TTC our first little punkin

55 posts / 0 new
Last post
MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96
TTC our first little punkin

Posted: 2003-01-23 19:29

Well, I really think I just need someplace to get it all out, so that's why I started this journal...And today I really need to get it all out!!

Today, a parent whose children used to come to our center came by to say hi. She got remarried in May and is now a SAHM. We were close when her son was in my room and so we spent some time talking today. She's pregnant! And she got pregnant her first cycle off the pill...I wasn't even going to say anything about me TTC after that, but one of my friends spoke up and says, "Oh, Alicia's trying to get PG too!" So when she asks how long I've been off the pill and I say since Oct., so just says, "Wow, that sucks." REALLY?? DOES IT??? UGH! Just tired of that.

Jessie, my best friend since we were 6, kind of ticked me off the other night too ~ I was saying how I just get so upset when AF comes every month and she says, "well, you just need to settle down ~ It'll happen when God means it to happen." Now first of all, she has 2 children- her 2 1/2 year old was conceived while she was on the pill and her 11 month old was conceived while she was BFing and using condoms, so she really has no idea what it feels like to have to TRY! And second of all, I don't like hearing the comment about how God will let it happen when it's right. That sounds horrible and I don't mean it to- Don't get me wrong, I do believe in God, I do trust that He is watching out for me. But lately, I have been having a lot of trouble w/ this notion that he'll let it happen when it's my time. Did he really think it was my 15 year old cousin's time b/c she just had a baby? Did he really think it was my 20 year old cousin's time b/c he and his girlfriend have a 15 month old and he was just charged with drunk driving with his baby in the car? I have really struggled with this a lot lately ~ How they are able to do this and I have not been successful yet. It has led to tears many a night. Just getting discouraged I guess...

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-01-23 20:15

OK, now that I'm done bitching, I guess I should back up and share some background of DH and I.

We have been together since May of 2000. We got engaged on our one year anniversary- May 12, 2001 and we were married on August 24, 2002. We are both so eager to start a family, for all the typical reasons, but also for a more painful one. It's a long story, so bear w/ me....

When we met, DH was divorced and had a 9 month old daughter. She was the most precious thing and he had her every weekend and 1-2 nights a week, so she was part of our relationship from the beginning. I loved it. We had a great time doing things with her. Well, about a month after we started dating, we began to notice bruises on the baby when he would get her from his ex's, her crying way more than ever, just things that didn't sit right. She was also consistently dirty, clothes that didn't fit and weren't appropriate for the season when she came from his ex's. It all came to a head one night when DH picked her up and there was a bruise on the baby's cheek that we come to find out was a bite mark from his ex-wife's BF. She told my DH that her BF was just playing around and hadn't meant to do it so hard. Being the kind of person she is, we did not believe this for a minute. At that point, DH retained a lawyer and began pursuing full custody of the baby. He had no trouble getting a restraining order against this BF of his ex's, yet we knew that they were still living together. We were told to document every little detail- her appearance, behavior, etc. when we picked her up, things his ex. said (we caught her in too many lies to count) all to be used in court.

During the time he was fighting for custody, we had the baby more than ever- (We were basically already living together- more nights than not, I would spend at his place) We had her up to 3 nights a week and every weekend without fail. I still loved it and was relieved that at least we knew she was safe when she was with us. We were also told by our lawyer that this could only help us- How could she argue about how much she wanted full custody if she was allowing the baby to be gone from her so much? After about 4 months of fighting for custody and many many stresses (she would take the baby and disappear for days or a week at a time, etc. etc. etc.), she asks DH if he can meet her for coffee. We were very hopeful that maybe she was going to try and resolve it without continuing to go to court and fight.

Well, when DH got home from meeting her, I immediately knew that something horrible had happened. I could tell he had been crying and he just handed me this paper without saying a word. I opened it up to find that it was a paternity test stating that DH was not the father of the baby. It was the most awful thing I've ever had to watch someone go through. He trashed his place, knocking things off the wall and counters, pounding the walls, before finally just collapsing and crying. This horrible ex of his had taken the baby and the man that she knew all along was the father and had paternity tests done w/o anyone's knowledge but her lawyer. DH then had to decide where to go from there.

After meeting w/ his lawyer numerous times, DH decided and was advised to stop seeking custody and drop all ties. At first he wanted to fight it- He had after all raised this little girl from birth- She was 16 months old when we found out. But after careful thought, he decided against it. Our lawyer cautioned him that continuing to fight would be putting himself at the mercy of his ex and she had proved herself to be a manipulative, evil woman with no mercy. She admitted that if had he not tried to get custody, she never would have done the paternity test b/c hey, she was making out good- free babysitting every weekend... Our lawyer told us it would totally be her calling the shots as far as when he could see her. Ultimately this would have been too much of a roller coaster. He also decided that it would better to be out of the baby's life when she was too young to remember him than to keep fighting until she was old enough to know what was going on and wonder about it. We were also told that virtually no judge would award even visitation to DH b/c they would say she was too young to have really bonded and to need DH around. I won't even say what I think about that.

So, the last time we saw this precious little angel was Dec. 16, 2000. It was the day before we found out about the paternity test. We got her pictures taken w/ Santa that day and I can still remember perfectly the little dress she wore. Having to deal with the aftermath of this was horrible- the hardest thing I have ever had to do and this wasn't even my child. I knew it was too hard for DH, so I took down her crib, got rid of her toys and clothes, stroller, high chair, etc. I was so hard, but I never could have kept it b/c I could never use it again- It was HERS. I did save one of her pacifiers, her teddy, first little bathing suit and the dress we had her 1 year pics taken it. I have a scrapbook with tons of her pics that I still look at. I wish we could talk about her, but I know it's too hard for DH. He goes months without mentioning her. I think about her daily, pray for her constantly, and still shed many tears for her.

So, if any of you are still with me, one of the biggest reasons we can't wait to start a family is that we got a preview of ourselves as parents, as a family, and it was amazing. DH was an absolutely wonderful father and I can't wait until he is again.

BTW, to make it even worse, my MIL ran into his ex's mother a few months back and we found out that this sweet little girl has been in and out of foster care b/c her day care staff have reported bruises on her- Ex wife is still living w/the BF who bit her (which we found out was done in anger when she wouldn't stop crying). This just broke my heart again. And it goes back to my questions about God. Why would he let this happen to this innocent little girl? Why would he allow DH to be taken out of her life? I can't make sense of it.

