Thread: TTC #3, Please Lord, only 1 this time!

October 27, 2003

Well, here goes. Seems so weird that I am starting a TTC journal. Technically, we will not actually be TTCing until January, but this seemed like a very fitting time to begin my new journal. There are a couple of big things going on right now that will allow us to TTC. 1. I have one BC patch left (1 week) and then I am done with BC until the next one is born and done nursing. 2. Friday is my last day of work. I have made the decision to commit career suicide and become a SAHM. I know it will be worth it, though!

Everyone who I talk to here at Preg.org is very supportive of my desire to TTC again. But it seems like everyone here in my "real" life thinks I am nuts. TTC with 7 month old twins?? You can't afford it! You should wait until the girls are older so you cam give them lots of attention! How are you going to be able to handle three kids?? I am so sick of the comments. Yes, my girls are still very young. And I don't know what God has in store for me on this TTC journey, but hopefully I will be pregnant by April. That means that the girls would be approximately a year and a half old when the next baby is born. In my eyes, it's perfect. I don't want to wait too long so that the twins are close, and then there's a third wheel who is too young to relate to... the annoying little brother or sister that they are forced to bring along with them when they go places.

If I knew for sure that we would be having 4, then it wouldn't be such a big deal. We could wait a few years, then have 2 more really close in age. But who knows? I am not sure that we will still want another once we have 3.

Anyway, I am glad that we are planning for this one. The girls were truly an accident... well, a suprise anyway. And then to find out there were 2 in there! Man, was that a shocking U/S. It will be nice to actually be preparing for this one. We are not, however, telling anyone in our families that we are TTC. We don't want to deal with the comments or the questions. We would like for it to be a suprise to everyone else when it does happen again.

I have been reading the journals of some of the other women on here who are TTCing. I pray for them that their quest for a child are answered very soon. It seems so unfair to me that there are people who don't even want children who get pregnant and either choose to end it, or who choose to neglect their children. Then there are others who wait their whole life to be a mommy. Just makes no sense. The girls weren't planned, but they were very much wanted. They are well-loved and I thank God every day for the blessing that I have been given. I wouldn't wish twins on ANYONE, but as people have always told me, God never gives you more than you can handle. But I wonder how easy or hard it will be for me to TTC again. Since it wasn't planned before, I am not sure if it was a fluke, or if I am just really fertile. I am hoping that it is easy again this time around, but I am not counting on anything. So here's hoping!!

To all of you other ladies who are TTC, I am praying for you and wishing that you get everything that you want! I hope you don't mind me starting a journal so early, but there are so many feelings and stuff that I need to put somewhere, even though we haven't started yet. So I can't wait to start my journey with you all!

Melissa

October 28, 2003

Well, the countdown is on. After today there are only 3 more days of work for me here at my office. Not quite sure how I feel about that. I am happy, relieved, and sad all together. I feel like I am kind of losing some of my purpose. But I am excited to have so much more time to spend with my girls. I just received an e-mail from my boss's boss telling me how valuable I have been to the company, what a great job I have done, how I am a great "strategic thinker" and how much I will be missed. It really made me feel so wonderful. It's weird how you never realize how appreciated you are until you are leaving.

I start my part time job tonight at Target. I have to go through the stupid orientation again tonight. I went through it last year when I was hired there for a seasonal position. I hope it goes fast tonight! I will miss my babies. I won't get to see them at all-- I dropped them off at daycare this morning at 7:30 and they will be sleeping when I finally get to see them again. Oh well, it'll pay off in the end. The girls were really crabby this morning. Could have something to with the fact that they were both up at 4am this morning? This time change has really messed with them. But, besides the fact that they were up at an ungodly hour this morning, this is the second night in a row that they have slept through the night. Could this possibly be the beginning of a consistent sleep pattern?? Could be a sign if it is... I said that I didn't want to TTC until my girls were sleeping through the night... and it's about time--they are almost 7 months old!

So, now that I have really gotten on the road to TTC, I am getting excited. I was thinking about it last night and thinking of names. When I was pregnant with the twins and we didn't know what we were having, we could NOT for the life of us come up with a boys name. I just have such a hard time with boy's names... there are very few I like. And all the ones I like don't seem to fit well with our last name, etc. Well, anyway, maybe before I start worrying about names, I should work on the conceiving part. I put my last BC patch on this morning...

