I've been spotting again over the last two days. Just once during each day, enough to change my underware and have to wash them. How annoying. I don't think its AF. Just spotting. but I don't know what that means. PCOS strikes again, I'm sure.
I did relent and put a call into my Doc giving her the rundown. She didn't get back to me yesterday, I suppose I'll have to wait until monday to speak to her.
In other news: I bought a new car yesterday!! A Honda Pilot. I am so excited to have a new car! Its got plently of room for a third child, plus a third row seat that folds flat. XM radio (LOVE THAT!), leather heated seats and 4WD. woo-hoo!
Still spotting.....this is my fifth day spotting, but the color os getting brighter pick/red and I think AF might be here. I'll have to talk to the Doc today and see if she wants me to start clomid this cycle. I hope so. I really don't need another 50 something day annovulatory cycle.
Sometimes I wonder about all those wasted years of birthcontrol. Who knew that I only O four times a year on my own....???? and I could've saved a lot of time and money is I knew that. Being on BCPs for 15 years was a waste. and it caused a lot of issues with my body. sheeesh!!!
I'll update after the Doc calls.
We have a plan! The doc put me on Provera to stop the spotting and then induce AF.
Then, I will take 100mg of clomid from cd3-7.
I am so excited to actually have a plan. I have already filled my prescriptions and taken my first pill. Hopefully, this will lead to my BFP and a May 2008 baby.
day 6 of taking Provera.
Luckily, the spotting has stopped. Four more days of Provera and then hopefully AF will come right away. *fingers crossed*
So much of the TTC game is *waiting*......
wait for AF, wait to O, wait to POAS, wait for AF to show (again). Ugh! I am not exactly the patient- sort of gal!!!
I had some spotting this morning and realized that I forgot to take my provera last night. I took a pill and I'll take another tonight. After today, only 2 more to take. I hope, hope, hope that I didn't screw anything up. I had to make the decision whether to just stop taking it or take one this morning and keep going. It was hard. but I decided to try to follow as closely as possible to the Docs instructions.
I was just afraid that if I dtopped the Provera before I should, then the spotting would start up again but I wouldn't see AF. I really want to see AF because I want to start Clomid to make sure that I O.
Its just that the waiting and wondering is killing me!!!
Just making a list of places to shop for tickers...
hey. I just realized that I lost a post in there somewhere. (where did it go? I know I typed something......OMG! I hope its lost and I didn't type it in someone elses journal....how embarassing that would be.)
I am cd2. The spotting above stopped and AF arrived. Heavy bleeding and heavy cramping. I start clomid tomorrow. 100mg cycle days 3-7. I am excited b/c I feel like I am at least DOING something.
Cd 3 means I started clomid - took my first pill. I don't know why Doc upped me to 100mg when I took 50mg to conceive DS, but I'm not going to complain, but I am DOING something! It feels so good to be active in this whole TTC thing.
I am charting/temping again (I stopped when I was waiting for AF), using a fertility monitor and when the time come I wil use Preeseed.
I hope the side effects, are ok.....I didn't really have any on 50mg.
Hopefully I will get my BFP this month (with a 10% chance of twins!) --but you know what?
I HOPE EVERYBODY GETS THEIR BFPs THIS CYCLE!!!
4th day on clomid.
The S/E were not bad so far. The only thing was the first day- I was a moody/emotional/irritable monster. But luckily for everyone who comes into contact with me....that S/E only lasted that day. Since then, nothing (maybe a little tired?)
Today I got to POAS for the first time with my FM. Hopefully it will work, but at least it is satisfying my POAS urge!
So hopefully I will O in the next 10 days. Next weekend would be perfect, since thats he easiest time to BD (Jon works late), but we'll do what we have to do.....
I have a baby shower to go to on Aug 5th. But I think it will be OK (I'll be in the 2WW then).
Last day of Clomid.
I got a HIGH reading on my fertility monitor. But I'm not freaking out about it, b/c it said that they give you five days of HIGH (at least) before you get a day of PEAK. and since its a computer, in the next month, they will shorten those five days to fewer and pinpoint your O better.....hopefully, I won't need that extra benefit next cycle b/c I'll get my BFP this cycle.