Oh my goodness, that was long. Did anyone make it this far?? Guess I just needed to get it all out..

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-01-24 19:14

Ok, what is with all the super fertile people around me?? Today a mother comes into the center and we're talking (her child just moved out of my room) and she tells me that she thinks she's pregnant again. Her children at 3 years and 21 months. She's all upset, saying how unplanned this is, how they can't afford it, they already have their hands full, etc. I just couldn't say much. Cuz all I wanted to say was Be glad you don't have any trouble getting pregnant ~ Thank your lucky stars!! UGH! Just frustrating!

Then I go to Target this afternoon and I was looking at clothes ~ For some reason, the maternity clothes are now smack dab in the middle of the women's clothes. It's just dumb ~ There's a section of women's clothes, then maternity clothes, and then back to women's clothes. ??? Not really sure what that's all about b/c it's not been like that. I saw this cute shirt and then I realized that I had drifted into the maternity clothes!!

At least it's Friday....

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-01-25 08:00

This whole temp. taking thing is confusing me. I feel stupid for saying that, because it's not that it's hard, but I'm still getting confused. And today I don't think I can even count my temp. as accurate ~ I set the alarm for 4:30, so I could take it at the same time as I do during the week. So I go to take it and after a few seconds, it stops beeping, indicating it isn't in the right position. So I take it out and start over again. (It had only gotten to 96 something the first time) Well it stops beeping again the second time at 97.4. ARGH!! So, I try a third time and it goes until it's done, but it only came out 97.1, so I think re-doing it screwed it up, so I probably won't count it. Not to mention that I don't need DH sighing all loud next to me b/c the beeping is waking him up. GRRR!! I'm so sorry but it's not like you're the one taking and recording temps. every morning, taking the vitamins and the supplements that are supposed to help ~ You can listen to the stupid beeping for 2 minutes!!!

Not too much going on this weekend ~ I have a bridal shower today for a girl I work with and that's really about it. Just started scrapbooking a book for my grandparent's anniversary of the 4 of us grandchildren, so I'll get some more done on that. It's too darn cold here to do much!! I hope some BDing will warm us up, but DH's back is acting up big time and he isn't able to get in with the chiropracter until next week, so we'll see how that goes...

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-01-25 22:38

Well, the bridal shower was pretty fun today. It was for a girl at work, so it was with all my friends from work. There was a girl there that used to work w/us, but got married last June and moved. She's pregnant and her EDD is actually their first anniversary. Man, what is with all the pregnant people around me lately?! Or maybe it's just because I'm noticing them more!!

Today is CD 10, so I should be O'ing within the week. I think I will start using my OPK tomorrow. I am totally not getting excited though this month. It was way too hard last month when I got myself all pumped up and thought I was having PG signs and got DH all excited. Then AF showed up 2 days late. So this month, I am really just staying totally low-key. Yeah, we'll see about that once the 2WW starts...

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-01-27 17:43

DH wasn't able to get in at the chiropractor's today ~ He did make an appt. for tomorrow. He's in a VERY crappy mood right now, so I am just hanging out here! UGH! I know your back hurts ~ Just lay down, take some pain med., and take it easy. No really, you don't need to describe the pain every 5 minutes. Wow, I sound like a bitch! Just a cruddy day~ My kids at school were just bad today!! They ganged up on me and seriously ran wild!! Tomorrow had better be better!!

No more EWCM today. Kind of disappointed about that! Not that it matters b/c I really doubt DH is up to it tonight. He swears he is, but I can just tell that he'll start out fine and then have to stop. And that just ticks me off more than not doing it at all!!

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-01-30 06:01

I'm sick and tired of feeling like I HAVE to have sex because it's the right time, not because I want to. I'm sick and tired of totally not being in the mood and knowing I need to do it anyway. And this whole temping thing...I don't feel like I'm doing something right- My temps seem too low to me and I know I've only been doing it for a couple weeks now, but they are just all over the chart- I feel like there's no pattern. I'm beginning to feel quite discouraged and feel like something is wrong with me....

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-01-30 15:43

Still feeling quite BLAH right now...I guess it just basically boils down to the fact that so much of this is totally out of my control ~ Yeah, I can chart my temp and monitor CM, CP, take this med. to increase CM, take this herb, etc. etc. etc. Yet, ultimately, I can't MAKE it happen and I just hate feeling so out of control. SIGH...Think chocolate sounds good for dinner tonight.

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-01-30 18:22

Well, I think the day has started to improve-I just got 2 dark lines on my OPK!! WHOO-HOO!! I warned DH that his back had better be cooperative!! I am excited, but not too much so- We were both just so crushed last month when AF showed! At this rate, bases on my predicted O, I may be able to test on my b-day (Feb. 15) What an awesome gift that would be!!! DH and I have a fun night planned on my b-day- going to see a comedien (one man show that's gotten rave reviews- "The Male Intellect: An oxymoron?") and out to a nice dinner. I just may have to test that morning if no AF. Yeah right, I'm not getting too excited...

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-01-31 05:59

This just sucks ~ Got my 2 OPK lines and we got into a fight last night, so no BDing...The fight was actually over that. How I only want to do it when it's good timing and all that crap. Whatever. And now he just called from work to apologize and I jumped out of bed to get the phone, so I forgot to temp. Really shaping up to be a great day...I guess I should count this month out...

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-02-01 22:00

Well, we pretty much straightened out the fight last night. And got in some BDing for good measure. It's just been a stressful couple of weeks ~ school wise and work wise for DH and basically just all of this TTC stuff for me. We never fight like this ~ and we've had so many petty little disagreements and arguments the past week or so. Today we had a lot of fun ~ Did absolutely nothing- got groceries, cooked up a nice dinner, but we just had fun together ~ Much more like our usual selves! Thank goodness!

Got some great news yesterday!! My best friend is coming to visit w/ her 2 kids from March 6-30!!!! She lives in Texas and I haven't seen her since my wedding. I am so excited ~ I'm going to take some vacation days to spend time w/ them while they're here and everything! Unfortunately her DH can't come b/c they plan on flying up in July and he can't use up any more of his vacation time. But I just can't wait!!!! Jessie and I have been best friends since the 1st grade and after DH, she is the person I am closest to in this world. Her son, Blake, is 2 1/2 (he was one of our adorable little ringbearers) and her daughter, Bella, will be a year old this week. DH is just relieved that at least the phone bill will get a break in March!!I always tell him to be thankful for instant messages ~ It could be alot worse!! It was so sweet ~ When I talked to her and she told me she was coming up, she said, "Hopefully, I'll be able to tell people I'm going to visit my pregnant best friend!" Oh, I hope so too!!