I heard today that my friend Jenny thinks she may be pregnant. If it's true I will be SOOOO happy for her! She and her DH have been trying for years. The last time she managed to conceive, she miscarried it... and I was there when it happened. How horrible. I really, really hope for her sake that she is pregnant, and that she can hold on to this one. I'll say a prayer for her today.

Well, back to work. I have a lot to do before the end of the week.

Dayna and Nicky-- Thank you both so much for the wonderful welcome.

Nicky-- I hope that you find out what is wrong with Earl very soon-- sounds like you ahve been having a scary week!

Dayna-- GL for this cycle!! Sounds promising!

October 29, 2003

Well, it's finally happened. It must be an omen. I said that I didn't want to start TTCing until my girls started sleeping through the night. Both of them. And guess what-- they have both slept through the night the last three nights in a row. Once again, they were up at some stupidly early hour (5am this time instead of 4:30am, though), but I can deal with that. I need little prayers that this continues!

Last night was the orientation. I missed my girls a lot. When I got home at 9:30, both girls were in bed as usual, but so was DH and the dog! WHAT? He must have been tired. So when I got home, I ate a very late dinner, went in and stared at my girls for a while, kissed them goodnight and kicked the dog off the bed so I could get some sleep.

Nothing much more to say about me right now-- not much has changed since yesterday. I have been having some weird, bloody CM over the last few days (TMI) which doesn't make any sense since I am still on BC until Monday and then I won't be due for AF until the next Thursday. I am not sure what would cause this... also CM has been very slimy and more prevalent than usual. Any ideas?? Sorry if it's TMI, but this is a journal entry.

I still haven't heard about my friend. I'm still praying for her that she might get a BFP from a HPT... I'll share when I hear.

Nicky-- thank you again! I am glad to be here, too!

Dayna-- congrats on the cohosting the 35+ board! Sorry about your BPN... I'm praying that you retest soon and get a BFP!!! Here's hoping!!

Kelly-- thanks for the welcome!! I wish you could be on the April 2003 board, but maybe we'll end up on another baby board together... maybe the Oct or Nov 2004 board???? GL to you!

October 31, 2003

It's days like this when I wonder how I will ever be able to handle staying home with the girls, let alone how I will be able to handle having another!! It's also days like this when I realize how wonderful being a mommy is and how lucky I am.

Today was my last day at work. It's now official-- I am a part-time working SAHM. Ha. Somehow I thought that I would feel more liberated. But I think that knowing that I am going to go to work tomorrow morning for the first time at mt PT job really kind of ruins it for me. I didn't even have a small break between jobs! Oh well. It'll all be worth it in the end.

I wonder how Target will react when I get pregnant again. LOL I ended up leaving them with no notice when I worked there last year PT because I was having pregnancy complications. HA HA! Well, not really complications. Cashiering and being on my feet for extended periods of time while supporting a twin pregnancy in the front was KILLING my back. I could barely move each morning when i got up and I had sever pain all day long everyday... even when I didn't work. Once I quit, it was gone. Too much standing on concrete floors, I guess. At least I got a docs note so I was eligable for rehire. :P

So, I remove my BC patch on Monday night, then I am free of BC for a while! I am trying to decide if we will use another form of BC (condoms?) for the next couple of months, or if we will just kinda let it happen if it happens, even if we are not really intending to try until Jan. DH and I will need to discuss that. I am excited, but not really ready yet. So we'll see.

My girls were cute today in their costumes. But Gabby was throwing up all day and not keeping down any food, so she wasn't really in the spirit of things. Poor baby!! I felt so bad for her. I never imagined that a 6 1/2 month old child could heave and throw up so hard!! Up to this point she has been a champion spitter upper, but I was NOT prepared for actual vomiting. It scared me, but by the end of the night she seemed like she was almost back to her old self and she actually kept her last bottle down. So far anyway. Here is a pic of my girls in costume tonight. WAY cute!!!!!


Since I have been so busy with work and the girls and stuff, I have not had a chance yet to read everyone else's je for today. I'll get caught up soon. Hope you are all having a great weekend so far and that AF stays far, far away for all of you!

Happy Halloween!!!!!!!