SO hopefully I'll O the 14th. I've got to find something to occupy my time......
I am lurking like crazy on all the boards this cycle, and responding a lot, but I am not really posting my own threads. I always get nervous about who's gonna repond, like I'm in grade school again and want to knwo who likes me. How freaking lame is that?! But I just can't help it....so, I'll post my own thread when I O....until then, its my journal pages for me!
Baby Dust to ALL!
I got another *High* on my FM and the begining on a 2nd line on the OPK....and then now, I have EWCM. woo-hoo! Tonight starts the BDing! small twinges on my ovaries, but nothing major yet.
I can add another s/e from the clomid. Hot flashes. Last night I had a bunch in a couple of hours. I didn't even realize what they were....weird. but they were not too bad. I'll take them if it means I get my BFP.
I got an almost positive on an OPK today. and since I have never seen an even remotely postive looking OPK, I am jumping for joy. I have also had O pain from BOTH SIDES today, they come and go, but the frequentcy of the pains are increasing as the day goes on. I have not seen Peak on my FM yet...maybe tomorrow?? But I do have more EWCM....not a lot, but some (and remember, I don't see that too often - but maybe thats because I don't O very often...uuummmm)
So, it looks like I may O earlier than cd14, yes? woo-hoo! Watch out DH!!!!
I'm a little frustrated with the whole OPK thing. My test today was still good, but no better than yesterday. its still reall really close to positive....
and my FM still says HIGH. I am waiting to see PEAK. I hope I see it tomorrow, and then it will show two days of peak. My question/dilema now is to BD tonight. We BD'd cd9 and cd10 and I'll want to BD cd 12 and cd13. Should be take tonight off? Jon has "low" but average sperm count. I am thinking that maybe we should take tonight off, but that is so counter-intuitive....its hard to know what to do.
I have EWCM again today and more O pains (very 'full' feeling too). I am just ready for this whole Ovulating thing to happen.
Still no Peak reading on my FM....its starting to drive me nuts. I'll do another OPK later during my customary time...we'll see what that says...
But we will BD tonight and tomorrow and we'll see what happens. I got a nice Dip in my temps and I really should think that I'd see a temp spike and O by monday.
oh, I also had horrible O pains last night, for like an hour and a half last night....it was painful! but welcome!
I am about to cry.
My OPKs yesterday were lighter than cd10 and cd11. My EWCM is gone. and I have only seen 'High' on my fertility monitor, not 'Peak'. and my O pains are gone, replaced by a weird bloating (probably clomid induced). I am getting tired of POAS and NOT seeing the results I am looking for....and just wait for the next two weeks.....I have about 16 HPTs (internet cheepies, $ store and EPTS) and I'm sure I'll sure most of them....and probably not see the results I want there too.
I am just having a pity party. I know "its not over yet". I am cd13 and I cold still O in the next few days....I just don't understand why I had so many signs of Oing and then they stopped? and my temp is wacky. It was looking good. Nice temp dip, which I usually see just before I O and then today, it jumps .4 - just back up to around my coverline area...W.T.F! So what does THAT mean???!!!
Lets just get this overwith already!!!! I am tired of scheduleing sex this cycle. and starting tomorrow, it get VERY hard to have sex, due to DH's work and commuting schedule. AARRrrrrgggghhhh!!!!
Hey look at me! I have an Avatar!! woo-hoo! Not the greatest picture in the world, but thats me.
I wake up every monring now, bummed that O haven't O'd overnight. I don't understand why I had such awesome signs that I was going to O, only to have them stop.
I did go out and buy more OPKs (I just can't seem to give them up) and I am trying to hold my pee long enough to make a go with one of them soon.
I still don't see why I wouldn't O in the next two days....I O'd on cd 16 all the other times I have been on clomid, but I took it cd5-9 then and this time I took it cd3-7. I thought it would make me O sooner. Its just frustrating. I hate no knowing and not understanding what my body is doing.
I did have a lot of bloating yesterday and I'm having O pains again today. I'm not sure what my cm is doing, due to leftovers.....I guess all I can do is wait. and wait.