Well, on the TTC front, I've been taking Robitussin all week to try and thin my CM. I always have plenty, but it's usually quite creamy and thick ~ I have noticed it is a ton more watery, so maybe it worked. I have barely been able to stomach it though ~ I absolutely can not stand the taste of liquid medicine ~ Usually, if it doesn't come in pill form, it's not going in my mouth! DH just laughs b/c I have been holding my nose, gulping water, etc. just to get it down. I just hope it pays off!

Not too much else going on ~ DH's back is feeling a lot better. He went to the chiropractor again on Friday and is supposed to go back Tuesday. Thankfully, the dr. told him that it doesn't feel like it's a permanent problem.

According to my OPK, I should have O'd yesterday or possibly today ~ We BD last night and will again tonight. I so want this to be our month!! We shall see ~ And now the dreaded 2 week wait starts!! I went to the library today and got a bunch of books to keep me busy though!!

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-02-02 09:10

Well, for the 2nd day in a row, my temps have been higher than they have been!! I think that's a good sign that maybe I O'd, but I'm starting to re-read TCOYF because the whole temping thing still has me a little confused! I'm just praying it's a good sign!

Don't have anything planned for today ~ Some major cleaning is needed at my house though, so I guess that's what I'll be doing. Yuck! No fun!

I think DH and I are fine now ~ We did some BDing last night and it was better than it has been lately. Thank goodness ~ I hate not getting along!

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-02-05 21:07

Well, according to my babymed chart, I am 3 DPO today ~ They have me O'ing on Sat. the 1st and I was thinking either that or Fri. the 31st, so sounds about right...Now the waiting begins ~ YUCK!!

Speaking of my chart,I don't know how much I screwed it up today...I woke up at 2:30 in the morning and had to use the bathroon. I took my temp. then even though I knew it would prob. be no good. And it wasn't, it was way low ~ I normally temp. at 4:30 am, so I couldn't even do it then b/c it would have been less than 3 hours sleep. So, I'm not sure what that does to my chart if anything b/c today's temp (Though I did mark it as invalid) was below coverline. GRRRRR!!! I keep having these stupid problems charting!

Doing OK with not getting too excited, but it's still early.... We'll see when next week rolls around!

Absolutely nothing else going on...pretty boring around here lately!

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-02-10 17:25

Wow, I've been a slacker lately! More like there just hasn't been anything to really report!

Currently 9 DPO and temps are still up...Um, what did I say about not getting excited... I don't have any PG signs and no AF ones either. Got a little scared this morning b/c my lower back hurt when I got up, like it does when AF is due, but it went away within an hour, which it does NOT do when it's AF related. Hoping I just slept on it wrong or something.

Sat. is my birthday and I plan on waiting til then to test, if AF hasn't found me by then. I don't want to really let myself thing about what an awesome b-day gift that would be...but it would!! DH and I are going out to dinner and then to see a comedian for my b-day and I would love to be able to tell him at dinner. I have had this card for months ~ It's blank inside and has the most angelic looking little sleeping baby on the front. I couldn't resist buying it and want to stick the + HPT in there when I finally get one. Maybe this weekend...

I have been bad lately- I almost bought a baby outfit at Old Navy the other day. It was on a big clearance sale and was just so cute- just a white terry cloth sleeper, with a duck on it, just looked all cozy and warm. I was strong though! I just think that would be jinxing it too much!!

We'll see what tomorrow's temps bring!
HIGH TEMPS ~
HIGH TEMPS ~
HIGH TEMPS ~

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-02-11 17:04

I am a little disappointed today ~ My temps dropped today to 97.6. My coverline is 97.4, so I fear tomorrow that AF will drop in. I really hope not though... I guess I'll just have to wait and see, though that sucks!!!

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-02-14 16:40

I'm back! Stupid cable modem has not been working for the past 3 days- they are coming out tomorrow to look at it and hopefully get it fixed- it has been acting up a lot in the past couple months.

AF showed Wednesday, right on time, CD 28. And this may seem odd, but I wasn't as upset as I normally am b/c I was prepared for it. I had seen my temps dropping for a couple days and knew AF was no likely than not, going to show. So, I'm very glad that I started temping. DH, however, was sad. He said he's afraid something is wrong with him. I tried to tell him that we're only starting our 4th month TTC and it's certainly too early to worry about that, but I know he still is...

So, here I am, CD 3 of cycle 4. Hoping for a little turkey baby for Thanksgiving!! I told DH that we are just going to take this cycle and be so positive about it, that we can't help but get PG. He looked at me like I was a little crazy, but he does that a lot! Oh well...

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-02-17 20:00

I am weak! I did something today that I told myself and have been telling myself for months that I would not do! Yes, I bought baby clothes. A friend had some shopping to do for a baby shower and she was telling me about all the stuff she found at Gabriel Brothers (name brand stuff, discounted) and I went there after work. I can't believe I did this...It was a great deal though- Their Hanes Baby stuff was on sale and I bought 2 little caps, 2 sleeper gowns and a pair of booties that matches one of the caps- all for $5.00, I might add, so I don't feel too bad about it! One set is yellow/white striped and the other is pastel zoo animals, because when I do get PG, we don't want to find out the sex. DH couldn't believe it. He's just like, "And these are for the baby we don't have yet, huh?" Poor guy...They're just so cute though! I told him that I'm not jinxing us, I'm not being optimistic!!

CD 6 here...I hate waiting to O and then waiting to see if AF shows...I just suck at waiting...Hoping time flies and really hoping this is our cycle!!!!

4th one is a charm!

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-02-19 16:32

ARGH! I forgot to temp. this morning and that just annoys me! I jumped out of bed and didn't give it a thought until it was too late! Man, I still have a hard time remembering this sometimes!

Well, the BD marathon has started! It's only CD 8 and I generally don't O until CD 16-17, but THIS IS MY MONTH! (Perhaps I've mentioned that already?? ) The way I see it, if we BD at least every other day, or better yet, everyday, it's got to happen, right?? There will have to be some little swimmers in there when that eggy decides to show up!

Yea, I am def. losing it!!!

