TTC #5

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TTC #5

I wasn't sure if I was going to do this or not... Putting my thoughts and feelings into a community that I don't really know too many people in... But, heck... why not... and what a great gift to give and share with my kids when they get older and possibly ttc (when they are "settled" with a partner!! Biggrin )

So, for anyone popping their heads into here, I will introduce myself... My name is Laura... I am 27 years old... Had to think about that... For some reason I am in a big hurry to be 28!! Biggrin My wife, Cecile, and I have been married since April 8, 2006. Exactly 3 years after meeting for the first time... We have 4 children...

Our oldest is Mia, just turned 12... Loves babysitting... She loves to dance... and the television... She likes Kung-fu but doesn't like when her legs are sore... Over the last year she has really grown and matured... She is a beautiful, confident, almost teenager. And I so proud of her!! ...

Then we have the twins... Mindy and Terry... They will be ten at the end of January... Mindy is a sweetie... She is the mother hen of all the kids... She loves to dance- is the best in her class at Kung-fu- and is really popular at school... She is learning to read English(the kids are educated in french), it's something that she finds very difficult, but she is persevering and I am so proud of her!! Her personality surprises me... She is so confident here at home, she is demanding, and almost obnoxious... But at school, she is quiet and shy. Her outgoing personality makes it easy for her to make friends... The last couple of nights she has decided that she needs to come and cuddle with us in our bed... But with me already sleeping all across the bed... There isn't much room for both of us Smile

Terry is our special boy.... Being the only boy in a house full of women, we now call him "The Man of the House!!" He loves it... and takes that title very seriously... During a bathroom remodel, I taught him about the tiolet and how to fix basic problems. Since, we have had two things go wrong... Both of which at 9 years old, he fixed... I am so proud of him!! Terry is also our clown... He is so funny... This one day, we were walking through a store and he walks by the picture frames, holds one up and says totally straight, "Mommy, is this your friend?" I wasn't sure wether or not he was serious until he smiled... I know that someday he will make some woman very happy... Heck if he can survice his childhood surrounded by women, he should be able to survive marriage...

The last of our crowd is Celia... My little princess... This girl is so smart... It blows me away... She is only 2.5... I was going to list her accomplishments but it would go on forever... A little more about what makes Celia who she is... She LOVES bugs... and snakes... and slimy things... (It's my secret hope that she becomes an entimologist or an environmental scientist)... I can't quite pin her if she is a girly girl... or a tom boy... She is a little of both... She loves to wear her "pretties" and her "tap tap shoes"... But she loves to be out in the mud with cars and bugs... Her all time favorite thing to do is watch Dora... Simply she loves it!!

(phew) And so now here we are deciding on number 5... It's been a ride... We started number 5 in June 2005... through Dec 2005... No luck... So we put it on hold, bought a new house and then gave up and said forget it... Made a couple of phone calls to sell all our baby stuff... when a friend volunteered to help us... That was August 2006-bfn... We were so excited... But then it fell through... The donor's family had a history of mental illness... So, we gratefully declined... So, at this point, I am determined not to give up... But you can't just advertise in the local paper that you are looking for free sperm... So, I searched online... We found a donor and after 3 months of getting everything together- genetic tests, contracts, and a U.S. mailing address- we are starting to really ttc...

Tomorrow, I make an hour long drive to pick up my future-mail-order-child (fmoc)... I asked to have fmoc delivered to a local market, however it's in a "light black" shipping area and DHL may lose the chain of custody... So, I have to drive to a DHL facility... I will pick up the shipping container and bring it to my original destination... Then on Saturday, I will withdraw my first vial... Allow it to thaw a little, then place it against my body to allow it to warm to temperature... By the time I get home, it should be perfect... On Sunday, we start all over again... Then I need to arrange to get the dewar back to DHL shipping hub (maybe I can arrange for them to pick it up at the market)... What an ordeal...

There are many advantages to conceiving this first try... Not having to deal with this every 20 days or so would be one of them... Secondly... I wouldn't have to continue temping for the next couple of months... I could make an announcement at all the family christmas events... I would look prego in my last trimester... Instead of fat as it was with Celia (being born in April, I was always bundled under all my heavy clothes to stay warm!!)

There are some disadvantages... The first being that the baby would be born at the end of August... With Mia's b-day being in the beginning of September, it would be the closest of b-days in our families... I would love to have an October Halloween baby... ok- so I guess that's it...