Guess what?! I had a POSITVE OPK yesterday. Actually, two of them! Very positive OPKS! I was so excited! woo-hoo!
But then, I wake up and my fertility monitor still says HIgh instead of Peak! so I am confused now as ever.
I do know that some of my O signs are back. O pains, EWCM (not a lot, but some) and a +OPK.
So, we will BD tonight and tomorrow and hopefuly we'll catch that eggy. We didn't DTD last night anyway, even with the +OPK b/c DH had a horrobly long day at work and went to bed at 9:30pm (right when he walked through the door). Poor baby. I hope though that work is better today b/c I've got plans for my man tonight! LOL!
Well see what happens.
W. T. F.
Thats all I keep thinking in my head. WTF! What is going on in my body. Why can't I just Ovulate like the vast majority of women out there.
no eggy=no baby
Has anyone ever heard of a +OPK and no actual Oing?? I am begining to be afraid now that the clomid caused ovarian cysts, which I seem to get sometimes, but never from the clomid before. I just wonder if the clomid can cause cysts, maybe they would cause a +OPK and many signs of Oing, but then the follicles hardens and doesn't burst, releasing an egg. That would explain why I am had so many signs of Oing and no actual Oing.
ofcourse, you also actually have to have sex in order to get a baby. DH didn't want to BD the other night, fine...we can take a day off...but yesterday he didn't want to either. This is why we normally don't DTD on weekdays. He's tired and grouchy from his job (thank god its almost over- it was a temp thing) but I come down stairs and see a note from him this morning. I'm thinking, aww, how sweet, maybe he's sorry we didn't DTD last night and he's telling me to wait until tonight, or he lovesme, or something. NOPE- the note said "I need $"- yeah, doesn't everybody!? Liike he can' get to the ATM? I have to supply him with a cash allowance?! I am just so pissed. I guess, normally, it would've been funny, but when we are TTCing, we aren't exactly 'normal', now are we. and by "we"- you know exactly who I'm talking about, don't you?
So, I just don't know what will happen. I am visiting a cousin of mine today who also is TTCing and having trouble with long irregular cycles (maybe its hereditary?). So we decided to get together today to relax and get our minds off things.
I'll be back tomorrow, I'm sure to update everybody on my miserably confused body.
Gosh- reading back on my posts....I'm such a whinner..... I want to state- for the record- that I really don't whine very much in real life. I am not high maintenance. I just get so tripped up over this whole TTC process. and then I start feeling sorry for myself. *sigh*
I just wanted everybody who *might* be reading this to know that I am actually a nice and normal person. Just an FYI.
p.s. I have had really sharp O pain all afternoon...but I am tired of saying that I might O, and then not actually Oing, so I'll just say...I'll be trying to DTD tonight and at least everyother day.
another day, another non-peak on my FM and another non-temp spike on my chart.....this is getting ridiculous.
I put a call into my Doc, just to update her that I haven't O'd yet. Maybe she wants me to come in for an u/s?? *hint-hint* and to ask if she still wants me to come in cd21 for b/w, even when I know its going to be negative. At least I feel like I did 'something' about this.
I am having a lot of cramps, like AF cramps---not the usual sharp O pains....I don't know what that means....maybe nothing. I guess we'll see. (does everybody HATE that? "we'll have to see"...I don't want to 'see', I want to know....*sigh*)
My Doc got back to me. She said we'll just have to "wait and see" - didn't I just say that I hated people saying that? (even if I know its the only thing that I can do....) She wants me to come in on monday, which will be cd21 for my progesterone test. Which just seems silly, if I know I haven't O'd yet...but she's the one with the medical degree...so I'll follow orders like a good soldier.
I am still having O pains and cramps that are almost constant now. (Thank You Clomid) and yesterday (TMI) I had a large glop of EWCM that was streaked with a little blood a good thing I figure...) But I'm still only seeing HIGH on my FM.
I guess its working correctly, as I haven't seen a Peak reading yet, nor have I seen a temp spike.
At least its the weekend and we will be able to BD without strain. Three days of BDing and hopefully (pray and hope) that I will O between now and monday so that we can stop the marathon BDing. (Its been fun, but come on...I'll be glad when we can just do it for 'fun' and not 'work'. IKWIM)
Baby Dust to everybody!