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-02-22 10:24

CD 11 and starting to get anxious...I do this every month ~ Get all nervous because I just so want it to be this month. Going to start my OPKs tomorrow or Monday. I don't know- it's kind of weird b/c I still feel the usual nervousness I feel before O'ing, but I also feel different...calmer than usual, if that makes any sense. But then I think that maybe I am just deluding myself into thinking it will happen this month...I just keep hoping and praying...

Not too much going on...I'm actually debating whether I should go to ER today..I was taking a walk Thursday evening and stepped over a big chunk of snow and ice. Well, I didn't realize I was stepping onto another chunk of ice and brought my foot down right on top of it, square in the middle of the bottom of my foot. It hurt for a minute at the time, but I didn't give it much thought, but then when I got up yesterday morning, it hurt really bad to walk on it or put much pressure on. It kept hurting throughout the day and pretty bad at times. I took some ibuprofen and iced it. Today when I got out of bed, it still is hurting pretty bad to try and walk on. It's on a really odd spot too, like the outside/bottom of my foot. I don't want to waste a trip to ER for them to tell me it's nothing and just keep icing it, nor do I want to pay my ins. co-pay just to hear that...However, when I was little, I walked around on a broken ankle for about 5 days before I complained about...I'll probably try and stay off it today and wait until tomorrow to go, if I do go. Stepping on the ice is all that I can think of that would have caused this...We'll see!

Alicia
NOVEMBER 2003, HERE I COME!

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-02-23 09:10

CD 12 and the BD marathon starts tonight!! I started OPKs yesterday (Yea, I am totally not missing this month) and if the last couple months are any indication, and I know they aren't always), I won't get a ++ on those until about CD 15. But it just makes me feel like I'm doing something!!

I have been gagging down so much green tea and grapefruit juice that I want to . Just finished another cup of tea...It will pay off, that's all I keep saying...And I'm so proud of DH. The past couple weeks, he hasn't been drinking hardly any pop. (Unusual for him!) I asked him why and he said he's trying to cut out caffeine as much as he can. Then he says, "Because I know it's not that good for me, plus I bet it's not good for the little swimmers." What a sweetie. I was totally not going to say anything b/c I already have the man taking vitamins, Zinc, etc. and I don't want to be the bitch that tells him what to eat or drink. Now, those little swimmers just better appreciate the gesture!!!

On a weird side note, and I must warn you that this is WAY TMI, but lately it's been a little different when we BD. I won't let DH "go south" anymore b/c I've read that saliva isn't good for the little swimmers. Well, I usually have problems getting wet enough if he doesn't "go south", but the last couple times, no problems at all. Too much wishful thinking to take that as a good sign for this cycle??? Yea, I'm just starting to read into random things right now!!

The foots feeling better- still sore, but not as bad. I tried to rest it as much as possible yesterday. I'm so glad I didn't go to StatCare yesterday. Saved some money there!!

Alicia

NOVEMBER 2003, HERE I COME!!

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-02-23 13:57

Somebody stop me!! Just went to the mall to get some new bras b/c I saw in the paper that they were having sales...Came home with bras...and 2 Carter sleepers!! In my defense they WERE 40% off and are too cute! Nice and gender neutral! So this has to be my month or else I'm just insane...I won't be telling DH about those additional purchases...

I did warn him that the BD marathon is starting. He assured me that he is ready- I hope I'm not setting us both up for disappointment b/c I've got him thinking this is our month too.... We shall see!!!

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-02-24 16:30

CD 13 and I couldn't get an accurate temp. today. ARGH! Hate when that happens this close to O!! I ran a very slight fever Sunday afternoon (99-99.5) because of this stupid head cold I'm trying to get rid of. Today's temp. was so high compared to the others that I'm thinking I was still a little fevered. It was 98.4 compared to 97.1 Sunday morning! Haven't gone above 97.7 yet this cycle, so I'm chalking it up to still being fevered and counting it as invalid ~ How frustrating!

Got another - on the OPK, but I could see a faint 2nd line!! Should be about 2 days or so and I should get 2 nice dark lines!! I'm just going to keep BDing because I'm not going to miss it this month!!!

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-02-25 16:21

CD 14 and really starting to feel anxious ~ I just SO want this to be my month...and then I started thinking that if it isn't, that there will only be 1 more cycle to have a 2003 baby. I can't believe it!!

We got a girl from the high school vocational program to do some field experience at work today and she was telling us about her friend who's 17 and pregnant with her 3rd kid. I honestly just had to leave the room. So frustrating to keep hearing things like that...

On a happier note, only a little over a week until Jessie and the kids come! And then I will be on vacation and off work for a week!! YEA!!! It would be such great timing to get a BFP too, because AF would be due while I'm on vacation...There I go, pumping myself up even more...Stop it, Alicia!!!

Haven't done my OPK yet today...Am actually sitting here, waiting until I have to pee. Me who usually pees every 2 hours or less and I just don't have to go. Come on, I want to see a + (though I don't know that I'll get one today...) We'll see!!!

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-02-25 19:20

Well, got another - on the OPK...I expected that though. It is a darker 2nd line than yesterday though, so maybe tomorrow! BD marathon is in full swing!!

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-02-26 16:47

Ok, now I'm just getting frustrated...Still a - OPK...beginning to get worried that I'm going to have an annovulatory cycle. It's only CD 15, so maybe a little too early to worry about that, but I'm just getting impatient. The stupid 2nd line doesn't even look any darker than yesterday... If anything, it may be lighter...ARGH!! Just give me 2 dark lines already!

Maybe I'm just having a bad day, but I just feel really frustrated with the whole thing right now. I just want to pitch the damn thermometer and stop checking every part of my body and stop drinking this tea or taking that vitamin and just STOP. I'm tired of waiting each month only to see that I obviously didn't do something right. I'm tired of BD instead of just making love, on my schedule when I feel like it. I'm tired of crying everytime AF shows and then feeling stupid for being so upset...

And I know we haven't even been trying that long...so I know I shouldn't even be this upset or worried or whatever you want to call it. I just feel like I'm losing faith that my body can do what it's meant to. And losing faith that all this work pays off in the end...a couple of ladies who had graduated from the TTC board have had m/c in the past week or so. How can people have babies and then leave them in dumpsters to die and God allows that to happen? How can all these 15 and 16 year old get PG no problem and that's fine...But how can God not look out for people who want a baby more than anything, who have tried and tried and finally get PG only to m/c...I can't understand it...Guess I'm just feeling down today...

