9-10 dpo ~ 'Symptoms' so far: Gums hurting off and on since Thursday night, sore bbs, stomach this morning was doing 'flip-flops' and hurting a bit; same thing happened a bit after lunch. I've also had insomnia every night for a few nights now. I really don't think any of those are pg-related, though, because I'm starting to get thicker and slightly darker tinged CM (darker yellow--not dark, but dark-ER), which I normally get about 3-4 days before AF. Oh, and for the past two nights I've also gotten really hungry in the middle of the night, too. But again, don't think it's pg-related.
Hannah was quite the character last night. I told her it was "time for bed" and she started following me into her bedroom. She grabbed my hand and pulled hard, smiling at me with a smile I couldn't resist, so I played along to see what she was up to and let her lead me along. She lead me into my bedroom, over to my side of the bed, then dropped my hand and 'presented' my bed to me saying, "Here ya go. Time for bed." What a mess she is.
11 dpo ~ The evening of 9dpo I started spotting. I got my hopes up, thinking it might be implantation spotting, but 4 tests later, 2 being questionable and 2 being bfn, I started to lose hope again. Then today, the spotting is increasing. It started out on 9dpo as just a tiny streak of red mixed in with CM, since then it's been all brown, and only a little here and there, but today it was a darker brown and there was more of it, which is what it does as AF gets closer. Plus, I had one bout of diarrhea yesterday, another pre-AF sign. No major cramping yet, though.
Now I'm feeling sad and angry all at the same time. Sad because when I went on pg.org at lunch today and read about a new BFP, for some reason it hit me hard. I guess because I was so hoping that would be me today. I wanted that Answer test this morning to show a nice, obvious line. But after about a minute, I could tell it was going to be another BFN. I haven't even mentioned the BFN from this morning to anyone yet. Why bother. And I'm angry at myself because I keep doing this to myself almost every single month. I tell myself I won't test early, and yet month after month I find a reason to do it anyway. This month, I really had hope with the early spotting. Then came the 'possible' faint bfp, followed by a bfn that evening. I wanted to throw that lily white test out the window. Then this morning, my temp went up slightly, and there was no more spotting, so I sucked my breath in and took my last test on hand. Again, lily white. I even took the test apart, and... nothing. Then later today, the spotting came back, and was worse. Why do I do this to myself? Why? Why do I get my hopes up, when I know I shouldn't even start to until at least AF is late? When will I finally learn?
The weird thing is, I have this urge to go buy more dollar store tests today so I can test again, as if to say to those bfns: "Oh yeah, I'll show YOU. I'll take another test and that one will be a BFP! Huh!"
*Sigh* I think my PMS hormones are raging. I am feeling very emotional. Time to take a breather and put this in the Good Lord's capable Hands. I am reminded of the verse: "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30)
Last edited by FLSunshineMom; 08-23-2010 at 02:08 PM.
And you know... if I am still only 11dpo, then maybe it is just still too early to get a BFP. So all hope is not lost yet. However, at this point I would rather just assume AF is going to show and not worry about it. So much easier to take that way.
CD 9 ~ Well as you can see by my ticker, AF came and went, and I'm now on CD 9. I've been feeling a lot more ho-hum this cycle. Yet, I also feel a lot more calm. I have forgiven myself for causing myself yet more heartache last cycle, time to move on.
This weekend I'll be dog-sitting for a friend of mine, and will probably stay overnight Fri night and Sat night. DH won't be staying with us, however, because he does not like dogs, and this dog will sleep in bed with you. Only thing is, I might be ovulating come Monday or Tuesday, so this weekend is prime time for BD'ing and it most likely won't happen. We (Hannah and I) might go back home during the day (my friend only lives about 20 min away), but my DD doesn't take naps during the day much anymore, so late night/early morning is usually our only chance.
You know what, though? I'm not going to worry about it. I have put this in God's hands, and that's where I intend to keep it. I might have to give myself a swift kick in the butt to remind myself of that from time to time, but I am determined to let go and let God. I can't waste so much time stressing about it anymore. I just can't. I have a life to live.
Last edited by FLSunshineMom; 09-03-2010 at 12:00 AM.
2 dpo ~ Well I wound up O'ing a little later this cycle, on CD 18, so there was plenty of time to get BD in after I got back from the dog-sitting, and we did, but we also had the usual 'issues,' so I'm pretty sure I'm out for this month. Hoping this 2ww goes by quickly so I can look forward to next month.