In case anybody is curious....another High on my monitor - this makes 14 days of "High Fertility" - My response : 'yeah, right'.
I guess a silver lining is that my temp is staying constant. Usually if I am having an anovulatory cycle, the temp chart looks like a mountain range. (Trying to stay positive here people, play along.)
I also went out and bought 'real' OPKs...why? When I hate them so much?? Its all in trying to understand my body and why I haven't O'd yet. I got a 2nd line yesterday, at about 50% darkness. Now, I know that you most likely have LH in your body throughout your cycle, but I'm hoping its a good sign - eventhough I've had darker OPKs this cycle- I am assuming that it was the CLomid giving me those lines on the cheap tests and maybe now, at cd20 with the good tests, I'll get reliable answers. A pipedream??
and I'm still hvaing those O Pains, sometimes sharp and sometimes crampy, but they are almost constant. If I sit down on a hard chair too quickly, it actually hurts! Now, I know that this is a s/e of the clomid, but to me- that sounds like cysts.
Times like this make me wish I had gone to Med school- so I could self-diagnose and have access to cool u/s equipment. But as an attorney, the saying in the legal world is " if you act as your own attorney, you have an idiot for a client" - I imagine the same can be said in the medical profession.
oh, and my last thought for the day: sex on demand is getting tiresome. Now, I am good with seducing my man to get my 'prize' during my most fertile days of the month...but this month- could somebody tell me when that is likely to be?- b/c sex on demand is just not working anymore for my DH and I am having trouble putting a lot of effort into it. and then I get annoyed....why should I HAVE to put that much effort into it??! I mean, the man is usually ready to jump me if I even LOOK at him funny......and now, he's all "I feel like a piece of meat" -----yeah, well, that how men usually make us women feel - so there! sooooo, we've taken a mini break. But we can't afford to go any longer with no BDing....the last time I O'd (which was a non-medicated cycle) I O'd on cd24 and I'm really really hoping that we will see a little eggy this time too.
Went in for the blood work today- its a lesson in futility- b/c I KNOW that I haven't O'd yet.....and tomorrow, I'll have a chipper nurse get to tell me that.
I have been using OPKs for three days now (the good kind) and I have gotten a darker 2nd line everyday. I have been really good. Taking them at the same time of day, with the same amount of non-drinking for four hours before I POAS. The problem is, I am having trouble reading the damn things! "My" line has a vertical stripe going down it that is exactly the same color as the test line. about the size of a ballpoint pen and the rest of the line is dark too, but not as dark. So what the fudge does *that* mean??! and the bigger question is: is it clomid related? I tend to think not, simply b/c the line has gotten darker and not stayed the same....but I just don't know. I am going to say that today is +OPK. But who really knows. I'll probably have to change it when I find myself *not* Oing.
A friend of mine told me she's pregnant today. I am thrilled for her. She has only been off BC for one full cycle and this was her second. But I've been "teaching" her *how* to get pregnant. using all the knowledge that I have gleaned over the years. She actualy said "is it wrong that I was thinking about YOU when DH and I were DTD?" LOL! Its because she chose the days to DTD based upon what I told her...I said that she should name the baby after me! Anyway, I am thrilled, but I'd like to get a BFP too- and I can't even seem to O!
HIGH on my FM...again (shocker)
My O pains are nowhere near as bad as they were a day ago. Don't know what that means, if anything.
My CP is actualy *doing* something now (higher, softer), so that is a good thing. (I guess)
and we actually BD'd last night. (yeah!)
but I think I may be getting an infection. and with my luck, I'll O but whatever this little irritation is will probably kill all the sperm and I'll find myself BFN. (figures)
I'm off to another visit with another friend that I haven't seen in a while. I scheduled a bunch of 'get togethers' with friends during the 2WW to help keep me occupied. It worked too, excpet for the 2WW part. But it is helping to keep me occupied during my waiting O/anovulatory cycle.
