Well here i am ...

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Madgirl's picture
Joined: 01/18/08
Posts: 18
Well here i am ...

Well ive finally decided to quit depressing myself with everything and finally just get it all out.

I have been TTC since 30th October 2007, so all of this is new to me. I had been on the pill for a year and previous to that i was on Depo. I have spent endless nights searching different topics, but i can never find the exact information i am looking for.

I think in these last 3 cycles i have had every pregnancy symptom ever known, yet still BFN. So i guess i have resigned myself to the face that maybe its just not ment to be. The first cycle after coming off the pill was horrendus. But all of the symptoms i had felt i put down to my body re adjusting to be 'normal' again.

After about 3 weeks my sore bb were gone the metallic taste was gone, and i was thankful that these pill hormones were finally being flushed out of my system.

My 2nd cycle was alot shorter than normal, heavy cramps and clots. Never ever experianced anything like this in my life. so of course the first thing i did was jump online to see if i was 'normal'. I read many things which included miscarriage, eptopic pregnancy, Endo and pcos. God help me.

Thankfully this last cycle seemed to be back to normal. that is everything but the symptoms. I normally get sore bb right after i O, but this time was much worse, and lasted right till now. I have the horrible metallic taste back since i O and ive had light cramps for the last 4 days. when finally Af decided to show her face. Not alot, but enough to know that it is not to be this time...

sorry for the vent... just need to get it all out.
Its doing my head in not knowing whats going on with my body, and to be so optomistic waiting for af to come, then when it does i go back to thinking why i started this whole thing in the first place....

Im now at day 10 of my cycle and wondering what else to do... i have started DH on zinc and multivitamins, now i guess im just waiting for O..

Im very distracted... DH thinks im going crazy, but i have relaxed my compulsion to search every symptom under the sun.. and just go with the flow... whoever thought this would be so hard *sigh*

kelz_07's picture
Joined: 06/22/07
Posts: 39

please delete my post i totally didnt read up top no reply's sorry!! my mistake

Madgirl's picture
Joined: 01/18/08
Posts: 18

Well im still waiting.... today is day 13.... and still no sign of O. I have been using the OPK for the last few days and i get a very faint line.. but the line is not getting darker.
Normally as O gets closer the line gets darker... but no.
Maybe its not going to happen this month.. i dont know what to think.
Ive been so stressed out lately at work maybe its effecting me.

If it does happen i really hope it is the left side this time, the last 2 times it has been the right side. I have had some pains on both side this time.. so i am really not sure.

i feel like im hungover without even having a drink.. i think i need a holiday...

Madgirl's picture
Joined: 01/18/08
Posts: 18

Ok well its day 14 of my cycle and like clockwork i get my + OPK that i have been waiting for YAY!!!! Finally!! so break free my little eggy! Blum 3

Madgirl's picture
Joined: 01/18/08
Posts: 18

well now i dont know what is going on... when i went back to check my +opk it had faded :/ and everytime i have re tested i keep gettin the same semi dark but not + line.
Im not sure whats going on... i have had crampy feelings both side whereas i normally only get them on the side of which i am ovulating.
I am having a lil sore bb, whereas i normally get sore bb straight after i O.
So now i am not completly sure that i even did O.
In previous cycles my opk's show a pattern of getting darker as i approach O then once O has been, there is not even a faint line on my opk, but not this time.
what to do.... i will test again when i get home.. but i am scared that it will show the same semi dark but not + line Sad
(note the brand of opk's i am using are not the same as the previous ones i have brought, could this affect the result?)

Madgirl's picture
Joined: 01/18/08
Posts: 18

ok well i came home and tested again i got another darker line... but still it faded so i have taken another one now and i took a pic so i have proof in case it fades lol

Madgirl's picture
Joined: 01/18/08
Posts: 18

Ok... well ive decided im gonna have a rest for awhile. This whole thing is getting the better of me.

I got 2 dark +opks that didnt fade for the last 2 days... lots pain in my right ovary.
But im starting to feel sick :/ i think i might be getting my damn sinus cold back again.

So i shall be relaxing from here on in... not preventing but not obsessing either.
if it happens it happens. Wish me luck.

Madgirl's picture
Joined: 01/18/08
Posts: 18

Just thought id drop in to say hello to everyone. Ive been keeping quiet lately... nothing much going on. Just waiting for AF to come along at the moment.. i shall bbs to add to this post...

ok im back.. so anyways, i have given the rest of this cycle a rest. Coz i seem to have missed my O day alltogether.. or i had O day for five days straight. Stoopid tests. My new tests came in the mail today, so at least it will be all good for next cycle. I am kinda wishing it was next cycle, but i am also enjoying the break. I havent been feeling too crash hot lately, i think its because i havent been sleeping too well. But nevermind. The sooner AF shows up the better then i can start fresh.

Its kinda strange but i know exactly when af is going to come, same niggly cramps, same sore BB... stoopid taste in mouth. But funnily enough im not stressing that about being pregnant asap. I dont know exactly whats changed but im going to take each day as it comes, and if im lucky i might get pregnant, good things come to those to wait. so i shall bide my time and be patient.

i think i may have been a bit obsessed with the opks and all the symptoms, and honestly it was driving me mad not knowing what was going on, as each cycle so far has been different. So whos to say my next few cycles arnt all going to be different aswell. Then im destined to stress for the next few months and not get anywhere! So ive decided i am going to take a more relaxed approach to this, because even if i dont get pregnant soon, in the scheme of things its not that long to wait. Im content with my life now so if it happens it happens if it doesnt then i shall cross that bridge when i come to it!

Sorry now im just dribbling. so i will cut this post short. Thought i would just update everyone on whats been going on in my life Smile

Keep safe

H

Madgirl's picture
Joined: 01/18/08
Posts: 18

ok ... well today i am feeling angry and upset.