I guess I should talk about my hesitation about having another baby... I am scared... I would love to have another homebirth... But there are no midwives locally... and no one is willing to travel... Right now, everyone has a place in our home and family... I don't want anyone to feel slighted or replaced... The kids accepted Celia with open arms, but it's still a fear... Everyone has their own space... There really isn't a place that we can put the baby... Will the baby share with Celia in her small bedroom?? Will we move Mindy and Celia together so that the baby can have it's own room for a little while?? Mindy's room is small too... Should we switch Mia and someone to give the biggest room to whomever shares??

Why do I want another baby?? Well it's as simple as this... I feel that I need to have another baby... That there is something missing in my life right now and I need to do it... I want to feel the connection of breastfeeding a little baby... I wasn't able to breastfeed with Celia because my nipples were inverted... But that problem was assuaged during full-time pumping for Celia... I want to be able to provide breastmilk for the new baby for a long time... I want to be an extended breastfeeder... I want to hold another little baby in my arms... To cuddle and hold close that little child... That little piece of me... I want to feel that baby grow in my tummy and truly appreciate the miracle that is happenning... I want to experience all of it again...

My hopes for the future is a BFP... Then a happy and healthy (without the morning sickness) 9 months... I really don't have any major feelings about wether we have a boy or a girl... Terry would love a little brother... I think Mindy would like a little brother too... Mia stays strong that she wants a little girl... For names, Cecile and I both agree... at least partially to Ryan Nicholas... and I would love Kaiden Rhianne for a girl... But Cecile really wants Katelyn... But then doesn't want anyone to use a nickname... She hasn't said anything about Rhianne lately... But she did mention Nicolette and said she definately doesn't like Nicole... So, we shall see as the time comes... If it follows the same as Celia, we will have a boy... The name is chosen and agreed upon... With Celia, her name was chosen and agreed upon... but for a boy, we weren't sure... Talked about Joshua Brayden... but hadn't definately decided...

I guess that's about all... I think it's certainly enough Biggrin ~L

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Well, I got up all excited... I was almost ready to jump into the car... and I called DHL... The plane doesn't land until 1pm... So, I had to wait... I would pick it up in the afternoon... Well, as it happens... the shipment wasn't on the plane... I had originally set up the shipment to come in for Monday the 4th... Later, I had set it up to come in for Friday, the 1st... The change was never made Sad

So, here's hoping I do not o this weekend... Cause it will be in on Monday... As long as I don't o, I can insem... But if I do, I will go without... oh well... There's a reason for everything, right?? ~L

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Well, I was able to sleep in today... I woke around 9... went downstairs to see my wife and baby in the basement... Wife was cleaning like always... She amazes me with her determination...

Then I came up to make a phone call to the repair man for our brand new lemon... I mean washer... Smile

I was on hold for over 45 minutes... then when I hung the phone up, it instantly rang... "Hello- this is DHL calling, your package has arrived!"... It took me a couple of minutes to get that into my head... I ran down the stairs and told sis that our fmoc is in town... and that we needed to go... I came running up, jumped in the shower, got dressed... Then sis and the baby were getting dressed and sis reminded me about Celia's flu shot appointment... So, we went to that at 10... got Mia's broken toe, re-Xrayed... and then drove down to get our fmoc... did some shopping then came home to inseminate... Will let you know what happens... Right now, I am cramping... Til then... ~L

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Well it's been a whole week since I last sat down to write... I am not sure if I am pregnant or not... I am trying not to really think about it... I think that as I get closer and closer to testing, it might become more of an obsession to me... but right now, I am just trying to let it be... Some info I gleaned off of fertility friend... if I am pregnant this cycle, my babies due date is August 27th... I told Cecile and she was really excited...

I wonder if I want a boy or a girl... Really I don't know... I have nixed the name Kaiden for a girl... It's too popular right now as a boy's name... and I am considering using Rhianne as her first name... Wouldn't it be funny if I ended up with twins?? hahahaha what a nightmare... lol

Christmas is right around the corner... Sis and I were talking about how cool it would be to take a whole bunch of ptests if I am prego and add them to everyone's card... It would be a cute way to announce the pregnancy...