Oh man, I just put my avatar up...where did it go?? sheesh! This board change-over was tough! It confirmed my addictuon to Pregnancy.org. Give me my fix! LOL! ok, what has happened since I couldn't get on the boards?
well. The b/w came back: "anovulatory". (Duh!) and they are upping my dosage of clomid to 150mg. I am putting my fertility montor and thermometer away. and at this point, I am waiting for AF. If Af isn't here by cd40 (*gulp*) then they'll give me provera again to bring on AF and I can start a new cycle. or, I could still O on my own.....but I doubt it. ALL of my O pains are gone. but I will temp every three days or so, just to kinda keep track of that.
so- thats it. I have been working hard in my gardens and redoing some landscaping. and I have DS's 2nd birthday on saturday. In the meantime. I am going to act as Doula for my friend, Nina, who just fround out she is expecting. Her EDD is 4/24/08. That is exciting.
OMG! I have spotting and cramping today. Is this the start of AF??? I really hope so. This cycle was annov and I didn't expect to get AF on my own......and this could just be a spotty cycle, like last cycle was...but I am optomistic that it is the beginings of AF. (please let it be AF!) and then I get 200mg of clomid. When I spoke to the nurse today and asked her to call in my RX, she said it was for 200mg, to be taken days 3-7. I told her, I thought it was 150mg, and she said no, the file says 200mg.....
So, I'm not sure about that. Do they even go any higher than 200mg?? What happens if I don't O, or get my BFP on 200mg?? I guess I need o think about that.
I am still spotting. Its been three days, but it is a kinda 'dry' spotting if that makes any sense and its kinda dark. I don't know if this is AF or not. and it kinda sucks, b/c I had just resigned myself to NOT getting AF and having to wait until cd40 to get Provera and then having to wait the 10 days or so to actually GET AF. Then, when I started spotting, I was hopefull that I would get AF on my own and be able to "have a shot" at Oing in late August......an now, I just don't know if I am getting AF or just having (another) wacky spotty cycle. I am still crampy. So, I guess we'll just have to see.
I have to wait this week out anyway, before would be given Provera. So I gues there is really nothing more to do.
I start classes in one week. Its my prerequisite: 'mathematics for business'...its been a while since I've been in school. We'll see.
The spotting has kinda tapered off. but I am still pretty crampy. I even went for a run yesterday hoping to 'jostle' AF into coming. LOL! I wonder of that is medically possible (maybe I should ask Jo....:) )
Anyway, I am not too hopefull that AF is coming anytime soon.
I hate my body.
In other news......I made someone mad on my clomid forum. I didn't mean to. I thought my comment was rather tame. (Background: one of the 'regular' ladies has a very limited time to get BFP due to having hysterecomy soon.....but her cousin offered to be surrogate.....then unbelieveably, she got a BFP. How excellent for her. and someone wasn't excited about her announcement. I am ALWAYS excited about BFPs.) Anyway, among my congratulations... I wrote something about how it was so great about one of those stupid 'urban legends' (that we all hate) acually coming true. You know the ones....the "she adopted and then got BFP" or "stop trying so hard and you'll get BFP", etc, etc. I HATE them. I meant it in a good way. But someone thought I was being insensitve to people who can't have babies and NEED to adopt or WANT to adopt....
Frankly, I don't see the connection. I was being congratulatory. PLUS- we had discussed earlier my offer to my SIL to be her surrogate when she decides to have a child, due to her hysterecomy in April.
Anyway, I don't like causing pain to anyone. and it bummed me out that I was the subject of one of those 'debates' that happens sometimes on forums. *sigh* I have been being kinda low profile lately......since I've got nothing to say about my own situation (other than it sucks), so I have been only responding to other peoples posts. I'm just not very good with people being mad at me- I'm a people pleaser at heart. (unless I am working: I'm a guard dog of an attorney....maybe I have a split personality...jk)
*sigh* off to another day.
I think AF is here!!!! The spotting stopped yesterday and I thought "ok, here goes- I'll need Provera" and this morning, I have more spotting, only - its wet and pink and I'd say that its flow. Woo-Hoo!!! I am causiously optomistic that it is AF and I get to start clomid again in two days. Here's hoping!......