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-02-27 18:46

Well, what a surprise...another - OPK. And me in tears again...What the hell..I'm just feeling so down right now, I could just scream. What, now my body can't even do what's meant to do? I just want to stop thinking about it and I can't...I know it's stupid to even be this upset over this, but I just can't do this much longer. I know all the temping and charting is good because I like knowing what's going on with my body and it's a good thing and all that, but I'm starting to think that if I'm not PG in the next couple months, I'm chucking it all. Hell, every third person I meet can get PG when they're not trying and don't even want to be, but not me. This girl at work today was complaining about being PG (she's due in April) and I just had to get up and leave the room. How dare she take for granted what I am trying so damn hard to achieve...oh yeah, and she isn't totally sure who the baby's father is...it may or may not be her husband. What the hell is wrong with me? This pity party is probably not good for me, but it's all I feel like doing right now...I just keep feeling more and more down...

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-02-28 22:53

CD 17 and another - OPK...And this one really ticked me off because there wasn't even a 2nd line at all!! WTH?? At least in the last couple of days, there were faint 2nd lines that I kept telling myself would get darker...There's 2 more tests left in the pack and when they're done, I'm done with them for this cycle. If by some weird happening, I end up O'ing later than that, I'll just have to keep BDing enough to cover it. I'm just getting sick and tired of seeing a - on the stupid things...

TGIF!!!

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-03-01 16:41

Ok, another!! CD 18 today. This time there was a very faint 2nd line though, not like yesterday when there wasn't one at all... You know, if I'm going to O this month, I just wish I would get that + already...and if I'm not, I'm not. But I hate wondering. I only have one more test left in my OPK and then I'll just have to step up the BD in case I do O. I am thinking that maybe, just maybe, I could be Oing late from being sick, but that might just be wishful thinking. This would just be so late for me to O. We'll see, I guess.

DH seems to be getting over a stomach bug ~ Hope I don't catch this one like I caught the nasty cold he had a few weeks ago! I guess it would be mean to let him BD and then send him to the couch!

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-03-04 08:35

Well, well, well, CD 20 yesterday and I got a + OPK!! I now understand why my body wasn't cooperating ~ Sat. afternoon I started feeling cruddy and by Sunday morning I was just miserable ~ my throat hurt to swallow anything, I was achy all over. I went to StatCare and they diagnosed me with acute tonsillitis/pharyngitis and an upper respiratory infection. Feeling much better now. I did take Monday and today, Tuesday, off work. And yesterday, there was 1 OPK left in the box, just sitting there, tempting me...so, I took it, fully expecting it to be negative and lo and behold, 2 dark lines right away! WHOO-HOOO!!! I'm going to just have to BD as much as humanly possible b/c my temps aren't going to be of much help ~ There's some gaps and invalid ones the past couple days from being sick, runnning a fever, not getting enough sleep. I did get DH as soon as he walked in the door yesterday and am planning the same before he goes the school tonight... I'm just so excited that I might actually get a shot at it this month. I really wish I would have done an OPK on Sunday ~ I felt so crappy that it was the last thing on my mind. We'll see ~ I'm doing all I can now that I got that ++!!

It'll be kind of nice going back to work tomorrow ~ I'll only have 3 days this week and then I'm on vacation for a week while Jessie and the kids are here. I can't wait to see them. I am sure that the kids have gotten so big since the wedding!! YEA!!!

NOVEMBER 2003, DON'T COUNT ME OUT YET!!!!
Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-03-13 08:53

Wow, I've been seriously neglecting this thing!! Just been busy being off work for the week! And getting real spoiled having Jess and the kids here. We've been having a great week ~ We're planning to go to the zoo tomorrow if the weather cooperates.

Well, CD 30 here and I'm fairly certain AF is on her way. My back is killing me and that's usally a first sign. I'm disappointed like I always am, but really not too upset. I didn't have a lot of faith in this cycle, even after the + OPK b/c my temps never really acted like my usual post- O temps. My pregnancy.org chart is the only one that even gave me a coverline ~ I think the other ones wouldn't b/c of the missed or inaccurate temps right around possible O time from when I was sick. So, it's OK ~ I actually would just like her to come so I can started with the next cycle. A December baby would be adorable! I'm going to make sure DH is taking the Vitamin C this cycle and I think I'm going to try the EPO because the B6 is doing nothing for me as far as EWCM...been on it since December and have only noticed maybe the tiniest of changes.

Other than that, not really too much else going on ~ I see my new doctor this month on the 27th. I switched b/c the old one only does gyn., not OB and because I had some problems there and she just didn't seem to care. I went 6 months without a period about 1 1/2-2 years ago and she just didn't think that was a problem. HELLO?!?!? Not normal!!!! I finally told her I was coming in to see her after 2 months without one. (When I would call each month when it didn't come, she would tell me to just keep trying a preg. test every month! HELLO AGAIN?!!? Gets a little expensive, especially when I knew I wasn't pregnant.) She finally realized that when she switched my BCP, she put me ones where the levels in them totally didn't match up with what I had been one and they just weren't agreeing with my body. I lost a lot of confidence after that! I figured it's a good time to switch anyway since they don't do obstetrics over there. I'll be curious to see what the new dr. is like ~ I'm going to one that my mom recommended b/c she knows her from the hospital and it ended up being the same office and 5 other girls from work go to (There's 3 drs in the practice), so I've nothing but good things! We'll see what she has to say!

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-03-14 23:12

Temps. dropped again today, so I'm almost positive AF will show up tomorrow, just in time for the weekend. It's the second day in a row that my temps. have fallen, so I wish she would just show up already so I can get on with it. I keep telling myself that I didn't honestly put much hope into this cycle just b/c it's been screwed up, but still...I actually wanted to test today so badly, but finally convinced myself of how stupid that would be, falling temps. and all. I just had such a strong urge to test and I have an unopened 2 pack of EPT's in the closet....Way too strong a temptation!!

So, now I've begun telling myself that a December baby would be wonderful!! Let's hope it happens...

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-03-15 08:37

Well, interestingly enough, my temps. actually rose .3 today. What the heck?? Usually, my temps. will drop for a day or two and then AF will show up. It's not nice of her to play with me like this because I still want to test, even though I'm aware of how stupid that would be!It's probably good that I don't have any symptoms, either AF or PG, or I probably would have already tested... Guess we'll see if she shows today...

