I decided to make a journal "companion" to my daily pet LiveJournal, because I think my friends are tired of hearing about my uterus and its antics.
So, I've been out of undergrad since August, and became a grad teaching assistant, because the money was better than staying at the Surgical Clinic from Hell for another year, essentially helping people get breast reductions paid for by health insurance. And yeah, that wasn't how I wanted to make a difference in the world.
I basically teach and tutor freshman and senior-level health policy and law, which is nice, since it's my major interest. I hope to go to law school at some point in the near future. I secretly say a prayer for the nice folks at the University of Virginia to think that I'm the bees' knees every single morning, right after I temp and pray for a baby. I'm such a dork.
Then again, I actually threw pennies into every fountain in metro Atlanta before I took the LSAT, and landed a 162 (top 90%). I'm good at wishing.
I got married on January 10th to my best friend and fellow big-dorky-geek, Kohdee. He's a postman, because it suits him well, and actually pays better than most jobs around here. Deep down, he's a film student who realized he'd be happier doing something with his hands. Except for people chasing him for their welfare checks at the beginning of the month, he loves his job.
And since we inherit his grandfather's house at the beginning of the spring, we've officially started TTC. My PCOS is under control, thanks to My New Best Friend (tm), Glucophage, the medicine that makes me pukey and sickly but also makes me ovulate and drop off pounds quicker than you can say "Damn, I'm not hungry!" while puking out the window of a blue VW bug rolling down I-85.
Speaking of my beloved bug, both of his headlights have been out since Christmas Eve. They went out on the way home, 100 miles from our house and my parents', so we had to drive foglights only in the dead of night. Fun! And yet nowhere can fix them, and anytime I call, they're too busy for the day already (at 7am, no less). So tomorrow, I'm going to Columbus to get that taken care of before my birthday, and so I can drive to Birmingham Sunday for my much-awaited California Pizza Kitchen lunch I will pull my birthday-girl hissy fit if I must. I will prove that I am Auburn's answer to Paris Hilton if need be!
I've decided that this is our month, because if I O when I normally do, and account for our first child being a week overdue (like I was), our kid could be born on Halloween, which has always been a lucky day for me anyhow. I met Kohdee on Halloween, dressed up as Wizard of Oz Dorothy, back in 2000.
Plus, I've called Kohdee 'pumpkin' for as long as I can remember. I think he's tired of it, and we need to pass the name on to our kid, quick! We need a little pumpkin baby, darn it!
So here goes nothing. Uterus, watch out! Ovaries, stay like you are! Eggies, get ready! We're gonna make a pumpkin!
I just saw a commercial on TV for a men's store that sells up to size 10XL. I'd love to know what a 10XL looks like! Then again, I'm the kind of person that puts on the biggest size thing she can find in Lane Bryant, just to go "damn, that's too big for me". It's a sad, sick, strange self esteem rush.
I ate what might (read: BETTER BE!) be my last roll of proper sushi for lunch. Kohdee was trying to make me feel better about the arrival of AF (grr!), so he brought me an eel roll (it's raw, and not as icky as it sounds). He said I since I'm not allowed to eat it while pg, it'll be my last sushi for a while!
My hubby, the eternal optimist
Meanwhile, my birthday is tomorrow, and my highly irresponsible friend Jacqui, knowing that tomorrow is my birthday and I will be out of town spending DH's money in an unreasonable fashion this weekend, asked me to feed her flesh-shredding cat, Mikey. Her house is 45 minutes from mine, and 45 from Atlanta. Meaning -- inconvenient, any way you slice it. Plus, she asked at the very last minute possible. I'm kind of irked.
But then again, this is a girl who spent $450 on ugly, trendy clothes last week. I am proud to say I have never owned a pair of $150 Seven jeans. They make your butt look HUGE!
