Somebody stop me!! Just went to the mall to get some new bras b/c I saw in the paper that they were having sales...Came home with bras...and 2 Carter sleepers!! In my defense they WERE 40% off and are too cute! Nice and gender neutral! So this has to be my month or else I'm just insane...I won't be telling DH about those additional purchases...
I did warn him that the BD marathon is starting. He assured me that he is ready- I hope I'm not setting us both up for disappointment b/c I've got him thinking this is our month too.... We shall see!!!
CD 13 and I couldn't get an accurate temp. today. ARGH! Hate when that happens this close to O!! I ran a very slight fever Sunday afternoon (99-99.5) because of this stupid head cold I'm trying to get rid of. Today's temp. was so high compared to the others that I'm thinking I was still a little fevered. It was 98.4 compared to 97.1 Sunday morning! Haven't gone above 97.7 yet this cycle, so I'm chalking it up to still being fevered and counting it as invalid ~ How frustrating!
Got another - on the OPK, but I could see a faint 2nd line!! Should be about 2 days or so and I should get 2 nice dark lines!! I'm just going to keep BDing because I'm not going to miss it this month!!!
CD 14 and really starting to feel anxious ~ I just SO want this to be my month...and then I started thinking that if it isn't, that there will only be 1 more cycle to have a 2003 baby. I can't believe it!!
We got a girl from the high school vocational program to do some field experience at work today and she was telling us about her friend who's 17 and pregnant with her 3rd kid. I honestly just had to leave the room. So frustrating to keep hearing things like that...
On a happier note, only a little over a week until Jessie and the kids come! And then I will be on vacation and off work for a week!! YEA!!! It would be such great timing to get a BFP too, because AF would be due while I'm on vacation...There I go, pumping myself up even more...Stop it, Alicia!!!
Haven't done my OPK yet today...Am actually sitting here, waiting until I have to pee. Me who usually pees every 2 hours or less and I just don't have to go. Come on, I want to see a + (though I don't know that I'll get one today...) We'll see!!!
Ok, now I'm just getting frustrated...Still a - OPK...beginning to get worried that I'm going to have an annovulatory cycle. It's only CD 15, so maybe a little too early to worry about that, but I'm just getting impatient. The stupid 2nd line doesn't even look any darker than yesterday... If anything, it may be lighter...ARGH!! Just give me 2 dark lines already!
Maybe I'm just having a bad day, but I just feel really frustrated with the whole thing right now. I just want to pitch the damn thermometer and stop checking every part of my body and stop drinking this tea or taking that vitamin and just STOP. I'm tired of waiting each month only to see that I obviously didn't do something right. I'm tired of BD instead of just making love, on my schedule when I feel like it. I'm tired of crying everytime AF shows and then feeling stupid for being so upset...
And I know we haven't even been trying that long...so I know I shouldn't even be this upset or worried or whatever you want to call it. I just feel like I'm losing faith that my body can do what it's meant to. And losing faith that all this work pays off in the end...a couple of ladies who had graduated from the TTC board have had m/c in the past week or so. How can people have babies and then leave them in dumpsters to die and God allows that to happen? How can all these 15 and 16 year old get PG no problem and that's fine...But how can God not look out for people who want a baby more than anything, who have tried and tried and finally get PG only to m/c...I can't understand it...Guess I'm just feeling down today...
Well, what a surprise...another - OPK. And me in tears again...What the hell..I'm just feeling so down right now, I could just scream. What, now my body can't even do what's meant to do? I just want to stop thinking about it and I can't...I know it's stupid to even be this upset over this, but I just can't do this much longer. I know all the temping and charting is good because I like knowing what's going on with my body and it's a good thing and all that, but I'm starting to think that if I'm not PG in the next couple months, I'm chucking it all. Hell, every third person I meet can get PG when they're not trying and don't even want to be, but not me. This girl at work today was complaining about being PG (she's due in April) and I just had to get up and leave the room. How dare she take for granted what I am trying so damn hard to achieve...oh yeah, and she isn't totally sure who the baby's father is...it may or may not be her husband. What the hell is wrong with me? This pity party is probably not good for me, but it's all I feel like doing right now...I just keep feeling more and more down...
