5 dpo ~ Yesterday when I put in that morning's temp and took off the manual override, FF gave me CH's for the same day I O'd, instead of the day after. I think that is possible, so I went with it. It meant being one day further in the 2ww so I was happy
This morning, my temp was lower. It was below 98.0, which is not a typical post-O temp for me. So of course my first thought was "implantation dip, maybe?" It would be early for that at only 5 dpo, but I guess it's possible. Then this afternoon I started having intense cramps that remained constant up until just a little while ago when they finally started to let up some. Now there's something I've never had before. I've had mild cramps plenty of times during the 2ww, but nothing like this. This felt like AF was about to arrive any minute, and every time I went to the bathroom, I expected to see her, or at least some spotting, but... nothing. Just creamy CM.
It was a busy day today. I started homeschooling with my DD (Preschool). She drew her very first lowercase a, and I worked with her on matching various letters with the first letter of words. For example, matching "a" with "pple" and a picture of an apple. I can already tell that I'm going to enjoy homeschooling very much. I haven't started using any kind of curriculum yet - that will come later.
I also went to pay bills, only to discover that the bank was closed, so I couldn't make a deposit. I totally forgot it was President's Day. That's what I get for not looking at the calendar. So I drove all the way into town for nothing. I made the best of it by letting my DD play at the park - it was a really nice day for it - and then we went to Dairy Queen and I got me a small Oreo Cheesequake Blizzard, and Hannah just wanted milk. Mmmm that Blizzard was sooo good. Then later I took Hannah up to the mall, and I got in some good walking there to help burn off those calories.
6 dpo ~ Sooo my temp shot up today. Can't help but get my hopes up, just a little. This big of a jump isn't the norm for me. Yet I also realize it could just be a fluke temp. We shall see. No more cramping today, except little twinges here and there. However, my bbs have been tender and have been "aching." I've also been really hungry today. I'm talking that in-the-pit-of-your-stomach type hunger that makes you want to eat everything in sight. And bloated. And gassy, starting this evening. Reeeally gassy Extreme flatuence was one of the first symptoms I had when I was pg with Hannah, and that was a few days before my BFP. It was an unforgettable experience, and I remember it so vividly. I was in a restaurant eating dinner with DH, when all of the sudden I felt like I was going to EXPLODE, and it was painful. I had to excuse myself and hope no-one else was in the restroom. Thankfully (for their sake), no-one was. The gas I've had this evening hasn't been quite that bad, though.
I've also had some nausea today, but that is a 2ww symptom for me now and has been for the past several cycles. Not sure why, it never used to be a PMS symptom for me. It is now, though. So I will note it here, but not really take much notice of it. There is one difference, though. I think I usually get the nausea sooner than 6 dpo, more like starting at 3 or 4 dpo.
I gave my DD a haircut today. Her bangs were getting pretty long, so she really needed it. I was nervous about doing it. The last time I had taken scissors to her hair, it was not pretty. This time, I was determined to do it right, and it turned out pretty nice, I think! I really prefer to let a professional do it, but money is tight right now, and so I wanted to try and save the money.
DH starts a new job on Thursday. It's temporary, a 6-month contract, so he's hoping he hears back about another "permanent" job he's hoping to get. They're waiting for the renegotiation of a contract with the government (the position he's hoping for is one that's being created). In the meantime, he's been continuing to get side projects from time to time.
Also on Thursday, I will start watching my brother & SIL's kids for five days while they are gone on another business trip. I can't wait to spend time with my nieces and nephew. My one year old niece will help me get my baby fix. She turned one year old two months ago, but to me she is still very much a 'baby.' Though... she is walking very well now, and running like a champ, so she is very quickly losing her "baby-ness." *Sniff* Whatever will I do when she becomes more and more of a toddler? I won't be able to get my baby fix anymore, and no-one else I am close to has a baby I can spend time with, either. We just have to get pregnant again soon, that's all there is to it. The Lord may have other plans, but that is MY hope anyway. *Sigh*
7 dpo ~ Last night, I had the type of CM I always get a couple of days before AF. It's too early for that, so not sure why I'm having it now. I think i do remember having it early on the last time I was pregnant, though. I need to go back and look what dpo I was when I had it. I'm pretty sure I recorded it on my other thread on this board (which is probably down on page 2 or 3 by now).
This morning, I don't feel much of anything in the way of symptoms, except 'maybe' a little nausea and sore boobiness, but I'm just kind of ignoring it. I'm also getting that sinking feeling that it's not happen' this cycle. Or maybe I'm just trying to protect my emotions? I get a lump in my throat when I think about it.
Ok I just went back and looked, and with my last pg'cy, I had that type of CM at 10 dpo. Hmmm. Of course, that pg'cy did ultimately end in mc...
