Thread: TTC again after mc that was complete in Aug

3? dpo ~ Wow, can't believe I haven't posted here in 8 days! Doesn't seem like it's been that long. And... ummm... what was WRONG with me when I posted the last post? That stuff I said about what abbreviation they could use in place of BD was... well... LAAAME. LOL. Guess that what happens to you when you've been ttc for so long. Yikes.

Anyway, I'm "pretty sure" about being 3 dpo today based on EWCM and other factors. As for 'imagined symptoms,' I felt dizzy yesterday morning for awhile, and today I've been dizzy off and on all day. This morning I also had a dull ache in the lower right quadrant of my abdomen, and I've had slight cramps off and on all day, too.

I still vacillate between thinking I'd be perfectly happy with our one child, who will soon be potty trained and more independent, and drooling over babies I see when out in public. Today when I took Hannah to the play area at the mall, there were babies everywhere. Some of them were newly walking, waddling around like ducks with a look of sheer delight at the fact that they could now get around more quickly and reach more things they wanted to explore. Like other people's shoes, for example, and stroller wheels, and the trash can, and other people's drinks. Basically anything they aren't supposed to get into. And for some reason the little boys always seem to be so fascinated by me and will stare at me and smile from ear to ear as they crawl/walk around and then bump into something because they too busy watching me and not where they're going. Must be because I smile so brightly at them

9 dpo ~ I haven't posted much during this 2ww, because I just haven't felt like going through the whole.. "possible symptoms which only lead to AF" thing. But today, I figured I would come and post that I have had VERY tender bbs, and nausea. Those are the only two symptoms I've had this go around. My bbs have been sooo tender (along with brief pains as well), that I wonder how it could only be a PMS symptom.

July 31st can't get here fast enough.

In other news, I've decided to take up crocheting. I found a book at the library that I checked out to help me get started learning all the different stitches. Hopefully I'll pick it up quickly and be creating things in no time.

CD 2 ~ Well so much for the tender bbs meaning anything. That was the most tender they had ever been since my pg'cy with Hannah. Foiled by PMS again. Oh well. I shouldn't be surprised, I wasn't really expecting to be pg this cycle.

Except I did get surprised by something else. On 10 dpo (which I now think was actually 12 dpo), I decided to go ahead and test early since my bbs were so tender, and wanted to try out another brand of hpt--Fact Plus--because I heard that it gave earlier positives and was reliable, despite being a blue dye test (which don't have a good reputation around here). So I bought a 2-pk of Fact Plus hpts, and on 10 dpo in the afternoon, the first one was BFN. On 11 dpo, I tried the 2nd one with FMU, and was completely shocked when, within a minute, a line started to appear. I was shocked, and started to get excited. But then as it dried, the line became thin. That made me wonder. So I went and got some Answer brand tests later that day to confirm. BFN. The next morning, at 12 dpo (or what I thought was 12 dpo), I took my temp and despite it being low, I tried the 2nd Answer brand hpt - again, BFN. I was crushed, but still held out a tiny bit of hope that maybe it was just too early. Then a few hours later, I started spotting, and cramps began. Later that day, AF started, which surprised me because she wasn't due for another two days. I figured out then that I must have O'd two days earlier than I thought, on CD 15 instead of 17 which is entirely possible for me. I really hope it's not because my LP is getting shorter, but who knows. I've decided to chart again with this new cycle so I can figure out if my LP is indeed getting shorter.

Anyway, no more blue dye tests for me, no matter who says they are reliable. And no more early testing, either. I just can't go through that again. I know I've said that before, so there is no reason to believe me. I'm not even sure I believe it myself. Guess only time will tell. (And by the way, the manufacturer of Fact Plus is definitely going to hear from me.)

CD 5 ~ Well I haven't had much motivation to temp so far. I think about picking up the thermometer when I'm waking up, then say... Nah. It doesn't really matter at this point in my cycle anyway, so why bother. Maybe tomorrow?

In other news, I think I'm coming down with bronchitis. I have the same type of cough my DD has had for a couple of weeks, and the ped thought it was a sinus infection, but now I wonder if it was bronchitis instead. Either way, she's doing much better now after a round of antibiotics, though it took the full 10 days before she did seem to get better. Makes me wonder if she would have gotten better anway, even without the antibiotics. Oh well, important thing is that she's better. Hopefully mine won't be too bad. DH went off with Hannah this afternoon to go let her play at the park, then it got too hot (I talked to him on thephone) so they went up to the mall. I was sorry I couldn't go with them, but really didn't feel up to it. It's been nice to get some rest and have some down time. I won't get that tomorrow with DH going to work, so I best rest up now while I can.

