After reading others journals, I thought it would be nice to have something written down to remember my journey when I finally (Hopefully get my BFP!
Never in a million years did I ever think I would try for a baby..never in a million years did I think I would find someone who I wanted to have a baby with, or more so would want one with, to have a baby because we had enough love for an extension of us, to be secure enough in our relationship and to know that each other will support the other in all that having and raising a child will bring.
The ups and downs, highs and lows.
I'm so excited.
I can already picture a dark eyed curly hair beautiful chubby cheeked baby..my first dream with the exact described was last week.
Weird thing was that Michael had left him on the back seat of the car and that he had a sweet wrapper stuck to his cheek when he looked up all cheekily...what do dreams like that mean.
We have been TTC officially for about 3 cycles..on our third now, and this month we have managed to do the dance at the right time thanks to our wonderful friends who had left over oPK..and also getting some cheapies online.
I'm now 10 DPO and AF is expected between Friday and sunday...but praying that we've chased and caught the egg..although if I'm honest I think my body still needs to recover after so many years on the pill...but you never know.
Since the 6/4 I have had night sweats..normally I have 2 in a row before AF turns up on the morning..my breast have increased in size, my veins are thick and blue, and tenderness is exremely uncomfortable..but..these are also symptoms of AF for me on the off month..CM is still creamy and present and I'm sure that normally dries up after O.
Oh how much do you read into everything when you are trying???
Michael and I did a test on Saturday..just because I have been feeling sporadically queasy and having the odd twinge which is not like PMT..so we decided to do one as we were at a Christening on Sunday and I wanted to drink...of course it was way too early to test and it was aBFN..michael couldn't understand that if I knew it was too early why did I waste a tenner..?
He keeps asking about the right time to go to bed to play...and is excited..he isn't one to show his emotions so when he strokes my tummy or jiggles it I know that he is just hoping.
Our friend has all her midwife books n what to eat and what not to eat and we sat in their garden yesterday and Michael was asking all sorts of questions..everyone played down his interest as he does get a bit freaked...it was mentioned that it would be us next and he raised his hand laughing crying "taxi".
We are already play bickering over names....I have only thought of girls names..well one..Ella louise..so beautiful..he has only thought of boys...Vince, Vinnie, Vincent..I say NO..he says NO...I say..well...you're not the one who'll have to carry the nipper and push him through a pinhole...he laughing gags.
Oh I wonder I wonder what will it be at the end of the week.
I'll be in birmingham seeing Pink with a dear friend..so if I am late I will have to wait until I get home..I thought I would test alone, but the way he hung around me in the loo on Saturday and saw the result before me I know he would be so disappointed if I didn't without him...but then, AF may visit before I get home...but if thats the case, then we can start all over again and then maybe it will be May!!
Whatever happens we'll have fun trying..and I guess another month or two adds to the baby savings.
I'm so excited.
I can't believe that we are trying to be parents...its amazing that we are ready to give birth to a new and precious life.
Well its DPO 11 today and CD 25.
Getting ever closer to whether Polly arrives or whether there is a little life or not growing.
My boobs don't hurt today although are still larger and the gland under my right arm is still up and sore.
I have a stretching ache in my tummy like I've eaten too much.
Didn't wake up to Night sweats last either..so was a bit fresher this morning. (TMI Tee Hee)
Doubt its my month this month..but ever hopeful.
Had such a nice evening last night..Michael cooked southern fried turkey breast and pasta with mushroom and caramelised onions..it was so delish!!!
I couldn't believe he was covering his turkey in tomato sauce..heathen!!! LOL
We curled up on the sofa with the puppy and watched a couple of episodes of Dexter before going to bed to watch CSI.
Thats my favourite part of the day, he watches his programme and I sniggle into his arm and fall asleep while being cuddled...my favourite way to unwind.
Counting down the hours to Friday when i can jump on the train and go to Birmingham to see one of my oldest friends and her family and then go and see Pink in concert..I can't wait...not sure what I'm more excited about to be honest seeing Pink in concert, or seeing Debs!!
I got the new album for Christmas from our Swedish friends and I still haven't listened to it...hmmmm....never mind..maybe I'll get Michael to find my MP3 player and put it on there so I can listen on the train and get up to date..and I know Debs will play it...are we 13 or 35??
Life feels good today.
Oh Oh, I just remember something from last night too.
We were watching something and Michael commented on how much he liked the name Maria..I have to say I think its lovely too for a girl..although if I were to have a girl I still favour Ella..but I was so chuffed that he was talking names and names that we could agree on....
Tee hee...I think I'm obsessing again. LOl
Well, its day 26 and DPO 12.