Much to my amazement, I went jogging today. I normally hate anything of the sort, but I am healing my PCOS, dagnabbit, and thus, it's necessary. I've done yoga forever - under my chubby exterior is one amazing ballerina - and I would do more Pilates, if it didn't hurt so bad the next day. I'm trying to lose enough weight so that, when I get pg, I won't hit 200lbs. (I'm at 175 right now, so I'm getting close to my goal).
Perhaps I should start taking these Hello Kitty diet pills.
Obviously, not much to report on the actual TTC front, since the evil witch hag is still here.
I'm gonna go get my headlight fixed now! I swear! I will! I am!
Visuaize adding one candle to this cake -
because it's my birthday!
I feel so damn old, which is ridiculous, because I am all of twenty now. It occurred to me last night that I spent all my time between the ages of 14 and 19 in college.
I think I should get some kind of karmic brownie points for that.
Plus, AF is here during my birthday. How unfair is that? *I hate you AF! Go away! Take a 9 month hike! Heave ho!!!*
I got two pair of pajamas last night, and a new robe, from the Victoria's Secret clearance line. Best of all, they're the ones I really wanted, from the Pink line, which they only sold in the big store in Atlanta/Lenox - but apparently, it's here for the clearance, and marked down from $70 to $10! Woohoo! And, the print makes me look like the Zebra Stripe Gum zebra. Always a plus
Other than the birthday excitement, I'm just wishing and hoping for AF to go away so we can go back to BDing and the inevitable unfun 2WW.
Can't wait til I get to give our baby a birthday!
My birthday was so-so, Kohdee forgot to make us a dinner reservation and then got off late, but we ended up going to Mikata in Columbus. It was really nice once we got there and ate, though. He gave me a new Hello Kitty purse that I've wanted for a while, and we're going shopping in B'ham tomorrow, when we meet my family. Hopefully mom and dad will take me shopping My mother is the kind of woman who shops til she drops...and owns pet Louis Vuitton handbags.
AF is letting up, and we have a new gameplan - we're going to BD every night, and definitely every other night, until AF comes again. Kohdee is 23, so I'm not worried about his count or stamina yet. A friend of his on his mail route brought his baby to work yesterday, and Kohdee held the little girl, and he cried. He's such a big sap, but I love him for it. I know he wants a baby so badly - and I can't wait to give it to him and share our lives with a little one.
He thinks our first will be a girl, based on his hard-core Boy Scout-dom (not only is he an Eagle Scout, but he worked at camp as a leader for years- that's how we met. He worked with my best friend's now-husband). He's positive that, since he wants a boy so bad, nature will play a trick on him and give him a girl first.
(I kind of hope he's right - I've already picked out a Hello Kitty crib set).
On a side note, I feel old, because they're showing a CD called "The Buzz" on a TV infomercial - hits of the late 90s - and they're all my favorites. My age-I-feel versus age-I-am is rather messed up.
This morning, we went out to brunch with DH's family and told them we were TTC. We hadn't planned on telling my family (they don't do well with major changes), but since Kohdee's family are usually very kind and accepting, we wanted to share the good news. Instead, I got to run out of the restaurant at warp speed, bawling my eyes out.
DH's mom told us she would be unable to love another baby (!), and that we really shouldn't start TTC for another two years, until they get over the "shock" from his SIL's baby and so that our child won't "steal attention" from hers.
DH's sister is two months younger than me, and due in April. Her baby-to-be's father had a one night stand with her - and while I admire her for giving her child a life, she does not have a job, or a stable life at all. She still parties every night, and has had to move back in with DH's parents. She's one of the most irresponsible people I know - when she needs money, she steals things from DH and her parents.
Should we have to put our lives on hold so that they will be happy with our child? I know intrinsically that this is our family and our baby, and ultimately our decision - but I don't want our child to grow up with grandparents that don't like him/her, or prefer another grandchild over them. I wish we hadn't said anything to them at all.
I can't remember to take my Glucophage. I think it's because it makes me so darn sick that my body has created an aversion to even the thought of remembering where the bottle of it is.