CD 10 ~ I was right, we were definitely 'out' last month. You would think it would have stopped me from wanting to test early, but no'p. I think I have a problem, lol. And once again, I got what looked to be a faint line on a couple of dollar store tests. On top of that, I also got a suuuper faint line on a FRER two days before AF, and again one day before AF showed up (which I didn't mention on any of the boards I frequent--was already spotting so didn't see the point). This made me come to the conclusion that I MUST always have a small amount of hcg in my system that certain tests will pick up from time to time. It even says right there on the FRER box (the newer ones that can detect hcg even sooner) that women 40 and over can get a false positive because some women that age having a slightly elevated hcg level. It would certainly explain why I have gotten so many super faint lines over the last couple of years. In fact, with my pregnancy last year (the one that ended in miscarriage), when I got the first super faint line on 11 dpo, I thought at first it might be just another one of those faint lines that didn't mean anything, until I watched it get darker and darker and realized it must be a real pregnancy (though obviously not healthy).
A bright spot for me recently was when we had some BD "success." It was only once, and it was well after I ovulated last cycle, but I'll take that as a sign that it's still possible, and could potentially happen around O time at some point.
This morning I had a big temp spike, and looking at my chart you might even think I had ovulated already, if it were not for the fact that I've been doing opks and all have been negative so far. I also have not had any fertile CM yet, unless I missed it. So I'm guessing it's just a random high temp. Looking at past charts, I have often had a higher temp around CD 10.
Last edited by FLSunshineMom; 10-03-2010 at 09:06 PM.
CD 16 ~ Yesterday I got a +OPK, and I was hopeful that maybe, just maybe we might possibly get in a successful BD session (as we had not so far this month). Last night we tried so very hard, but... no success. Then this morning at 4:30 a.m. we tried again, and the first time, still nothing... so we tried again later in the morning, and again put in a LOT of effort, finally gave up, but then decided to try a little "trick" to make sure we sealed the deal, and it WORKED!
Funny, though, despite the "Yahoo" guys above, I'm not feeling all that excited, really. I guess because I realize that sealing the deal doesn't necessarily mean we will conceive, and I am soooo afraid to get my hopes up too high. Instead, I just want to put it in God's hands and see whether or not this will be our month, ya know?
Anyone out there who might be reading this who are the praying kind.... if you have a spare moment to pray that we catch the egg and wind up with a healthy, sticky bean, I would so appreciate it. It might be another six months before we are able to make this happen again with such perfect timing.
1dpo - Post-o sore boobs off and on,tired all day.
2dpo (today) - Early a.m. had sharp pain in middle of lower abdomen that lasted about 30 secs; boobs feel kinda weird; EXHAUSTED all day; increased libido; food didn't taste as good as usual (barely touched dinner).
This evening we had successful BD AGAIN, and this time it didn't take very long at all, AND... no tricks were required! Wow. Is someone out there praying for us? If so, THANK YOU, and keep it up!
Last edited by FLSunshineMom; 10-11-2010 at 10:52 PM.
3 dpo ~ Boobs "hurt" off and on; thirsty; exhausted (though not quite as bad as yesterday); felt VERY lightheaded once when I got up; some diarrhea; and some very interesting CM- same kind I get a few days before O and again a few days before AF--but this time it was reeeeally lonnnnng, THE longest I have EVER seen, lol. It was scary.
6 dpo ~ Boobs seem to hurt a bit more today; have had some crampy twinges; lower back has been hurting a bit; increased CM has continued; was 'emotional' first thing this morning and have been somewhat moody all day.
The other morning (4 or 5 dpo, can't remember which) I woke up and felt really weird. Like my blood sugar was low, but I wasn't shaky, and I was really fuzzy-headed, and my legs felt like spaghetti. Thankfully that didn't happen again. Then yesterday I also had a moment where I had a crampy-like pain right at and behind my belly button, almost like a "pulling" sensation.
Today I've been feeling kind of blah. I'm not feeling too optimistic that we caught the egg (or that the fertilized egg got very far). My temps have been on the low side, and they usually start rising more by 6 dpo.
I have not wanted to think anything of any kind of symptom I've had. I just can't play that 'game' anymore. So I'm just listing them.