TTC again after mc that was complete in Aug

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FLSunshineMom's picture
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TTC again after mc that was complete in Aug

Well here I am again. My last pregnancy didn't go well from the beginning. I will try to make this as brief as possible. I had a blighted ovum (empty sac) in my uterus, and an ectopic in my left tube. They suspected an ectopic from the very beginning - I began to have pain in the area of my ovary on the left side just days after my BFP... they monitored me very closely until it finally became visible on the u/s at my follow-up appt for the mc of the empty sac in my uterus. (Warning, possible TMI to follow - ectopic details) All was clear in my uterus, as well as my rt. ovarian tube and ovary, and I was breathing a sigh of relief that the mc was complete, but when she got to my left side, she stopped and stared and squinted and moved the probe around for what seemed like an eternity, then shuffled through my chart over and over again, looking at previous u/s pics. Finally I asked what was wrong and she showed me - a large 'circular' area in my left tube with a small sac and fetus - no heartbeat. She said she wasn't 100% positive it was a sac and fetus she was seeing, but didn't know what else it could be. It was pretty obvious to me, though. And in hindsight, I don't see how my hcg levels could have still been so high with a clear uterus. After checking my hcg levels, the doctor decided not to do surgery. They were still high, but low 'enough' that she decided my body was beginning to take care of it on its own and had me go back in for a methotrexate shot to dissolve the tissue. I had no idea that you could have an ectopic and not have to have surgery. Apparently it would reabsorb into my body :confused: At that point I was so thankful that my tube had not burst, and that I didn't have to have surgery.

I went through a lot of pain when I thought I was just mc'ing an empty sac in my uterus. At times it was quite excruciating, but it was across my entire abdomen the majority of the time, so I had just assumed it was all part of the mc. However, when I would take ibuprofen, the pain would then localize to the left side only. It also hurt immensely at times to sit down, and to stand up again, all across the bottom of my uterus. That always made me wonder. I had moments where I felt the tiniest "flutters" on the left side as well (which were probably muscle spasms). When the ectopic was finally discovered, I asked the doctor why it wouldn't have been seen before then, and she said it must have been the positioning of it that made it difficult to see on the u/s. She said there was a LOT of blood in the tube (somehow they can tell it's blood on an u/s). Fast forward to after having the methotrexate shot and I wound up in the E.R. in immense pain. They kept me overnight for observation, then sent me home. Several days later I had severe pain again and they wanted me to come to the doctor's office right away for an u/s - apparently the pain this time was from the ectopic shrinking down and reabsorbing into my body, because it was much smaller at that point.

Anyway, here I am. As O approached this cycle, I finally began to feel hopeful again, and the desire to want to be pg again has returned.

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3 dpo Yesterday at 2dpo i had a LOT of cramps, starting in the afternoon. It felt like AF was about to come and very intense at times. No cramping today. Around lunchtime I felt very nauseous, which subsided once I ate. I attribute that to having a cold right now and sinus drainage.

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4dpo Yesterday afternoon I had some pretty bad heartburn after lunch - wound up taking Gaviscon tablets, which did help some at least. Must have been the leftover spaghetti. Today there isn't much to report, except this evening I did start having twinges of soreness in my boobs off and on and a little bit more cramping. Oh and I did have a very slight case of heartburn again today, but it subsided without taking anything for it.

I had a nice time at the MOPS group this morning. We did a cookie swap, had some interesting discussion about our children, and made an ornament during craft time. Later at home I wanted to get started on my Christmas cards, but my DD kept me busy and then I remembered that I wanted to get a project done I had promised my DH I would do - to clean out and organize one of the bathroom cabinets (the one over the toilet)... so I got that done. Tomorrow morning, however, the cards will have to be a priority. I HAVE to get those out in the mail tomorrow.

Earlier tonight I was surprised by how difficult it was for me to be on one particular message board. There was a friend announcing her pg'cy - I was so very happy for her and posted my congrats, but then others were posting their congrats to her (also friends of mine) and all but one of them were pregnant as well. I felt that tinge of jealousy that rears its ugly head from time to time. I don't like it - I just want to feel happy for everyone and be thankful for what God has given me... yet, I still feel left out at times. I waited so long to have just one child, and now I am having to wait a long time for a second one (at least it seems long to me).

Now I feel like I'm complaining -- no, no...I don't want to do that. I have been truly blessed with the one child I have, and I know in my heart of hearts that in God's perfect timing the second one will come, if it's His will. I must trust Him in this.

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Oh I forgot to say - in the evening on 3 dpo, I started having this strange throbbing type pain on the right side of my head, in the back, that came and went. It wasn't like a headache, at least not the type I usually have. That whole area of my scalp was sensitive as well - it hurt to brush my hair. I finally had to take some acetamenophin (Tyenol) for the pain, and amazingly enough it helped. Tylenol doesn't normally do much for me. Then today I had a little bit of pain, but by afternoon it was completely gone. Not sure what that was all about.

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5 dpo I was amazed at how tired I was by 8:30pm yesterday. It's probably because of this cold that I've had, they tend to make you feel run down. Today I've been tired all day long and feel like the cold 'might' be moving down into my chest. I feel like crud if I get up and try to do anything.

I've had sore boobs today, I noticed it after I got out of bed and was moving around. Not gonna read anything into it, though. Same goes for my temp going higher today - it could have something to do with my cold. I may not be running a fever or even a low grade temp, but my temp could be elevated 'some' from it, I would think. I've also been having very mild cramps off and on.

I am determined not to test early this month and finally got around to putting the pee sticks I had under the bathroom sink away on the top shelf of my bedroom closet (wrapped in a plastic grocery bag and hidden under a winter hat). It's funny, when I was cleaning out the cabinet over the toilet yesterday, I automatically left this big space on the shelf, the one with the doors so I could keep it hidden, to keep my collection of hpts once I started testing. When I realized what I had done later, I was thinking, "Why did I do that? I have no plans to start that daily testing around 8 dpo, so why would I need all that space?" I rolled my eyes at how sad of an addict I truly am.

I didn't start my POAS (or in my case DAS--"Dip A Stick") addiction until after I had Hannah. Before then, the earliest I ever tested was something like one or two days before my period was due, and I think that was only once in my entire adult life. The rest of the time I only ever tested when AF was late, or the month I got my BFP with Hannah - the day AF was due. Something changed after I had Hannah and wanted more children. Not sure what, but it got worse after I started to frequent the ttc boards and birth boards and saw others getting faint lines very early on and testing every day with internet cheapies and dollar store tests (I had no clue about either of those prior to that - I had always used a First Response brand). Not only that, I also didn't realize just how faint of a line you could get on an hpt if you looked really close. Previously I would only glance at the stick at the 3-minute mark (and not a second before) and if I didn't see an obvious line right away, I'd throw it in the trash and that was that. Oh the bliss of ignorance!

So far I am doing okay, but it's only 5 dpo. I have a feeling when 8 dpo rolls around I'll be somewhat tempted, and especially when 10 and 12 dpo arrives. At least 12 dpo wouldn't be that bad of a day to test if I do wind up caving then, especially if I don't start having the pre-cursor-to-AF spotting I normally get starting at 12 dpo.

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7dpo This morning my temp dipped down, but rather than immediately think of the possibility of it being an 'implantation dip' I figured - oh it's probably just that middle of the cycle dip that happens almost every cycle. Didn't think anymore of it til later in the morning, right before Sunday School class when I got a really strong wave of nausea and thought I was going to puke. It passed almost as quickly as it had come. Then later it returned, only milder, and it has continued in 'waves' like that ever since. And then there was the frequent urination. I had to go before the class, twice during, and after. We went to lunch, then to Walmart and I had to go again. Then when we go home I had to go again. It's relentless. And when I go, I don't fool around. This morning DH came into the bathroom and looked at me funny and said, "Oh I thought you had the faucet turned on." :roll:

Let's not forget the crazy, bizarre dreams I've been having the past couple of days. Still, I don't want to get my hopes up, so I'm trying to stay neutral. And my boobs are still sore off and on as well. Still.... it could allll be juuuust PMS.