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-03-16 09:28

AF can stop playing around and either show up or take a long 9 month hike b/c I'm tired of this! CD 33 and got a BFN this morning ~ Not totally unexpected, but still extrememly disappointing. Even taking into account that I O'd late this month, she should be here! I suck at waiting!!!

Not sure about temp. today ~ It was low, but then I realized that we had turned the heat off during the day when it got so nice and forgot to turn it back on, so it was FREEZING in the house... ARGH!

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-03-17 21:37

AF showed up today ~ CD 34, which is late, even considering late O. Bitch. DH took it pretty hard, which makes me feel even worse than I usually do ~ He has it in his head that he's sterile and we haven't conceived yet because it's all his fault...I just keep saying, "It's only been 5 months!!" But he's just like that about jumping to conclusions...

Bought some EPO and started that this cycle ~ I was very disappointed that the B6 did nothing for me, in the way of EWCM. I'm really hoping that the EPO does something because I don't get EWCM often at all ~ It'll be creamy or watery, but I think it's only been the true EW, stretchy kind once since I've started keeping track of it. Let's hope this does the trick.

I'm kind of tired of thinking positively and I know that's a horrible sounding thing to say. I'm tired of being all positive, only to be crushed when it doesn't pay off. So, I go into this 5th cycle, with NO expectations ~ Not that I'm going to try less, or not chart or anything, but I just can't go into another month truly believing that this is it, because truthfully, I just don't. And if one more person tells me that it's just not my time yet and I have to be patient, I will not be held responsible for my actions...

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-03-18 17:22

CD 2 here...starting the waiting game all over again...I so totally suck at waiting that I am seriously being tried here!

DH and I are looking into buying a house! I'm so excited that this could actually happen~ We really thought we were years off from being able to do that. We've been saving for a downpayment and thought we'd just have to keep doing that. But a friend at work just bought a house through this great program for first time homebuyers and so I called her mortage consultant to see where we stand. She said she thinks it's do-able. The only things concerning me are some things that showed up on DH's credit report ~ A bankruptcy that his mom filed that now has her name and his name listed (he was still in high school, for Pete's Sake!) and some things that we're pretty sure his ex. helped run up and then decided not to pay. The consultant is sending us a copy of it and a booklet on how to fix it. I'm worried now that we are going to end up paying for more things that that b***h of an ex. screwed up ~ To add him to my account at First Merit, we had to pay over $200 because she wrote a bunch of bad checks and left his name on the account. We paid it just to right that account, so it wouldn't be another strike against him. There's a charge on his credit report that we're 99% certain was from she had the baby. What the hell?? I am going to be one pissed off lady if we're supposed to pay off a debt for a child that this bitch lied about the paternity of!?!? I am going to be very interested to see how we fix this....She seemed to think though that this was do-able!!! How exciting!!!! She said she thinks we can start looking at houses in the next couple weeks...That's awesome, but I just don't do well going into debt ~ It scares the heck out of me...If I don't have a nervous break-down from TTC, I will from buying a house!

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-03-22 09:45

Ok, AF is officially out the door and I've made it so crystal clear that I don't expect to see her for 9 months at least! Geez, I hope not...Poor DH is getting so discouraged and keeps saying there's something wrong with him. Ya know, I don't need that on top of everything!

Trying EPO this cycle ~ Hopefully I'll get some good EWCM out of that because the B6 did nothing for me. DH has actually been taking all his vitamins without complaint, so he MUST be discouraged!

We're in the process of cleaning up the cruddy things on our credit ~ All of which, I might add, trace directly back to that bitch of an ex wife...God, it just kills me that once again, we are paying off debts that she should at least be responsible for a portion of...I don't let myself think of it that way for very long because it just ticks me off way too much. I just keep telling myself it will be worth it if we can get into a house. My parents have offered to pay what it takes to bring the credit history up the date and in the clear and we're going to take them up on it. We were going to use our tax refund check, but my dad said he would rather us put that in the bank so it's there if we would need it to use in buying a house, so that's what we're going to do. I'm just so relieved that we're getting it all taken care of. DH got a hold of all the creditors yesterday and we are mailing out checks this week. Thank God!

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-03-24 17:19

Ok, so I am really feeling like a terrible person today. At work, my good friend Jen told me that her sister was pregnant ~ She got married right after I did and I talked to her last month and they had just gone off BCP and were just kind of playing it by ear. I acted happy when she told me, but I went and vented to another friend. I was just feeling really bitter about it and not nearly as happy as I know I should I have been. Well, then Jen comes back from her lunch break and says she just talked to her sister and she's spotting. Started yesterday and still happening. I guess her dr. took more blood to figure out if she's m/cing or not, but she won't know for sure until tomorrow. Gee, how low do I feel? I have just been praying for her and her DH like crazy now.

CD 8 and you know what? I just don't feel like BDing at all. Honestly, I just don't feel like it matters anymore. I've convinced myself that this month will not be any different than last month or the months before, so what the hell's the point?? Wow, am I a complete grump today or what? I have just felt really down about it the last couple days. Hopefully I'll start feeling better soon.

I really think a lot of it has to do with the stress we have on us right now ~ Namely trying to clean up our damn credit. We've gotten checks out to 2 of the creditors, are still trying to get a hold of 2 more, and have mailed out letters to 3 credit bureaus disputing the foreclosure that is listed on our report and isn't ours. I just so want it all to be taken care of! I hate having it hanging over our heads, plus we really can't get moving on buying a house until this is cleaned up. Hopefully by the end of week, we'll have gotten a hold of all the creditors and mailed all the checks out. Then it will just be a matter of them getting the foreclosure taken off. ARGH!!! And I am just filled with so much anger towards DH's ex. for putting us into this position ~ When DH talked to one of the creditors, they asked if he knew where she was living. He said he no idea, hadn't talked to her in over 2 years and they told him that she owes them an additional $700 in addition to the $300 we're paying them! (Thank God that debt is just in her name!!!). DH gave them her last known address and her parents address, where she usually ends up when she has no place left to go. I hope they harrass the snot out of her for their money ~ I'm tired of her getting off scott-free!!! Ok, enough of a vent there.....

Ok, gotta try and do something fun now and pick myself up!!

