I'm hesitantly starting this journal. It has been 2 months since my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. I was devastated. I've always wanted a family and at age 27, it was finally a light at the end of the tunnel. (Athough not planned). I had light bleeding early on, but the Dr assured me it was nothing to worry about. At our 7 1/2 week ultrasound there was a sac, but nothing in it. (blighted ovum?)
I have had a difficult time coming to terms with our loss. I found great comfort with a co-worker and friend that a miscarriage 1 week before I did. But I realized I need another outlet to talk about my experiences and you're it.
Now we are actively trying-The Dr suggests we wait, but we can't. Its so hard. I can't imagine going through the waiting every month and I find strength in reading other's journals.
Well its one day past my testing day and I haven't had the nerve to go buy the test. I want to be pg so much that I can't bring myself to test. I'll probably wait until my weekly blood test this week. (the Dr is tracking me closely since the m/c).
It has been a while since my last posting. I was disappointed when I tested, it came back negative. my hcg levels finally returned to normal (0) which was also a sad day to have the realization that it is completely over. Also, just as I found out I was not pg, my sister announced she was now pg with her first child. Although I am so happy for her and so excited to be an aunt for the first time, it was hard to me to swallow given the sad end to my first pregnancy. It took me a few days to stop feeling sorry for myself and start being happy for her. My cycle started on Thurs. July 28th. on a plane ride back from a business trip to Chicago. So, today is day 15, just past ov and 13 days until testing. I really hope it doesn't take us long to get pg again, it is something that we so desparately want.
I have to say, this has been the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I am usually so strong, and always comforting everyone else. For the first time, I'm the one needing to be comforted. I just can't see to get over it as quickly as I feel people expect me to. I'm still sad, everyday I think about how far along I would be and miss the experience of being pg. writing in the journal and reading everyone else's posting help me get through the tough days and feel like I am not alone.
I have about 5 days until I can test. I wish there wasn't a two week waiting period between conception and testing....
I'm back on this site everyday reading articles about "Early Signs" thinking maybe I'll read something i don't already know! Its not much longer, but the suspense is hard. I think we timed things right, trying on day 9, 11, 14 - should have covered our bases. DH leaves next Thursday on a trip. I'm thinking if I can hold off testing, it would be a nice surprise for him when he returns. I hate when he knows I'm testing because I don't like him to get his hopes up for no reason. Then again, it will be a struggle to not test early next week.
Maybe next month I'll try OV kits if it didn't happen for us this time around.
Its been a while since my last posting. Obviously, nothing much has been happening. I tried using O Kits this past month and reading alot on increasing our odds of conceiving. I've learned two things - my timing is all wrong. My cycle has been avg. around 35-40 days since the m/c, totally different than the 28 days on the nose pre-m/c. After two cycles I finally was able to read the O kit on the day it was coming. Victory! I feel a little bit more in control. The other piece of the puzzle I learned was our positions were ALL WRONG. This past month instead of being on top, as usual, we tried both missionary and behind. I read that "on top" is not helpful to getting pg. So, needless to say I'm hopeful this is the month!
Its been about a week since O and I feel funny, the way I did the last pg. Lots of funny muscle tightening in my lower abdomen. I have to wait another week until testing. I WISH this process didn't take sooo long. An instant test would be so much easier!
My sister is 13w and my friend who m/c 1 week before me is now 10w, so I'm feeling really sad that I'm not yet. I don't understand at all - I've ALWAYS wanted children and my worst fear is that I can't. My doctor says that it is a good sign that I even got pg to begin with and wants me to try for 1 year before investigating WHY and WHAT to do if anything.
Okay, last month I didn't get pregnant and I was SURE I had timed everything right. We had a family party on Saturday and I was running around a lot and that when it started. Oh well.
Through it all, I've found that my cycle is on avg. 38 days but I "O" later than usual in the cycle. I timed everything perfect last month, but they say there is only a 20% chance every month. So as long as I keep up with my cycle and "o" testing, thats all I can do. Mothernature needs to take its course from there. I did the pregnany calendar with both a 30d cycle and 38d cycle so between now and Nov. 2nd I should "o". Baby thoughts, baby thoughts, baby thoughts...