My daughter was quite the character today. This morning DH was telling her, "You don't need those fingers..." in response to her sucking on her two middle fingers ('her' pacifier, which we're trying to gently break her of). Then he said, "You don't see Ming Ming sucking on his fingers, do you?" (That's her duckling) She hid her head in the pillow. He said, "And you don't see Thomas the Train sucking on his fingers, do you?" She gave him a funny look. "And what about Sir Topham Hat? It would look funny if he sucked on his fingers, wouldn't it?" and to that she promptly responded loudly with, "Thhhhhhh!" (a 'farting' sound). DH busted out laughing. That's my daughter.:rolleyes:

Then earlier this evening she got quiet, so I went to check on her. She had this huge collection of stuffed animals sitting on the bathroom floor. I had to laugh, it was so cute. Then about an hour ago she asked for another "Man cookie." I chuckled and said, "MAN cookie?" You mean a gingerbread man cookie?" She shook her head yes and repeated, "A MAN cookie!" ROFL Then a little bit ago she was pushing buttons on her toy laptop computer to play a song, dancing around to it, then pushing the button to play the song again so she could dance again (the laptop is actually one that is for a baby, but she loves it). Oh and let's not forget - earlier today DH took her in the men's restroom to change her diaper and when she saw the urinals she said, "Look! Man moons!" Hmmmm...no idea where she got 'moon' from - no telling what is going on in that little head of hers Lol

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9dpo (after midnight) - My temp went back up yesterday, and was about the same today, so hoping that was implantation on 7 dpo. My boobs have been VERY sore today, it is unmistakable. And it's no longer 'come and go' but is almost constant now. The nausea is a little worse, too. At lunchtime today I was absolutely ravenous... but then at dinnertime I hardly ate anything due to the nausea. The night of 7dpo I had this strange feeling in my lower abdomen that felt like the muscles were tighetening up really hard, to the point that it hurt, then after several seconds that subsided, and then I just felt this 'tightening' feeling there and have ever since. It comes and goes. So weird, never had that before. But I can't get my hopes up too high because today I had a pressure-type pain on the right side that feels like what I get as a pre-AF sign, though it's usually closer to AF when I get it. I also had brief pains across my lower back which is another thing I get before AF, but again it's usually closer I think.

My daughter was very stubborn about going to bed tonight, which is why I'm posting this so late. I'm too tired to go into details now. I am starting her on a new schedule tomorrow so I'll be dragging my butt out of bed at 6:00 so that I can wake her up at 6:30. I don't like getting up that early, but I think it's the only way I'm going to get her to go to bed earlier, and easier. Tonight I started putting her to bed at a little after 9:00 and she didn't go to sleep until around midnight. :shock: This.has.got.to.stop.

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11 dpo The nausea has been much worse today, and my boobs have been more sore, too. But I think now it's probably just Evil PMS, because my temp went down some, plus I've had some pre-AF signs, and tonight I've started to have pre-AF cramps. So I expect AF will probably arrive right on time on Sunday. The spotting should start tomorrow or Sat.

So... no need to test.

I wasn't able to get up at 6 a.m. yesterday morning like I had planned. My DD was up in the middle of the night as well that night - thankfully my DH went to her first which allowed me to take my temp at 4:30 and calculate forward what it 'would have been' at 8 a.m. Once I start getting up earlier I'll have to make that my new temp time. Last night I was able to get her to bed easier, though it still wasn't until 11 p.m. Tonight it's another battle, though.

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13 dpo Yesterday morning at 12 dpo my temp went back up some, so I tested and it was BFN. I fully expected I'd be spotting by now, but nothing yet. My temp dropped this morning, though it is still above the CL. Last time I checked late tonight and I still didn't see anything it made me go, "hmmm." I have continued to be super nauseated and my boobs have been pretty sore, too, and are starting to feel a bit more full. I'm thinking it's still just PMS, though. This may just be one of those cycles where either my LP is a little longer, or I won't get much warning before AF starts. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

Hannah is still waking up at around 4 a.m. and staying awake until around 6:30 a.m. and then falling asleep again on her Dora couch. It's frustrating, but I guess it's just a phase and it will pass - then I can try to start the new schedule again.

We had a great time at the double birthday party for my niece (who's turning one in a couple of days) and my stepmom (who's bday is in a few days). The cake smashing with my niece was priceless, and there were a lot of other fun moments, too. Hannah walked up to my stepmom holding a balloon in her hand, and my stepmom showed Hannah her birthday gift, which was a teddy bear figurine (she collects teddy bears), and Hannah took it out of her hand and gave my stepmom the balloon. So I guess she thought it was a fair trade Lol

Feeling very tired tonight... I hope Hannah sleeps through the night tonight.

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CD 3 Well I started spotting the night of 13dpo and AF showed up early the next morning at 14dpo. I certainly wasn't surprised. It's funny, something "clicked" in me when AF showed this time and I don't even really know how to explain it. It's like I suddenly feel like I'm "done." Like I don't want to bother trying for another child anymore. Maybe I just need a break from it all. So far this cycle I have no desire to temp.

Hannah had been doing better with her sleep schedule, sleeping through the night again, but then yesterday things got kind of messed up again. I wasn't on top of things and so didn't put Hannah to bed until later, so she and I both slept later and so she didn't nap yesterday and went to sleep at 7:30. I was thinking 'maybe' she'd sleep through the night since she had had dinner, but no - she woke up at 11:00, just as I was going to bed. It was a long night - she didn't wind up g oing back to sleep until about 2:00 a.m., in our bed, with DH in her bed, LOL. She pushes up against him so hard that he winds up on the edge of the bed, so he gave up and went to her bed. Normally we don't allow her to sleep in bed with us, but I was hoping it would help her go back to sleep faster. If I had been thinking more clearly, I would have tried giving her something to eat instead. She didn't eat a whole lot for dinner, and at 1:00 a.m. she said she was hungry and wanted a 'mana' (banana). It wound up turning into this big ordeal because DH was the one who got up to get her banana and went to use the towel on the kitchen counter that I had flour in, saving it for the next batch of cookies. So flour went everywhere, and in his sleep-deprived state he said very loudly with his deep, booming voice, "Oh for crying out loud!" Hannah thought he was mad at her and came back into the bedroom and said, "Hugs you, mama." So then we had to explain to her that Daddy wasn't mad at her, but at himself for spilling the flour. She went on and on about it, for about an hour, I guess to reassure herself that Daddy wasn't mad at her. She is such a Daddy's girl.

Today I plan to get some cleaning done and bake some more cookies and goodies to give as gifts. I didn't get much done yesterday other than laundry, and I don't want to have to do it all tomorrow. Christmas Day will be busy - at 11:00 a.m. we are going to my brother's for Christmas "Brunch," then we have to be back home by no later than 2:00 so I can put my turkey on to cook - my first ever, by the way - in preparation for hosting Christmas dinner at 6:00 for DH's parents.

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CD 7 - Well it's CD 7 and I still have no desire to temp. When we BD yesterday afternoon, I was so relaxed about it. Unless I change my mind mid-cycle and start temping again, I will have no idea when I ovulate this cycle... well... maybe an educated 'guess,' but really I won't know for sure, so it makes it kind of interesting. Sort of 'mysterious.' I think I could get used to this.

Christmas was nice - the look on Hannah's face was priceless as she opened her presents. We had a hard time getting her to stop playing with one toy long enough to unwrap the next one, LOL. My Christmas dinner turned out well, too. I didn't have time to make the pumpkin pie, but had some chocolate bark on hand so I melted some and we had chocolate-dipped strawberries.

There were a few 'issues,' but nothing major. DH didn't get me anything for Christmas. He told me Christmas Eve, and when he saw my reaction, he felt pretty badly. It wouldn't be that big of a deal, but this isn't the first time he has failed to get me a gift for a birthday/anniversary/Valentine's Day/etc. He has promised before that he would 'make it up to me' yet never has. Still... I didn't hold it against him. I really don't think he means anything by it. He's just... well... a typical man. Nevertheless, he knows I wasn't happy about it. Afterall, he did "make" a gift for another family member, who isn't even directly related to him.

Another issue was that Hannah stayed up insanely late on Christmas Eve, making it difficult to get her presents wrapped. She kept getting back out of bed over and over. Somehow we survived it, though, and it was all worth it to see the look on her face Christmas morning.

