Wanting another baby but will it happen?
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    Default Wanting another baby but will it happen?

    I guess when I do get preg. and it is a keeper I want all of my friends here at Preg.org and around me to know the tragedy and triumphs I have been through.

    I had a very hard time seeing light at the end of the tunnel when I lost our baby at 12 weeks on Nov. 2004 (Miscarriage #14). Christmas was a blur, I was in the go mode, that is what I remember. I remember feeling numb, lonely and yet very close to God, asking him why and demanding to have answers which he supplied to me. I felt warm knowing my prayers had been answered for the moment.

    I battled cancer not once but 4 times, does lightning strike twice, well in my case yes, 4 times. I did get the official call yesterday that stated yes indeed my cancer has gone back into remission, thank you GOD.

    We now proceed on our journey of ttc #4. We gave clomid a good try and I just did not want to have the dosage upped, makes me very moody, I am NEVER moody not even on my "ugly" days.
    We will be playing with the big guns, Follistim. We found out that dh has a varicocele issue which lowered his sperm count but not motility or morphology. I have him on every herb that aids in sperm production, motility and morphology. His urologist agreed to put him on Cipro(More pills..YAY!!!) 1000mg to boost the swimmers. Kinda like giving sugar to a three year old at bed time, ring a bell??
    Although he has agreed to do surgery we will wait until June to get this done.

    I have a clean bill of health, a very loving and understanding husband, he is the greatest and wonderful doctors and I mean wonderful not to mention the nurses who answer my calls with such warmth and reassurance!!
    I have some friends who very much support our journey and they know as much about my personal life as my doctor does and that is okay. There is not a lot about me that people do not know about me.

    I am scared to death that if I do get preg. I will lose this baby but God has reassured me that the problem will be taken care of and I believe him, just need to rely more on faith versus medicine.
    In April we start Follistim and let me massively produce good quality follies, PLEASE!!!!

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    Today I received a card from a very good friend with a naked pregnant women and boobs down to her knees, literally, made me laugh. the caption is you are never too old. Thanks cindy!!!

    Feeling anxious to get my period here but apprehensive about injections and blood draws. I used to be a phlebotomist so when I get my blood drawn I EXPECT a good blood draw!!!

    Some days I feel so selfish about wanting another baby, we have three miracles and there are so many who just want one, hate the days I feel like that. I don't think the yearning is any different but we are truly blessed, just wish these feelings would leave.

    I have to go pick up Cipro for dh, he is so excited to be taking a kazillion pills all in the name of FERTILITY!! It will be worth it!!!

    I am keeping myself busy with projects that are not that appealing but it allows the time to fly. Will April 10th ever get here???? A lot of women dread knowing AF is right around the corner and for me she cannot come fast enough..I will change my mind once the injections start, I will be praying she takes a hike for at least 9 months!!!!
    CO-HOST of TTC Emotional Safehaven.

    Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord.

    Cost of lap, hysterosocpy and hsg $6500.00, injectables $5000.00, doctor visits $4000.00, IUI's $3000.00...TOTAL cost $18,500.00.....cost per pound of baby...PRICELESS!!!!!

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    April 3rd and the time is drawing near, hoping AF comes on time and then onto injectables. Who would be excited to want to stick themselves 2 x a day in the hopes of getting pregnant...ME!!!!
    The b/w that goes along with it, I will have a bruised stomach and arms that resemble someone who uses drugs, how exciting!!!

    The support from friends has been overwhelming, family has no clue and that is exactly how we want it, when I became pregnant in Sept. 04 and we told dh family..(dad) specifically he had the audacity to ask if it was planned???

    Now isn't that a question you wuld ask a newly married couple or couples perhaps living together and an OOPS happen, oh my!!! Not us, we are going on 17 years of marriage and all three are accidents apparently!!! Geeeeeez, some people.

    Enough of ranting, as the days get closer the excitement will build, HOORAY!!!
    CO-HOST of TTC Emotional Safehaven.

    Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord.

    Cost of lap, hysterosocpy and hsg $6500.00, injectables $5000.00, doctor visits $4000.00, IUI's $3000.00...TOTAL cost $18,500.00.....cost per pound of baby...PRICELESS!!!!!