I can't believe Christmas is right around the corner... I am really looking forward to it... and super happy about my new scrap items... and new pictures... I ordered 215 prints... Figured that would last me a little while... I can't wait to get them... I also got a new table for my scrapping things... We bought a new kitchen table... and sent our old one to the basement!! WOOOOHOOOOOO!! lots more room there...

Well, I guess that is all... Will get back on around testing time... and maybe sooner if I need to log something else... ~L

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I have been having some odd symptoms... Things that don't normally happen to me...

Symptoms? tingly breasts, a cold that is there one minute and completely gone the next, nightmares (rare for me), sleeplessness (extremely rare for me, I usually sleep like a log!), and very hungry...

So, I think, yeah, I might be pregnant... I have one test in the cupboard... I should go check it out... Well, I couldn't find it... after looking for awhile, I decided to just wait it out... So, in a couple of days, I should be getting my period and then it will time to order my next shipment...

Emotionally, I want to be prego... But it's ok if I am not... we will keep trying...

Something else that I should have added in a previous post... I thought it was so odd... But my sperm sample came from February 2004... I thought that was kinda cool... Wondering what the dates for my next shipment will be... ~L

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Well, my ticker says that I should be starting my period sometime today... It still hasn't come... And we are curious if it's on its way... I serious hope not...

Today, I was sitting at the comp in the living room playing a game with Mindy... Cecile came up behind me, put her hands on my belly and wispered in my ear, "is there a baby in there?" I felt all warm and fuzzy... It makes me wonder...

Sadly, I am really looking forward to the morning sickness... That is a sure sign that I am pregnant... I received a 4 week bulletin in my email box today, as if I were prego... Maybe that's a sign that I just might be!

Cecile and I talked about the name Nathan and Nate last night... Ryan Nathan... Or Nathan Ryan... Hmmm... I just don't know... She was a set with Nicholas... whcih in french the "as" at the end sounds like and the "s" fell off... Like "Nicola"...

Will let you know... ~L

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Still no sign... But I am starting to cramp... I also have diarrea which is also a sign of af... So, maybe not... But it's odd... My cycle is 26-27 days long... This would be day 29... And I never go later than 28 days... And the only other time in my life that i have been late was when I was prego for Celia... So, I am still hoping... But at the same time, every little twinge I feel in my pants, I go and check... It's been clear so far... Oh, I truly hope this is it... i am so afraid of believing... Just to find out it's a negative!! ~L

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Well af showed... Yesterday afternoon around 12:30... I couldn't get back on to write cause I felt it was more important to let Cecile know before anyone else... So, now we try again...

Now, I am faced with a dilemma... When do I count my cycle for next months shipment... Do I count it 12-14 days from yesterday... or because I was late... Do I count 12-14 days from when it was supposed to be here? I think I will count it both out... and then figure out when the best time would be... I need to keep in mind the holidays and the weekends... We don't get shipments during those times... AND I can only keep the dewar for one full week... So, I am off to figure out the details... ~L

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Ok- just looked at the calendar... The 29th is a friday... This was my originally planned day anyways... I can pick it up, then bring it to Parent's... Take a sample for the 30 and the 31st... Then wait another two weeks from there... Here's hoping for a september baby!! I would be due September 24, 2007... Maybe if we can wait one more month, we will have a Halloween baby!! THat would be fun!! ~L

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Sheesh- things with the holidays have been crazy... To catch up... I put in my order for the 28th... It's a day earlier than I had planned... But the plane doesn't come in til almost 11:30 and it's easier to get down there and back in the am... So, I went on Friday am to pick it up... Well then, wouldn't you know, I had a big gush of EWCM... So, I took one vial right away.... Then used the second one on Sunday...

Now, as I gawk at my chart on Fertility friend finder... It still isn't telling me when I ovulated... My own interpretation says that it was Monday (two days ago)... Only time will tell... If I am prego, my due date will be September 25, 2007!! ~L

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Under my siggie, it reads 4 days until testing... This time around, I don't even know if I am prego... I really don't feel it... But I don't feel as if I am not...

I was thinking this am... I am playing softball this summer... I am the catcher for my team... And I play hard... I don't know if I can see throwing myself into the runner from third as the ball comes in from the outfield with a sixth month along baby in my belly... I can tell you for sure, I wouldn't want to take any chances for the baby... So, softball may be on hold for a year... Really, I don't see myself even playing another position... It's just too dangerous...