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CD 12 ~ I have continued to be very laid back this cycle. I've taken my temp a few times so far, but not every day, and I'm not using OPKs at all. Most importantly, I have not been obsessing about how much we BD. I also think I am finally starting to learn about that patience God has been trying to teach me. In fact, I've changed in a lot of ways over the past couple of weeks. Through a series of sermons I've heard at church and on the radio, and lessons in Sunday School, plus prayers that I've prayed, and going through some tough financial times and seeing how God has provided for us, I have learned to trust God more, and to be less selfish and more giving, and to be more patient. I still have a long way to go I'm sure, but I have seen a big change taking place.

In other news, yesterday morning I woke up to a low grade fever and feeling flu-like. I was achy all over and had a sore throat. Strangely enough, though, by yesterday evening, the fever was gone and I started to feel better. This morning the fever was still gone, and I felt much better, except I do still have a sore throat.

Back on Christmas day, my dinner went well. All my food turned out great and I was so relieved. Fast forward to last night, New Year's Eve, and we didn't do much of anything. We went to bed before midnight (Hannah was asleep by 9:50 - miracle of all miracles, haha) and slept right through the arrival of the new year. Oh, well, we did BD before going to sleep. DH was all spunky (which he almost never is late at night), and suprisingly I was up to it, too, despite not being totally "up to par." It's funny, and ironic in a way, that the cycle I decide to be all laid back is the cycle we have BD'd more often so far than any other cycle since we were trying for Hannah, when we were still honeymooners, no less! Ha!

This morning we sort of celebrated the New Year by having doughnuts for breakfast, then had a nice relaxing day overall.

The saga with Hannah doing to bed late is still going on for the most part, BUT... at least it's earlier now. Last night was 9:50, tonight it was 11:00. So at least it's not midnight or 1:00 anymore.

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Oh wanted to mention... I did have EWCM this afternoon and tonight. Not sure if it's the real thing, or leftovers from BD'ing last night, though. I noticed my temp has already taken that downward shift, too, but not sure if that means anything in relation to when I'll O.

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CD 16 ~ No O as of yet, but I'm still having fertile CM. It went from EWCM to abundant S, then back to what it is now - W CM. Not every time, but most times. I thought I might have O'd on CD 14 because my temp went up on CD 15 (yesterday morning), and was thinking, Wow - how cool would it be like a 'normal' person and O on CD 14, LOL. Smile But today my temp was back down some, so unless it's a fallback temp, I don't think O has occurred yet. Oh, and I did have what "felt" like O pain today, but who knows. My breasts have been sore since a couple of days ago, which usually happens around O. Last night they also started to feel a little fuller and 'heavier', which I found odd. That does happen around O time for some women, though.

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CD 17 ~ I put my temp in this morning and FF gave me CH's! :eek: I was surprised, to say the least. FF thinks I O'd on CD 14, but since I had O pain yesterday, I'm thinking I might have O'd then (CD 16) and am only 1 dpo instead of 3. Who knows. The watery CM I talked about yesterday did turn into EWCM by day's end and was the most I'd had so far. Today it's been mostly dry, with a little 'leftover EWCM' mixed with C CM. It was kinda 'milky.' Anywhooo... I'm hoping it's true because it will mean less of a wait this month. I'm not going to totally believe it until I see another higher temp tomorrow, though.

In other news, my DD went to sleep at 8:30 last night and slept til around 8:00 this morning! :shock: I decided to try putting her to bed earlier just to see if she would, and it worked. Granted, she had not had a nap, but hey - whatever works. Tonight she was asleep by around 9:30 (again, no nap) - it would have been earlier, but she kept wanting to use the potty. That's another thing she's been doing better with. Yesterday and today I decided to just put her in her big girl underwear and pray she didn't make too big of a mess. Well it has worked like a charm to motivate her to use the potty! In those two days she has only had three accidents, two very minor and one major - even that wasn't too bad as it was on the kitchen floor, and I was planning to mop the kitchen today, anyway. She was so cute tonight - she pooped a long 'firm one' in the potty, and when she saw it she smiled and said, "It's a hotdog!" DH and I both laughed so hard. After cleaning that up and laying her down to put her diaper on for bedtime, she started kicking her legs and cried, "I have to pee! I have to pee!" So I let her go back to the potty, and she pooped a little more. I went through it all again and then Round #3 - she peed. Eventually i guess she will learn to do it all in one sitting. :rolleyes:

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CD 20 ~ 6 dpo! BiggrinWell FF took away my CH's on CD 18, then gave them back again yesterday when I put that temp in, LOL. Looks like that was right, because my temp went up a little more this a.m. As for possible symptoms, I have been hungrier since yesterday, especially in the early morning hours, and have had a touch of insomnia as well. Then today my breasts started to feel a tad bit "fuller," but I think it's too early for that to be a symptom. They are tender, too, but that is also a PMS symptom for me.

Since Thursday I hve been at my brother & SILs watching their kids while they're on a business trip. The first full day (yesterday-Friday) I was trying to adjust to taking care of two LOs plus a 9-yr old niece and 16-yr old nephew. The 9-yr old refused to take a shower Fri morning before school, and told me she had not taken one since Wed :shock: After going back and forth with her I finally gave up because she was going to be late for her bus - as it was, I was rushing out the door with her, the baby, and Hannah to walk her to her bustop in the cold. We had about 3 minutes to spare, but better to be safe than sorry. Last night I gave her a choice - I said, Do you want to take your shower tonight, or in the morning? She chose last night (reluctantly) Smile My 16-yr old nephew has been easy - he's very independent. Last night he watched the LOs while DH and I went out to dinner,which was nice. We had some one-on-one time to talk and eat dinner in peace. It was a good thing we had that break because bedtime last night was chaotic. The baby was upset because she was confused that DH and I were sleeping in her mommy and daddy's bed (her crib is right next to their bed), and Hannah had a bad diaper rash so there was a lot of whining, loud crying, and then screaming because she didn't want to get in their shower to be washed off from the tar-like poopy diaper (she hasn't used her potty since being here since I decided to keep her in diapers during our stay to avoid accidents on their furniture/floors).

This morning was easier, though. The LOs got up earlier than I wanted to, but everything went pretty smoothly. I did everything faster today which helped me to get more done. After breakfast I had time to get on the computer and do a little housework, then late morning I gave them both baths (Hannah fought me hard because she wasn't used to their shower), fed them lunch, then put them both down for naps. Baby M was easy, she fell asleep in her highchair just as I was finishing up feeding her - Hannah was a little tougher but I stayed firm with her and she went on to sleep (had to lay down with her until she did, though). It's been nice to have a little down time while they're sleeping. In a few minutes I'll be waking them up, though. Don't want them to sleep too long as it might make bedtime tonight tougher. My 9-yr old niece is at her grandma's now and will be spending the night. My nephew is here but is in his room, probably on the computer, or maybe taking a nap himself. I tried to take a nap, but couldn't. Maybe I'll get some coffee now before waking the girls up.

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CD 22 ~ FF changed my CH's on Sat morning when I put my temp in and has me O'ing on CD 16, so I am just now 6 dpo. Guess I was right about thinking I O'd on CD 16. Though... looking at my chart I think it's possible I could have O'd on cD 18, too - except my CM doesn't match up to that. So maybe it was CD 16. If so, I don't have much hope for this cycle. We BD that same day (CD 16), BUT... we weren't able to "seal the deal." Nor were we able to "seal the deal" the time before that. The last time we were able to was five days prior. From what I understand, the average maximum time that the wiggly guys can last is three days, and that's only if there is favorable CM. So... yah, thinking I'm likely out this cycle.

That being said, this evening my boobies did start to hurt. They aren't just "tender" - they actually hurt. Ladeeda, who cares, LOL. I wish they wouldn't hurt if it doesn't mean anything. So not fair. I've also been waking up STARVING for the past few days. Oh yeah, I'm sure that means something. Hahahahaha. Hey I have to laugh about it all... keeps me sane.