CD 17 and another - OPK...And this one really ticked me off because there wasn't even a 2nd line at all!! WTH?? At least in the last couple of days, there were faint 2nd lines that I kept telling myself would get darker...There's 2 more tests left in the pack and when they're done, I'm done with them for this cycle. If by some weird happening, I end up O'ing later than that, I'll just have to keep BDing enough to cover it. I'm just getting sick and tired of seeing a - on the stupid things...
Ok, another!! CD 18 today. This time there was a very faint 2nd line though, not like yesterday when there wasn't one at all... You know, if I'm going to O this month, I just wish I would get that + already...and if I'm not, I'm not. But I hate wondering. I only have one more test left in my OPK and then I'll just have to step up the BD in case I do O. I am thinking that maybe, just maybe, I could be Oing late from being sick, but that might just be wishful thinking. This would just be so late for me to O. We'll see, I guess.
DH seems to be getting over a stomach bug ~ Hope I don't catch this one like I caught the nasty cold he had a few weeks ago! I guess it would be mean to let him BD and then send him to the couch!
Well, well, well, CD 20 yesterday and I got a + OPK!! I now understand why my body wasn't cooperating ~ Sat. afternoon I started feeling cruddy and by Sunday morning I was just miserable ~ my throat hurt to swallow anything, I was achy all over. I went to StatCare and they diagnosed me with acute tonsillitis/pharyngitis and an upper respiratory infection. Feeling much better now. I did take Monday and today, Tuesday, off work. And yesterday, there was 1 OPK left in the box, just sitting there, tempting me...so, I took it, fully expecting it to be negative and lo and behold, 2 dark lines right away! WHOO-HOOO!!! I'm going to just have to BD as much as humanly possible b/c my temps aren't going to be of much help ~ There's some gaps and invalid ones the past couple days from being sick, runnning a fever, not getting enough sleep. I did get DH as soon as he walked in the door yesterday and am planning the same before he goes the school tonight... I'm just so excited that I might actually get a shot at it this month. I really wish I would have done an OPK on Sunday ~ I felt so crappy that it was the last thing on my mind. We'll see ~ I'm doing all I can now that I got that ++!!
It'll be kind of nice going back to work tomorrow ~ I'll only have 3 days this week and then I'm on vacation for a week while Jessie and the kids are here. I can't wait to see them. I am sure that the kids have gotten so big since the wedding!! YEA!!!
Wow, I've been seriously neglecting this thing!! Just been busy being off work for the week! And getting real spoiled having Jess and the kids here. We've been having a great week ~ We're planning to go to the zoo tomorrow if the weather cooperates.
Well, CD 30 here and I'm fairly certain AF is on her way. My back is killing me and that's usally a first sign. I'm disappointed like I always am, but really not too upset. I didn't have a lot of faith in this cycle, even after the + OPK b/c my temps never really acted like my usual post- O temps. My pregnancy.org chart is the only one that even gave me a coverline ~ I think the other ones wouldn't b/c of the missed or inaccurate temps right around possible O time from when I was sick. So, it's OK ~ I actually would just like her to come so I can started with the next cycle. A December baby would be adorable! I'm going to make sure DH is taking the Vitamin C this cycle and I think I'm going to try the EPO because the B6 is doing nothing for me as far as EWCM...been on it since December and have only noticed maybe the tiniest of changes.
Other than that, not really too much else going on ~ I see my new doctor this month on the 27th. I switched b/c the old one only does gyn., not OB and because I had some problems there and she just didn't seem to care. I went 6 months without a period about 1 1/2-2 years ago and she just didn't think that was a problem. HELLO?!?!? Not normal!!!! I finally told her I was coming in to see her after 2 months without one. (When I would call each month when it didn't come, she would tell me to just keep trying a preg. test every month! HELLO AGAIN?!!? Gets a little expensive, especially when I knew I wasn't pregnant.) She finally realized that when she switched my BCP, she put me ones where the levels in them totally didn't match up with what I had been one and they just weren't agreeing with my body. I lost a lot of confidence after that! I figured it's a good time to switch anyway since they don't do obstetrics over there. I'll be curious to see what the new dr. is like ~ I'm going to one that my mom recommended b/c she knows her from the hospital and it ended up being the same office and 5 other girls from work go to (There's 3 drs in the practice), so I've nothing but good things! We'll see what she has to say!