Will have to wait and see about wether or not this is the month... Can't wait... ~L

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Well, af came today... You know, it really made me rethink having another baby... We work so hard, get psyched up just to be let down month after month... I even told Cecile that I was thinking about giving it up... She just hugged me and told me that we would keep going. That she loved me and knows that this is what we need... So, that's that. It's her love for me and our family that I rely on so much to keep me going... She is my inspiration. Til then... ~L

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Ok- figured out that I need to order my next shipment for the 23rd of Jan... I hope this will be the month... I will be able to have a little Halloween pumpkin... That's my hope... Celia will be 3.5 when the new baby arrives if I get prego for October... That would be ideal...

I am not sure how long we will try for... I really don't want more than 3.5 years between Celia and the new baby...

I think about after Celia goes to highschool and college... If we have another baby, it puts mine and Cecile's single lives farther back... We have hopes of travelling a lot when all our children are grown...

I think I am having such a hard time with this because when I got prego with Celia, it only took me two tries... This will be try 12 since June 2005... My schedule is exact... The timing is right... It's just not working... and it's frustrating...

I know that there is a plan for me... and someday, I will be able to see why it took so long... or maybe never happened... And I will accept what comes... ~L

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Well this month, everything went wrong... I ordered my shipment... They couldn't send it the day requested... It would arrive the day after... Well, okay- I can deal with that... It will arrive on day 12... That's fine... The shipment doesn't come in til after lunch anyways, so I can still pick it up in the am on day 13... So, I will insem in the pm on 13 and am on 14... I should mention that it's 1h30m ride to pick this shipment up...

Well, I get a phone call... "Please call us at Northwest Andology... There is a problem with your shipment and we don't want you heading to Maine for no reason... Please call as soon as you get this message."

Well, the package is lost in the mail... They don't know where it is... DHL doesn't know where it is... It's LOST!!!

Well, I just shrug... My whole point in life is c'est la vie... So, that's that right??

Well the following day, I get a phone call from DHL... "Mrs. Gagnon- your package has just arrived from Providence, RI... It is here ready for you to pick it up."

Ok- Celia has a dr appt at 11am... That's 10 am american time... Ok- I can get over there after that appt and be back here for the kids when they get out of school... So, I call the local DHL number to let Rob know that I will be coming after lunch so that he will be there when I get there... Well, he says to me... "Actually, I won't be here until after 1- I need to go to the dentist." Well, my thoughts are... "Ok- he will be there at 2 my time... and so, I can grab it and run straight home." Well, it did work out ok... I got my stuff...

Then looking at my bbt chart, it looks like I o'd early... So, this month's timing may be completely off... bummer...

The other grand adventure in our fam... We talked about it and decided that we are done trying... This was the longest that we wanted to try when we first started... The more that we talked about it... The more comfortable I became... So, again c'est la vie right... That's my story...

It was an adventure... And it just wasn't meant to be... Smile Oh well... I accept it... ~L

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Well, It's official... I am now the proud owner of a belly bump...

Here's the story... My period was due on Thursday... But it didn't come... But I just figured heck af is late again... Don't get my hopes up...

Well, I just ignored everything... I had actually resigned myself that I wouldn't get pregnant... So, there's no way that I actually would be... So, I didn't think anything of it...

Well, Sat afternoon, Sis buys a prego test... To be taken Sunday morn... We buy the cheapest one...

So, at 6:30, I woke up and just laid there... I didn't really feel like I needed to pee... And I didn't want to waste a test if I didn't have to go a enough... So, I waited about 30 mins... Got up... And went... The test came up positive... But I didn't believe it... It's a cheapo test... HCG is common in early morning pee anyways... Is this test super sensitive? So, I just didn't believe it...

We collected my second urine... And then I got into the shower... Well, while I was in, Cecile took off with urine in tow... When I got out, she was home with a new test... She said she didn't want to take it without me being there... Well, as soon as that test came back positive, Sis went out the door and came back in with flowers, a card, a magazine, and another test indicating positive... She is so cute!!!

So, we are really expecting!! It's hard to believe... I am still having trouble believing it... It's all just so exciting...

Cecile wants to have a boy... I don't mind either way... If it's a girl, we have everything... If it's a boy, we need some clothes!! LOL!!

It's all so crazy!! ~L