So today I came back home. Taking care of four kids was fun, but very exhausting. I miss my baby niece already. She was so stinkin' cute. Just learned to walk recently and has to most adorable wobbly legs. And the facial expressions she has - Oh my... she could melt the hardest heart. She sure did melt mine. Every time she saw me she smiled so big and loved to cuddle with me and hugged my neck so tightly. :cloud9:

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CD 23 ~ 7 dpo: Today my bbs have continued to hurt off and on, and I had a little nausea this morning that subsided by mid-afternoon. I have continued to temp every day for awhile now. Back when I started getting fertile CM is when I started temping every day again so that O could be detected by FF. Then it changed my CH's so I continued to temp to confirm my O day. And now I'm just continuing to do it because 1) I have felt like it and haven't minded doing it, and 2) I am curious now because my chart looks a lot different this month, LOL.

As for testing, I haven't been tempted yet. I had a passing thought today about it, but quickly dismissed it. I don't have any tests in the house right now anyway, except for one digital, which I want to save for after I see two lines. There is just something so disheartening about seeing the words, "Not pregnant," never mind how expensive they are, so I don't want to waste it. I did order ten free tests from a website about three weeks ago, but they haven't arrived, so I'm not counting on them. If they do arrive in the next couple of days, I'm not sure if I will be tempted to use one or not. I think I would much rather wait to see if AF arrives first. This is a new way of thinking for me, as normally I'd be so impatient and itching to test. Not sure what changed, but like I said before, something 'clicked' in me at the beginning of this cycle (the day AF arrived). Who knows what I will actually do, though. They say a leopard can't change its spots, and I have tested before AF was due almost every month for some time now. Though there was a time not that long ago (before getting pg with Hannah) that I didn't test early. I guess only time will tell.

Hannah was so funny tonight. She leaned over the arm of my easy chair and let her hair fall down over her face so she could "be in the dark" as she put it, and use the flashlight that was in her hand. So she hid under her hair and used her flashlight to look around Lol

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CD 26 ~ 10 dpo: Yesterday the nausea was much worse, but today it was better until this evening, then it started getting worse again. My bbs also weren't tender all day but started getting sore again this evening. So weird. My temp dipped down some yesterday, then went back up even higher today. That has made me want to get my hopes up a little. Yesterday I made the mistake of buying a 3-pk of FRERs to "have on hand just in case." At the time, I was feeling pretty strong. But since they have been in my house, they have been calling to me from the cabinet. Thankfully they are in the guest bathroom, which I almost never use. So tomorrow morning if my temp is still up I will have to make a mad dash for the toilet in the master bathroom and pee like crazy so I can't test, LOL.

Tomorrow I plan to work on a project around the house (probably de-cluttering my desk area) so I can keep myself busy and keep my mind off testing, then Sunday I'm hoping we'll think of somewhere to go after church and be gone most of the day, then maybe Monday (testing day) will get here faster.:) Hopefully I won't start to see any signs of AF this weekend and will be able to test on Monday. If I have time, maybe I'll work on some scrapbooking, too.

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CD 29 ~ 13 dpo: I had my hopes up with such a nice looking chart until yesterday when I started to have some pre-AF signs. I had some CM that I always get a day or two before AF, the classic lower backache started, and the cramps began. Mild, but the same kind I get before AF arrives. Then this morning I had a bout of diarrhea, and that is another pre-AF sign. That is usually followed shortly thereafter by spotting (and sometimes full blown AF). And sure enough, a couple of hours later - a little while ago - I started to have a tiny amount of brownish spotting. It's very scant so far - only on the TP when I wipe, but it's there and I'm sure there's more to come.

At least I didn't waste a test today, if there's any 'positive' to be found.

It's okay. Well not really, but at least it wasn't a big surprise. Starting a couple of days ago I began to have that "just not feelin it" feeling I get when I just "know" I"m not pg and AF will arrive right on schedule.

In other, happier news... my DD has been so cute lately with her new "doll." Stuffed animals are her baby dolls. So right now she has this little monkey that she carries around with her sometimes along with a baby washcloth that she uses as the monkey's "blanket." She'll lay the washcloth down on the floor and lay the monkey on it, and talk to it about going to sleep like it's her 'baby.' Other times she'll wrap the little washcloth around the monkey like it's a 'blanket.' So freaking cute.

Today I am feeling so lazy. I have so much to do, yet am completely unmotivated. All I feel like doing is going out to lunch somewhere then maybe heading up to the mall with Hannah. One thing I DO need to do today is decide where we're going to have Hannah's birthday party so I can start doing the invitations and send them out. Her birthday is in THREE weeks! It just dawned on me this morning. EEK. I'm just going to do family and maybe a couple of close friends of Hannah's and a couple of our friends who know and adore Hannah. Hmmmm I wonder if I could do Facebook invites? I love getting party invitations via mail myself, though - so nice to get something other than bills, LOL, plus it's more "personal," but.... postage is so expensive now! I don't know. We'll see.

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13 dpo (p.m.) ~ As the day progressed today, started to feel VERY pukey, so decided to test this afternoon, and it was BFN. No surprise there. I would have been much more surprised had there been a 2nd line. Then... right on cue, more brownish spotting. I'm expecting AF to show up tomorrow. My temp should take that classic dive tomorrow morning.

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CD 6 ~ AF wound up teasing me and didn't show up until after 3 full days of spotting, which I think is the first time that has happened in all my months of charting since May of '08. It was one of my longer LPs. With the nausea I was having it had me guessing whether AF or a BFP was right around the corner. AF wound up winning out of course.

It looks like AF has made her exit now, so it's time for new hope for a new cycle. I hope to work on lots of projects this month to keep me busy. I've said that before but never really followed through, but this month I'm off to a good start by attacking my closet. I'm not sure yet who will win... right now the closet is wining, but alas, I shall prevail. I never realized just how many clothes I had hiding in there. Wow. I already have one big bag full of clothes going to goodwill, and I'm sure there will be more before it's over. Once I begin going through all my shoes, even more bags will be filled. I already know that I have way too many shoes, many of which I don't even wear anymore. Something weird happened to my feet after I had my DD, and my feet no longer do well in heels. If I walk very far at all in them, my feet start to hurt something fierce. I hate it, too, because I love wearing heels. Not the ridiculous 3-inch+ ones that make your butt stick up in the air, but the 2 inch or less heels that make your legs look 'sexy.' Anyway, it will feel good when my closet is all cleaned out and organized again.

In other news, my DD is doing great going on the potty! She now wears underwear exclusively while at home, except during naps or overnight. She does still have accidents, but they are becoming less and less, and she will even ask to go potty while wearing a diaper now! I have yet to be daring enough to have her wear underwear when we go out in public or at the nursery at church, but I'll take that step soon. Very soon.

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CD 8 (midnight) ~ *Yawn* Ahhh the wait to O is so boring. Oh wait, here's something exciting - I've had some spotting yesterday and today, which is not a normal thing for me! :rolleyes: :biglaugh: Ok maybe that's not exciting, but it's something to stare at on my chart and wonder why it's happening, haha. It isn't much, and only on the TP. It's probably just from BD or something. Who knows.

My closet hasn't been touched again yet. Just haven't had a chance. REALLY HOPE I can get to that tomorrow. It's bugging the bajeebees out of me for stuff to be sitting around in my bedroom waiting to be sorted or put back away (or washed).

My DD has made another big step in her potty progress! She is now going in the big toilet! Biggrin She started that last night (Wed night). And today, when I took my friend to the doctor, she (my DD) went in the toilet in their bathroom there! Thankfully I was prepared and had a portable potty seat with me (the kind that goes over a regular toilet seat) "just in case." I couldn't believe it - her first time using a public toilet! So proud of her :boogie:

A bit of not so good news, though - my DH got a job, and was supposed to start today, but before the day was over he realized it wasn't for him. Sad So... the wait continues for him to find a good job, and we hope that the work projects keep coming in. (For those who might be reading this and don't know, he is currently self-employed, but the work has been much more scarce lately.) I am having faith that God must have something better in mind for us.

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CD 10 ~ The spotting has stopped, thankfully. I didn't have any yesterday and none today, either. Guess it was just from BD. I decided to use OPKs again this month and started testing this afternoon. It's way too early for me to O, I just wanted to play it safe by starting early so that if my temp does a crazy jump (as it often does) I won't be sitting there wondering if I could have O'd. Last month when I didn't do OPKs (in an effort to be more relaxed about things), FF moved my CH's, which I didn't like because I thought I was further along in the 2ww than I actually wound up being.