Kohdee and I had a huge fight last night, after I stayed up til 5am crying and upset while he slept in the bedroom. It's just impossible for me to deal with him, and his family, and how I/we've been treated lately. With my family, I expect hard judgment and general crappiness. It's just how they are, your average mid-40s executive types who stayed together for the kids.
But Kohdee's family, with the hard-working dad and stay-at-home-mom in the lower-middle-class mill town are supposed to be different. They're supposed to have some kind of country-from-the-heart vibe, which they - of course - don't.
Especially since his sister managed to get herself knocked up, which compounds our problems to the Nth degree. We couldn't have our May wedding like we'd wished and hoped for, because she would have just delivered and wouldn't that just be awful (keep in mind - we were planning this well before she even thought about an unprotected one night stand).
So I have a wedding dress I've never worn - it didn't exactly go with our lovely courthouse affair - and now MIL insists that SIL should get to wear it when the time comes! My lovingly picked out, full of hopes dress that I can't get my act together enough to put on Ebay - the dumb dress I had wanted to be a bride in, a real bride. Yeah. That one. I guess I've hung onto it hoping we might get a real wedding someday - but instead, I suppose it'll be altered to fit like a sausage casing around SIL.
I don't really feel married, because we didn't have the ritual wedding. I signed a piece of paper and showed my drivers' license. It was a lot like taking a final exam in college, as far as procedure goes.
The problem is that I wonder how his family will react to a baby. It's my major worry. I can deal with them hating me - fine, so I'm a spoiled accomplished young lady from a town 10 times the size of yours. I'm not sure that qualifies me as evil. Nor does the fact that I've studied out of the country (unpatriotic), enjoy Japanese food (ditto), don't work a minimum wage job ("rich") and graduated from college (spoiled).
But if they hate my child, I will make damn sure that they never, ever see it. Certainly not when it's old enough to feel the tension.
I'm just tired of this big fat rough spot on the journey between where-I-am and where-I-wanna-be.
CD #10, and my temps are being all funny. I think I might go buy a new thermometer to see if that's the culprit.
Unfortunately our BD plan hasn't worked, because Kohdee keeps falling asleep early. I think I need to remind him that I can't make a baby on my own! I need some , especially now when the O fairy is looming over me!
Darn, I wish I would O! I want to go buy an OPK so badly, but with all I've heard about how they don't work with PCOS since we have high LH, I'm scared to get one and have it be falsely positive.
I'm on CD 13 and looks like I'm going into the pre-O dip, I hope. We've been BDing like crazy people, and every time Kohdee asks if I think it "took" this time - like I would know! But it's very sweet.
Today is a sad day. Not only can my body not seem to get it together and ovulate already (dammit!), but my favorite TV show finally ended syndication (5 years after the show itself ended), and Mystery Science Theater 3000 is gone for good.
Once I O, I'll be a slightly happier woman. Come on!
And, we're having our May wedding after all. My aunt offered us her big Southern mansion on top of the mountain, and we're going to do it the right way, with friends and family, etc. My parents really wanted it, and so did I, and while I know it'll upset Kohdee's sister, since she'll be one month postpartum - I'm not putting my life on hold for her.
I've decided to stop temping/microscoping/etc. until our wedding. Even though we're already married, most of our relatives don't know that yet, so I figure I'm going to let mother nature do her job and relax for a few months. I won't be upset if I do get pregnant, but I'm not going to be sad if I don't (ha! yeah right).
Sometimes I feel like I want a baby so bad, but I've seen what DH's sister's pregnancy has done to their family, and I don't want to cause unnecessary drama. I worry that how all this has happened will affect how they will feel about our little one when it comes.
And to top it off, I get to drag my little PCOS butt to her baby shower on Sunday, and be fake happy, and pretend that I don't wish it were me, or that in any logical situation, it would be me...It's going to be tough.
It's hard enough to see pg women and little babies everywhere - it's a hundred times worse when it's someone you can't avoid.