November 3, 2003

Well, today was the first day of oficially being a SAHM. It's going to be interesting! Not much to report, except for the fact that I just may survive this.

It snowed here today-- got lots of the white stuff. I was looking forward to it, but also NOT looking forward to it since it will be so much more work to get the girls ready to go anywhere. They were so cute all bundled up today, though. I have to bring back their hat&mitten sets cuz they are too small, so I will do that when I go to work tomorrow night.

I removed my last patch tonight. I am officially off BC now. I expect to get AF sometime around Thursday. Then I will be able to start getting myself familiar with my cycles minus the BC. I am very regular, of course, on BC, but I never really pay attention when I am not on it. So I will begin the chore of paying attention. I will not be temping in the beginning... will only do that if DH and I have trouble conceiving. I hope it won't come to that.

It's really going to get hard to find the time to get on here now that I will be home each day with the girls. I have NO downtime with the two of them right now. It was always so nice when I was at work cuz I could always pop on when I had a few minutes. Oh well, I will find the time. Probably will end up keeping myself up way too late each night like I am doing right now.

On that note, I am way tired. I will try to catch up with everyone tomorrow! Good luck and baby vibes to all!!

Love,
Me

Okay, I am back-- couldn't go to bed without reading all the journals!!

Dayna-- LMAO at your post!! Yeah, 2 Melissas. Thanks for the compliment on my girls!

Nicky-- I'm glad that you managed to have a good anniversary! Sorry that Earl got all the attention, but at least you got to get out! Here's lots and lots of babydust and lasers to keep AF away!! I hope she stays away for a LONG 9 months!

Kelly-- thanks! Your puppy is SO cute by the way!

MelissaJane-- congrats on finally TTCing again! I hope it goes quicker for you this time!

November 5, 2003

Ugh. My internet Explorer is acting up… I keep getting fatal errors that shut down Explorer.. every time I try reading or posting I get booted! I finally managed to get all the boards read, but couldn’t possibly take the time to post! So I am actually writing this in Word and will cut and paste so I don’t write a novel and lose it all!

Still waiting on AF so that I can officially begin counting… not going to be temping yet, but will attempt to kind of chart and keep track of my cycle. I have no idea how long it will be once I am off BC. I am thinking she should be showing up tomorrow, but I am not having any cramping or anything, so I don’t know what the deal is. I went out and bought some prenatals today so I can begin taking them. I know I have some left over from my last pregnancy because I was horrible and could never remember to take them once they were born and I was nursing, but I don’t know where they are. Besides that, there is nothing more to report regarding TTC.

Today was day 3 of being a SAHM. Can I just say that I suck as a mother???? I never knew just HOW HARD this was going to be. I mean, I had an idea, but my idea did NOT prepare me. UGH. How am I going to do this every day for the next few years? And I am thinking I want another?? What am I trying to do, kill myself?? Yesterday I did not leave the house with the girls and it was the day from hell. Belle is teething HARD and is so crabby and clingy that it is unbelievable. Gabby is starting the teething thing now, too. My question is, how long is this supposed to last??? Please say it’s going to be quick… I’m guessing that it’s not. But anyway, I decided that it is easier to leave the house with them because then they are in their carseats, occupied with the outside world. So we went to run errands. Little did I know that it was FREEZING outside today! What was I thinking?? Winter is coming on FAST and HARD. Yuck. Anyway, I gave up after the first errand and went and hung out at my grandma’s house with the girls. It was cheating, but hey, it worked out for both of us. Grandma got to see the girls which made her day, and I had help taking care of them which made MY day! LOL

The girls were really good tonight, though. Once Rick got home we all hung out and watched last week’s episode of Survivor so we would be caught up for tomorrow night. The girls hung out and played and managed to stay up till 8:00. Which means that they may actually sleep past 6am tomorrow! Lately they have been going to bed at like 6:30 (not by MY wishes) and don’t sleep well. So I am looking forward to a peaceful night and a late morning.

The girls have been fighting a case of some stomach bug for the past few days and now they have passed it on to me, I think. I woke up last night feeling like the world would be wonderful if I could just puke. I never did, but I have had an icky tummy all day and have not eaten anything until about 5 minutes ago when DH brought me some chocolate chip cookies. What a sweetheart. Though I DO think that I should have something more substantial. Oh well.