In other news ~ I love my DH, I really really do, but he was get-ting on de nerves today. This morning I planned to work on my closet, but he went in there and started working on stuff in the bedroom, and since I could tell he was in one of those 'bulldozer modes' I decided not to say anything and went to slam things around, I mean, do other things around the house. Smile After the fact, I admit I was thankful for what he got done - he moved my dresser to a better spot (he even moved the electrical outlet--literally closed up the old one and created a new one--so that I could have easier access to it since the dresser now covered the old one), and cleaned out all the junk in boxes we had under the bed (and even swept under there!). Then he made a shelf with hanging bar for himself next to his side of the bed to put his hanging clothes (my clothes have taken over our closet, lol - typical).

Another thing he did that got on my nerves was when he cooked some eggs for Hannah and refused to spray the non-stick pan with cooking spray or put any butter in it to keep the eggs from sticking. Instead, he did it 'his way' which was to 'make sure the pan was real hot.' :roll: I could hear him scraping the pan with the spatula from the other room. I wanted to say something soooo bad, but I knew he would only take it as me trying to "tell him how to do things." Most likely his response would have been, "Ok." (As in, I hear you, but I'm going to blatantly ignore you.) He doesn't seem to think I have good suggestions, because he is set in his ways. Unless of course he ASKS for my opinion. Ugh, men. What are we to do with them?

Other people got on my nerves today, too. First, on my trip up to the mall with Hannah, someone was supposed to yield to me but didn't and blocked my view of traffic on top of it. Then someone else pulled out right in front of me (I even saw them LOOK right at me!). Then when we got to the play area at the mall, I was sitting down watching Hannah, got up for a minute to go deal with her about something, and when I went to sit back down, this lady sat down in my spot (and my stroller was RIGHT THERE :shock:). I could have said something, but it's not like my name was written on that space, and there was space further over, so I just moved over and sat down. No big deal, but it still got on my nerves. I guess it shouldn't have, it's just that I was taught to be mindful of others around me, so it baffles me when I see someone who isn't. Oh well.

Things seem to be kind of tense between DH and I lately, too. I think a big part of it is the financial strain we are under right now. We're doing "okay," but things are pretty tight, and there is always the concern of when the work will pick back up, or when he will get a good job, whichever comes first. We can't do the things we used to, like (for example) going out to dinner every Friday night, and the occasional movie. Now we eat at home and might try to find something on satellite to watch, or rent a cheap movie, but mostly we just sit around and talk, and our DD is our source of entertainment. Smile Right now, I am thankful that we don't have a big house with a big mortgage. We might live in a single-wide mobile home, but at least it's paid for. And overall it isn't "that" bad - it's a larger single-wide at least (3 Bedroom/2 Bath).

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Oh - wanted to add that my bbs have been unusually sore since yesterday, which is weird. This doesn't normally happen til closer to O time. My CM is increasing quite a bit already, too. It's not fertile yet, but acts like it will be soon.

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CD 11 ~ My body is acting weird now.
1. My bbs are still sore
2. My CM was increasing, but now it seems to be drying up again. All I had today was the smallest amount of S CM.
3. I've been having unmistakeable O pain on the right side tonight.

My temp did dip today, but I don't see how it's possible I'm O'ing. Yesterday's OPK was negative and so was today's, and I haven't had any fertile CM that I know of, unless I missed it.

So. My body is just acting all weird apparently.

My DH got on my nerves again today. Twice. This morning, he suddenly got mad at me, but wouldn't tell me why. He said he was "trying to let it go" and didn't want to talk about it. I couldn't think of ANYTHING that I said or did that would have possibly made him mad. So then I got extremely frustrated, because this has happened before, and it's usually something totally innocent that I say that he takes the wrong way. It makes me feel like I have to be careful with everything I say to him. But then he explained to me that he understood that I didn't mean anything by it, and that the problem was with HIM, and something HE needed to deal with. I still wanted to know what it was, but decided to let it go.

Then after church today we got delayed and couldn't start heading back home until 2:30 (and we were 40 minutes from home at that point). I was very hungry (and knew my DD probably was, too) and wanted to go straight home, but he insisted on making a stop first that wasn't absolutely necessary, and that took an extra 30 minutes. We didn't get home until 3:30, and I was starting to feel weak from hunger by then. He didn't think it was any big deal. Oh well, I got over it. I lived, and so did my DD (she fell asleep). :rolleyes:

On a more positive note, my DD is still doing great going potty in the big toilet. She is staying dry during the day with no accidents. WTG Hannah! Smile

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CD 14 ~ the spotting started back :confused: It stopped until CD 12 and has been going again for the last 3 days. Sometimes it's brown, sometimes it's red. Not sure WHAT is going on. At first I thought it might be related to BD, but now i'm not so sure.

Today's OPK was starting to get darker, and my CM is beginning to make the transition to fertile CM, so I'm thinking I might be O'ing in the next couple of days, or at least very soon.

I seem to be in a better mood today, thankfully. DH did something annoying again this morning, but I didn't let it get to me Smile He needs to get a job, poor guy. It drives men crazy to not be able to provide sufficiently for their families.

We had a scare with my stepmom yesterday. She fainted and fell on the floor, cracking her head open. She had to have stitches - well "clamps" as they called them, not sure how those are different from stitches. They wanted to admit her for overnight observation, but she refused because she didn't think it was necessary. Her cat scan came back normal, as did the other tests they did. They told her to watch for swelling. She seems to be doing fine now, just has a nice headache. They aren't sure what is causing the fainting spells. This is the 2nd time it has happened.

My DH's truck is out of commission, too. When we were leaving my dad and stepmom's yesterday, it made scary noises when he started it, and thinks it might be the timing belt. So it's still sitting there. Hopefully he'll be able to get it fixed in the next few days.

My closet still sits undone. When I finally get to finish it I think I will have to throw a party.

At least I am finally getting serious about losing this weight and getting in good shape. This morning I went for an hour walk, and plan to do another hour walk this evening when i take my DD up to the mall. My goal is to do that twice a week, and on all the other days (except Sunday) do at least 20 minutes. I'd like to start running again, too. We'll see how that goes.

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CD 19 ~ Well I wasted my money on OPKs this month. I never got a + and then ran out, and didn't want to spend any more money on them so I quit testing. The OPKs were fading in and getting darker, with the darkest being on the morning of CD 17, but by that evening it was light again. Then yesterday morning ( CD 18 ) it was even lighter, so I think I might have missed the surge. My surges tend to be pretty short-lived. The other possibility is that I would have gotten a + had I been able to test last night, or this morning. I don't think so, though. I had EWCM for 3 days, and as of this morning it dried up. That, along with last night's cramping makes me think I've already O'd, probably yesterday. My temp dipped down pretty low yesterday, too.

As for the spotting, I had one more day of it, on CD 16, and none since. So hopefully that is behind me now.

I was going to write more, but I'm too tired now and need to get to bed.

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CD 21 ~ Well I thought I had indeed O'd on CD 18 because my temp went up for 2 days after that, but this morning it dropped again. So on a whim, I decided to go to the dollar store this afternoon and get some more OPKs. I tested when I got back home and... blazing positive! :shock: I wasn't really expecting it, because my CM today had been S, though I did wonder why it was whitish in color. But interestingly enough, and... as if right on cue... as I was waiting for the pee to soak up the stick, I checked my CM and there was a big glob of EWCM! Needless to say, I was happy. It meant I still had a chance for this cycle. We had to leave for Wed night church then, and when we returned, my DD had fallen asleep, so we had another 'opportunity,' which I was all too happy to take advantage of. So now I have a little hope again for this cycle.

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2 dpo ~ Lately I seem to always come here when I'm too tired to type much of anything, lol. Gotta start coming here in the mornings. Anyway, my temp is rising nicely now, so i don't think there's any doubt I O'd for real this time.

My gums bled when I brushed my teeth this morning. At 2 dpo, I highly doubt it means a thing, but at least it gives me something to talk about.

I have made a tiny bit of progress on my closet, but it still sits unfinished.

I think in order to avoid total and complete frustration over it, I am going to start assigning myself mini-tasks for it each day, instead of trying to get it all done at once. Monday will be my next chance to work on it, so I will just say that I'm going to sort through all my shoes that day. If I get that done, I'll be happy. After that, I will work on one shelf of clothing per day, since I have five shelves not including the one above the hanging clothes.