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    My chart is looking really weird, stuck at 98.4 and I think it stinks, the thought of being pregnant HAS not entered my mind as I have been focused on INJECTIONS!!!

    I just want April 9th to be here so we can start a new and exciting journey, have no idea what to expect as far as discomfort. I am not worried about responding well but how well I will respond!!!

    I have read on other boards that women on Follistim usually get pregnant with their first round but once again although hopeful I am prepared for more than 1 round so we will see.

    Come on pregnancy vibes, come on!!!!
    CO-HOST of TTC Emotional Safehaven.

    Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord.

    Cost of lap, hysterosocpy and hsg $6500.00, injectables $5000.00, doctor visits $4000.00, IUI's $3000.00...TOTAL cost $18,500.00.....cost per pound of baby...PRICELESS!!!!!

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    I have not had time to journal and I miss it!! Catching up now...

    Cd4-7 did follistim 75IU, had b/w and u/s on CD4, showed everything was a go. CD6 had another b/d and u/s which showed 9 eggs, largest 12mm and the rest were 8mm and under. CD8 10 eggs found but right ovary had produce the largest and the rest were 10mm and smaller. Did the hcg injection on CD9 and insemination on CD10.

    Because we have been battling a MIF issue I think my doctor was trying to be so optimistic, he is anyhow but overly optimistic. He walked in and said everything looked great, sample was right where it needs to be. He knows with all the research I have at my fingertips I can be my biggest downfall, too much information is not good in my case.

    I always have a thousand questions to ask but he seemed to sense my anxiety and said optimisticly, "see you in a month" high success rates with women who go on follistim for the first time. Not to be doubting Thomas, doubting Kelley, I thought sure, right, so I continue on my journey with prayers every 5 minutes to St. Anthony and God, I am in the middle of a conversation with a friend and praying at the same time, who says I can't multi-task???

    Being on follistim and clomid are VERY different, clomid raises your temps after ovulation and follistim raises them before ovulation. You have a shortened LP and mood swings BUT nothing like clomid. The ovulation induction is NOTHING compared to clomid, felt like I was hatching a dinasour egg on clomid, follistim not bad but my doctor is very cautious which I respect and he did not want to hyperstimulate me which can be harmful.

    CD 2dpo nipples sore but that could be traces of the hcg in system, DO NOT READ INTO SYMPTOMS!!! CD 3dpo still sore and sore from the 10 eggs being released.

    Feeling tired no matter what so rule that out as a symptom...

    4dpo feeling like I am trying to catch a cold, sinuses are all messed up, throat sore and feel run down...YAY and joy joy. Don't dare take any meds until I either get a BFN or a BFP.

    I am hoping that this is the cy we have a sticky preg. and all goes well, will know by this coming Friday, it will never get here but dh and friends are keeping me busy.

    That is all for now, will try to write more symptoms to help others and remind myself in the event we have to do this again and oh my goodness, almost forgot to add, dh had a grand time sticking me, he would announce shot time in 30 minutes, I pretty much was nice to him just in case he decided to really stick me with the needle, he was very good and very patient, this has been such a trying journey but if anything we have laughed a lot along with many tears.
    CO-HOST of TTC Emotional Safehaven.

    Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord.

    Cost of lap, hysterosocpy and hsg $6500.00, injectables $5000.00, doctor visits $4000.00, IUI's $3000.00...TOTAL cost $18,500.00.....cost per pound of baby...PRICELESS!!!!!

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    Okay so for sanity sake here are todays symptoms...

    CRAMPING, very noticeable and slight headaches not bad but it is there, and am having more bm movements than usual. The only reason I write this is so that if this cy is a bust which I pray it is not I will know NOT to read into anything next time.

    DID I mention hot one minute and then cold as ice the next especially the feet and hands. These injectables are such a joy, highly recommend them to all of my friends!!!

    I swear those of us on the ttc journey can feel every twinge and ache that we would never pay attention to if we were not on this journey!!

    I am still walking but not at the pace I was, taking it way easy this time around!! Can't wait for tomorrow, everyday is very interesting!!!
    CO-HOST of TTC Emotional Safehaven.

    Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord.

    Cost of lap, hysterosocpy and hsg $6500.00, injectables $5000.00, doctor visits $4000.00, IUI's $3000.00...TOTAL cost $18,500.00.....cost per pound of baby...PRICELESS!!!!!

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    9 DPO and experiecning the same symptoms, feeling a little energy as in cleaning, cannot keep the house clean enough. My cold is just about over, cannot take a lot of medication so it has been somewhat a pain w/o meds.

    My temp is looking so good, but so many other women I have talked to said when on follistim throw the thermometer away. I just cannot do that, I believe charting has helped me immensely. All the research I have done has stated that follistim does not mess with temps after ovulationm it makes pre-O temps a littel high but not after.

    I am going to test on Friday or Saturday, dh has asked we wait until Sat. so to accommodate him I may, I want to see 2 lines, not one hopefully. I do have a beta scheduled for Monday so hopefully we will make it until then.

    I hope and pray we have another opportunity at a viable preg.
    CO-HOST of TTC Emotional Safehaven.

    Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord.

    Cost of lap, hysterosocpy and hsg $6500.00, injectables $5000.00, doctor visits $4000.00, IUI's $3000.00...TOTAL cost $18,500.00.....cost per pound of baby...PRICELESS!!!!!

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    Temp still up and feeling tired with some dizzy spells!! It snowed today, April and we are still getting SNOW!!!! It is not cold so that is a good thing, the countdown is on, 2 days until testing!!!

    My dh stole my preg. tests, he said the temptation was too great, what about Credit Cards...silly boy??? I bet he is just jealous, he wants to POAS, that is it!!!

    I did lunges yesterday and OMG I cannot sit very well, no plopping my body on the couch without a painful expression on my face. Just want to keep tone, def. not overdoing it that is for sure!!!
    CO-HOST of TTC Emotional Safehaven.

    Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord.

    Cost of lap, hysterosocpy and hsg $6500.00, injectables $5000.00, doctor visits $4000.00, IUI's $3000.00...TOTAL cost $18,500.00.....cost per pound of baby...PRICELESS!!!!!

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    July 5, 2005

    So much to catch up on...started a new job part-time 20 hours a week that is awesome and fun. It keeps my mind off the nitty gritty details of ttc.

    First cy was a complete bust and the gift I received from having an awesome chart was a 17mm cyst on the left ovary..joy joy!!!
    Took a cy off and went on birth control pills which totally suppressed my ovaries, I was so bummed.

    Second cy timing was off, I knew it and so did the doctor.

    Third cy which I am most hopeful about was perfect, 12 eggs and many were of reasonable size, 17mm and 16mm, 14mm, 14mm and so on. I had my dose upped to 2 amps which is 150IU of follistim, yes it stung when Darron gave me injections not to mention the flippin blood work and u/s everyday...YES EVERDAY...I am no longer looking like a druggy.

    I had a consult with one of the leading Reproduction Endocrinologist in Denver and we looked into IVF, well, we actually got financed for it b/c after losing so many babies in between having babies we became desperate but Darron being the kind and gently man that he is just asked that I have FAITH. I admit my faith is strong but I find myself weakening when ever I see that 15 or 16 year old girl with her huge belly sticking out and wondering what they are thinking or doing to get pregnant on a one time encounter when we have tried everything, changed everything and still nada...so damn frustrating!!!!
    The RE consultation was $300, yes you read that right, I still don't know what he said or did that was worth $300 other than upping my dose of follistim but he said if I get pregnant then it is him we thank, a little arrogant I think!!!!
    The waiting game begins for us once again but Darron seems to think this was our lucky month, I pray so desperately he is right. If not we are taking the summer off to give my ovaries a rest, they are severely swollen today and I feel very bloated. A break whether it is due to pregnancy or not would be nice!!!!

    That is it for now!!!!
    CO-HOST of TTC Emotional Safehaven.

    Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord.

    Cost of lap, hysterosocpy and hsg $6500.00, injectables $5000.00, doctor visits $4000.00, IUI's $3000.00...TOTAL cost $18,500.00.....cost per pound of baby...PRICELESS!!!!!

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