Anyway, I have rambled tonight. I must miss going to work and telling my co-workers about my days. And to top it off, I have not been able to get on more than every other day in the last week. Oh well.

Dayna—the YMCA thingie sounds fun—have a great day!

Nicky—I really hope that when you retest you get a BFP. I’m hoping for you girl! I really, really hope that they get all of this stuff straightened out with Earl very soon… I have been thinking about the two of you!

Kelly—thanks for thinking of me… I think I’m adjusting. Slowly.

Anyway girls, I’ll talk to you later. Good luck and hugs to everyone!

November 6, 2003

Well, today was a good day. My girls and I stayed home today and I did not go nuts. When DH got home, I was happy to see him, but didn't feel an overwhelming sense of relief like I have every other day of the week, which means that I was not too stressed out. I even got the dishes done and the kitchen cleaned up today, and when DH got home dinner was almost ready. And it wasn't one of those darnned dinners from a box, either! I made rosted chicken, stuffing, and squash! Yay! i was on the phone with my mom when DH walked in the door and the timer on the oven beeped at the same time. I told my mom I had to go cuz Rick was walking in the door and my dinner was beeping at me and she said, "Okay, little miss Suzie Homemaker!" I laughed, but really, it kind of felt good, believe it or not. Tomorrow the girls and I will go suprise my grandmother and visit her at her craft sale. She'll like that cuz she'll get to show them off to the other crafty ladies and I'll get out of the house. We didn't go anywhere today, so I ended up watching TV all day in between playing with the girls and cleaning and cooking. I really hate daytime TV. So I think that I am going to try ot make a point of getting out of the house at least every other day.

It was cold today. Why do I live in Minnesota? Actually, I don't mind the weather. I was ready for it. Once it hits November I have come to expect the cold temps, but it just came on so FAST. I think that's why everyone here is complaining about it. I can't believe that Christmas is just around the corner. My SIL called me today while she was wrapping presents. UGH. How depressing.

Well, I THINK that today could qualify as CD1. I am spotting... kind of. Weird. I usually get AF full-force on Thursday. We'll see what tomorrow brings, I guess.

Anyway, not much else to talk about. Hope all is well with everyone!!

Dayna-- sorry the X-mas thingie wasn't all that great, but at least you had fun. I had to laugh when you talk about hiding the bootie from DH cuz I used to do that, too, and we weren;t even TRYING to get pregnant! I wasn't expecting to have babies for a long time but I would always buy little cute baby things when I saw them!

Nicky-- So sorry about stupid AF and your BFNs. I hope that AF stays away and you get a BFP soon! Also, I hope work get better... I know that my husbands lawfirm is hiring Case Coordinators... is that similar to what you do? If it is, let me know, I may be able to get some more info for you if you are interested...

Goodnight all! BABY DUST ALL AROUND!

November 10, 2003

Well, I didn't get to post this weekend-- a lot was going on and I jsut didn't have the time. Well, today is CD 5. Of course, nothing to report at this point. DH and I had one FINAL talk about me going off BC. I reminded him that if I was going to go on for another month that I had to start it today, and he said that he didn't want me to, so I guess it's really official, now. I believe that we are both planning on using protection, but who knows... not even really sure we have any on the house anymore... maybe I should check that out. Not that we ever seem to BD anymore...

We had date night on Saturday night. DH and I went out to dinner at the same restaurant where we met. Ironically, we got sat in the same booth that we sat in that night, too. It was nice. Then we went to a movie. It's the first movie I have been to since the last Harry Potter movie, which came out last Thanksgiving season, I believe. That means it's been almost a year! But I realized when we were about 20 minutes into the movie why we never go to them now that we have the twins. We were both so tired by that time that we were almost miserable! (It was only a 9:20 showing! ) Anyway, at least the movie was funny enough and good enough to keep us awake. We saw ELF. Definately something I would recommend. VERY FUNNY AND CUTE!

Today went well. The girls went in for their flu shot boosters. Poor babies. Then we went to Target in search of some formula, which they have been out of forever, and we are almost out! They didn't have it. ARGH! I am going to have to go somewhere else to buy it. Which makes me mad since I work at Target so I buy it there to get my discount! Makes a big difference when you are spending $100 every couple of weeks on formula!