Between tomorrow and Sunday is prospective AF days.
Think I'm feeling the tell tale dull ache in my stomach..but keep thinking I'm mistaken.
Last night when getting ready for bed I noticed that at the sides of my breasts I had two very prominent very blue veins..like someone has taken a thin blue marker pen and scrawled on me....never have I ever seen veins like this on my breast...but is it because the bra I wore yesterday was a little small..I don't know...veins still there this morning and I have also noticed lots of little freckles popping up over my boobs...they look cute..LOL
Had a fun night last night, me and better half were being silly...slap fights ensued in the kitchen, you know where you have to slap each others hands..I was winning...then he did a brilliant dodge...but it was so forceful he smacked himself in the family jewels...the look on his face was priceless...I couldn't help but laugh...but as soon as he recovered he insisted it was his turn and won his round too, leaving me stinging...we really are 5 year olds..
We were messing around last night and kept saying there was a bean in my belly and I wanted it to be a sticky bean..he said that was a really freaky thing to say and where on earth did I get these phrases so I mention ed here...he said if i keep coming home with these new phrases I'll be banned from chatting..LOL
I said yeah yeah...now say hello to bean!!! LOL
Hes not convinced this month is ours..but I get the impression hes excited if it is.
now do I do a test tomorrow morning if AF hasn't shown up, before I go to Birmingham..or do I wait until I'm late..if I'm late?
I think I'll probably wait so as not to waste a test..they are bloody expensive!
God I wish there was a bell that went off as soon as the egg was caught or something so you didn't have all these thoughts running round your head.
I know I'll be in and out of the loo all day today because I'm convinced AF is arriving.
But then another part is convinced its not!!
Oh Lord help me!!
I'm going mad. LOL
This is such a top way to rant!!!!
After asking lots about blue veins today and thinking way too hard..I ended up in the ladies in the main bit where there is a full length mirror...checked noone was about and had a look...i nearly choked...my right nipple is massive..distinctly bigger then the left and the blue veins are through the nipples as well as coming out all over my breast now...I even got my friend here to have a look to see if I was seeing things. (I'm a mutant)
I have had the sudden wake up call that I'm actually TTC, that it is possible that it may be this month...its given me a fear I've never known, mixed with such excitement.
I'm dreading the weekend now...what if its all to do with AF?
What if I am pregnant?
Are these sorts of emotions natural...part of me is crying out in my head that I want one more month..another part is like I have a bean I have a bean...
Oh I need a cystal ball.
I need to stop freaking.
Until I met Michael I wasn't maternal at all and now I long for a bubba.
Yet its also such a scary thing...
Home time soon...thinking about taking a test tomorrow morning before going to Birmingham...but scared in case I get a BFN..and scared for BFP....
I hope everyone has a great weekend..
I hope Lilybet has her bundle too...good luck hun..will be thinking of you.
What a top weekend..had a ball.
Went to Brummy and was greeted by the whole of my surrogate family..mum, dad, sister, BIL, 2 kids and bump..and of course their giant dog Dexter...felt like royalty.
Walked through the door and Dexter is sniffing at my tummy and my surrogate mum is saying look look..you're pregnant...so I did and test and a BFN..as I expected as the dull ache had formed into the familiar feel of shedding.
Then two hours later AF appears..no biggy.
Went and saw Pink and WOW it was amazing!!...trapeze dancing and ribbon dancing..and a full on funhouse...I loved it.
Had a couple with there 6 year old son in front (Hello..its a Pink concert!!!) and she did a cover of "I touch myself..draped on a sofa with grope holes...well I laughed when the parents rushed the little boy out...it was to be expected..but saying that..the rest of the concert bar the language was suitable..and the little boy was bopping around....watching him head bang was soooo cute!!!
Was such a nice time and was so good to see Debs and everyone.
Got home and Michael picked me up from the station...was lovely to see him..even though we had only been parted one night..he was a bit sad that there was no bean...but still says the little catch phrase to make me smile.
Went to the pub Saturday night...but didn't think I was going to make it as when I went to the loo..(TMI here) I was Aunt floing hard!!!..and I mean hard...I had locked the bathroom door as some weird friend of Michaels had turned up and I didn't want him walking in..so Michael was talking to me through the door and I was feeling a bit scared..as I hadn't seen a polly of that strength since..well ever...michael was like YAY..you're bodies getting back to normal..and I was like...Yeah..hurray!!!!....stupid to be excited over it eh?