Had a slight dilema at the start of this cycle. I had five days of spotting, one day of 'flow', followed by another day of heavy spotting. Very confusing. I came to the conclusion that the one day of 'flow' is in fact, cd1. I have based this on the assumption that due to my anovulatory cycle, I may not have built up a huge lining and the six days of spotting and one day of 'flow' is enough to take care of that.
I am now on 200mg of clomid, cd3-7. I really hope that I didn't screw anything up. and I really really hope my ovaries aren't going to be hyper stimuated.
Not much else to say. except I feel so totally fat.....I don't know if its the clomid bloat, or too much ice cream. But I've got to get my butt back in gear. I lost a bunch of weight a year ago and I wanted to lose 10 more pounds........not gain it!!
Day four of clomid. So far the side effects have been OK. Hot flashes at night and a headache this morning. So I'm doing OK. I hope I O this month!
I start classes tomorrow.......oh boy.....
Clomid's done. Had my first scary/weird s/e from it. I got sorta dizzy and had these sigglys around the edges of my vision. Only lasted about 15 minutes last night. Weird.
I also had my first class last night. Basically, its a calculus class that I need as a prerequisite for my MBA. (maybe thats what gave me the vision problems.....ummm) Anyway, I totally felt like the stupid kid in the class, eventhough I am older than at least 70% of the students. I can DO it, its coming back to me, but I am MUCH slower than a lot of other people. Thank goodness the tests and quizzes are all take home! woo-hoo!
So, in TTC news: I am cd8 and I have gotten my first HIGH on my FM. Ofcourse, I'm thinking thats from the clomid, since I got so many last cycle. I am feeling small O twinges. Hoping that I will O.
Even if I don't get the BFP this cycle....all I want is to know that I O'd.
I'll start temping every day now, so that I will keep FF happy and its gives me CH when I O.......(optomistic, much?)
I won't start OPKs until cd12 or 13. I've got six tests. I figure that *if* I O, it will between cd14 and cd17, so I should be covered.
We'll see what happens.
Wait, hold the presses....I had not looked to see what my fertility monitor said before I wrote the above entry. When I checked it, it said PEAK. How is that possible? What does it mean? I didn't see any Peak reading last cycle...but I am at a higher dose of clomid this cycle, so it could be giving me false readings, right?
Oh man. I don't know whats going on. Will I O??? Soon??? Better get to BDing just in case.....*here hubby, hubby.....*
temp dropped down to 96.6 -thats a good pre-o drop, I think.
and my fertility monitor said Peak again.
I took a OPK yesterday and it was not quite positive....but I could only hold my pee for 1.5 hours.
hummmmm.....what does all of that mean?? DH got some BDing in yesterday. But tonight is going to be tough. Should we BD tonight? or maybe friday morning would be ok.
I just don't know. I am really very scared. I'm nervous and afraid that I won't O and I'll get my hopes up like I did last cycle (and the cycle before) thinking that I was going to O- and then I never do. I feel like an idiot when that happens...like I don't even know my own body.
I guess the only thing that I can do is wait it out, DTD with DH and see what happens.
****oh, another friend of mine who I have been 'teaching' how to TTC....charting, OPKs, CM, etc just found out she's pregnant. So thats two in the last month. Maybe I should become a midwife.....I am so thrilled for her, for them both.....I just wish that I could even have a CHANCE of getting a BFP.....which of course, I can't if I never O.
[I have O'd only once since May- and I hadn't had a period for 10 months before that (although I wasn't TTC)]
We'll see what tomorrow brings.
OK. today is a toughie....cd11
and I *think* that I may have O'd. I am going to hold judgement for a couple of days, b/c I do not want to jinx myself. But......my fermility monitor said only HIGH today, not Peak. and my temp spiked to 97.4 (a .8 rise).....
Why am I not sure I O'd then?? b/c my O spike tends to be at least 97.6 and once or twice, I have seen 97.3 and it was not an O. sooooo- I'm not sure what to think. But I am encouraged by the FM saying L-H-P-P-H. It says to me that it may actually be working and its not the clomid effecting it.
Our BDing is good. We'll DTD again today to cover our bases and I'll see what happens tomorrow and for the next few days. *****fingers crossed******
Ok. So, FF gave me cross hairs. I am 'officially' 3dpo and in the 2WW. Weird, though, I find that I am still cautious about being 'over the moon' about it....like I can't believe that I actually O'd.
