Why ME? Our PCOS/TTC Journey

55 posts / 0 new
Last post
Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57
Why ME? Our PCOS/TTC Journey

January 24, 2004

In the interest of re-starting my menstrual cycle, tonight is day #2 of provera 10 mg pills. Knowing that these will make me nauseous, last night I took a dramamine with my pill. Consequently, I slept far into the morning and now I can't sleep tonight!! Ah, well.

As I daydream about another child, and another pregnancy, I'm amazed at the journey I've taken in the past two years. January 16, 2002, we found out that we'd be having our first child. We were so confused. How did this happen? We'd been married for less than a month when we found out, and we were both just 20 years old. In the next couple of months, I grew to love the idea of becoming someone's mommy.

Then, at 33 weeks, we received another shocker. A 12 hr urine test revealed that I had protein in my urine. Along with my rising blood pressure, this lead to the diagnosis of preeclampsia. We were lucky enough to hold onto the pregnancy for another 2 weeks, in the interest of baby's health.

We had such a horrible birth experience. Preeclampsia made my entire body swell up so bad that I had to have a central line instead of a regular IV. My kidneys shut down, and I had to have a catheter in my bladder. The catheterization process, and the catheter itself, hurt worse than the labor would...by far. I thought I'd die. The actual birthing process was pretty tolerable by comparison. Contractions, as painful as they were, felt natural. I pushed for less than an hour, and sustained no tears during the birth! Aside from the pre-eclampsia, it appeared that my body was meant to do this birthing thing!!!

Our beautiful prince, Connor, was worth every trouble. He spent some time in the NICU, learning to breathe consistently and learning to breastfeed. He came home still struggling to latch on. Somehow, Connor and I navigated the treacherous waters of lactation. We made it to 13.5 months still nursing.

The weaning process broke my heart. Connor is my world, and being a mommy is now my life's purpose. There is no more gratifying feeling than that of holding a newborn tight to your belly. Nursing nurtures the soul, and I'm a better person for having dedicated myself to someone 1/10 my size.

Now here we are.. I still grieve for what I missed in the birthing process...

I never made it to the "about to pop" stage of 40 weeks pregnant....
I never got to have the natural childbirth that I wanted......
I never held my baby, straight from the womb and still wet, to my chest....
I never nursed him fresh from the womb....
I never spent that first night with him by my side....

Most importantly, I never had a HEALTHY birth.

That's our goal now. 9 healthy months (I'll even put up with some all-day-sickness). A baby girl would be wonderful. I'm sure that Connor gets sick of me brushing his hair, day-dreaming about a little girl's hair to brush. But, then, Connor would probably love a little brother to pal around with! Either way, we're trying for #2 and have been for 3 months.

October 29, 2003, I had my IUD taken out. We hadn't planned to TTC until January, 2004, but my IUD was causing me to have constant spotting. We figured that if we did get pregnant before January, we'd be extra lucky!

We weren't extra lucky. As it turns out, my lack of menstrual flow (I attributed this to breastfeeding), was a symptom of Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. The verdict is still out on my bloodwork, and just how nasty my hormone levels are. We may have a long road ahead of us! It still amazes me that two people, just 22 years old and in otherwise good health, can have such serious trouble with this TTC stuff.

What's beautiful about the whole thing is that everytime I'm angry, and feel somehow betrayed, I look at Connor. If we never conceive another, I have to remember to be thankful for the miracle we have. That needs to be my daily message to myself, throughout all of this.

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

January 25, 2004 8 pm

This is day #3 of Provera 10 mg pills, and it’s accompanied by even more nausea. I slept all day, again, because of the Dramamine I took the night before. But...wahoo! It's snowing now! Hopefully, it will stick and Mr. Connor will get to play in it tomorrow.

Brad and I had this huge fight tonight about all the stupid ways he's been acting lately. All of the things that I want from him are really quite simple. Connor needed to be fed and bathed this weekend, and I needed to sleep off the effects of Provera. I expected to find the house on the sloppy side when I woke, but I didn't expect the wreck that I found. Pizza boxes stacked in the hallway, stains on the carpet, dishes piled everywhere, and Connor running around in nothing but a diaper. Oh, fun. There are other issues that I won't go into, but it all amounts to one big fight and I'm still bitter over the whole thing.

Now, Connor is winding down to go to sleep and I get to ponder this whole TTC journey and my PCOS problems. I'm terrified that metformin isn't going to help me lose the weight that I need to. At this point, I'm eating pretty healthy. I cannot possibly cut out any unhealthy carbs. I'm exercising as often as I have the time to. Of course, I could use more sculpting, but my cardio workouts are pretty frequent. What else is there to do? How am I going to get to a healthy weight while TTC, and then stay there during pg? What if pre-e rears its ugly head again?

Oh, and another fun PCOS symptom has shown itself... male pattern hair loss! I've noticed some hair loss around my temples. Grrrr...there's nothing in the world that can make you feel uglier than male pattern hair growth/loss. I can handle the constant facial hair waxing, but what do you do when you're losing hair? All I can think to do is take my metformin when it's prescribed and pray!!!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

January 26, 2004

Day #4 Provera 10 mg pills, still no bleeding!

Oh, I thought this day would never end! Connor was up at 5 am, and didn't take a single nap all day. In all seriousness, I almost went bonkers. He was so cranky! At one point, I held him in my lap and faced him towards me. I looked deeply in his eyes and said to him "Connor, you have got to F-in stop this." It's not like me to like that, and I so rarely speak to Connor out of my "baby tone". What exactly was I thinking? He's going to think "Ok, Mom, I'll stop now. Thanks for letting me know that it's making you stress out." He's only 17 months today, not anywhere near 2 years old. So why is he acting like this?

Hopefully Brad'll be able to stay home tomorrow, with all of the snow. We took Connor out for a little playing in the snow, and he didn't quite know what to think:

I just can't wait to have two to play in the snow with. It's been almost 12 days since Brad and I last BD, because of the provera pills. The lull in TTC has been kinda nice, but PCOS seems to be rearing its ugly head in so many ways (ie, the hair loss thing that has really been bothering me lately). I can't wait to be rid of things. I need to talk to my OB about some sort of medication to rid me of the testosterone that's causing the hair problems... Note to self!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

January 27, 2004

Day #5 Provera 10 mg pills... I'm half-way there!

One thing is for sure, I cannot take many days like these. We're officially snowed-in, as we can't drive anywhere because the roads are so icy. We've gotten somewhere between 5 and 7 inches of snow in 48 hours.

Again, Connor was unbelievably cranky and impatient. Brad and I are having some serious marital problems, and I don't see him trying to change at all. It seems like things are getting worse, rather than better. I know that TTC, and especially abstaining from sex so that I can get a period, are hard on a marriage. But, I thought that our marriage was strong enough to withstand a month without sex without breaking down!

Two women on my Sep 02 board have just recently found out that they're pregnant. I have to admit, I'm pretty darn jealous. I so desperately wanted another September Sweetie!!!!!!!!! Obviously, I'm happy for them, but the jealousy is pretty insane.

Please, oh, please, let it be my turn soon! My marriage, and my sanity, cannot take this much longer!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

Day #6 of Provera 10 mg, Am I almost done yet?

Please, oh please, somebody tell me that I won't have to take provera every month every month for the rest of my life in order to get a period. The nausea, the mood swings... I just can't take another course of this stuff!

Tonight, I tried to clean the humidifier with a bit of bleach because it was a tad mildewy... and I spilled bleach on the rug. Darnit. So, goodbye rug!

