Happy Halloween! Hopefully I don't see another witch after today for a while if ya know what I mean I did an OPK yesterday (gotta kick the POAS urge somehow) & got a pretty dark test line (not quite positive, but was close). I've since done 2 more with similar results. IDK what that means, but it is the only strain of hope I have. But I think that if we had conceived this cycle, I still would be waiting for implantation, so the OPK thing makes no sense with whether or not we were successful. I must just have out of whack hormones...great. I wanted to wait for AF to show this cycle, but I don't know if I can resist using the 2 cheapies that came with the pre-seed. Maybe I'll test next Wednesday @ 11DPO. I want to say that if it's a BFN, I won't test again unless AF doesn't show, but I don't know if I can hold to that. We'll see. I noticed I have some vericose veins on my outer thighs I have NEVER had those before...WTH?! If I'm preggo, I'll get over it, but otherwise, I'm PO'ed!
I would pay money to be naive again. DH was talking to his friend's wife over the weekend & somehow them having another kid came up (they have a toddler). I guess she told DH that she was "going to get pregnant next June". I would never wish TTC struggles upon anyone, but jeez!! Their first was an "oops" so who knows if it'll happen that quick for them again. Our other friends who had an "oops" conceived on their first cycle trying for #2, so go figure. The rest of us have to miserably wait for weeks to O and then 2 more weeks to find out whether it worked, only to discover it didn't & start all over again. Anyway...we'll see what happens. Rant over.
I'm 9DPO today I think. Nothing too exciting to report. I had weird pinching cramps Saturday & Sunday, but I think I've had those before although these were very strong. Also a little heartburn/indigestion, left nip issues (like last cycle), and very veiny all over. But really, that's it. I haven't had sore boobs, although occasionally they'll get a heavy, achy feeling that lasts for a few seconds then disappears. Also, I'm pretty absentminded today, but I think that is just me on a Monday (lol). This morning I had some pretty heavy cramping for a few minutes, then it went away. I had that last cycle too, so I'm thinking that was a bad sign. The only thing that got me really excited was last night I had this sudden metallic taste in my mouth. I think it was just the water that I was drinking, but my heart totally skipped a beat and then 10 minutes later I rolled my eyes at myself for getting so excited about it Hopefully this will be IT, but I just can't see that happening.
I caved this morning and tested. BFN. Considering that I'm only 10 DPO (or maybe even 9), it's still really early, but I couldn't believe it. Last night, my boobs starting getting these intense achy pains which I've never had before. I never have boob issues before AF. Then I had that mysterious metallic taste in my mouth again. I don't know. I'm stumped. Once again, I am getting drawn into expecting a BFP when maybe I should be expecting AF instead. I still just can't believe I got a BFN. I hope today was really 9 DPO...for some reason I feel better about it that way.
ETA: I just had to come on and comment...I suddenly got this overwhelming feeling of exhaustion followed by a headache the makes my eyes feel like they might pop from my skull due to the pressure. And I also noticed new veins on my nips (yes I checked them at work...lol). If this isn't IT...AF is being awfully cruel!
Last edited by akpufa; 11-04-2008 at 03:13 PM.
I'm really proud of myself for not testing this morning. It definately helps not having cheapies in the house because I have a hard time peeing on a $10 stick. But I've really had a lack of symptoms today which I had last cycle around this time too, so I'm nervous. Maybe I misread my body's signals again. I just can't imagine in my mind not getting AF in the next 2 days, but I also can't imagine these symptoms meaning nothing. My mom has really severe endo & I've always wondered if I do as well, so maybe I'll look into that if this cycle is a bust. I was also thinking the other day about how my gyno told me that my uterus bent outward (like towards my belly button) the first time I went to her. Maybe that is making it harder for us too Who knows. I just hope to be able to look back on all of this someday & think about how it really wasn't that long of a wait for waht you get out of it. I guess I should at least comment on my weird vein issues today - one nip has the normal thick blue veins, but the other has these really thin purple ones. Maybe they've always been there & I haven't noticed. At least if I'm not preggo, I can look back & remember that they were here this 2ww. OH and I've been having random stabbing pains all over my body, kind of like really fast cramps. Weird.
