I spent the first part of the day yesterday so sad....and the second part in complete denial. I had convinced myself that my temps looked so great.....my chart matched my last BFP chart.....I would test again on cd15 if AF hadn't arrived.....
But holy hell. My temp dropped this morning. I see the writing on the wall. I am cd36 and 12dpo and my temp dropped to 97.8. Still well above my coverline, but I'm making the statement that AF is on her way. So after a really weird and strange cycle, I think its coming to an end and as on now I am only waiting for AF to show.
Now, I can only hope that I don't O next time when I am out of state, without DH....
as you can see....I am at cd4.
Its been a weird few days...AF arrived, I lost internet.....
so- on to another cycle. I should O right before I leave for the conference. We'll see.
I've decided to spend the time getting back into a regular fitness routine. I've been slacking off.
I've been busy...getting ready for my conference in DC....internet has been wacky - what is it? sun spots or something??
Not much to report on the TTC front, anyway. I am cd10 and I leave early in the morning on cd14. I think I am gearing up to O, but I feel like we are racing the clock....I don't know if I can get DH to BD in the monring before work....he gets up at 5:30...and that might be asking a lot. but I'm sure we can DTD tuesday pm. We'll see.
I am sharing a room with my mother on this trip and my brother is flying in from Germany to see us and sharing our room too.....so I'm not sure how the whole temping thing is going to work out....I guess I'll have to improvise. I dont want them to know....
Anyway. Thats it. Would anyone like to start a pool to see if I O while out of town????
cd13 no sign of Oing....I had hopes, but then all signs stopped....so It doesn't look like i'll O before I leave.
Now the quetsion becomes, will I O while I'm gone? or will it wiat until after I get back? Last cycle I O'd at cd24 - but the pervailing thought is that it was delayed by stress....so I really don't know what to expect.
I'll be back on sunday, cd19.
oh- I have decided to go back to school - on a part time basis at night. To get my MBA. Part of me wonders if I should wait to TTC so that the baby will be born during the summer of 08 (june-aug). That way I could take classes in the spring...but I know thats not how TTC works...you never know and you really can't plan anything. Especially if I can't figure out when I O and OPKs are useless unless I am willing to spend up to $100 so that I can take then over a 10 days period - at the minumum.
I'm back from Washington DC and celebrating the 4th.
The good news: I did not O while I was away....
The bad news: I started to 'spot' on sat cd18 and did not stop until yesterday cd22
I don't know what that means. Is it another period? The bleeding was heavy the first day, through my underware, but not my pants...and the other days lighter, but enough to ruin my underware if I wasn't prepared. I KNOW that I did not O yet this cycle. Do I start a new cycle? or just wait and see how it goes?? Its so confusing.
I've decided to go back to school. I'll take one class this fall (a prereq) and start classes in the spring..I'm thinking just one or two a semester. I am doing it tfor me...and with the kids, it will be hard. I'm going to get my MBA in non profit management. At night. It could take up to five years, but I'm hoping that some of my law classes will satisfy the requirements.
A late august and/or early sempember conception is the perfect timing for us to have a baby at the end of the spring semester and enough time for us to move next summer if we need to. Now I've just got to figure out how to tell my body that it wants to cooperate.
oh my goodness! I have EWCM!!! I never (well, hardly ever) have it. I'm not even really sure about how to distinguish it. Early in the day, it was kinda cloudy but stretchy and later in the day it was clear AND stretchy. It is rather exciting!!!! If all goes well, I should O tomorrow (I O'd the night of cd24 last cycle). Who would've thought...
ofcourse, hubby has been in a bad mood....so jumping him won't be as easy as it usually is...but I'm sure I'll manage.
I'll update tomorrow.
no temp spike yet. But I am expecting it for tomorrow. **fingers crossed**
I have EWCM again today. I actually did the o'le water test to distinguish between 'leftovers' (yuck) and EWCM. It was quite interesting and I suggest everyone try it at least once [EWCM balls up and remains stretchy if removed, semen floats and disolves] ..... and I came to the conclusion that I in fact have EWCM again today. Two days in a row. Thats a minor miracle for me, as I have rarely seen it in my TTC journey and NOT AT ALL on this particular journey. So- we'll be BDing again tonight and if I spike tomorrow, I'm thinking a morning session will be in order.
of course, if for some reason I don't O this weekend...I may go insane. TTC does that to some people you know....I have heard the urban legends....
In other news: I have lost 3 of the 4 pounds that I gained. So thats good. and I have another 5 lbs to go after that. I'll get there one day.
I had a small temp spike this morning, but not as high as it usually is when I O...but I slept naked last night, but I don't normally do....so I'm just not sure what to make of it. I feel like I don't know anything anymore.
The EWCM is gone. But we will BD again tonight to cover al of our bases. Hopefully my temp will go higher tomorrow.
This is when I really begin to obsess. Did I O? and once I have...am I pregnant? Its so easy to get caught up in the entire thing. Hopefully I will havemore news tomorrow.
I am so totally confused and angry and sad and disappointed. I have not O'd. Why in the world would I see EWCM (which, remember, I rarely, if ever, see) if I was not going to O? The timing was right, the EWCM was there and our Bding was excellent.....so where the heck is the egg????
I am so disheartened. If I had 28 day cycles....that would be one thing. But have such long cycles and not knowing when or even *IF* I am going to O is killing me.
I guess its time for the progesterone and clomid. (since its what the Doc wanted to do two months ago) its just that everytime I decide to do it, I O and things seem to work but then it turns out that I'm not pregnant and the trouble starts all over again.
UPDATE: to make things worse, I started spotting again today. WTF??!? Ugh!! What is wrong with my body?
No sign of Oing. I've decided to take a break from BBT. But I did order a TTC "war kit"...I bought a fertility monitor, preseed and fertilityblend. I am calling it my war kit b/c I really feel as if I am taking on the enemy of infertility...no, I shouldn't call it infertility...I am not infertile, but I do have diagnosed fertility 'issues'.
I have to wait to call the Doc on July 24th (two weeks passed when AF is due) in order to go in for yet another blood test and get the RX for Provera and clomid. I am waiting b/c thats what the nurse said to do (although I think my Doc would allow me to start it earlier) but also b/c I don't want to have a baby due at the end of April or the first week in May. (DH and I will have exams and he will graduate May3rd 200 and waiting two extra weeks is really not going to kill me. I am shooting for a May baby. and if that doesn't work, than a june or july baby would be or great too. if we are not pregnant (whats that? by the end of October?) then we have to put TTC on hold for a few months due to the high possibility of us moving next summer, to wherever DH can land a good job.
Clomid worked in two months to conceive Alexis and one month to conceive Ryan....I can only hope it works again for this one. [Alexis said we should name the next baby HandPrint...so that what we are already calling it...hee-hee]
At least I have a plan.