I'm so sick of PCOS and being infertile and irregular and everything else. I have jealous thoughts when my girlfriends get their periods. It's really quite twisted. How did I manage to be 22 years old with an infertility diagnosis? It thoroughly alludes me.

My thoughts are so scattered this evening. I believe it's cabin fever, as I've been stuck inside for 3 days straight because of the snow. Tomorrow, we WILL get out, I don't care how bad the weather is. Poor Connor has to be getting sick of just his mommy to play with. We've played and cuddled all day, but I know that he has to be bored!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

January 29, 2004

Day #7 of Provera 10 mg pills

Connor, Brad and I FINALLY escaped the house today, after 4 days indoors because of the snow. Of course, we went out to dinner, and I had a very bad carb/fried food indulgence. It's back on the low-carb wagon tomorrow! :roll:

In a desperate sentimental gesture, I went through Connor's baby/preemie clothes today and re-folded most of them. I miss having a baby so small, so bad! Also, I found out that the wife of a soldier my husband works with is having fertility troubles also. She's 22. It's amazing how many women these issues hit home with!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

Day #8 of Provera 10 mg..... ALMOST AF TIME!!!!!!!!

How in the world can a woman trying to conceive, with such desperate fervor, be excited about getting her period? I haven't seen menstrual flow in 2.5 years, that's how! I've got tampons and pads and motrin and I'm raring to go!

My Mom is coming up from NC tomorrow, to stay for the weekend. Connor, Mom and I will go to Gymboree and play. Connor will be so excited when he sees his gammy tomorrow!

For now, I think our marital issues (that we were having earlier in the week), are over. Brad wrote me a really sweet letter telling me all of the reasons he thinks we're great together, and should try for another baby. It really helped to know that we're in this together. Sometimes, I feel like he's not as enthusiastic about trying to conceive. Part of it is, I am constantly stressed out about it because it's MY body that has to get in order for this whole thing to work. He probably doesn't think about it as often because, hey, all he really has to do is show up and do his thing! Right? It's nice to know that we're in this together, even if he isn't thinking about it every minute of every hour the way I do.

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

Provera 10 mg day 10 - Woo hooohooo! I'm done!

Where did the weekend go? Friday we spent all night cleaning, doing laundry, and getting our normal weekend chores done. My wonderful husband offered to help mop, so that I could finish everything else that had to be done. Saturday, Mom arrived and we had fun going to Gymboree. I made veggie burgers (from fresh tofu) for dinner, and Connor had the bestest time playing with his Gammy! He loves her so much, he'll avoid me to be with her. It's a little disheartening, because normally his mommy is all he wants. But, it's nice for him to have such a close relationship with her. I know that it will continue, and he will have two wonderful women (his Mommy and Gammy) to look up to.

Anyway, we went over to a friend's house to watch the super bowl. It was honestly quite strange, these people have a 5 yr old, 3 yr old, and a 2 yr old. Their priorities are a little off, and it's obvious that their poor kids suffer. Although I full expect Connor to become more verbal, troublesome and even downright obnoxious as he becomes an older toddler, I hope to be patient and loving with him. At a minimum, I expect myself to pay attention to him.

I'm glad we waited until now to TTC #2. I know I wouldn't be able to take care of children less than a year apart. I wouldn't be able to take care of them with the love and attention I'd like to, anyway.

Tomorrow, I have yet another GYN appt to try and figure out what's wrong with me. This time, with a new GYN. I'd like to have her pinpoint how bad my insulin resistance is, and figure out if I need to take insulin sensitizing medication. I'm also hoping to discuss my testosterone levels, and whether or not they're related to my insulin resistance. Also, I'm concerned that maybe this provera won't jumpstat my period.

I'll need all the luck I can get with this appt tomorrow! Hopefully, I won't leave the appt crying like my last couple of appts!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

February 2, 2004

Day 1, 500 mg Metformin

We had a thoroughly great appointment today, with a new OB/GYN. Her name is Dr. Pierson, and she has a 17 month old too! She's more personable, more patient, and more communicative than the OB/GYN we had seen the last time. All of my questions are answered (for now), and things are looking up on the PCOS front.

My fasting insulin level (as of Jan 9) was only 2, which is not bad at all. This leads us to think that my PCOS isn't as far along in the downward spiral as we had previously thought. Considering all of my bloodwork panel, the only thing that really stands out is a relatively high testosterone level. This is often associated with PCOS, and it doesn't surprise me one bit. I have all the symptoms of a high androgen (testosterone is an androgen) level: facial hair growth (I hate plucking!), hair loss, acne, etc, etc.

Thankfully, Dr. Pierson answered my questions about those side-effects of PCOS. She said that they're not reversible, but that they should not get any worse now that I am taking metformin. She'd like to keep me on metformin until I get pregnant, and through the first trimester of pregnancy. Metformin has been shown to decrease the high instance of miscarriage in PCOS patients. Hopefully, the Metformin alone will help me to ovulate. If, in three months time, I'm still annovulatory (and still have ammenorrhea), we'll consider clomid. For now, I'm on a baby-step Metformin regimen, and low carb diet. So, for the first week I'll be on 500 mg Met, then step up to 1000 mg, then up to 1500 mg.

Poor Connor passed out in the van on the way home from my appt. He's still sleeping now, and I'll probably join him soon. Here's to some healthy ovaries, real soon!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

February 3, 2004

Day 2, Metformin 500 mg

"if there are any heavens my mother will(all by herself)have
one. It will not be a pansy heaven nor
a fragile heaven of lilies-of-the-valley but
it will be a heaven of blackred roses"
e.e. cummings

In the evening, when he's almost zonked but fighting sleep, Connor is the most cuddly. Before Brad got home tonight, Connor climbed in the bed with me and brought his babydoll. I held him, he held his doll. For a moment, he was my baby again. Our little piece of heaven lasted all of three minutes before he wanted to get up and play again. I love every little kiss he gives me during the day, and every tight hug, but those moments when I have my baby back are so amazing. Raising an independent, happy little person can be so bittersweet.

Connor now says "ut oh" and "there ya go". I need to teach him to say "baby sister" or "baby brother".

We're hoping for a November baby, but honestly, I'd wait another year if it meant that we'd have another September baby. I really love early fall babies! Don't let me say that I "don't want" a December baby, because I want another baby no matter what. But... I'd prefer anything but winter for giving birth. I don't want to try to squeeze my huge pregnant self into a winter coat.

So far, my only side-effect from metformin is gassiness. I know, TMI. It's not even that bad. I hope this lack of bad side-effects continues!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

February 6, 2004

CD 3

Metformin 1000 mg

These have been a long couple of days. AF has hit with the full force of a hurricane. Last night, I balled up on the couch and tried not to be too much of a witch to Brad. Today, I spent trying to be the best mom to Connor that I could be while running to the bathroom every hour to change pads. I did, however, get to go to the gym tonight. Thankfully, a little bit of exercise granted me a reprieval of menstrual cramps for a good hour or two.

Once again, my little boy has a cold. He's sniffling, coughing, and the whole bit. It seems like he's always sick. My Mom insists that really, he's not always sick, it's the cold and flu season. Thankfully, he's never been to the hospital for any illness. I still suspect that he's sick more often than most breastfed babies. I know exactly why this is. His first meals of breastmilk (colostrum) were pumped, refrigerated and then warmed. Those magical breastmilk antibodies I hoped he'd get, I'm guessing, were destroyed by the process. Yet another casualty of my less-than-perfect birth experience, I didn't get to nurse him until he was 3-4 days old. Consequently, I'm thinking he missed all of those nutrients from the first nursing sessions. I really, really tried my hardest. We spent a whole month learning how to latch on, with pumped breastmilk serving as a backup. Eventually, Connor learned to nurse and nursed right up to his first birthday and then some. Is it possible that my pumped breastmilk during that first month failed to give him what he needed for a healthy immune system?