I am having cramps today. Not O pains. It kinda feels like O pains, but its in the center of my lower abdomen. A heavyness, kinda full feeling, almost like AF is here. KWIM? Its stange but I am determined not to atribute it to any impending BFP. I really, really *really* don't want to obsess over my supposed 'symptoms'.
oh- and I had to take a nap yesterday. I was sooo tired.
(so much for not obsessing over symptoms....that lasted all of 2 seconds)
**feel free to obsess with me**
My temps are looking better, so I now agree with FF about my Oing. (Thank God). Its funny though, I found that the happiness and relief of knowing I O'd did not last long and now, I am obsessing over the 2WW.....
Boy- the 2WW really sucks. I am still cramping. I'm fine when I'm sitting, but when I get up I feel very full and heavy in the center of my lower abdomen, above the bikini line. I'm not sure exactly what it is. I worry thats its cysts.....it could be the clomid....but I hope its a BFP. another week, and maybe I'll know!
My temp keeps going up. woo-hoo.
I am crampy, crampy, crampy. and my nips are hugely sensative. It actually hurt to sleep on my stomach last night. and wearing clothes w/o a bra is killing me. and I think my nips are also larger. weird.
The above can be side effects from the clomid. Right? I am desperately trying to stay neutral about these symptoms. I'll blame them on the clomid.
I am POASing on friday. We are having a POAS party on my clomid board.....I'll be 8dpo- early, I know. But all it took was an invitation to join the pee party and I jumped on it!
My cramps seemed to go away a little yesterday and this morning, but then this afternoon I was hit with bad cramps. Really bad cramps and totally different from the other ones...these are more painful, a sharp pulling cramp that comes and goes and has been happening for about 4 hours. I'm not sure what that is......no spotting tho. I'm praying ts implantation, but I wonder if its a burst cycst (I've had those before and it feel similar, but those were more on the sides, and this is more in the middle and on the sides.)
and my nips are so sensitive they now officially HURT.
I need my temps to go up .2 more degrees....thats where they were when I conceived DS.
**sigh** Its so hard not to obsess. The POASing begins tomorrow (eventhough I know its way early....) and I go monday for my progesterone test, cd21 and 11dpo.
So I got my .2 degree temp jump...isn't that funny? Mind over body??
I am not realy crampy anymore-kinda full maybe and bloated (but I know that is most likely from the clomid.
I POAS this morning....it was stark white when I took the test (BFN), but an hour later there was the fainest of faint SHADOW of a line. Its probably an evaporation line. It was a $ test. I'm really trying not to get my hopes up....and failing miserbaly, I might add.
Just gotta get through the weekend. Too bad I don't have any plans. *sigh*
My temp looks good and my chart looks picture perfect. but for some reason, I am just not feeling it today. I think I am just getting cranky and want the 2WW to be OVER! I took another HPT today and it was snow white (it was a different brand of test)...but it was a big bummer.
I think I need a mini break from the boards. I'm taking the weekend off. I'll be back monday, but I'll keep my chart updated. and of course, this 'break' won't stop me from testing......
I'm going to look at office space with a friend of mine today. She is finally ready to open her own business and I'm going to be her partner......It is so exciting. I'll go into detail later, once its confirmed.
temp rose to 98.4
I am dying!!!! the 2WW really is horrendous torture! UGH! I have a blood test today (cd21).
I don't know if I will test tomorrow or not. I am so sick and tired of the BFNs.
temp maintaining at 98.3
and I am waiting for the Doc to call and give me my results for the cd21 b/w and BPT that they did yesterday. WOuld a BPT be accurate on 11dpo?? I asked the nurse this, and she said, "it "should" be accurate"......great. I am hanging my hopes on a est that "should" be accurate......
I am so sad- and scared- and tired of trying to be optmistic. Hopefully I'll get the call soon. and I'll update.....one way or another.
Ok. heres the update.
Progesterone levels came back at 45.
but BPT was negative.
and my temp stayed high today.
and AF was due today and she hasn't shown.
another HPT was negative today.