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-03-29 14:32

OK, kind of slacking again, but I am sick AGAIN! ARGH! I left work early to go to StatCare yesterday ~ was just miserable, all achy and chilling and it was very painful to swallow. I have strep throat! What the heck?!? I haven't been sick in years, other than the common cold, and now in the span of less than a month, I have had tonsillitis and strep?!! I was worried that the dr. would mention getting my tonsils out, but he didn't. I'm not sure why they didn't come out when I was young because I know that I had strep quite a bit when I was little. I just hope this is it now for quite awhile with the illnesses! Oh, and it's great timing again ~ Today is CD 13! I'm going to start OPKs today, but don't know about this cycle. We'll see.

We talked to out mortgage lady yesterday and she was really impressed that we had gotten all the debts paid off in a week. She told us to call her when we hear from the credit bureaus about getting the foreclosure taken off and that she'll run our credit report in 30 days. All of the debts that we paid should be off of there in 30 days and then she said we should really be able to start looking for a house!!! I'm so excited!!! I just hope it doesn't become a hassle to get the inaccuracy of the foreclosure off of our report.

On Thursday, I had my first appt. with my new dr. I really like her ~ I had to switch because my old one just doesn GYN. and not OB. She was wonderful ~ Very easy to talk to and seemed much more willing to spend time with me than my old one. I'm really happy with her. She also said that she won't do anything until we've been TTC for a year, which is what I figured. She also said that from what she's seen, 8-12 months is average for getting pregnant. So, hang in there, Alicia, is the message, I guess!!

Well, guess I'll be taking it easy and hopefully will be up to BDing this week ~ Here's hoping for a +++ OPK this week!!

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-03-30 15:41

CD 14 and feeling a lot better ~ My throat is only a tiny bit sore and it doesn't hurt to swallow anymore. What a pain in the butt!!

OPK was - today, so at least if I was going to get sick, I hopefully did it early enough that it won't interfere with O. It better not!!! I probably won't get a + until CD 16 or 17, if my past cycles are any indication, but the marathon starts tonight!!! I warned DH ~ I told him I had rested up enough, was feeling tons better, so now he better watch out!!

On a sad note, Jessie and the kids are going back home to Texas today. I got so spoiled seeing them almost everyday for the past month! I know they're anxious to get home ~ The kids really miss Dad (He couldn't come with them b/c they're coming back up this summer and he didn't have enough vacation time to come both trips.) I just feel so sad that they're leaving though ~ They're on their way to the airport right now actually. I saved all the pictures I took while they were here to scrapbook after they left, so I now have 6 rolls of film to do!! That makes me feel a little better!

The EPO really seems to be working! I think I'm getting pretty darn close to some EWCM, which I never get, not even with B6. I'm happy about that! Overall, I notice that it's not so thick ~ more watery than creamy and sometimes I do think it's looking EW. YEA!! Maybe this will be our month!!

I've been playing around with some due date calculators (nothing like jumping the gun...) and if I O when I think I will and this is our month, I will be due right around Christmas ~ the 22nd or 23rd! How fun would that be!! And what a great time of year for maternity leave! Ok, ok, first things first!!

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-03-31 04:37

ARGH! Couldn't temp. this morning, which so bugs me, especially this close to O!! I woke up at 3:30 and had to go to the bathroom and I was really going to try and just go back to sleep since I usually temp. at 5:00. Well then I heard this funny noise and I wake up DH and ask him what it is and he says it's the water softener and it comes on in the early morning sometimes, he's heard it before, just ignore it. Yeah right, I always have to check these things out for myself!! So I go down to the basement and there is a mini-flood started between our washer and dryer, under the utility sink! I run upstairs and get him up and he ended up turning off the water because he couldn't get it to stop. He'll be calling the landlord today to see what the heck is up with that...REALLY not how I wanted to start my Monday!! So, by that time it was almost 3:50 and I'm wide awake, so I've been up since then. I should have just taken it at 3:30 and tried to adjust it, but I didn't think about it. Oh well, we'll just have to BD enough to cover it!!

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-03-31 17:32

Well, the day def. improved! Still a - OPK, but it's only CD 15, so that's ok. I did actually get some EWCM a little bit ago!!! That's so rare for me that I celebrate when it does happen! It stretched a little and everything!! Poor DH tries to understand when I'm telling him about it all excitedly, but I have a feeling he's thinking, "I wish I would have known how nuts she was before I married her..."

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-04-02 20:24

CD 17 and still a - OPK. I am beginning to think that it has to do with being sick again around O. I will use my last OPK in the pack tomorrow and am trying to decide if I should buy more if it's still - tomorrow...Hate to waste the $$ if I'm not going to O this month due to illness, but would also hate to miss it!!!! I will no doubt end up caving and buying another pack!

Not too much else going on really...Hoping this month goes by kind of fast because we can't make the next step on buying a house until the end of the month when she runs our credit report again. All the debts that we paid off will take about 30 days to be removed from our credit, so we're just waiting on that. DH and I went out driving around looking at ones for sale on Sunday. It will be so exciting to actually start getting serious and going through them!! Though the thought of moving is not a good one...I hate all the packing and unpacking!!

Lots of ++++++++++++++++++ vibes for me!!

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-04-04 17:25

CD 19 here and STILL a - OPK. I've decided that I will only keep taking them until Sunday and if they're still -, that's it. I feel like I'm just throwing money away. I'm also starting to get a little sad. I just want a chance this month ~ Pretty sure I didn't O last cycle and WANT TO THIS TIME!! And if I'm not going to, I really wish I could just make AF come now so I can move on to a healthy cycle, where I WILL O!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm also giving serious thought to how much longer I can do all this ~ 5 months in and I just feel so consumed sometimes, constantly thinking about it. I am really giving thought to stopping all this temping and OPKs ~ might give myself another cycle or 2, but much past that, I really think I will be just driving myself too insane. That is, if I'm not already there....

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-04-05 17:04

OK, perhaps my crazy body is trying to straighten itself out...Dare I get too excited? CD 20 and another - OPK, but the 2nd line was MUCH darker than it has been, just not dark enough to consider it a +. I am so hoping that tomorrow will get me a +. I also just got quite a lot of EWCM!!! Whoo-hoo!!! If this isn't my cycle, I will most def. be using the EPO next cycle. I have had great results with it ~ Never had near this good EWCM with the B6.

Ok, let's try this again....
Lots of ++++++++++++++++++++ vibes for tomorrow!!!

