October 27, 2003
Well, here goes. Seems so weird that I am starting a TTC journal. Technically, we will not actually be TTCing until January, but this seemed like a very fitting time to begin my new journal. There are a couple of big things going on right now that will allow us to TTC. 1. I have one BC patch left (1 week) and then I am done with BC until the next one is born and done nursing. 2. Friday is my last day of work. I have made the decision to commit career suicide and become a SAHM. I know it will be worth it, though!
Everyone who I talk to here at Preg.org is very supportive of my desire to TTC again. But it seems like everyone here in my "real" life thinks I am nuts. TTC with 7 month old twins?? You can't afford it! You should wait until the girls are older so you cam give them lots of attention! How are you going to be able to handle three kids?? I am so sick of the comments. Yes, my girls are still very young. And I don't know what God has in store for me on this TTC journey, but hopefully I will be pregnant by April. That means that the girls would be approximately a year and a half old when the next baby is born. In my eyes, it's perfect. I don't want to wait too long so that the twins are close, and then there's a third wheel who is too young to relate to... the annoying little brother or sister that they are forced to bring along with them when they go places.
If I knew for sure that we would be having 4, then it wouldn't be such a big deal. We could wait a few years, then have 2 more really close in age. But who knows? I am not sure that we will still want another once we have 3.
Anyway, I am glad that we are planning for this one. The girls were truly an accident... well, a suprise anyway. And then to find out there were 2 in there! Man, was that a shocking U/S. It will be nice to actually be preparing for this one. We are not, however, telling anyone in our families that we are TTC. We don't want to deal with the comments or the questions. We would like for it to be a suprise to everyone else when it does happen again.
I have been reading the journals of some of the other women on here who are TTCing. I pray for them that their quest for a child are answered very soon. It seems so unfair to me that there are people who don't even want children who get pregnant and either choose to end it, or who choose to neglect their children. Then there are others who wait their whole life to be a mommy. Just makes no sense. The girls weren't planned, but they were very much wanted. They are well-loved and I thank God every day for the blessing that I have been given. I wouldn't wish twins on ANYONE, but as people have always told me, God never gives you more than you can handle. But I wonder how easy or hard it will be for me to TTC again. Since it wasn't planned before, I am not sure if it was a fluke, or if I am just really fertile. I am hoping that it is easy again this time around, but I am not counting on anything. So here's hoping!!
To all of you other ladies who are TTC, I am praying for you and wishing that you get everything that you want! I hope you don't mind me starting a journal so early, but there are so many feelings and stuff that I need to put somewhere, even though we haven't started yet. So I can't wait to start my journey with you all!