Hannah is now 3 years old. Her birthday party was Sunday, and her actual b-day was Wednesday. The party was at a friend's house - it was small and mostly family, but fun, and went well. She got "just enough" gifts to not be too overwhelmed, so I'm happy with that.

One thing we've been dealing with lately with her is her "bossiness." She wants to tell us what to do, which is cute until she gets a real attitude about it, or stomps her foot and tells us, "No!" She is quite the strong-willed child, which will be a real asset later in life since she will probably have a strong backbone and know what she believes and why. It just makes life quite difficult for us as her parents right now, LOL.

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5 dpo ~ Yesterday when I put in that morning's temp and took off the manual override, FF gave me CH's for the same day I O'd, instead of the day after. I think that is possible, so I went with it. It meant being one day further in the 2ww so I was happy Smile

This morning, my temp was lower. It was below 98.0, which is not a typical post-O temp for me. So of course my first thought was "implantation dip, maybe?" It would be early for that at only 5 dpo, but I guess it's possible. Then this afternoon I started having intense cramps that remained constant up until just a little while ago when they finally started to let up some. Now there's something I've never had before. I've had mild cramps plenty of times during the 2ww, but nothing like this. This felt like AF was about to arrive any minute, and every time I went to the bathroom, I expected to see her, or at least some spotting, but... nothing. Just creamy CM.

It was a busy day today. I started homeschooling with my DD (Preschool). She drew her very first lowercase a, and I worked with her on matching various letters with the first letter of words. For example, matching "a" with "pple" and a picture of an apple. I can already tell that I'm going to enjoy homeschooling very much. I haven't started using any kind of curriculum yet - that will come later.

I also went to pay bills, only to discover that the bank was closed, so I couldn't make a deposit. I totally forgot it was President's Day. :doh: That's what I get for not looking at the calendar. So I drove all the way into town for nothing. I made the best of it by letting my DD play at the park - it was a really nice day for it - and then we went to Dairy Queen and I got me a small Oreo Cheesequake Blizzard, and Hannah just wanted milk. Mmmm that Blizzard was sooo good. Then later I took Hannah up to the mall, and I got in some good walking there to help burn off those calories. Wink

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6 dpo ~ Sooo my temp shot up today. Can't help but get my hopes up, just a little. This big of a jump isn't the norm for me. Yet I also realize it could just be a fluke temp. We shall see. No more cramping today, except little twinges here and there. However, my bbs have been tender and have been "aching." I've also been really hungry today. I'm talking that in-the-pit-of-your-stomach type hunger that makes you want to eat everything in sight. And bloated. And gassy, starting this evening. Reeeally gassy :oops: Extreme flatuence was one of the first symptoms I had when I was pg with Hannah, and that was a few days before my BFP. It was an unforgettable experience, and I remember it so vividly. I was in a restaurant eating dinner with DH, when all of the sudden I felt like I was going to EXPLODE, and it was painful. I had to excuse myself and hope no-one else was in the restroom. Thankfully (for their sake), no-one was. The gas I've had this evening hasn't been quite that bad, though.

I've also had some nausea today, but that is a 2ww symptom for me now and has been for the past several cycles. Not sure why, it never used to be a PMS symptom for me. It is now, though. So I will note it here, but not really take much notice of it. There is one difference, though. I think I usually get the nausea sooner than 6 dpo, more like starting at 3 or 4 dpo.

I gave my DD a haircut today. Her bangs were getting pretty long, so she really needed it. I was nervous about doing it. The last time I had taken scissors to her hair, it was not pretty. This time, I was determined to do it right, and it turned out pretty nice, I think! I really prefer to let a professional do it, but money is tight right now, and so I wanted to try and save the money.

DH starts a new job on Thursday. It's temporary, a 6-month contract, so he's hoping he hears back about another "permanent" job he's hoping to get. They're waiting for the renegotiation of a contract with the government (the position he's hoping for is one that's being created). In the meantime, he's been continuing to get side projects from time to time.

Also on Thursday, I will start watching my brother & SIL's kids for five days while they are gone on another business trip. I can't wait to spend time with my nieces and nephew. My one year old niece will help me get my baby fix. She turned one year old two months ago, but to me she is still very much a 'baby.' Though... she is walking very well now, and running like a champ, so she is very quickly losing her "baby-ness." *Sniff* Whatever will I do when she becomes more and more of a toddler? I won't be able to get my baby fix anymore, and no-one else I am close to has a baby I can spend time with, either. We just have to get pregnant again soon, that's all there is to it. The Lord may have other plans, but that is MY hope anyway. *Sigh*

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7 dpo ~ Last night, I had the type of CM I always get a couple of days before AF. It's too early for that, so not sure why I'm having it now. I think i do remember having it early on the last time I was pregnant, though. I need to go back and look what dpo I was when I had it. I'm pretty sure I recorded it on my other thread on this board (which is probably down on page 2 or 3 by now).

This morning, I don't feel much of anything in the way of symptoms, except 'maybe' a little nausea and sore boobiness, but I'm just kind of ignoring it. I'm also getting that sinking feeling that it's not happen' this cycle. Or maybe I'm just trying to protect my emotions? I get a lump in my throat when I think about it.

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Ok I just went back and looked, and with my last pg'cy, I had that type of CM at 10 dpo. Hmmm. Of course, that pg'cy did ultimately end in mc...

The CM I had last night was actually a little different in that it was "Sticky" in consistency this time, rather than Creamy/Watery. It was very long and stretchy at the same time, though. So strange. Maybe my CM is just more "abundant" right now? That could be a good sign. But again, I am so afraid to get my hopes up.

That lump in my throat is there again.

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13 dpo ~ Whew, it was a busy weekend taking care of my two nieces and nephew. The one year old had a bad chest cold and was up coughing during the night, then Hannah and I woke up Sunday morning with bad colds. Made the weekend a lot tougher, especially Sunday night when a lot of things were going wrong with the kids and there seemed to be no end in sight. I begged the Lord in prayer for relief, and He must have heard me because Sunday night we had a very restful sleep compared to the previous nights. The baby and Hannah only woke up briefly with coughing fits, so brief that I didn't even have to get out of bed (the baby's crib is in their room and Hannah was sleeping in bed with me. My DH only stayed there the first night - after that he slept at our house).

It did make the time go by faster for the remainder of the 2ww, though. At some point over the weekend, I decided I just "wasn't feelin it" for this cycle. Today when I woke up and took my temp, I was surprised that it had gone up again instead of down like it normally does by 13 dpo - so I went ahead and tested. I should have just waited. It was a snowy white BFN. Of course, that must have prompted AF, because a couple of hours later, I had a tiny bit of pinkish/reddish CM when I wiped (sorry if TMI). Though, I did find it odd that it was very creamy, instead of the usual sticky CM that I get close to the time of AF. Then a bit later there was more spotting---but again, it was very creamy? Mild cramps began as well, and this afternoon after lunch I had a bout of the runs, though it doesn't seem to be over with and I normally only have one bout prior to AF (it's a reliable PMS sign for me). Am I over analyzing here? I guess I am searching for ANYthing that could give me reason to have a tiny spark of hope that it might not be over, despite "not feelin it." And I guess technically it's not til AF shows full force.

Thing is, it is very possible that my temps are still high only because I have that bad cold. I don't know if our bodies normally have elevated temps with a cold or not - colds don't come with a fever of course (otherwise they are considered to be the flu), but I wonder if it might make your temps go up slightly?

Anyhoooo, I wouldn't think I'd be getting a BFN at 13 dpo if I was pg, so I'm going to assume I'm out for this cycle.

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15 dpo (but actually 14 dpo) ~ I decided to change my crosshairs today to the day after my +OPK, mainly because AF wasn't here yet and my LP is usually only 13 to 14 days long, plus I always had it in the back of my mind that I had actually O'd that day (based on what my body was doing). As of tonight, I am still only spotting, but it is heavier now, though mostly only brownish. I feel a "little" crampy, but not like I normally do right before AF arrives. Still, I think she will be here by tomorrow sometime. If my temp is still up or goes up higher in the morning, I might test again.