I went Christmas shopping yesterday for the first time this season. I actually got almost everyone done. YAY! Finished shopping for DH, too. All we have left is ome more gifts for the babies, and then a couple of family gifts. YAY! It was nice to go shopping. Money has been so tight, and we are so budgeted since I am not working my full-time job anymnore, that I haven't been shopping with the intent or ability to spend money in 6 months. It felt good to spend. LOL But really, it brought my spirits up. I really believe that shopping is great therapy!

So I was watching Dr. Phil today (yes, I am a SAHM who hasn't found anything to do yet during the day besides watch the kids in front of the TV-- BAD MOMMY!) and they were having a debate between SAHMs and Working moms. Wow, it's amazing how passionate some people are. There were women who were saying that WMs aren't parents since they "drop their kids off to be raised by strangers at some filthy daycare center". WOW. Strong words. And there were WMs who really held the belief that SAHMs have mothing to do besides sit around and watch soaps all day while eating bon bons. Boy, would that be nice!!!!!! As it is, as a SAHM, I barely have time to actually WATCH an hour TV program or do any cleaning or cooking or anything that doesn't have to do woth entertaining my children! Anyway, my point here is that there are a lot of misconceptions about both WMs and SAHMs. I have been a WM. It's HARD, but also personally rewarding. And I see advantages to having my kids in daycare. But I am now a SAHM. I see how hard it is, and the advantages that there are in having my kids home everyday with me. And I also see the drawbacks. I think that people need to be less judgemental and realize that whether a mom works or not is nothing more than a personal choice and that everyone and every situation is different. Just because some people believe that staying home with their kids is right for them does not mean that it's right for everyone.

Anyway, my whole point woth this was not to get on my soapbox. I just wanted to say that watching that show today made me want to write to Dr. Phil or Oprah or someone like that to get a mommy makeover and to beg for a couple makover or something corny like that. LOL. hey, you never know, it could work! I could end up TV, get a free trip to Chicago, and get a free makeover and clothes! YEA RIGHT. But it's fun to dream... I really do think I'll write. Never hurts to do it. Can't win the lottery if you never buy a ticket...

Goodnight!!

Dayna-- Sorry about your grandma's dog. Very sad. i hope things start going better for you VERY soon!!!!!

Nicky-- wow... long cycle for you, hunh? Maybe it's going to be good news in the end? I hope things start going better for you and Earl. here's some cyber hugs!!!!! **********HUGS**********

November 13, 2003

I think this is the 13th today... I can't believe how hard it is to keep track of the date when I am not working regularly!

I really hate the fact that I never get to post anymore-- I just don't have the time. The girls and working the little that I am is keeping me soo busy! The other night I stayed up until alomst 1am trying to post and catch up on everything here on preg.org. Then I was up in the middle of the night with the girls, and up early the next morning with them. I was so miserable and crabby that day!! I just can't handle taking care of the girls with that little sleep! Gabby is a little angel, but Belle chose that day to cry ALL DAY. She is actually doing that again today-- so I put her in her crib to cry it out and she fell asleep for like the 80th time today. Not sure what to do with her. I keep thinking something must be wrong, but what?? I don't know if the tantrums are just habitual, personality, or something else. And everytime I ask my peds office about something, they tell me that nothing is wrong and that it is normal... figures.

Anyway, enough of that. I gave Gabby her first haircut yesterday. I HAD to. I didn't want to cut her hair yet, but the poor girl kept getting hair in her eyes. I saved some of the hair..

Well, I'm not sure what CD it is today... I need to look back to figure it out... hmmm, CD 8. I am having some think-like CM, but I don't really know the difference between the types, or what it is supposed to look like when you are Oing, I am new to this. Basically, I know it is too early for me to be Oing yet this cycle, anyway... but I have never in my life paid attention to how long my cycles are w/o BC. So I am taking this month and next month to try and figure it out before we actually begin.

I was in the mood for a little BDing last night, but DH wasn't getting the hint. I think he is less interested, knowing that he would have to use a condom since we want to avoid twins again. That's why we are making sure to not actually try yet since I just came off the BC. That's what happened to us last time, and my OB said that could be the reason we had two. Then again, there is my family history, also... oh well.