Part of me feels like our attempt to conceive a second child is a covert attempt to right whatever wrongs were done during my first birth experience. Another part of me knows that I want another child more than anything, no matter how s/he is born. I'm so nervous about a second pregnancy... of course, I will be watching my blood pressure and swelling like a hawk. I'll probably end up buying a home blood pressure monitor! I'm trying to stay as healthy as possible for now, and hoping that my efforts create a healthy environment for baby #2.

For now, we're still grappling with a low-carb diet. I'm puzzled over whether or now whole wheat carbohydrates "count". Are my frosted mini wheats, which have 40 g of carbs, bad? They're whole wheat, obviously, but have a little sugar.

Today, I ordered a bunch of stuff from drugstore.com. A new basal thermometer (that lights up so I don't wake Brad up turning on the light after I take my temp), some more prenatals, folic acid, and some b12 to help with my cervical mucous. My shopping list reads like an official trying to conceive kit!!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

February 7, 2004

CD 4

Metformin, 1000 mg

Do you remember how, 4 days ago, I was insisting that Metformin wasn't causing me to experience any unpleasant side-effects besides a little embarrasing gas?

You can forget that.

Last night, after dinner, the nausea started. I fought it off in as many ways as I knew how. After my pregnancy wtih Connor, I know several different ways of relieving relentless nausea. At 2 am, I started vomiting, and the nastiness was periodic for hours. I finally passed out at 6 am.

The big problem was, I had an FRG coffee to go to at 11 am. Of course, I overslept and missed the darn thing. I was so disappointed, because I had really wanted to make it. When I did wake up, I was hesitant to leave the house because I just might puke again.

Aside from being mildly irritated by being up all night doing something other than BDing, I was really ok with the whole thing because I figure eventually my body will get used to this stuff and I'll be able to eat low-carb and have no nausea.

This afternoon, however, a girl from my husband's class calls me. I'm the "spouse leader" for his class, and she's supposedly my helping hand. She informs me that I really should have been at the meeting. I ask what I missed. She says that she was "rubbing elbows with some higher-ups." I say "Oh, well, Not much then?" And her reply infuriates me: "It really was alot. You really should have been there." It's not so much what she said, as the irritating tone she took. Since class has started, I've put in at least 30 hours worth of work for our class, and the FRG. I don't mind this, it's all fun for me. But, if I can't miss a single meeting because I don't feel well? It's not worth it! I told her I'd talk to her later, and hung up. I'm sure that I wasn't missed that much!!

Brad came home from studying, and I cried on his shoulders for a good hour. Lately, I feel like I'm peddling as fast as I can, and not getting anywhere. I'm exercising four times a week, in an attempt to lose weight. I'm taking 13 hours worth of classes. I'm volunteering with the FRG and the spouses group. I'm maintaining and cultivating new friendships. And, most important of all, I'm raising my precious little toddler. Add to all of that mix my struggle with fertility and I'm one tired, overwhelmed and stressed out woman. I must prioritize!

Lol Tomorrow. Tonight, I'm going to try and get some rest and work on completely digesting my dinner and keeping it down!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

February 8, 2004

CD 5

let it go--the
smashed word broken
open vow or
the oath cracked length
wise--let it go it
was sworn to
go

let them go--the
truthful liars and
the false fair friends
and the boths and
neithers--you must let them go they
were born
to go

let all go--the
big small middling
tall bigger really
the biggest and all
things--let all go
dear
so comes love

e.e.cummings

Today, I actually forgot about all of my trying to conceive angst. I was studying, cleaning, caring for Connor, shopping and cooking, and I forgot all about a new baby. Truthfully, I spent most of the day trying to eat just the right proportions and just the right substances that I might not throw it all back up. I succeeded! All-in-all, I had a happy day. It's 10 pm right now, and I've kept down every bite of food I've eaten. Hurray!

Poor Connor was feeling a little under the weather, today. His nose was all snotted up. He couldn't breathe, and daddy tried so hard to keep him happy. Luckily, he went to bed at a reasonable hour and is still asleep.

Tomorrow, I drive down to Woodbridge to take a unit test.

At this point, I'm a little worried about my BBT chart. My temps are pretty erratic (maybe it's just because I'm on my period?). Ok, they're REALLY erratic. Hopefully they will smooth out when the bleeding stops. And, hopefully the bleeding will stop soon. Here's to all the hoping we need to get this trying to conceive party on the road!!!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

February 9, 2004

CD 6

Finally, the bleeding is tapering off. I'm starting to be really excited about where this cycle might go! I bought a better basal thermometer, and will start using it tomorrow.

Today was my big test down at Woodbridge, which went very well. Afterward, I went to Target and drooled over baby stuff. Specifically, I drooled over this cute little Amy Coe "Down on the Farm" nursery/bedding set. It looks just perfect for a little cowgirl! Or, in other words, just perfect for a little Cassidy!!! I had to hold myself off and not buy it.

Brad is working shifts now, and I really hope that that doesn't get in the way of BDing!!!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

February 10, 2004

CD 7

Let's spin the wheel and see what Abby's gastrointestinal ailment of the evening will be!

It looks like tonight it's...... diarrhea! YAY!

I swear, I ate well today. No bad carbs what-so-ever. And yet, I have been blessed with nausea and diarrhea. Grr!

Anyway, my bleeding is really tapering off. Everything else is going well. If only I could just feel a little more like a human being and less like I've got a three week stomach flu!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

February 11, 2004

CD8

AF is almost gone, waiting to O now!

Connor and I had a pretty great day. I slept in (Brad was home because of the shift changes), and Connor did too. We played until noon, and then I took Connor to hourly care so that I could go to the gym. Afterward, Connor cuddled in my arms while I watched tv. It was awesome to just cuddle with him!

I miss having a tiny baby to cuddle with, so bad. Hopefully, I will O soon and we'll get our baby.

Oh! Another neat thing! It seems that I have already lost about 10 lbs since starting Metformin (according to my weight this morning, before eating and wearing just a nightgown). I hope that is accurate!!!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

February 16, 2004

CD 13, possibly 1 dpo

Where did this weekend go? We went down to NC to visit my mom, my brother and other family/friends. Connor got to hang out with his old pal Nathan, which meant that I got to hang out with Lisa! We had some very much needed girl time. Brad and I took Rob (my brother) and his GF out to dinner. All-in-all, it was a great weekend. Most of my metformin side effects are gone, and I've even been able to have a little treat (a couple of pieces of chocolate, not even a full serving) everyday without making myself sick. Unfortunately, I got very emotional and upset with Brad on Valentines Day night. I've been pretty stressed and upset, and I've pent it all up. I guess the tears just needed to flow!

Anyway, the big question of the moment is... did I ovulate yesterday? Today, maybe?

I started having egg-white cm right after my period stopped. Consequently, I bought one of those ovulation predictor kits. The first one I took was a flop... the test line and the control line didn't show. The second one I took was negative, as the line was present but very, very faint. The next day (which was yesterday, the 15th), I took another. It was positive!