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-04-06 14:52

WHOO-HOOO!!! That's right ~ Got a really dark + OPK just now!!! The 2nd line is actually much darker than the control line!!! I am so pumped!!!! I'm just so happy that we at least get a shot at it this month ~ Just a shot, that's all I want!!

BD'd last night and I guess this week will be the marathon that I was gearing up for 10 days ago! Not bad timing ~ DH's b-day is tomorrow! I won't tell him I got a + ~ don't want to think I've got ulterior motives, even if I do!!

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-04-08 19:39

CD 23 and we've been BDing daily for the past 4 days. I got a + OPK on CD 21 and 22 and a small temp. rise today, so I'm thinking lots of +++++++++++++++ thoughts!! Please let this be it!!!!

I think poor DH is getting worn out! He admitted that he really never thought there was such a thing as too much sex....He feels differently now! I want to tell him to enjoy it while it lasts, because I totally know that once I do get PG, I will be too much of a basket case to want it!!

I keep lurking on the Dec. 2003 boards and just hoping and praying 100 times a day that I can graduate to there. I'm hoping my temp. is up again tomorrow so I can maybe have some confirmation that I already O'd. I didn't want to waste another OPK today just to see if it was - or +. I've been going through those things like water lately!!

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-04-11 05:26

I O'd!!!! WHOO-HOO!!! Babymed and my preg.org chart have given me the same O day, Monday, which is exactly what I was thinking. They did me different coverlines, and I'm inclined to believe that Babymed's is right b/c it's the same coverline I've had for the past 2, now 3 cycles. I'm just so pumped!!!

Our BD timing was great this month! And I'm so glad b/c DH's back is giving him problems again. Thank goodness it waited until after the BD marathon! He's going to the chiropractor today, so he should be feeling much better soon. We BD'd the day of O and the 2 days before, so I am trying to be so positive about this cycle!

So, I am officially 4 DPO! I've already decided that I'm probably going to test on Saturday the 19th. (12 DPO) Might be a little too early if it is going to be +, but DH and I are supposed to take our friend's little boy to this indoor amusement park and I want to test before I go up there and ride any rides. (Yeah, paranoia setting in already!!) Pretty bad when I've already decided when to test and it's only been 4 days!!

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Posted: 2003-04-13 07:51

Ok, I'm getting a little concerned now. My temps have dropped the past two days. 98.0 Thursday and Friday, 97.8 Saturday and now 97.6 today?!?! What the heck? I haven't slept with any less covers, or the heat lower/window open or anything. I'm only 6 DPO and can't figure out why it would be dropping like that. I'm not stupid enough to try and convince myself that it's an implantation dip or anything. I am just really worried. My luteal phase has always been 10-11 days. If I do end up getting AF in the next day or 2, I will be calling the DR. She had said she wouldn't see me until we had been trying a year, but if there's a problem that I know what it is, she darn well will see me! ARGH!! Just so tired of this.....

I went to a bridal shower yesterday and really thought I was going to knock out one of my co-workers. She is always on me about getting pregnant (she is the one person I wish didn't know we were trying) and makes comments all the time that really get to me. Well, at the shower, there were 4 babies under 7 months. Why?? Is everyone out to get me?? Anyway, so I'm holding one of them and Maria starts in about how I just must not be trying hard enough, look at so-and-so who got pregnant the first month she tried, what are you doing wrong, Alicia?? And I know she doesn't mean for those comments to be hurtful, but they so are. I know it's just her personality ~ She's just blunt and doesn't always think before she talks. I just didn't say a word, just kept staring straight ahead. Another friend was like, "Geez, Maria, lay off." And the other night we were over at a friends house and she made some comment about us having a baby and then she says to DH, "What's the problem, you shooting blanks?" HELLO?!?!?! What would possess you to say that to someone?!?! People just don't think....I thought DH was going to hurt her...and I don't think I would have stopped him.

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Ok, I think I finally got all of my old journal copied and pasted into this new one! Man, that was time consuming and I'm still sure I missed one!

I'm 8 DPO and going crazy!!! I want to test SO bad!!! How the heck am I going to make it until Saturday??? I'm already debating testing before then!! I'm really going to try and hold out though. I'm really hoping and praying that the dip I had at 6 DPO was an implantation dip because it went back up. I'm so scared that I'm just getting my hopes up. I have been SO tired the past couple days, which I am trying to assure myself means nothing- all in my head. It's just so much easier to see AF or a BFN when I haven't psyched myself out like this ~ I keep telling myself that maybe this is it, maybe it worked this time...We'll see what my temps do tomorrow though. If they start dropping, then I guess this month will be no different than any other month so far.

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

9 DPO and I want to test SOOOOOO badly!! My temps. were up today ~ 98.2! I am totally trying not to read into it, but it's getting hard....I keep saying, "Well, the house was a little stuffy last night..." But then again, we had the ceiling fan on and a window open half way, so that should have compensated for the stuffiness...OMG, I am about to just lose it!!! To top it all off, my bbs are sore today! For me, that's unusual. I usually see no difference in them during O or AF or anything. But they def. feel sore today. I am already thinking of getting a First Response Early Result, where you test before AF is even due. And she's due for me tomorrow or Friday....I'm just so scared that I am majorly getting my hopes up. And I know I'm getting DH's up too because he actually asked if my temps. were still up today!!! He usually asks NO questions about my temps. or any of that.

I just keep thinking, about 100 times a day, please let this be it. Please don't let me be getting my hopes up and just reading into things....I guess we'll see. I still can't decide if I want to test tomorrow....I DO, but it will only be 10 DPO, which very well could be too early even if I am PG. ARGH!!! I guess we'll see what tomorrow's temp. brings and then take it from there!! :?

Alicia

MyPeanut&Bug's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 years 2 months ago
Joined: 11/24/02
Posts: 96

Ok, I did break down and test today, knowing full well it could be too early!! Smile BFN, but temps. are still way up. In fact, in the 3 cycles I've been charting, they've never still been this high at 10 DPO...Talk about getting those hopes sky high!!! I plan on testing again Saturday as long as temps. stay up. No indication that they're coming down- been the same now for 2 days. Ok, it official, my hopes are up and this better be it because I don't think I can stand the let down. And of course, I can't keep my big mouth shut, so I've been telling DH and now I've got him asking what my temp. was!! Smile I didn't tell him I was testing today, so we just won't mention that. I did tell him I was thinking about testing Saturday though...well, if he still remembers that I even said that!! Smile

Pages