Thats it. As you can all imagine, I am getting sick and tired of the am I/aren't I routine. If AF is coming, I wish she'd just show her ugly face. Why would my LP suddenly lengthen? Hopefully, I"ll know one of these days and I can end the suspense.
all I know is: my POAS addiction has been broken. I swear to you I will never POAS early again, in my life. I will wait until 15dpo, every time, b/c I have gotten two suspect tests this cycle (possible evap lines, I guess) and a host of negatives and depressed feelings.
I've got to go distract myself. I've been working on my business plan......
temp rose to 98.4
and here I am again not knowing whats going on.....my temp actually went UP this morning, and very very very closely resembles my pregnancy chart with DS. I am 14dpo and I feel like I'll know something tomorrow. I don't think I've had longer than 14 day LP before.
I will not test tomorrow and I did not test today either. I will test on saturday, 16dpo if my temps stay high.
oh- and I have a new symptom. heartburn. I NEVER get heartburn, but I always get it very badly when I'm pregnant....ofcourse, it never started this early with my other pregnancies.....I'll just add that one into the "could be" column and call it a day.
ok. The answer to the question on everybody's mind is....I'm a freak.
yup, thats it. There is no other way to explain it. 16 days of high, perfect temps, certain symptoms of sensitive nips, heartburn, and cramps......and too many BFNs to count.
Today, I saw two snow-white BFNs and and a "not pregnant"...BFNs are bad enough, but that "not pregnant" is totally mean.
I don't know what else to say. I feel like a freak of nature. and I find myself asking....why does my body have to be so screwed up? My last two cycles (before this current one) have been anovulatory, I've been on provera and two rounds of clomid....I get the "perfect" cycle this month and it seems impossible 'not' to be pregnant....but my body sucks. and fate is cruel.
Maybe I had a 'chemical pregnancy' or very early m/c (since I did have three suspect tests)....maybe I have one of those cysts that TCOYF talks about......at this point, all I want is the witch to show so I can get on with the next cycle.
I'm not sure where to go from here. Charting, obviously is meaningless for me. and testing is a waste of time and money. I am so sad and confused.
I have not tested since saturday. I will test tomorrow with FMU.
I am frustrated, b/c I just want AF to show (if she's going to show).....or to get my BFP. My Doc won't do anything until I am 2 weeks late. and even then, what is she going to do, besides Provera...nothing. It is a waiting game. and I'm tired of it.
we'll see what tomrrow brings.
my temp has finially dropped the last two mornings. I can safely assume that this cycle is coming to an end. Thank goodness!!! What a crazy month! I don't know if we'll ever know why my temps stayed up for so long.....cysts or a chemical pregnancy are both contenders. I just hope it doesn't happen again next cycle.
gotta call the doc and get more clomid and see what she has to say about 21 days above coverline.
Even with all my past problems with fertility....I never expected such weird crazy unexplainable cycles, as I have seen this summer.
on to a june baby.
******AF Has arrived******
I am on a new cycle. I don't think I'll ever know exactly what happened last cycle....I had a U/S today and there are no cysts. so thats a good thing.
My AF was really painful, heavy and 'clotted'....so a chemical pregnancy is possible.
ohwell. I am on 150mg clomid cd5-9. We'll see what happens this month.
**I am insane for starting my own business while also trying to have my 3rd baby......
No O yet.....only HIGHS on my monitor. some O pains. and the side effects of the clomid were really mild this month- I guess thats a good thing.
I am feeling like its not going to happen this month for me. I'm afraid that I might not O.....and the problem with Oing irregularly, is the fact that it makes timing of BDing very difficult.
I am just feeling down, I guess. Its been six months. not as long as a lot of the girls here at preg.org, I know.....but in those six months I have O'd twice. Not very good odds. and there is a limit on the number of rounds of clomid that my Doc will give me (this is #3).
Just please let it work!
My temps are dropping nicely. They had started out this cycle being very high. I am wondering if that is a result of remaining progesterone- perhaps another sign to confirm a chemical pregnancy.
I really hope that I O. Maybe I'll see some signs soon and I'll O before cd21 (when my next round of blood tests are).