So went to the pub and was feeling chuffed...how stupid. LOL
Dog runs upstairs when we get home and then runs back down with something in his mouth..not amused..well kind of...cat had messed in the little room and Rocco was eating it..NOOOOOOOOOO...couldn't work out what puppy was chewing on until Michael opened his mouth and shock his head..and plop..literally...Michael was swearing and I have to confess I was laughing at Michaels reaction...it was so funny...gross but funny!!
And Michael cleaned it up..which I was very happy about.
So yesterday I scrubbed the little room and we moved the cats food downstairs..and Tuesday we're sorting a cat littler tray in the utility room..Michael is aware that once I fall he'll have to deal with all that..but seems willing.
My belly still hurts from laughing at Michael crying out.."OH you dirty little FLeeper" LOL...
So all in all a great weekend.
Only down fall is racing to work and still not having any news about Lilybet!!!
Hope shes okay and not too knackered and has little one in her arms by now.
Have a great day all...I know mine will be.
Oh oh.....was looking in the wrong place!!
Congratulations to Lilybetand family..whoop..my day is great now!!!!!
Well nothing really to report today so will ramble on about my fur babies..Rocco and Ebony.
Michael called me when I was on the way home to see if I wanted steak for dinner..yum..was walking up to the butchers, but it wasn't open because as he was leaving originally he got caught by our next door neighbour.
She was telling him all about what Rocco does when we're out of the house and hes in the garden.
Apparently the first couple of days he barked for about 3 hours non stop..the lady works late shifts so doesn't get up til about 10ish by all accounts..she said that she decided to hang out of the window to tell him to shut up and managed to push the glass out and smash her conservatory roof...Ooops..but she was laughing and said she thought Rocco was lovely so she didn't mind (So pleased I informed her we were going to be putting Rocco out during the day in advance)
She told us..that he likes to poke his head through to their garden and get attention so she can't resist giving him a biscuit...explains his fixation with the corner of the garden..aww...plus apparently with the sunshine hes been sprawled on our garden chairs..belly up lapping up the sun while chewing on a stick..she said she tried to get a photo but he spotted her and moved.
Then apparently he has been been cornering Ebony when she comes out..but she wallops him.
They have a rather large siamese type breed of cat who when Ebs and I first moved in would attack Ebs..it has been spotted thats Ebs sits between the pair of her enemies..not quite knowing which she could take first if push came to shove..poor puss...but puppy and her have been okay in the garden and I'm pleased to know that she does go outside regularly...
She curled up on my feet and purred her head off last night and she hasn't done that for a while..so happy she seems happy.
Went to puppy classes yesterday and Rocco was SOOOO good...his heel work is coming along nicely and even ignored another dog bounding over to play as he was fixated on me...oh..okay...fixated on the food in my hand..but still..
Hes gradually calming down at home and away..it makes me happy.
Oh on the downside..he is starting to get 'lipsticks'..so I think its time for a sit down chat with Michael about getting him the snip...we don't want to breed him and its better for him to be done..its just convincing Michael that its not taking his man hood away.
Anyway...a beautiful day today and I hope to make good of it.
Have a great day all.
Well its another beautiful beautiful day!!
Can I dare jinx it by saying I think summer may be round the corner!
I love the sun..even makes getting up at 530 bareable...although Michael was cuddley this morning so when the alarm went off I was loathe to leave him..
We had a small bbq last night..his nan bought us a little portable bbq which is dinky and wowrks wonders..we had a scrummy steak each and some huge flat mushrooms and some chips...was divine and I'm not a steak girl at all.
We even cracked open a bottle of wine..so unlike us as we don't drink hardly..so a nice treat.
We're having a bbq on Sat, weather permitting with all our friends..will be able to discuss our trip to Lake Como at the end of June..there are 6 of us going and one little baby boy, and one bump..maybe 2 bumps if I'm lucky.
Did a Jenny Renny reading yesterday after reading about it here..had my reading when I got in to work this morning...I have been forecast as getting my BFP at the end of June and a estimated delivery in March 2010 significant dates..11th and 16th.
The 11th happens to be one of my oldest friends birthdays..he was my first boyfriend when I was 12..dated on and off til 16..although we never even kissed.
Hes still a good good friend too.
So was forecasted a little boy too. Will have to think more about boys names..LOL
Wouldn't it be funny if it came true.
Still aiming for May BFP though...hope to start with the jig tonight..was too tired to start practising last night. LOL
I hope everyone has a lovely day today..and if you're home and not working, enjoy the sunshine, get some colour for me!!
Oh yeah, last night while eating dinner Michael asked me that when we have our baby whether we can refer to each other as Mother and Father...like....Mother, wheres my dinner?
Father, can you pass me the salt?
I was laughing..he said he liked hearing it on the sitcoms and wanted to use it...I said of course dear......
hahaha, bless him.