Granted, it wasn't as dark as the control line (the package says it is supposed to be). It WAS pretty dark though. It was darker than I've ever seen, and I've taken about 20 of those things. I also had gobs of EWCM that day. Of course, Brad and I took advantage of that fact and did the dance. Sadly, it was rushed. We were in my mom's house :oops: , and although no one was home, we were scared of someone walking in on us. If we conceive this cycle, it is going to be a funny story to tell baby bean someday!

Anyway, my temp dipped on the 14th (Valentines Day). I hope that was a pre-O dip and not just a fluke! It was back up on the 15th, and even higher today. Hopefully, it will go even higher and give me a coverline!

Today, I took another ovulation predictor kit test and it was negative. I really hope this means that I ovulated yesterday, or early today. I didn't feel any cramping, but then, I guess not everyone cramps when they ovulate. I don't remember cramping when Connor was conceived. Although, at the time (we weren't trying to conceive), I wouldn't have known what to look for.

Once again, hope springs eternal, and I've got my spirits all up for a BFP.

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

February 18, 2004

CD 15

It's completely unclear to me at this point whether I have ovulated yet, or if I even will this cycle. It may be another provera ending for me!

All the same, things are so busy right now. I have a formal to go to on Friday, and a meeting of the 03-02 spouses at my house on Saturday. This is all in addition to the usual circus of school work, Brad's school work, and Connor.

I'm overwhelmed, and stressed, but what else is new? I've decided not to up my dose of Metformin to 1500 mg until after Saturday. I just couldn't handle puking/diarrhea along with being a hostess and showing up at the formal.

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

February 20, 2004

CD16

Possibly 4 dpo? Only the Lord knows at this point.

Things are still really stressful here, with a formal tomorrow and a meeting on Saturday that I have to host. I won't go into all of the bickering, gossipy stuff that has been going on lately within our little group of spouses, but I will say this: Women are so harsh to each other! It is rediculous.

Brad and I'll probably BD tonight, because I'm having EWCM tonight. It's strange, I know. I had a negative OPK this morning... very strange to be getting EWCM tonight.

Today, I spent most of the day looking for an appropriate dress for the formal tomorrow night. Connor got really frustrated that I drug him around shopping with me. He did, however, get to play for a long time at a very neat little playground at Chick-fil-a. This place was so neat! It was designed like a giant rainforest, with a special section for kids 3 and under. I love places like that, as I don't have to worry about Connor getting trampled as much. :? I have to defend my little man! He is starting to say "hi" constantly, and grinning at people when he does it. Very, very cute!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

February 23, 2004

CD 20

It's still unclear whether I'll ever O or not this cycle. Things are going well, except for all of the stress left over from the weekend. I still plan on testing at the beginning of March, just because I'm a glutton for punishment and I really wonder about that positive OPK I got on CD 12. It's vaguely possible that my huge temperature jump this morning is resulting from implantation (I would be 8 dpo).

We have *two* positive pregnancy test gals on our PCOS board right now, which is freaking awesome! I just can't wait for it to be my turn.

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

February 24, 2004

CD 21

Holy crap, the nausea! I've just started (ie, started Sunday) my full 1500 mg dose of Metformin, and it is hitting me like a rock!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

February 25, 2004

CD 23, possibly 9/10 dpo?

finally at 1500 mg Metformin

Metformin's nausea nasties are in full force, and it's Mr. Connor's half birthday (18 months) tomorrow. We bought him a swing (we've meant to for a long time, and it's getting warmer now so he can be outside), and Brad installed it today. He loves to swing! It's so much fun to watch him. He's such a happy little guy, most of the time.

I'm just dying to test, and I will take an HPT Friday. Assuming that's neg, I'll take another Sunday or Monday, and a blood test March 11 just before getting another prescription for Provera. I've already booked another appt with Dr. Pierson for the 11th, because I'm anticipating this being another annovulatory, ammenorrhea cycle and I'll chalk it up to metformin not being in my system yet. My temps are just so erratic. However, I'm still very hopeful about that positive ovulation predictor test I took on the 15th of February, so I absolutely MUST test!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

February 29, 2004

CD 26, possibly 13 dpo?

I'll be taking an HPT tomorrow morning, which I expect to come back negative. We've spent the weekend at my mom's house (tomorrow is her birthday!) Connor loves playing with his Gammy so much! We had a great weekend, except that Brad and I fought about stupid relationship stuff. TTC is really taking quite a toll on our relationship.

Oh, I cheated on my diet this weekend really bad! I'll be back on the wagon tomorrow. It is SO HARD to stay with "no white" while travelling. I did ok, I guess, but I cheated more than I would have at home. Hopefully, this won't set me back any on the TTC front.

I'll be sleeping with a baby sock under my pillow tonight, for good luck!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

March 1, 2004

CD 27

"my love is building a building
around you, a frail slippery
house, a strong fragile house"
e.e. cummings

This day started out so horribly, and ended wonderfully. Being that this was, possibly, 14 dpo, I left a first response early result pregnancy test next to the toilet. Normally, I'm in a cloud when I first wake. I thought I'd forget, and would test later in the week. No such luck this morning. I was completely alert, awake, and dreading taking that HPT that I knew I'd fail. This is the first HPT I've taken with bile in my stomach.. read: this is the first test I've taken that I've actually been anxious about! And of course, it was negative. I'm beginning to think that this TTC journey will be more than a year for us.

After all of the drama of HPT hell... Connor woke up in a fabulous mood. His 18 month routine appointment was today, and we got ready after gulping down cereal and peaches.

We weren't able to see his regular doctor, whom I just adore. She's on maternity leave. We saw an extremely flaky, very folksy, slightly batty civilian provider who basically said that he's fine. Although she seemed VERY impressed by his emotional development (he shows empathy for others, gives hugs and kisses), she was stuck on his size. He's just tiny. Again, she's referred me to a nutritionist. Once again, I'll take a week-long history of what he is eating, down to the calorie. And once again, the nutritionist will say "he eats so well!" Hopefully, we'll get around drawing blood. I truly believe he's just meant to be tiny!

The greatest news: NO SHOTS THIS VISIT! YAY for Con-man! We went out to lunch to celebrate a great appointment, and Connor enjoyed french fries with his mac and cheese and green beans. He just loves french fries.. must take after his momma!

Our afternoon was just amazing, though. I can't believe it was almost 70 degrees today! We spent almost 3 hours at the park, and Connor and I met some new friends. Apparently, we have more stay-at-home-mom neighbors than we thought. Connor met two little boys, Troy and Eric, and I chatted with their mommies while chasing my little prince all over the park. It was just heavenly. We haven't had a day like this to just PLAY in the warm sun in so long!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

March 2, 2004

CD 28

Well, I certainly did not think this night would end with me crying in front of the chief of Brad's school, and the NCOIC of Brad's school. At another one of our fruitless FRG meetings, the German witch and two spouses (hers and another) were being particularly rude to me. After all of the work I've put into this, they are giving me pure hell. Especially the German witch. At one point, I actually made reference to the fact that I have "had it up to here". I love being in this position, and organizing our social and everything that goes with it. But, I just cannot believe how childish people can be! Brad's NCOIC of the school made one of the soldiers appologize to me! :oops: When I heard that, I started crying. I felt awful. I cannot stand to show weakness!

Other than that, we had a fine day. It was a little too cloudy outside to go play, but we went to gymbo in the morning. My temp was pretty low this morning, I'm wondering if it's a pre-O dip again? However, I had no EWCM, so it might just be a fluke. I might be about to start AF, too? Either way, I am still waiting for Metformin to work it's wonders on me.