Angry because i would like to know why the people who would make the best parents in this world n would give more love to a child than they could ever ask for, have so much trouble having a baby.
Most people get pregnant with little or no effort and some of them dont even want to be pregnant.

I am so upset... it could be because long awaited af has finally arrived and im feeling all emotional. But i look at these people who keep having baby after baby but cant even look after the ones they already have. Why cant the people who want a baby more than anything in this world just be given the once chance to have that baby.

sorry... im in tears now...

Madgirl's picture
Joined: 01/18/08
Posts: 18

ok, thought i would update my posts as it has been awhile.

I finally went to the doctor the other day, dh came with me and i decided it was time to ask the docs whats going on. The doc said its probably the depo still affecting my system, i was a bit shocked at this as its been almost 15 months since i had my last shot, and 4 months since i had my last pill. He said it can take up to 18 months to get completely out of your system. I was not amused.

Anyways he suggested i get some blood tests done for my hormone levels etc etc. So the bloods have been taken and hopefully i will go back this weekend to get the results, im kinda scared about the results but also relieved. I dont know what it is but theres always been something in the back of my mind that somethings not right.

I have also been booked in for an ultrasound on 21st of march just to get everything checked out n to see if i have pcos. Kinda scary, but i would rather know whats going on now than to wait a year then discover i was right all along.

A good friend of mine was diagnosed with pcos and was told she could never have any children. she now has a beautiful son.. no drugs... and without even trying. So even if i have pcos there is still hope!! Im thankful that i have her to talk to and her support through this.

i was a bit concerned as i had a cyst burst when i was younger and didnt know if that would affect anything, the doc said it shouldnt have done any damage coz a cyst is fluid filled. But even if it did.. i still have another fal tube Smile

He suggested Dh get tested as well, even tho he has 2 kids already. So we are going to wait for my blood results and ultrasound and if they come back all clear then its his turn!

wish me luck !!

Joined: 02/26/08
Posts: 1
TTC after Depo

I can relate to your problem. My last Depo shot was in Dec. and I am coming off of it now. I have done alot of reading on pregnancy after depo and reading all the stories can get to you. I have friends that have come off and gotten preggers in 2-6 months so I guess it just depends on your body. Just a note I have done alot of reading on Vitex and Evening Promise oil and I have been taking them for about a 3 weeks or so. Vitex is an herb and it is very popular for people having trouble with O and AFs returning after depo. Look it up online you will find a lot about it. I am hoping that it will help get my hormons in line and bring me an AF sooner that 6-18 months.

Keep in touch I would love to here your progress as I am in the same boat.

Madgirl's picture
Joined: 01/18/08
Posts: 18

Well im apparently now 7dpo, doesnt feel like it tho. We have boycotted this month and had a break. The ultrasound is not too far away now which is good. Kinda anxious about it but im glad its being done.

This cycle has been a bit strange... its like my body has known i was taking a break as i dont have any of the symptoms i normally have. Its nice to feel normal for while.

Madgirl's picture
Joined: 01/18/08
Posts: 18

well i only have one more day until my ultrasound, kinda nervous but happy coz i know i need this. AF is due tomorrow which is good. ive been awaiting its arrival and i have just started getting my symptoms YAY! its been nice not worrying about anything this month and just going with the flow. I think i needed it. im heading out to melb for easter which will be a nice relaxing break, i cant wait!!

Madgirl's picture
Joined: 01/18/08
Posts: 18

My ultrasound is done!!

The nurse who did the ultrasound said shes not really supposed to tell me what she finds if she finds anything but she was really nice n told me everything anyway!

Everything is very very normal!! no pcos, no cysts no nothing! i was over the moon.
She said she actually wished more people would get checked out earlier rather than waiting a year before starting to have tests done. Because then if there was something to be concerned about they could start investigating it straight away.

I must say i am so relieved that everything is completely normal and now all i have to do is play the waiting game and need some luck Smile

Madgirl's picture
Joined: 01/18/08
Posts: 18

Well today i have come home to a very plesant looking + OPK. Im very excited as we missed last cycle and it kinda feels good to be back on the bandwagon. Although somehow i think BDing is out of the question. DH is on nightshift and for some reason he is always rather testy in the evenings. I guess he never was much of a morning person.

So now i guess i have to live in hope that maybe, like some freak of nature, the BDing of Sunday night has a few survivors on board that havent yet abandoned ship.

Unless of course the sky opens up and the heavens shine upon me and DH will totally surprise me by actually wanting to BD tonight. But for some reason i think the first option will somehow win.

Madgirl's picture
Joined: 01/18/08
Posts: 18

Well i hate to say it but i was right... No the sky did not open up and No the heavens did not shine upon me. O day went out the window at a fast rate of knots.
Day 18 I was still having o pain durning the day... but by the time i got home and tested (negative OPK mind u) the pain was gone.
Even so i was so sweet to DH and he knew exactly what i wanted, needless to say i must have very good negotation skills as i got what i wanted.

So here i am holding onto the hope that it wasnt too late and that somehow my lil eggy was caught by some quick swimmers. Kinda reminds me of something out of the jaws movie, when the shark circles and circles its prey. i just hope one of the many swimmers in the ocean was hungry and took a bite!

But now all i can do is wait. Whats done is done. if it happens this cycles then all well and good. If it doesnt then so be it. Im not going to continue to pin all my hopes on it month by month. I intend to take it as it comes.

Lets just hope the next two weeks passes quickly, even though i do have the feeling deep down that this is not my cycle. No harm holding onto a little hope right?

Madgirl's picture
Joined: 01/18/08
Posts: 18

well the fat lady is singing this cycle... its so hard to try n keep sane doing this over and over again. Will it ever end?