Last edited by akpufa; 11-06-2008 at 10:56 AM.
Well I tested this morning with a dollar store test & BFN. I've decided after looking at this month versus previous months that I am probably more like 11 DPO, but I still think that if I was going to get a BFP, I'd have it by now. I'm really disappointed since my weird symptoms continue. If AF hasn't shown by Saturday, I'll test again. Otherwise, I'm just waiting for her to show her awful face.
ETA: I don't know if I've mentioned my weird dreams the last few nights, but they've been really vivid & crazy. Now I'm really tired at work & I'm wondering if I'm getting crappy sleep with all the dreams (I usually don't dream like this). Another add...this afternoon I suddenly felt really hot "down there" I don't know what that means. My CP was soft & sort of open earlier, but it's closed tight now & I have like zero CM. I think the witch is around the corner.
ETA 4pm: I am so over this stupid cycle. I came home and did another $ store test and saw a "maybe" (right...) so I used an FRER and definately negative. I hate TTC. I just wish stupid AF would show already so I could be put out of my misery. This is brutal...I don't know why my boobs have all the sudden started hurting as an AF sign, but I guess they have. Or something else is wrong. GRR!!!!!! I'm so upset right now I could just die.
Last edited by akpufa; 11-06-2008 at 07:16 PM.
Well the witch showed right "on time". I must admit that when I got off work yesterday, I took the last 2 HPTs I have (other than one digi) and when both were BFN, I totally broke down. At that point, I knew it was over. But when the witch showed, I welcomed her not prolonging it any longer so I can move on to a new cycle. I wonder if I'll ever be able to get pregnant on my own. I just hope that if we do need help, we'll find out sooner rather than later. I'm having the WORST cramps of my life today I've always gotten really bad cramps, which is why I went on BCPs so young. Well...every month that I've been off them, they seem to get worse & worse. I wonder if I really do have endo like my mom...I've read it does have a genetic component. I need to get my yearly done anyway, I should talk to my doc about that too. Anyway...off to cycle #6
Still WTO here... It hasn't been a bad week & a half since AF showed. Actually has been pretty mellow. I have just let go of the whole actively TTC thing & am seriously leaning towards the JLIH thing. The stress was too much. This month will be a good transition to JLIH too because I'm not too keen on having an August baby so I'm not going to be pushing DH as much this time around to make sure we BD at the "right" times. I would love a September or October baby though So basically, I have no expectations of this month & that is really helping things along. The only thing that brings me down is the thought that I might have a long road ahead of me. There are a few birth boards that I lurk on where the LOs are getting to be toddlers, and sometimes that gets me a little down seeing them enjoy their babies. But then I remind myself some of them faced a struggle to get those kiddos, so I should be happy for them of achieving their dreams of being moms. Still though...I hope it isn't too far away for us. Please say I still won't be doing this same thing a year from now wondering if it's ever going to happen.
I thought the journals got deleted when they changed pg.org in November. I have tried to come back a few times with no luck, but thankfully found it today. I am glad to update that I am 12 weeks preggo!! We ended up finally "catching an eggy" on our cruise (yeah...the one we originally waiting to TTC for so I wouldn't be too far along to go ). I said a million times that August was basically the worst month we could be due, and here we are, due August 12th. I got my first BFP on December 4th @ 10DPO. I used a cheap one from Target and read online that they give false +s so I didn't get that excited about it until I did a FRER with a BFP and a digital with a BFP that night. I couldn't believe it (and still can't sometimes). Cycle #6 was finally the one that did it for us once I just quit worrying about it. I don't necessarily think that was was "did it" but it definately helped. Off I go to start a preggo journal. Best of luck to all of those TTC. It only took us 6 months, but it felt like years at the time. It's hard to struggle & wonder while people ask when you are going to start your family. But if you really want kids...someday, somehow, it will work out.