Today, Connor was playing with his baby doll, and started rocking her! I hope this is a testament to how much love I've given him, rather than a display of something I've overlooked in my parenting. I am such a paranoid mommy! I ltreasure the opportunity to be the first love he'll ever know. I don't claim to know what his future holds, but I will always be his first start. And I love that. As soon as he opened his eyes for the first time, he knew what it was to be loved. He saw his mommy and daddy sitting by his isolette, both in tears just to see him in pain. God, he was (and is) so beautiful. It's so touching to watch his shows of affection now: his hugs, kisses, and even when he nurses that baby doll! I just hope I have been and will be a good enough momma for him.

So, tonight, I rocked him to sleep and let the tears flow down my cheeks as I looked back on his short little life. I'm so blessed to have him. Most kids his age don't cuddle like he does. Part of me doesn't know if having another baby will take any love away from Connor. Maybe our struggle for fertility is some way of fate watching out for Connor? Is this some plot to make sure he's our main focus during these last few months of his babyhood? He certainly doesn't miss out on social opportunities, so that's no reason to give him a brother or sister. I can't wait to see him holding a REAL baby brother or sister, though. Brad and I have all the faith in the world that he'll be amazing as a sibling.

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57
*TMI* ahead

March 3, 2004

CD 29

I might actually be in the process of ovulating. Wahoo! I had a temp drop equivalent to the drop I had the day I popped a positive ovulation predictor test, and today a rise of .7 degrees! That, and, I've had a couple of EWCM patches today. Some were pretty heavy! And stretchy too... I didn't have EWCM every time I checked but at least once or twice.

We haven't been BD much lately because of my metformin nausea, but we made sure to today! (Who feels like having sex when they are nauseous, anyway? Brad has been very understanding)

This morning, I made about a gazillion calls to everyone and their mother, trying to arrange caterers for the social, catch up with some 03/02 class gals, and make appointments for Connor with nutritionists and the audiology clinic. Connor put up with me while I got some cleaning done, too, and then Brad surprised me with a sweet "how ya doin', honey?" call at around 2.

Tomorrow is playgroup, and hopefully my temps will rise, rise, rise!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

March 4, 2004

At playgroup today, I got to hold a teeny tiny baby. I thought I'd cry right then and there, but I held off till the car! This baby was only 5 lbs. Connor was more than 5 lbs at 32 weeks! (I think they had said he was measuring 7 lbs 3 oz at 34 weeks) I really don't want a baby that small, and so I just kept telling myself that... "You don't want this, Abby, you want a big, healthy, non-NICU baby."

So, my temp only went up .2 today, and I don't think that's a good sign. I slept with an adorable pink, newborn "coming home" outfit under my pillow last night. (We had bought it for Connor, who was supposed to be Cassidy, was a girl by u/s at 17 and 23 weeks) I guess that didn't work!

I'm an emotional wreck today. Either I'm ovulating, or I'm about to start AF!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

March 5, 2004

CD 31

Brad brought flowers home from work today! Adorable tulips, and they smell yummy, too! Lol He gets a gold star for that.

Today was pretty boring, aside from the afternoon. I talked to Lisa, but other than that, we just did our normal thing! Connor seemed really tired, and took an extra long nap. Maybe he is growing? Yesterday and the day before, he ate alot more than usual.

Anyway, I'm a little concerned. I haven't ovulated yet, and I'm so far along in my cycle. All I want at this point is to get this cycle over with so that I can start fresh. I doubt that AF will be coming soon, though. I'll probably have to do another provera cycle, and I don't have another GYN appointment until at least the 17th. Grrr...

I have lost a little weight so far (at least 10 lbs, more if you count my max weight as my starting point!), but today I slipped off the wagon a good bit with my eating. Ah well, I am still seeing results and eating well. I tend to "fall off the wagon" on the weekends with my eating, but I am doing well overall! Today, it was a chocolate attack that got me. Very, very sad!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

March 7, 2004

CD 33

194 lbs

I'm going to start listing my weight on these entries, too, because I've lost almost 15 lbs (was up to at least 209 when I started Metformin, although in retrospect maybe I was down to 205 when I started Metformin?)

Anyway, I slipped in my diet Friday (TONS of chocolate, almost 2 whole servings of hersheys kisses!) and so I want to see how badly that slip is going to hurt my weight. I am scared that losing 15 lbs is as far as my body is going to go. I've been trying to get exercise, but lately the best I can do is a 40 minute walk with Connor, daily. Brad has been busy, I've been busy, and it's just darn hard to make it to the gym! At the very least, though, I am getting enough exercise to keep my heart healthy. I'd just like to be on a more agressive exercise plan.

Brad and I had a huge fight today, I've been trying to put it out of my mind. I love him so much, but there has been so much bickering lately. While it's true that we love each other, and love Connor, we didn't know each other well when we got married. Perhaps the truth is that we did know each other, we just didn't know what we wanted in a marriage. Brad is pretty content, but I am not. I know that Brad is who I want to be with for the rest of my life, but I can't seem to just accept all of the things I don't like about him and get over them! It's so cliche to be saying, but I need more excitement! Especially with this TTC stuff... man. There is nothing in the world like BD when you don't really feel like it! I keep telling myself, I wouldn't want to conceive a child this way (ie, sex when I'm not really in the mood). But, just thinking about TTC gets me so stressed out that I'm not in the mood.. lol! So it's a no-win situation.

I've also been trapped in the house all weekend, studying and not really doing anything but.. Maybe next week things will look brighter? I certainly hope so. We love each other, we want another child, and we love our son. Why can't I just get my act together and learn to accept the things I don't like about my husband? Or maybe get him to see that I need a few changes?

I don't think that I'm fertile right now, or that I will be in the next week. So, the next week will hopefully be very therapeutic for our relationship. Sex if I want to, no sex if I don't. And maybe along with no sex (we've been BD every 48 hrs for the past 3 months or so), Brad will realize that he's not getting any unless I get some non-BD-related affection! LOL!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

March 8, 2004

CD 34

197

See? Having a chocolate breakdown really does pay off... 4 days later, I'm 4 lbs heavier!

I'm SOOO freakin depressed today. Guess what? Two girls in my husband's class (spouses of soldiers in the class, anyay) are pregnant. That's right, two. One started trying right when we did, and one started trying in JANUARY! And she's pg already. That just goes to show.. I will never be pregnant. Ever. And when I do get pg, people will be so tired of hearing about our struggle to get pregnant that it won't be such a celebration. This absolutely sucks. I never in my life thought I'd be so jealous and angry at pregnant women. Plus, the second girl to get pregnant doesn't even take care of the kid she's got! She lets him eat and eat until now he's obese for a toddler, and she formula fed him, even though she knows breast is best. AND, she lets him ride around in a hand-me-down car seat she knows is probably not safe. And she's pregnant. Oh... I am trying so hard not to cry today, but I'm just so mad!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

March 9, 2004

CD 35

196

First of all, the happiest, cutest news ever! Tonight, Connor was having an after-dinner treat of Nilla wafers. I stood over him, holding two of them in my hands, and said "Connor, what are these?" He said "Cook, cook"!!!! "Cook cook" is the nickname Brad and I have for cookies. How freaking cool is that?? Cookie "cook cook" is technically his sixth word, but it's the first word we've been able to get him to say on demand. His other words are dog, ball, mama, dada, and hi.

And, the strangest thing happened today, with my CM. At noon, I had a little brownish/pink tinge to some sticky CM. Then, I had a little spotting at around 2 pm. I had A LITTLE spotting, and by that, I mean it was hardly anything at all. This could be the start of AF, and honestly, I would welcome that. It would be my first AF on my own in almost eight years.

