: Lol

Dayna-- glad you are feeling better! Sounds like you are having a relaxing week! GL for this cycle!

Kelly-- CONGRATS ON THE O!!!!!!!! All by yourself!!!!!!!! Smile YAY! Good luck to you, too!! I hope that you get a BFP! As for the puppy toy thing: my dog LOVES empty plastic bottles! They are his favorite toy. When he was littler, he used to push it around and chase it for hours! Now, he has gotten too big and strong and he has it chewed up and destroyed and ALL OVER THE HOUSE within minutes. :roll: But it's still cute!!!!! Biggrin

love you all... hope you are having a good weekend!

Joined: 11/13/02
Posts: 98

Monday, November 24, 2003

Well, today was a bust. I mean, I hate Mondays anyway, but today sucked more than usual. One good thing, the girls slept through the night last night, so that was nice, but they were up at 6:15am this morning. Soooo, i get up with them but i was sooo tired. And I didn't feel good at all. My stomach felt horrible and I kapt thinking that I might throw up. Well, I didn't, but I felt like that pretty much all day until about 3pm. So I got the girls bathed and ready for the day and laid them down for their naps. But I didn't do anything suring their nap-- not even get myslef ready. So I had to do that after they woke up which is hard. :roll:

Then I drove Belle to my grandmothers house (30 minutes from home) so she could watch her while I took Gabby in to the hospital to get her Thyroid levels checked (Gabby was born with an inactive Thyroid and is tested often to make sure her med levels are good since she grows so fast.). The hospital is near home, so I start on my way home to go to the hospital with Gabbers... another 30 minutes in the car. But DH calls while I am on the road. He is sick and needs a ride home from work. So I have to drive downtown to pick him up and drive him home. Then I get back on the road to the hospital.

Well, I get there and realized that I didn't have the stroller with me so I need to carry my very heavy daughter into the ped office to pick up the lab slip, then across the street to the hospital. but it was like 15 degrees out, so I managed to find a tunnel between the office and the hosp. Once we are there, I can;t find a place to change Gabby-- none of the bathrooms have a changer thingie. Once I finally get her changed, we go into the lab and I have to help hold my 7 month old daughter down while they stick a needle in her arm. :x She is so strong that everytime we do this it takes me and 2 lab assistants to hold her down and to get the blood. UGH. I always want to cry when we have to do this to her. :cry:

Once we are done, I bundle Gabbers back up in her snowsuit and I have to carry her back over to the office building parking ramp where I am parked. Then I decide to drop her off at home while I go pick up my other DD. I get home and DH is throwing up. :roll: I leave her there anyway and decide to make it a quick trip. So I get to my grandmothers house, go in and stay for about 20 minutes and leave. When I get home DH yells at me for taking so long! :evil: I'm about to kill him. He tells me that Gabby has been crying for over an hour (I was gone for less than an hour and a half) and he can't get her to stop. I ask him if he took the pressure bandage of her arm like I asked him to and he says no. So I do it and she stops crying immediately. :x MEN! Sometimes I could kill him!

Anyway, DH spends the night being a baby as men usually are when sick and I take care of the girls all night, while making dinner for myself, doing dishes, folding clothes, etc. I am exhausted. I finally get the girls to bed at 7:30 and then DH asks me to go to the store and get him some Sprite. Yeah, like I have nothing better to do than take care of him. You know if it was me sick, I would have had to take care of the kids all night anyway, and DH wouldn't lift a finger to do anything for me! :-? So I go to the store, deal with crabby people and get home.

Then MIL calls to ask if I told DH's brother what happened at the farm this weekend. I said that I ran into him and his wife at work yesterday and I told them. Well, now she is all mad at me and it's all my fault that he isn't coming to Thanksgiving anymore. :roll: For god's sake, give me a break!!!!!

Anyway, now I am chilling on the computer and MIE keeps giving me probs, so I downloaded Netscape navigator. It's great, but it will not bring me to any rooms here at from the BB menu. :roll: So I have to type them all in manually. This sucks. I just need to go to bed, but I don't want to get in the same bed as sicko.

I'm waiting for tomorrow... no wait, Thursday!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry abour the rant.

Nothing else to report. Hope you all are doing well.

Nicky-- sorry that you had a bad day-- wanna join me? :-?