Yesterday I felt pretty run down all day, so I rested as much as I could. I think my body was telling me I was trying to do too much and with being sick it needed to slow down. This morning I felt much better, but by afternoon I started to feel more congestion in my chest and began coughing much more frequently. Unfortunately it's been a 'dry' cough. I tried switching to Mucinex at 4:45pm and so far it doesn't seem to be helping. My cough is just as dry as ever. Tonight I tried taking a tsp. of apple cider vinegar, and drank 2 cups of chamomile & honey-flavored tea, and in the 2nd cup I added some actual honey to it. My cough seems to have slowed down some at least. I just hope I can sleep now - I've been putting off going to bed because of the cough.

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CD 5 ~ Well AF has come and is making her exit now. Right now I don't even feel like talking about ttc. DH still doesn't have a steady job, though he has had work projects to keep the money coming in so we can pay the bills. I just keep depending on the Good Lord to provide, and as always, He comes through with what we need. DH does have a job interview on Thursday morning and it's for a job DH thinks will be a good one if he gets it. Here's to hoping!

I have learned some hard lessons through this tough financial time (at least I hope I've learned the lessons--we'll see if I truly have when the big bucks start coming back in, lol). Back when I should have been saving more money, I was spending it on unimportant, unnecessary things. Don't get me wrong, I believe in "mad money" as much as the next person, but I didn't budget for it. I was too frivolous. I may not have bought big, expensive items, but I spent plenty on the nickel and dime stuff. DH was a self-employed subcontractor, after all. When you're self-employed, YOU SAVE FOR THE LEANER DAYS. *Knocks on head: Hello? Anybody in there?* Anyway, so I've learned my lesson. Now I will start being smarter with my money, starting with the little we have right now. No more frappaccinos from Starbucks, except once in a blue moon (or until our financial situation improves significantly). No more snacks and/or drinks at the mall -- I will take them with me from now on. And more peanut butter & jelly sandwiches and homemade soup, so-to-speak. At least for the time being. Time to tighten that money belt until it hurts, so we can pay off this debt and start saving again. We have had to go through almost all of our two emergency funds. And don't think we're "all that" having emergency funds -- those funds were from change my DH saved up for years and years. What's next? My retirement fund? I don't think so.

In other news, this chest cold seems to be coming to an end, slowly but surely. The cough got much better for a few days, but is now a little worse again.. however, it is a VERY productive cough, so all that junk is finally coming up. Hannah is right there with me with the productive cough right now. Hopefully we will be in the all clear within a couple more days.

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CD 11 ~ Well this cold is still hanging on. I am blowing my nose a little less and sneezing a bit less, but I'm still coughing, and it's back to a dryer-type cough. Ugh.

The good news is, I lost 2 lbs. this past week. I've started to get more serious about losing weight, so I've been counting calories and exercising more. I allow one day per week to be a Cheat Day, where I eat what I want and don't keep track of calories. Yesterday was that day (Sunday), but I didn't enjoy it as much as I had hoped. I did enjoy the dinner at least, which was pizza followed by cheesecake for dessert. When I got home I broke out a 45-min workout video that I had not used in a long time. Normally I rest on Sundays, but I just didn't want to take the chance that the substantial increase in calories would sabotage my efforts from the previous week. It was a good workout, combining aerobics with weights and even included ab work. It was fun, too - it had some kick boxing and regular boxing moves, as well as 'dance moves.' My DD of course had to try and do it with me, and during the cool down part while stretching, she was riding on my back. Talk about adding weights to your workout Lol

Today I had some of that famous CM I get about 2-3 days before O'ing (that I also get 2-3 days before AF,though last month I got it a whole week before AF). But if I remember correctly, I think the same thing happened last month. I got "that" CM, but didn't wind up O'ing until several days later. I went ahead and tested with an OPK this evening, though, just for good measure. It was of course negative. I wasn't planning to start testing with OPKs until CD 15, but I guess I'm starting now at CD 11.

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CD 17 ~ Sooo, apparently I O'd yesterday, possibly the day before. I got a very-close-to-positive OPK on CD 14, but when I tested again several hours later, the line was lighter again, so I must have caught the tail end of the surge. I wasn't able to test on CD 13 because I was out of OPKs and had forgotten to go to the dollar store to get more until it was too late. It figures that the one day I didn't test was the day I probably would have gotten the blazing positive. :rolleyes: Oh well, today's temp jump confirmed it anyway. My temp had already started going up yesterday morning, but I would rather think I O'd a day later, so that I won't think AF is supposed to show a day earlier than she actually does, making me get my hopes up for nothing. I actually don't have much hope for this cycle, in fact pretty close to ZERO hope, because the last two times we BD before I O'd, we weren't able to "seal the deal," so-to-speak. There is always the chance for a very motivated pre-e guy who hung out in there and found find Miss Eggie when she arrived, but it's pretty unlikely and therefore I'm thinking I'm out for this cycle.

Time to focus on other things for this 2ww so that it will fly by and I can try to hope again for next cycle. I guess if there's any positive, it's that we have boo-coos of birthdays in December on both sides of our families, so we probably didn't need to add yet another to the mix.

Oh and another positive is that I O'd much earlier! Smile I'm wondering if my diet and exercise changes have contributed to that. I've only had ONE other time that I O'd this early since I started charting in May of 2008!

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I have to admit, though, I was feeling pretty down today when I realized I had O'd earlier this cycle--something I've been wanting for some time now--yet it seemed like such a waste since we weren't able to have a successful BD session close enough to the time of O. :bluesad: I had already been down after the last time we BD, wondering why it's such a struggle for us these days. It made me feel like giving up, and that we should just start looking into adoption.

Then this afternoon a song came on the radio that really struck a chord with me. Here it is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3b2jw1rjBc

Then again tonight at church (we went to the evening service), they sang a new hymn that most there were not familiar with, and as we sang it, it was as if the Lord was speaking it directly to me, and I can't even begin to describe how it comforted me. The name of it was, "If Only You will Let God Guide You," Words & music by Georg Neumark, 1621-1681. [SIZE=2]The worship leader gave us a little history about the author of the hymn before we sang it, explaining that he (the author) wrote it at a time in his life when he had to do a lot of "waiting on the Lord." He had lost his job, and it took a long time for him to secure another one, but when he did it was a good job and a well-paying one that made it all worth the wait.

Here are the words:

If you will only let God guide you
And hope in Him thro' all your way
Whatever comes, He'll stand beside you
To bear you thro' the evil days
Who trusts in God's unchanging love
Builds on the Rock that cannot move.

Only be still, and wait His leisure
In cheerful hope, with heart content
To take whate'er the Father's pleasure
And all discerning love have sent;
Nor doubt our inmost wants are known
to Him who chose us for his own.

Sing, pray, and swerve not from His ways
But do your part in conscience true;
Trust His rich promises of grace
So shall they be fulfilled in you;
God hears the call of those in need
The souls that trust in Him indeed.

[/SIZE]

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5 dpo ~ Had a big temp drop this morning. It surprised me how low it was, especially since all my temps so far post-O have already been so much lower than usual as it is. Not sure why that would be, unless my better diet and exercise is causing me to have an overall lower temp? Drinking alcohol, which has a high sugar content, can cause your temps to be higher than normal, so I would think eating a lot of foods that were high in sugar could ALSO cause higher temps.

Anywhooo, I'm having sore bbs off and on today, and they are starting to feel slightly 'fuller' as well. Have had a few super light cramps, too. Doubt it means anything, but it's interesting to note.

Something else that's quite interesting is that I am already itching to test. NOT that I would consider testing today, but I am already wanting to test when 8 dpo gets here. :shock: WITW? Am I nuts? Maybe I just like torturing myself. I guess in the back of my mind I can't help but think, WHAT IF. What if I get a surprise? Like, a MIRACLE? (which is what it would take for me to have gotten pg this cycle).

Hopefully my more sane, reasonable self will win out when 8 dpo gets here and I won't actually test. Better to just wait and see if AF shows up.