Although fertility friend (charting software) does not say that I have ovulated yet, I had a dip and a rise and corresponding EWCM at CD 28. That makes me potentially 7 or 8 days past ovulation. Since implantation can happen between 7 and 10 days past ovulation, it is possible that my spotting is implantation spotting! I am trying not to get excited, but really.. how awesome would that be?

I just hope SOMETHING happens, either AF or a positive HPT.

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

March 10, 2004

CD 36

194

My temp is down today, but that might not mean anything, considering that my temps don't show sustained ovulation in the first place! I'll be testing Sunday, based on that tiny bit of spotting and then nothing that I had yesterday. I haven't had anymore spotting, but have been nauseous today (could be metformin!)

So what is a girl to think?

Brad starts a different shift (4 am to noon) tomorrow. I'm not entirely sure if this is a good, or a bad, thing. The new shift will give me more time to study in the afternoon, maybe even drive down to school and watch some movies in the library (school-related, of course!) However, Brad will be exhausted from not getting enough sleep, and he'll have to be in bed early every night. He'll miss our cuddle time on the couch!

Ah, well, such is life!

I'm still steaming over the girl in my husband's class who just found out that she's pregnant. I am trying so hard not to be bitter, but it truly hurts me to watch someone with such screwed up priorities get pregnant again! Not two weeks ago, these people bought a huge, flat screen, HD tv. Yet, they drive around in the same car (a 99 saturn, which does NOT have a latch system for carseats) and with their first-born in the same crappy car seat. Two thousand dollars for a new tv, and not a penny towards their son. It's just irritating to me.

But! I am trying not to let it get to me.

Connor has an audiology appointment tomorrow, just to make sure that everything is ok. Sometimes, delayed speech (Connor isn't technically delayed yet, but his doctor and I would like to see him speaking more clearly and with more words) is related to a hearing problem. I seriously doubt this is the case with Connor (he perks his ears at the word cookie), but we're just double checking!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

March 11, 2004

CD 37

192

TTC News first: I've had a little spotting today, but nothing to write home about. While looking at my chart this morning, I noticed that there's no way we could have conceived a baby on CD 28.. we hadn't had sex in 7 days! So it looks like if conception occured at all, it was CD 29, which would make me 8 dpo today. I had spotting on CD 35, which would have been possibly 6 dpo. I question whether or not implantation can even happen that early, but I've been told that it can.

Still, I have had some VERY light spotting today (none at all yesterday), and I wonder if AF is just toying with me. I just wish she'd hurry up and get here if she's going to come, and stay away if she's staying away for 9 months! It's so frustrating! I have to knock on wood here, but I can honestly say... I really want a November baby rather than a December baby! There's just so much craziness in December, with holidays and our anniversary.

Anyway, in "other news", Connor's hearing appointment went very well, and we got a referral to see a speech pathologist that meets closer to us than Bethesda Naval. We were going to have to go all the way to Bethesda to see a speech path, and that would be once a month we'd make that trip! Yikes! Thankfully, a speech path comes down to our base once a month, and we'll see her starting in May. Until then, we'll go to Bethesda. I don't mind two trips up there so badly. Everyone I've talked to thinks we're paranoid for seeing a speech path so early. Connor still only says six words, though, and I feel like, why not? It's free (we're military), it helps him, and it helps me to get ideas on how to help him develop his speech patterns. I'm hoping for some good ideas to get him talking!

Brad came home from work today at noon and gave me a full body rub/scratch! I was so happy with him. Then I took a nice long, very needed nap. He's sleepy, and fast asleep now, otherwise he would be getting some very well earned lovin'! Lol

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

March 12, 2004

CD 38, possibly 9 dpo?

194

Brad and I went out to lunch today at Red, Hot, and Blue, with Prince Connor. All that I can say is: "mmmmm, pork!" We had a pretty good day, and took a long afternoon nap. I am soooo sleepy today, and was yesterday, too! I'll still be testing with Mel on Sunday morning, as I haven't had anymore spotting or anything. Also, it looks like I had an implantation dip at 7 dpo, just after the light spotting I had. Could that be an implantation dip following implantation spotting? Oh.... I hope so! We went to wal mart to get preg tests today, and of course I wimped out and tested today. It was in the afternoon, and of course, BFN! I just hope that was a fluke. I am so anxious about Sunday... I really want a November cutie!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

March 14, 2004

CD 40

193

There is alot to be said for the idea that a pregnant woman somehow knows she's pregnant, because I certainly had the feeling that I was not this cycle. I knew I wasn't pregnant, and tested anyway, and of course, I got a big freaking negative this morning. I didn't cry, I didn't pout, but I am so unbelievably depressed that I practically slept all day. Luckily, Connor and Brad were also in really sleepy moods, also.

What's worse, is that this week is going to be really hectic. I have mounds of schoolwork, a GYN appointment, and Brad is on the morning shift so now he has to go to bed REALLY early in order to wake up at 2 am. Needless to say, that early-to-bed, early-to-rise schedule is really bad for BDing!!

This weekend, aside from the BFN this morning, was pretty fun. Connor, Brad and I spent some time outside on Saturday, getting the grill up and running again and playing with all of Connor's playground bouncy balls. We went to gymbo on Saturday, also. I managed to forget all about my possible pregnancy (which isn't!) for most of the day. Connor let me rock him to sleep (usually only lets me do this once or twice a week), and we cuddled and told stories until around 10. Brad fell asleep on the couch, which I felt bad about, but we got some cuddle time in also. I talked to Mel until late, and went to bed excited about taking my HPT in the morning. Silly, silly Abby, you should know not to get your hopes up by now.

I just wonder why my body has to play these games with me? Why the spotting at possibly 6 dpo? I doubt I even ovulated, but that spotting was really poorly timed. It got my hopes up. And, if AF had promptly shown her face, it wouldn't have been so bad. But no, I had spotting and then nothing. It looked like implantation! It really did. I know that I don't need to justify testing, but I feel like I do.

Now, I just want AF to hurry up and show so I can get on with trying for December baby. And after that spotting last week, I am seeing nothing. I have an OB/GYN appointment on Wednesday, and so I need to decide if I want to just take provera to end this cycle. And, I need to decide if we want to go ahead and take clomid if I'm not pregnant by early May. My GYN offered to prescribe me clomid at my last appointment, but at the time I told her that we wanted to see if Metformin by itself would regulate my cycles. Truth be told, we are young at this point, and it seemed to be overkill to me to try clomid when we've only been TTC for 5 months (4 months at the time). The more I think about it, though, the scarier the prospects are of leaving this post (we PCS in August/September) not pregnant. Brad will likely be deployed within months of moving to our next duty station. If we aren't pregnant before he deploys, we will have to move on to IUI. (We plan on spending the money to have his spermies frozen in case he gets "gulf war syndrome" and becomes infertile b/c of radiation exposure, chemical exposure) So, do I want to go on ahead and take clomid? I'm terrified of the mood swings, night sweats, everything else!

Another thing I'm wondering about is a possible HSG to see if both my tubes are open, just in case. But then, I don't think my GYN will go for it because I already have one child, so obviously at some point my tubes worked, right?