Cherie-- sorry your weekend was a bust. it sounds like this has not been a good couple of days for anyone. but the wedding sounds fun, though!

Dayna-- Is there some curse going around this weekend?? Maybe early holiday stress?? How dare your family put it all on you! If they want to go, tell them to get off it and go without you! :!:

Joined: 11/13/02
Posts: 98

November 25, 2003

Well, Dh passed it on to me. I spent most of the day in the bathroom... miserable. Now I know why DH was being such a baby-- this is no ordinary stomach flu! My stomach hurt so bad I thought I was going to pass out! :shock: Thankfully, DH had decided to stay home today, so he took care of the kids for me. This evening, he went to his parents house with the girls to give me some quiet time. no matter how much I complain about him sometimes, I realize that he is such a good man. Smile

I was supposed to take the girls to see Santa today with my mom, but being sick and all, well, that didn't happen. My 15 yo SIL and her friend came over tonight to spend the night since they don't have school tomorrow. So the three of us will do the Santa thing and then come back to my house to decorate with Christmas decorations and put up the tree. YAY! Smile i love this time of year!

I am excited about the Santa thing-- I am going to dress the girls up in their Christmas dresses. I hope they fit! I bought them a little big so they would be sure to fit on Christmas.

Today is CD 20, I think. I am not really worried about being prgnant anymore-- I had been having some queasiness and felt kind weird, which was really making me wonder. But after today, i am thinking it just had to do with the coming on of this flu. And hey, what are the chances of getting pregnant AGAIN right after I quit my BC and without trying?? I don't think they are very good. If I am, well, happy Thanksgiving to us. Lol

I am so excited about thursday. I LOVE thanksgiving. Not that I can think a about food right now :puke: but I will be lovin' it when I feel better. My family just makes the BEST food. All I have to say. Biggrin

Well, anyway, that's all.

Dayna-- go ahead and take some Sudafed or something comprable. Even if you are pregnant, Sudafed is safe to take during pregnancy. I know this cuz I was haivng sinus probs the last few weeks of my pregnancy. The pain reliever in Sudafed is Tylenol, which is also safe to take. Sorry you aren't feeling well... hope it gets better.

Nicky-- Glad things are looking up a bit. Just give it some time... you and Earl will work it all out. Woo Hoo for you! Only one week left at your job!

Cherie-- Congrats on the O-- I really think this will be your month! GL girl! Biggrin

Joined: 11/13/02
Posts: 98

November 28, 2003

Well, hmmm, what should I start with. I guess so I don't lose count, I shoud start here. Today is CD23. I don't believe that I am pg. this month... I jsut don't have any signs and I just don't feel like I am pg. Okay, well, I don;t mind. I am looking forward to Jan. Only one more month before we TTC!

Well, I am feeling better. But this flu was ruthless! SIL cam over to spend the night on Tuesday night and she woke up puking at 3am. By 3pm on Wednesday, Gabby was puking. Everyone was healthy and happy on Thursday for thanksgiving (thank you God!!!!!!) and then today (Friday) Belle started puking. Ugh.

Well, between the sicknesses, I got to take the girls to see Santa on Wednesday. They were SO adorable all dressed up in their Christmas dresses!!!!!!! I love them! Smile I will post a pic as soon as I get the pic back. I should have it on Monday. It wasn't until we were in the car on the way home that Gabby started getting sick.

Then Thursday we spent Thanksgiving with my family and DH's family. The girls were super good. We had wonderful food at my aunt's house and the girls met their great, great grandma for the first tiem ever. It was great. We took 5 generation pics. During dinner the girls got to experience dinner since everyone was feeding them :roll: . I don't know how many times I had to tell people not to give them anymore-- they don't eat regular food yet and always choke when people give it to them! I have given the a few things, but I watch them so closely and don't let them choke... :roll: They tried turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, whipped cream, homemade ice cream, bread... and who knows what else!

Then we went to MIL and FIL's house. The whole family was there and they got to see all their grandparents on that side... my girls have a lot of grandparents!!!!! They have:

4 grandparents
7 great grandparents
2 great, great grandmothers

Kind of nice. Smile

I worked today-- the hell day of retail. Suprisingly, we weren't all that busy. The night dragged on. I got home and had to balance our depressing checkbook. Then I got on here and I have to say-- I NEED TO GO TO BED! I have been up for almost 23 hours now!!!!