CD 10 ~ Well apparently that day of rest really helped, because I felt better the next day, and this "bronchitis" has stayed very mild. I think I am starting to get over it now

Today I am feeling a little sad about something. I am starting to see ladies here on pg.org come full circle back to the ttc boards/birth boards and get pg for a second and third time. Not necessarily a second or third child, either, for some it is the fourth, fifth, or even more. I remember being so excited with them the first time they got their BFP, and now they have had their babies, have come back to the ttc/birth boards, and gotten another BFP. There are certain threads I've posted on that used to be so busy that I could barely keep up as they were all hoping for their BFPs. On one thread all but one other than me have gotten their BFPs and have "moved on," so now that same thread has one post per day, if that. I loved how chatty we all were at one point - we'd be posting to each other within seconds or minutes - and now it's more like a bulletin board where you leave notes for everyone to read later when they happen to come by oh... maybe once a day, if that. On a different thread on another board, it, too, seems to be slowing down as all but three of us have gotten their BFPs, and many have now had their babies and are thinking about ttc again (or will soon).

Don't get me wrong, I'm not feeling "cheated" by all this. My faith and trust is in the Good Lord Who understands way more than I could ever fathom about my situation, and knows what is best for me/us. I guess I am just feeling kind of "left behind"? I've even had those who have known me a long time on pg.org give up on stalking me anymore. One friend in particular used to stalk me closely and PM me from time to time to see how I was doing, then one day when I got what I "thought" was a BFP, she PM'd to congratulate me, but it turned out to either be a chemical pg'cy or evap, and when I replied to tell her, instead of replying to say she was sorry like she had before, she didn't respond, and stopped PM'ing me after that (and I'm sure stopped stalking me as well). I just know she had to be thinking, "What is wrong with that girl? I need to stay away from her." LOL.

I've also wondered, too, if some who've known me for awhile on here might question my sincerity at times, because I will often decide to do something, only to change my mind later. For example, last month I said I wasn't going to chart anymore, and this month I started back again. I've also said many times before that I wouldn't test early anymore, only to wind up doing so. I could say I have my reasons, but still....Bleh, I can't stand that I'm like that. And it has to look so pathetic to others. Like I am wishy-washy or something. I have always been an 'indecisive' type person for as long as I can remember. It may have something to do with my upbringing and my tendency to be a perfectionist. Long story there. At any rate, it is something I need to work on.

CD 15 (1 dpo??) ~ It's funny how after my last post, I felt so much better. I guess I needed to get that off my chest. Funny how we can keep things bottled up and not even realize it.

I was surprised to get a +OPK on CD 13 this cycle. Guess I was right in suspecting that I was O'ing earlier. That's the earliest I've ever gotten a +OPK. I've also had a lot more O pains (on both sides) and cramping this time around. It went on for 3 days, with last night being the 'culmination' with some pretty uncomfortable cramping. Today it's mostly gone except for some slight o pains now and then. My temp didn't rise as much as I thought it would today, though, which is why I haven't put temporary crosshairs on my chart yet like I usually do. It could be that I'm just having more of a gradual rise this month, but I'm going to wait for a higher temp before assuming I o'd. I didn't test again with an opk yesterday, and now I wish I had, because I'm wondering if I had a longer surge. It's just that I've only gotten 2 +OPKs in a row once in all the time I've been charting, so I didn't see the point. I had run out of OPKs and didn't want to buy any more.

At any rate, despite how good the BD looks on my chart, I think we only have a "fair" chance this month. At least 'fair' is better than a next to zero chance, though, right?

Duh, I forgot there something else I wanted to put in my journal for today.

I woke up feeling awful this morning. Very flu-like, coughing my head off, scratchy throat, and my feet even felt swollen, though they don't so much now. No fever, though. I'm wondering if it has to do with allergies. Yesterday when I went to the doctor for my follow-up appointment (my regular family doctor), I told her about the cough I had had for the past few days, that I had assumed up to this point was just a mild cold. She looked at my nose and throat and said very plainly, "You have allergies." She seemed 100% sure of it, and recommended I try an allergy medicine. So my question is, can you feel THIS bad from allergies? Or am I possibly coming down with something and I just haven't started running a fever yet? I took some Zyrtec this morning and it did help with the cough. After several minutes the cough slowed down and now it is almost completely gone. I still feel like I've been run over by a Mac truck, though, lol.