I am trying so hard not to be tearful, because I know things are not as desperate as they may seem right now. I'm just so hurt by all of this!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

March 15, 2004

CD 41

196

Wonders will never cease. I can tell by the bloating, weight gain, crabbiness and spotting that AF is on her way. This is my first spontaneous AF since at least age 19! I am trying so hard to be positive about this, because really, it is a truly miraculous thing. At about age 20, without having had a period in months, I conceived, and miscarried very early on. Three months later, Connor was conceived. All of that, without a single period to mark cycles or give any hint that I was fertile what-so-ever. This last AF that I had was provera withdrawal, so it wasn't spontaneous at all. I'm trying soooo hard to be thankful for my body right now.. at least TRYING to act normal!

Today it's gorgeous outside, and it's supposed to be the last nice day we have for awhile. Connor and I will go for a walk later. I'm trying not to get to angry that I've gained weight, because I really do think it's water weight because AF is on her way.

Oh, I got NO sleep last night! I could not sleep to save my soul. I lay in bed with Brad, tossing and turning, until he got up to go to work. I tried taking a warm bath, tried getting a bite to eat, and nothing worked. Finally, at 3:30 am, I fell asleep. And then, Connor woke up at 6 am! Grrrr!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

March 15, 2004 - second entry, nightime

Wow, I feel like crap! AF still hasn't shown, but I'm nauseous and crampy. Add on a really bad backache to that and I'm just ready for bed! I want to declare myself "off" for tomorrow. I need some more naptime!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

March 16, 2004

CD 42

195

Will AF ever show her ugly face? :banghead: Today, the spotting I've had for a week now has become more obvious. While it started as just a little pink on my tissue once a day, it has become more regular (every time I go, I find blood on my tissue). Also, I've gained weight that I can only explain as bloating. We've been eating very well, not cheating, and getting exercise. I really do believe this is PMS, I just wish AF would come already! PMS shouldn't last a week! AND, I've had to pee alot more than usual (like once every two hours, when normal for me is once ever 4-5 hours.. I have a honkin' huge bladder). I know that having to pee alot can be the result of high progesterone in my blood. This is not a bladder infection, as when I go pee, I really go pee. I know a UTI when I have one, and this ain't it.

From what I understand about the fertility cycles, progesterone increases after ovulation until a point at which it drops off. That withdrawal is supposed to create AF. I could be wrong about that, but that's my understanding. So.. this having to pee alot might be a sign of progesterone levels being high, meaning AF is due any minute. Grr!!!!

Tomorrow is my next appointment with Dr Pierson, and I plan on writing up a list of questions to ask her. I'll post them on here later, so I remember to write down her responses tomorrow. At this point, I think the plan is that if I'm not preggo by May, we will start clomid cycles. I sincerely hope I can get pregoo on my own. I don't think my emotional stability can handle clomid's side effects.

Anyway, for now I am off to the PX to buy some "girly" stuff in preparation for AF's big arrival.

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

My questions for Dr Pierson tomorrow are..

1.) Assuming no pregnancy by May, can we proceed with clomid at that point? Will we start at the lowest dose? Will blood level/ultrasound monitoring be done while on clomid?

2.) At what point will it be necessary to get an S/A done for Brad?

3.) Request retesting of blood levels: DHEAS, Prolactin, LH, FSH, Fasting insulin, testosterone, etc.

4.) Are there any options besides clomid if not pg by May?

5.) Is there anyway to tell whether or not AF is on her way, so that I won't have to go through another provera cycle?

6.) What is the policy on ultrasounds at Dewit? What kind of monitoring will I undergo, should I get pregnant before we PCS?

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

March 17, 2004

CD 43

195

Well, this has been a good news/bad news kind of day. At my appointment, Dr. Pierson didn't seem to understand why I was there. It's so funny to me, military doctors are just not used to handling couples with infertility issues! If you're not pregnant, they don't really want to see you for update/discussion/information appointments. She asked again if I was ready to start clomid, and I told her that I'd like to wait till May.

Other than that....My doc said that it takes on average about 8 weeks for Met to take full effect. I started taking Met on 2/02, but didn't get up to my max dosage until 3 weeks or so after that. So, I am still waiting for Met to work it's magic on me.. hence, the annovulatory cycle. She really thinks that my prospects aren't too bad, and that the PCOS wasn't as far along as I've feared it was. We went over my blood tests from January.

The results are:

My Testosterone Total: 58 (normal is 15-70)

Here's what INCIID.org says: "Testosterone is secreted from the adrenal gland and the ovaries. Most would consider a level above 50 to be somewhat elevated."

My fasting glucose: 94 (fasting 8 hrs)

"A healthy fasting glucose level is between 70-90, but up to 110 is within normal limits. A level of 111-125 indicates impaired glucose tolerance/insulin resistance. A fasting level of 126+ indicates type II diabetes."

My Prolactin: 5.2 (normal is less than 24)

"Increased prolactin levels can interfere with ovulation. They may also indicate further testing (MRI) should be done to check for a pituitary tumor. Some women with PCOS also have hyperprolactinemia."

My Estrodial: 60.9 (normal is 25-75)

"Levels on the lower end tend to be better for stimulating. Abnormally high levels on day 3 may indicate existence of a functional cyst or diminished ovarian reserve."

My FSH: 4.2

"FSH is often used as a gauge of ovarian reserve. In general, under 6 is excellent, 6-9 is good, 9-10 fair, 10-13 diminished reserve, 13+ very hard to stimulate. In PCOS testing, the LH:FSH ratio may be used in the diagnosis. The ratio is usually close to 1:1, but if the LH is higher, it is one possible indication of PCOS."

My LH: 8.0

"A normal LH level is similar to FSH. An LH that is higher than FSH is one indication of PCOS. "

My fasting insulin: 2.0 (normal is less than 15)

"The normal range here doesn't give all the information. A fasting insulin of 10-13 generally indicates some insulin resistance, and levels above 13 indicate greater insulin resistance."

I also drove down to Woodbridge and watched movies for my socio course, and took a test. I got a 68/70 on the test! Yay for me! So, I celebrated with a cadburry egg. MMMmMmmmm guilty pleasures!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

March 18, 2004

CD 44

194

Bad news.. BAD news.

Ordinarily, we're hanging out just above the poverty line. We're able to feed Connor, put money in his savings account, and stay well-dressed and happy. If nothing else, we normally do well for an enlisted military family. Not today.. We just found out that the massive amounts of money (well, massive to us) that we funneled into my tuition for this semester will not be returned to us in the form of financial aid. We were expecting to get at least 75% of what we put in, back out. At UNC, I got so much financial aid (in the form of grants, mostly, a few local scholarships) that I was able to go to attend almost for free.

I know this all sounds whiny, but I'm just so upset about it. My financial aid counselor lady felt almost certain that we'd be mostly refunded. And now here we are... bills due and everything else and we're broke!

Lucky Connor to be born into all of this, huh? It makes me wonder whether TTC is the right thing to do. We're able to put money into savings for him, but money for him and baby #2 might be a stretch if I'm still in school. That is, if I'm still in school and have continued poor luck with financial aid!!!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

March 21, 2004

As I was on the verge of sanity on Friday, we decided to take off to my mom's for the weekend. It was so much fun! We just relaxed and played with Connor most of the weekend. I feel MUCH more sane now.

The spotting I was having hasn't stopped, but has instead turned brown. BROWN? What is going on with this?

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

March 22, 2004

CD 48

I think tomorrow I'll go to the hospital, suck up my tears, and pick up my provera prescription. Although I truly, truly hate taking provera to put an end to a cycle, I think I have to. At this point, I have been spotting for more than a week. It doesn't seem to be letting up, or building up to a menstrual period. What am I supposed to do? The worst part is, I know that if I call my GYN, she'll have no solutions for me. I honestly wouldn't mind getting some blood drawn, to see how my progesterone level is.