Okay, so I am going.

Dayna-- sorry this wasn't your month, Glad you are feeling okay about it. Smile Let's go for that September baby!!!!!!! :babydustblue:

Joined: 11/13/02
Posts: 98

December 5, 2003

Wow-- it has been a long time and so much has happened over the last week. That is pretty much why I haven't been around. So I will fill you in. It's kind of depressing, kind of exciting at the same time. Lol

Well, we have had quite a couple of weeks when it comes to health. Everyone around here FINALLY got rid of this stupid flu-- and then we all promptly got bad colds. :roll: I an so sick of being sick and of taking care of sick kids and husbands that I wanna scream. As it is, it is almost 5am and I am up writing this. I have been up since 3am when DH started coughing and finally gave up trying to sleep about an hour ago. I am gonna have NO patience with my kids today, I am afraid. And to top that off, we went shopping last night to finish our Xmas shopping and when we got home we could hear a tire leaking... I felt around and followed the sound and we have a nail in our tire... so I am not sure how much air we will have left in the tire this morning. If we have enough, we will bundle up the kids and DH and I will each drive to the dealership to drop of the van so they can fix the tire-- and replace our brakes :roll: (like we can afford this????) and then I will have to drive DH to work and pick him up. I hate doing that, but at leasr downtown is only a few minutes from home. It just sucks having to do that and get the babies all bundled up and stuff...

So DH and I spent much of the last week fighting. Every time I thought that we were close to making up, he would do something really stupid again. Finally on Tuesday night he ended up on hte couch. I have been miserable. I kept trying to get him to talk to me and find out what was wrong, but DH is one of those guys who never wants to talk about anything until he is afraid that something horrible is going to happen if he doesn't. Well, on Wednesday mroning he called me from work and told me that he wanted to go out somewhere that night to talk. So we took the babies to spend the night with his mom and we went out to dinner after I got off of work (at 9:30 :shock: ). He managed to tell me thay he has been really depressed and has been havig thoughts of suicide and other things. Now, I take this very seriously since my grandfather died last year, He was depressed and shot himself dead through the mouth. SO we talked things through and DH agreed to go see someone to get help. Talking about everything made him feel so much better and we are on the road to getting things back on track. We have spent much of the last 2 days/nights makig up and being much happier. And we have had some of the best nights of sex lately!!!! Biggrin

And the best thing to come out of all of this is................

WE ARE NOW OFFICIALLY TRYING TO CONCEIVE!!! YAY! A month early! That is, if I am not already pregnant! :shock: It is now CD30 and AF is no where to be found. I just wish I knew if this was normal when I am not on BC. I just wish I had kept track of my natural cycles in the past...

If AF is not here by tonight, I think I will test. I need to go shopping for a couple of essentials today, so I'll pick up a pregnancy test while I am out.

We are not telling any of our family or friends that we are TTCing. All we have told them in the past is that we will probably start trying again sometime in 2004. I think that they are all expecting us to wait unitl April when the girls turn a year old. So, if we get pregnant right away it will be a suprise to everyone but us. Smile We have BD'd the last 2 nights with no condom, but it HAS to be way too late in my cycle for that to have made a difference this time around. So, as soon as Af shows, I will be in my TTC month #1! I think this is very exciting!

Anyway, I hope you are all doing well! I will try to get caught up on everyone's je's tonight. I have missed you and love you all!

Joined: 11/13/02
Posts: 98

WOW... 2 posts in one day...

Okay, so today being CD30 and all I decided to take a HPT. It was a First Response test and I got a very faint second line... not really sure what that means... :dontknow:

Last time I took a HPT I was almost 6 wks along and I was preggo with twins so I got a very dark line VERY quickly, so I am not sure what to think... I am thinking it may be just the indicator line getting wet and LOOKING like a positive????

HELP! I guess I will take another tomorrow morning and see what happens...

Joined: 11/13/02
Posts: 98

December 6, 2003

Well, I am pregnant... EDD August 12, 2004. I will go to the docs this week for an official test, but my retest this morning came out a bit darker... so, I guess I will be leaving you girls!!!!! :shock: :cry:

I really, really hope to see you girls on the birth boards soon... you ALL deserve it SO MUCH! I love you and will pray for you that you get everything you wish for when it comes to your family...