Well, work just called me and asked me if I would come in tonight to cover for someone. I said yes. So bye, bye to my night off... and I'm gonna mis SURVIVOR!! Darnnit! But we NEED the money, so I am going in.

I had better get going soon, I think Gabby is getting bored watching me type. Belle is sleeping, of course.

Nicky-- SO, so sorry that you have been so stressed about everything. Your night away will be the BEST thing for you!! And yes, shopping is GREAT therapy!! I hope that things start getting better for you VERY soon. And you tell Earl that he needs to quit being a baby and start being nicer to you. He may be sick, but men are such babies!! If it were you, you can bet that you wouldn't be such a baby about it all!! Sorry, I just hate seeing you so unhappy and stressed. ****HUGS*****

Dayna-- GL this cycle!! It's great that you are planning on staying home with your little once for a while when the time comes!! I'm gonna warn you, though-- it's hard work!!! And YAY on the house expansion!!!!

Cherie-- Hey! Welcome! It's great to see you here, and nice to get to know you better by reading your journal! I hope you have a short jounal cuz you graduate soon!!

Anyway, see you all later!!!!!!

Melissa

November 14, 2003

Guess who's on my lap. Belle has decided that she doesn't feel like sleeping tonight. I just got home from work and she's up. Figures. I am so tired and I just want to go to bed. Can I just say that life sucks right now? Wanna know why? If not, don't read on...

We are so broke. We were falling behind money-wise while I was working because of daycare, but we had a savings account with about $10,000 in it. So we were using that to make up the difference each week between what we brought home, and how much the bills were. Well guess what? Now that I have quit my job and am working PT for a lot less money, we are in trouble. We are not paying daycare anymore, but our savings is gone. We have completely drained all $10,000 since the girls were born. Can I just say, I love my girls, but we just could not fiancially handle two at a time!!! And we are thinking of having another?? Who am I kidding? And DH being DH, won't let us apply for any assistance. I checked it out, and we would qualify for WIC, which would help pay for diapers, baby food, formula, etc. But DH won't let me. I am thinking about going behind his back and doing so myself-- would that be so horribly wrong??

Anyway, this is all probably TMI, but I just needed to share. DH is always crabby and stressed out about it lately, and I don't really feel like talking to my family about it-- and god forbid that our friends ever found out. UGH. Dh had a job interview yesterday for another position at his firm that would mean more money, but I am not sure that he really even wants it. i think he applied simply for the payraise... and he would be miserable doing something that he doesn't want to do.

I never realized how hard it was to type with a kid on your lap and the keyboard pushed as far away as I can get it so she doesn't keep pressing buttons. And how am I keeping her kind of busy?? I gave her the bottle of white out to chew on. Horrible mother.

Anyway, onto the reason I actually have this journal-- though each day I am more conviced that it's for nothing more than sorting out my feelings. Today is CD 9. Nothing to report. DH and I actually BD'd last night just for the fun of it. Used a condom. Nothing more exciting to share.

Anyway-- I hope that you will all have a wonderful weekend. I am not sure when I will get on again this weekend. Love you all.

Cherie: You really think that your weight may be part of the problem? I know that it can be, but just to let you know, I was over 200lbs. when I got pregnant with the girls-- AND I had a completely healthy pregnancy. So though they say that weight can affect fertility, unless you are severely overweight, I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. Also, I wanted to let you know that I love reading your journal... way fun!

Kelly: Thanks! The girls and I are getting on fine. We have rough days, but every day gets easier for me.

Dayna: I totally know what you mean about not having any energy anymore. Even before I was pregnant, DH and I hardly ever BD'd anymore, and we were newlyeds!!!! I swear that I feel 80 and I am only 25!! Anytime I am up past 10pm (like tonight ) I am MISERABLE the next morning. And I used to stay up all night and be fine the next day... oh well...

Nicky: Hang in there girl. Men are stupid. Can I say that? Yes, cuz it's true. I used to get so mad at my DH even before we were married cuz he always used to zonk out on me by 9pm and always just complain that he was just sssooooo tired that he couldn;t stay awake to spend time with me. But then, the next night, he would go stay at his friend's house and be up all damn night!!!! Jerk! LOL Anyway, just go have your day away. You need it and it will do you good!!!! GL with the job-- it sounds like it's going great! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!!!!