The CM I had last night was actually a little different in that it was "Sticky" in consistency this time, rather than Creamy/Watery. It was very long and stretchy at the same time, though. So strange. Maybe my CM is just more "abundant" right now? That could be a good sign. But again, I am so afraid to get my hopes up.
13 dpo ~ Whew, it was a busy weekend taking care of my two nieces and nephew. The one year old had a bad chest cold and was up coughing during the night, then Hannah and I woke up Sunday morning with bad colds. Made the weekend a lot tougher, especially Sunday night when a lot of things were going wrong with the kids and there seemed to be no end in sight. I begged the Lord in prayer for relief, and He must have heard me because Sunday night we had a very restful sleep compared to the previous nights. The baby and Hannah only woke up briefly with coughing fits, so brief that I didn't even have to get out of bed (the baby's crib is in their room and Hannah was sleeping in bed with me. My DH only stayed there the first night - after that he slept at our house).
It did make the time go by faster for the remainder of the 2ww, though. At some point over the weekend, I decided I just "wasn't feelin it" for this cycle. Today when I woke up and took my temp, I was surprised that it had gone up again instead of down like it normally does by 13 dpo - so I went ahead and tested. I should have just waited. It was a snowy white BFN. Of course, that must have prompted AF, because a couple of hours later, I had a tiny bit of pinkish/reddish CM when I wiped (sorry if TMI). Though, I did find it odd that it was very creamy, instead of the usual sticky CM that I get close to the time of AF. Then a bit later there was more spotting---but again, it was very creamy? Mild cramps began as well, and this afternoon after lunch I had a bout of the runs, though it doesn't seem to be over with and I normally only have one bout prior to AF (it's a reliable PMS sign for me). Am I over analyzing here? I guess I am searching for ANYthing that could give me reason to have a tiny spark of hope that it might not be over, despite "not feelin it." And I guess technically it's not til AF shows full force.
Thing is, it is very possible that my temps are still high only because I have that bad cold. I don't know if our bodies normally have elevated temps with a cold or not - colds don't come with a fever of course (otherwise they are considered to be the flu), but I wonder if it might make your temps go up slightly?
Anyhoooo, I wouldn't think I'd be getting a BFN at 13 dpo if I was pg, so I'm going to assume I'm out for this cycle.
15 dpo (but actually 14 dpo) ~ I decided to change my crosshairs today to the day after my +OPK, mainly because AF wasn't here yet and my LP is usually only 13 to 14 days long, plus I always had it in the back of my mind that I had actually O'd that day (based on what my body was doing). As of tonight, I am still only spotting, but it is heavier now, though mostly only brownish. I feel a "little" crampy, but not like I normally do right before AF arrives. Still, I think she will be here by tomorrow sometime. If my temp is still up or goes up higher in the morning, I might test again.
Yesterday I felt pretty run down all day, so I rested as much as I could. I think my body was telling me I was trying to do too much and with being sick it needed to slow down. This morning I felt much better, but by afternoon I started to feel more congestion in my chest and began coughing much more frequently. Unfortunately it's been a 'dry' cough. I tried switching to Mucinex at 4:45pm and so far it doesn't seem to be helping. My cough is just as dry as ever. Tonight I tried taking a tsp. of apple cider vinegar, and drank 2 cups of chamomile & honey-flavored tea, and in the 2nd cup I added some actual honey to it. My cough seems to have slowed down some at least. I just hope I can sleep now - I've been putting off going to bed because of the cough.
CD 5 ~ Well AF has come and is making her exit now. Right now I don't even feel like talking about ttc. DH still doesn't have a steady job, though he has had work projects to keep the money coming in so we can pay the bills. I just keep depending on the Good Lord to provide, and as always, He comes through with what we need. DH does have a job interview on Thursday morning and it's for a job DH thinks will be a good one if he gets it. Here's to hoping!
I have learned some hard lessons through this tough financial time (at least I hope I've learned the lessons--we'll see if I truly have when the big bucks start coming back in, lol). Back when I should have been saving more money, I was spending it on unimportant, unnecessary things. Don't get me wrong, I believe in "mad money" as much as the next person, but I didn't budget for it. I was too frivolous. I may not have bought big, expensive items, but I spent plenty on the nickel and dime stuff. DH was a self-employed subcontractor, after all. When you're self-employed, YOU SAVE FOR THE LEANER DAYS. *Knocks on head: Hello? Anybody in there?* Anyway, so I've learned my lesson. Now I will start being smarter with my money, starting with the little we have right now. No more frappaccinos from Starbucks, except once in a blue moon (or until our financial situation improves significantly). No more snacks and/or drinks at the mall -- I will take them with me from now on. And more peanut butter & jelly sandwiches and homemade soup, so-to-speak. At least for the time being. Time to tighten that money belt until it hurts, so we can pay off this debt and start saving again. We have had to go through almost all of our two emergency funds. And don't think we're "all that" having emergency funds -- those funds were from change my DH saved up for years and years. What's next? My retirement fund? I don't think so.