I should also mention what the follow-up appt was about yesterday. I had originally gone in due to having extreme bouts of fatigue and lightheadedness. In a nutshell, the doctor ran bloodwork, which all came back normal. She saw me again, talked to me some more about my symptoms, and thought I might have depression (which can cause fatigue). I wasn't sure if I agreed that was the problem, but since there didn't seem to be any other explanation, figured I'd try the medication she was recommending, which was Wellbutitrin, an anti-depressant. However, after being on it, I had some pretty bad side effects that did not go away even after several days. The main one was drowsiness, which made me even MORE tired. Hello. The last night I was on it, I had severe pain in my feet, to the point that I had to take 800 mg of ibuprofen, and I felt really weird. So the next morning I didn't take the next dose and put a call in to the doctor. She called me back later and said it was fine to stop it, and we'd talk about it at my follow-up appt (which had already been set for yesterday). She wound up not being able to be there yesterday, so I saw the nurse practitioner, who after talking to me for awhile, said it sounded to her like I was suffering from Adrenal Fatigue. She described the symptoms and it sounded to me like she hit the nail right on the head. She told me about some natural remedies to try, and recommended a book to read on it as well. So... hopefully after trying those remedies, I will start to see an improvement. We shall see.

3 dpo (possibly 4?) ~ FF seems to think that I o'd on CD 15, 2 days after my +OPK. However, if I discard the high pre-O temp on CD 9, it moves my CHs to CD 14. I've decided to leave in the higher temp, and just go with CD15. That way I won't test too early. I'll know which day I really o'd based on when AF shows, since my LP is 13 days long almost without exception.

Friday, I felt better after feeling so bad all day on Thursday. So I'm guessing it had something to do with my allergies. Yesterday I was exhausted all day, though. Today I felt okay (except maybe a little tired) up until this afternoon, when I started to feel exhausted again. I wanted to get in a walk up at the mall, though, so I stopped by Starbucks and got a sugar-free frappaccino. Bad me. I'm supposed to be avoiding caffeine as part of my 'natural remedy' for the adrenal fatigue. I have to admit, it did help me, though. It gave me just the boost I need to drive to the mall with my DD and go for a 20-min walk with her in the stroller, then come home and cook dinner, then get some housework done. I didn't have any coffee this morning, though (which wasn't something I did on purpose, I just didn't have time before we left the house), so maybe it wasn't so bad to have the frappaccino.

Tonight I started the usual psychosomatic symptoms. My bbs started to feel a bit sore, and the nausea began later, around 10pm. My bbs also started to feel a little swollen somewhere around 10pm. It's probably just fluid retention, though. Way too early to be having any REAL symptoms.

4-5 dpo (Monday) ~ Before I did this new post today, I went over some of my older posts, just a few, and realized that I seemed to have issues with colds/coughing/sinus quite often. Of course now I realize that all that time it was probably allergies, which was recently diagnosed. I also seemed to have reported being tired quite often, which I now know is probably due to Adrenal Fatigue (assuming that diagnosis is correct). It's a relief to know that I'm not actually that sickly. LOL.

I do wonder if anyone reading my posts ever gets tired of hearing me say I'm not feeling well in some way, or am tired. But then again, this is a personal journal, so I guess that's what it's for - to record how you're feeling physically, emotionally, and mentally. Still, knowing that other people read this, I don't want to sound "too" negative. That can get old.

As for psycho-symptoms today, I've only had a tiny bit of nausea and my bbs have only been a little sore. I have been quite bloated, though.

Hannah was so cute earlier today, pretending to talk on her pretend cell phone, which was a tiny little Leggo-type block in the shape of a hand set. It was so small that it only fit on her cheek. LOL. She was talking away, like she was having a real conversation with a friend, and walking back and forth, making all the appropriate gestures of someone talking on the phone while walking around. She is somethin' else. I love it.

Oh - I wanted to say that I haven't really made much progress with learning to crochet. I've only gotten so far with it, but still have a lot to learn. I'm finding it difficult to carve out some uninterrupted time to focus on it. Maybe once I regain some energy and can get up earlier, I can work more on it then.