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I talked to my DH tonight about adoption (the first time we've ever talked about it), and boy did I ever get a surprise . Not only was he AGAINST it, he was rather rude about it at first. When I asked him why he didn't want to adopt, he said in a very stern voice, "I just don't want to." :eek: I fell silent for awhile, and then finally said, "There must be a reason." And the reason he gave surprised me. I just didn't think he would feel that way. You think you know someone...... anyway, I am still trying to process it. I was silent the rest of the way home, and then when we got home he finally asked if I was upset with him. I was honest and said Yes, that I wasn't expecting him to say he didn't want to adopt (especially for the reason he gave). Then I asked him if he was dead set against it, and he said he couldn't answer that question because he didn't want to get my hopes up only to tell me no later. He said he didn't know how he would feel in the future, but right now, he doesn't want to consider adoption. He also thinks we still have plenty of chance to have one of our own and doesn't think it's necessary to consider adoption right now.

I respect his decision, but it is hard to take. I know that I have to accept it, and leave it in God's hands. It's just hard.

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6 dpo ~ my temp only went up slightly this morning. Been fighting sleepiness pretty much all day, then this evening I had a little brownish spotting. I doubt it means anything, but it's good to note. BBs have been a little more sore, too,which I'm sure is just a good ol' PMS symptom. Oh and when I first woke up this morning I was pretty nauseated, but then it got better for the rest of the day. Also had a pretty bad backache this evening when I got to the mall with my DD - it was hard taking the stroller out of the van and putting her in it - pretty painful in fact. It's the same kind of pain I get a few days before AF, only this was worse. That lasted for several minutes, but then got better after I walked for awhile.

I haven't gotten that, "I'm not feelin' it" feeling yet, but it's still early.

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Forgot to say... I'm feeling better about things today regarding the 'adoption issue.' I've accepted it, and now I will just wait on the Lord to see what He will do.

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9 dpo ~ My temp went way up this morning. Not sure how accurate it is, though. I took it at an earlier time and then calculated forward to what it would be if I had taken it at my normal time. I've tested the 'calculating forward theory' before to see if it held true, it was amazingly accurate, so who knows.

I'm not getting my hopes up very much, though. I've had temp jumps before. The only difference this month is that this morning's temp is much higher than all the other temps so far this cycle, making my chart look 'triphasic,' assuming the temp adjustment this morning was accurate.

As for 'possible' symptoms, I've been having much more abundant Creamy CM. So abundant that it was 'dripping down' one time yesterday when I ck'd the tp, and again one time today. I've been having to use a liner, too.

My bbs having been sore off and on, but to me that's not even worth mentioning unless they get REALLY sore. I haven't had any nausea today but tonight I started to have some. That's another PMS symptom for me, though. So again, won't mention that again unless it gets very bad.

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9 dpo

Oh DUH. Forgot to say that I tested this morning with a Dollar Tree hpt and it was a definite BFN.

I have one more of the new FRER tests left (that says you can now test 6 days before your period instead of 5), so I 'might' use it in the morning since I'll be 10 dpo. We'll see. It may depend on what my temp does.

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11 dpo ~ BFN again yest morning and this morning with dollar store tests. I only have one test left now, so I'm going to save it for Thursday which will be our wedding anniversary. I'll be 13 dpo, so if it's neg again then I'll know I'm out.

More likely I'll have spotting before then, though, and won't need to test. The spotting for the past 2 cycles has started 3 whole days prior to AF, so Cousin Spot should show up tomorrow.

On the other hand, I said in my previous post that I wouldn't mention sore bbs again unless they got really sore - well they've been just that today. Really sore. I've also been ravenously hungry tonight and I can't seem to satisfy it and it's driving me crazy because it's not exactly conducive to weight loss! But as we all know, those can easily be part of PMS.

Sigh. Why do BFNs have to exist? Instead of there being no line there, it should have the word MAYBE because that's what it really means! Grrr. LOL. Why can't there be tests that either give us 2 lines, or 1 line and AF is on the way! :rolleyes:

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15 dpo (around 12:30 a.m.) ~ I can't believe it - as of today, I have had NO spotting. None. I've had pretty abundant CM at times, but not a hint of brown or red anywhere.

Yesterday morning (14 dpo - Friday) my temp shot up, which also surprised me. I had no plans whatsoever to test. I was fully expecting that when I took my temp it would be down significantly, and instead it was up. I was baffled by this and wondered if my thermometer was working correctly. Reluctantly, I tested. I waited for a line to appear. Nothing. Nada. I titled it, held it up to the light, practically stood on my head - still white. It didn't make sense.

So all day today I have been thinking about it off and on, wondering if my O day is wrong. The OPK I took on CD 15 wasn't 100% positive, but it was 99%! Very very close. And it only got lighter after that, so I figured I caught the tail end of the surge (and FF seemed to agree since it gave me Crosshair's for that same day, meaning that I O'd that day). I did have O pain that day (CD 15), but I also had worse O pain on CD 17. Siiigh. My brain hurts if I try to think about it too much.

I have been tempted to change my O day to CD 17, since it would make more sense for me to only be 12 dpo right now, being that I haven't started spotting yet (or if by some miracle I am pregnant, haven't gotten a BFP yet). But for now, I've decided just to leave it where it's at.

I guess when AF finally shows, it will give me a better idea of when I really O'd. She's 'supposed' to show sometime today (Saturday), but it doesn't look like she will since I've had no spotting whatsoever yet. It will be interesting to see what my temp looks like later this morning. Better get to bed now....

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CD 3 ~ Well apparently FF was right. I'm glad I decided not to change the O day. When I took my temp Saturday morning it had dropped, and not long after that I began spotting - first it was only on the tp, then it quickly progressed and by afternoon AF had started, though it was a very light flow at first, then Sunday morning it became heavy. I was surprised to only have half a day of spotting this time before AF started. A nice surprise, I might add. I would much rather AF not waste any time arriving.

I do have to wonder if my better diet and regular exercise has had a positive affect on my cycles. Since I started charting, if I remember correctly, I don't think I ever had only a half day of spotting before AF started. It was always at least one whole day, as in 24 hours, but more often than not it was 2 days, and more recently 3 whole days of spotting (before I started to really change my diet and exercise regimen). So not only did I wind up O'ing sooner this cycle, I only had the half day of spotting. I guess we'll see if this was just one fluke cycle or if it's a trend. I really hope it's the latter.

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CD 10 ~ I've had a lot of post AF spotting this cycle. I had brownish spotting from the day AF ended all the way up to yesterday. A friend on pg.org said she has a lot of spotting, too, and thinks it's an "over 40" thing. Her doctor told her not to worry about it, so maybe I shouldn't either. It's just that there was a lot of it, that's why I was concerned. Anyhow, it's gone now, so now it's time to obsess over OPKs until I get that +, LOL.

My OPKs & HPTs arrived in the mail today. I was surprised because in the past it took about a week to get them - this time it only took 3 business days! Biggrin I ordered them online from Babywishes.org. Got a nice deal on a combo pack. I've used them before and they were the only one I got a nice, dark positive OPK with. All other brands have either given me a weak positive or none at all. If I remember correctly their HPTs do give evap lines after the time limit, though, so I will have to watch that.

I started testing with the OPKs today, of course. It's a nice light line right now. My temp dipped way down this morning, so I almost thought I might be O'ing early (had lots of CM yesterday, too, but don't think it was EWCM). Today it seems I have been pretty dry so far.

I am not feeling too hopeful in the human sense of the term right now. BD has not been going well. I'd rather not go into details here, but I will say what it's not. It's not ED. Let's just say my chances will be much lower if something doesn't change. To my human mind, it looks pretty impossible right now. But... "With God all things are possible." -Mat. 19:26. So that's what I'm believing, and that's where I'm placing my hope.

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CD 11 (1:00 a.m.) ~ Well I had a nice surprise late last night. I received a PM from someone who saw one of my posts about the BD issues I've been having and told me her story, which sounded very similar, and said they came to find out that it was related to stress. I had already suspected that, and now it is confirmed. Now that I know that it is very likely due to stress, I can try things to help my DH feel less stressed and more relaxed. I started doing that this morning, and it helped! Smile

I had a big temp rise this morning (er..uh.. yesterday morning now). Made me re-think the CM I had on Sunday as maybe being EWCM after all. I think it is very possible I could have O'd on CD 10. I had very sharp O pains on Sunday night, but at the time I dismissed it as something else (a cyst, maybe?) because I thought it was too early for O pain. Now I wonder if it might have indeed been O pain. My temp later this morning will be more telling.

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