In other news, this chest cold seems to be coming to an end, slowly but surely. The cough got much better for a few days, but is now a little worse again.. however, it is a VERY productive cough, so all that junk is finally coming up. Hannah is right there with me with the productive cough right now. Hopefully we will be in the all clear within a couple more days.
CD 11 ~ Well this cold is still hanging on. I am blowing my nose a little less and sneezing a bit less, but I'm still coughing, and it's back to a dryer-type cough. Ugh.
The good news is, I lost 2 lbs. this past week. I've started to get more serious about losing weight, so I've been counting calories and exercising more. I allow one day per week to be a Cheat Day, where I eat what I want and don't keep track of calories. Yesterday was that day (Sunday), but I didn't enjoy it as much as I had hoped. I did enjoy the dinner at least, which was pizza followed by cheesecake for dessert. When I got home I broke out a 45-min workout video that I had not used in a long time. Normally I rest on Sundays, but I just didn't want to take the chance that the substantial increase in calories would sabotage my efforts from the previous week. It was a good workout, combining aerobics with weights and even included ab work. It was fun, too - it had some kick boxing and regular boxing moves, as well as 'dance moves.' My DD of course had to try and do it with me, and during the cool down part while stretching, she was riding on my back. Talk about adding weights to your workout
Today I had some of that famous CM I get about 2-3 days before O'ing (that I also get 2-3 days before AF,though last month I got it a whole week before AF). But if I remember correctly, I think the same thing happened last month. I got "that" CM, but didn't wind up O'ing until several days later. I went ahead and tested with an OPK this evening, though, just for good measure. It was of course negative. I wasn't planning to start testing with OPKs until CD 15, but I guess I'm starting now at CD 11.
CD 17 ~ Sooo, apparently I O'd yesterday, possibly the day before. I got a very-close-to-positive OPK on CD 14, but when I tested again several hours later, the line was lighter again, so I must have caught the tail end of the surge. I wasn't able to test on CD 13 because I was out of OPKs and had forgotten to go to the dollar store to get more until it was too late. It figures that the one day I didn't test was the day I probably would have gotten the blazing positive. Oh well, today's temp jump confirmed it anyway. My temp had already started going up yesterday morning, but I would rather think I O'd a day later, so that I won't think AF is supposed to show a day earlier than she actually does, making me get my hopes up for nothing. I actually don't have much hope for this cycle, in fact pretty close to ZERO hope, because the last two times we BD before I O'd, we weren't able to "seal the deal," so-to-speak. There is always the chance for a very motivated pre-e guy who hung out in there and found find Miss Eggie when she arrived, but it's pretty unlikely and therefore I'm thinking I'm out for this cycle.
Time to focus on other things for this 2ww so that it will fly by and I can try to hope again for next cycle. I guess if there's any positive, it's that we have boo-coos of birthdays in December on both sides of our families, so we probably didn't need to add yet another to the mix.
Oh and another positive is that I O'd much earlier! I'm wondering if my diet and exercise changes have contributed to that. I've only had ONE other time that I O'd this early since I started charting in May of 2008!
I have to admit, though, I was feeling pretty down today when I realized I had O'd earlier this cycle--something I've been wanting for some time now--yet it seemed like such a waste since we weren't able to have a successful BD session close enough to the time of O. I had already been down after the last time we BD, wondering why it's such a struggle for us these days. It made me feel like giving up, and that we should just start looking into adoption.
Then this afternoon a song came on the radio that really struck a chord with me. Here it is:
Then again tonight at church (we went to the evening service), they sang a new hymn that most there were not familiar with, and as we sang it, it was as if the Lord was speaking it directly to me, and I can't even begin to describe how it comforted me. The name of it was, "If Only You will Let God Guide You," Words & music by Georg Neumark, 1621-1681. The worship leader gave us a little history about the author of the hymn before we sang it, explaining that he (the author) wrote it at a time in his life when he had to do a lot of "waiting on the Lord." He had lost his job, and it took a long time for him to secure another one, but when he did it was a good job and a well-paying one that made it all worth the wait.
Here are the words:
If you will only let God guide you
And hope in Him thro' all your way
Whatever comes, He'll stand beside you
To bear you thro' the evil days
Who trusts in God's unchanging love
Builds on the Rock that cannot move.
Only be still, and wait His leisure
In cheerful hope, with heart content
To take whate'er the Father's pleasure
And all discerning love have sent;
Nor doubt our inmost wants are known
to Him who chose us for his own.
Sing, pray, and swerve not from His ways
But do your part in conscience true;
Trust His rich promises of grace
So shall they be fulfilled in you;
God hears the call of those in need
The souls that trust in Him indeed.