Everything else is going well. Connor's doing very well, aside from the fact that he didn't get a good nap today and was cranky before bedtime. He had such a fun weekend playing with his Gammy Gail, and it was warm when he played outside. I know that it's hard for him to come back to cold old Virginia today. He kept banging on the backdoor like he wanted to go outside.. but it was barely over freezing all day! I just can't wait for it to get warm so that we can play outside again.

I painted my toes tonight! It's so close to sandal weather.. I am really trying to welcome the warmth. This has been such a long winter.. there's no doubt that part of my depression and anxiety in the past week has been partly due to the freezing weather and rain!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

March 23, 2004

CD 49

Still spotting...

Holy crap, the nausea! (again) I took Connor to gymboree this morning, and all was well until the last 15 minutes. All of a sudden, this WAVE of nausea hit me and it was all I could do to keep my breakfast down. What's worse, Connor decided that it was an opportune time to take a giant poop. A stinky giant poop.

I guess this is metformin nausea, but I just wish it would stop! Grrr..

12 am

I just took pill 1 of provera.. hopefully the spotting will stop or worsen or do SOMETHING!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

March 24, 2004

CD 50 - day 2 of provera 10 mg

194

Dr. Pierson said that most studies show that women who are going to ovulate or AF on their own with Metformin do so within the first 8 weeks on it. So.. I counted back the weeks I've been on Met. I started at 500 mg on Feb 2. It has already been 8 weeks since I've been on Met! But, it's only been 5 weeks since I've been at my full dose. Maybe I should count back to when I started the full dose, instead of to when I started taking Met at all?

I don't know what to think. I hate taking provera to start AF!

Later today, the spotting got alot worse. Maybe it had something to do with the long walk Connor and I took? I actually had to use a pantiliner for the spotting, for the first time since it started almost two weeks ago.

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

March 25, 2004

CD 51 - day 3 of provera 10 mg

What a great, great day for Connor and I! Neither of us woke until 10 am, at least, and he didn't start getting ansty in his crib till around 10:30 am. Ohhh... it was so good to sleep in! And, it was a beautiful day outside already. We ate a late breakfast, and went over to Mount Vernon for the day. Connor loved the garden (ok, he loved eating the rocks and dirt!), and loved the animals (he thought the sheep were dogs, and kept saying "dog! dog!"). It's amazing to be a SAHM somedays.. I love having the freedom to go play outside on a day like today and not have any restraints! Lol Then again, being a SAHM means we're so poor that we can't spend any money on these outings.. but that's not so bad, anyway!

I think it must have hit 75 degrees today, at the least. It was heaven! I just can't wait for spring. We've started looking online at houses at our next duty station, and hopefully will be able to check some of them out during Easter.

Oh! My spotting stopped today. I think it might've been the provera that stopped it. I'm wondering if I should keep taking it.. or stop now that the bleeding has stopped. I'll probably keep taking it, even though I'm sick of the nausea!

Just 4 more days...

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

March 26, 2004

CD 52 day 4 provera 10 mg

Another great day for Connor and I! We scouted out locations for our social, and played outside all afternoon. Tonight, though, I am SOOO sleepy! I'll be hitting the hay early.

Witchy Rochelle (not her real name, but I know I'll know who she is reading back on this!) was with us today scouting locations. At this point, her son (3 months older than COnnor) is riding in an overhead shield-type carseat, and he's way too big for it. His legs are too long, he's too tall, and too heavy. Plus, those over-head type seats are so dangerous to begin with.. I could write paragraphs about what could happen in an accident! And here they are, TTC, and have just bought a 2000 dollar HD, flat screen tv. I said something to Rochelle about the car seat (we had talked about it before, she mentioned buying a new one and we were discussing consumer reports ratings). I asked her son "So, Mommy hasn't bought you a new car seat yet?" And she replied that no, they had to save up for a car seat for the new baby and couldn't afford a car seat for child #1. That drove me up the wall! What in the hell are they doing TTC #2, and preggo with #2, when they don't even take care of #1? Maybe if they hadn't bought a brand spanking new tv, they could afford a simple thing like a car seat? Or maybe if they just HAD to have a new tv, they should have waited to TTC? I know we're not rich, but we take care of our son. And it burns me up to watch people like that.

Faith and I (friend from Brad's unit) went out to lunch afterward, and Connor pigged out on mac and cheese. He loved it! And, I loved having him interact with Faith's kids (ages 2.5 and 3.5). He does so well with other kids! But, he napped in the car on the way home and it brought home the difference between younger and older toddlers.. Faith's kids were still going strong on the ride home!

Oh, I'm SO tired, I'm going to bed now!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

March 27, 2004

CD 53 - day 5 provera 10 mg

Spotting has finally, officially, left the building! Although, I had a tiny bit of EWCM today.... I wonder what the heck that was about? I'm still hoping to get AF sometime shortly after I finish provera. Dr. Pierson prescribed me 7 days of 10 mg provera, but I think I lost a pill! I'll only be taking 6 days of it, last day being tomorrow. If all goes well, I'll start AF on Tuesday or Wednesday, and O around 4/14 or so. The only problem with this whole scheme is that I could potentially O right around Easter Sunday.. when we'll be home at my mom's house. Anyway, I'll make sure to buy an O kit so that I'll at least know when the big O is coming..

Brad, Connor and I had such a fun evening! We went to the Rainforest Cafe out in Tyson's Corner, and had a great time. Connor loved watching the giant gorillas talk, and the crocodile and elephants move. His favorite thing, though, was the "thunderstorm". The lights would flash like lightening, and a thunder soundtrack boomed over the restaurant. Connor started banging his hands on the table along with the thunder! He was so excited! And, he loved the fish. The food was wayyyy overpriced, and not really that great, so we promised to skimp on souvenirs. Connor got a cute little plastic frog, though, which he just loved (it turns out that we lost it somewhere on the way home). And of course, he got a balloon. Connor always gets a balloon!

He went to gymbo with daddy today, too, so that I could get a little break. Thanks, daddy!!!

I know that I say this all the time, but I just love my little man. It's amazing to me that no matter how things change, things stay the same. All that he wanted when we were at the mall tonight was to be held by me (except, of course, when we were playing at the Rainforest Cafe). No matter how badly my back hurt, no matter how tired I was, I kept reminding myself that it was an honor that he wanted to be help. It seems like he so rarely wants a "hip ride" now that he knows how to walk/run! Tonight he was particularly clingy, possibly because he had tons of "daddy time" earlier today.

Anyway, hopefully I'll get a CD 1 soon and be able to start the TTC game all over again!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

double post!

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

March 28, 2004

CD 54

NO more provera! I'm sick of the nausea. 5 days might be enough, and if it's not.. oh well!

I'm sleepy, and I want sleep without nausea tonight.

All is well, aside from the nagging TTC depression that bugs me.

Joined: 01/16/02
Posts: 57

March 29, 2004

CD 55

Now, I have absolutely no idea what is going on with my body! My last provera pill was Saturday, so I should have started spotting today. I'm feeling very PMS-ish.. water gain, craving salty stuff, etc. Hopefully, that is the start of something, but I have my doubts. This body of mine just doesn't like to obey the natural order of things.

I was a bad girl today, too. At Barnes and Noble this evening, I was supposed to be studying. Instead, I wound up in the Pregnancy/Infant section, and bought the book I've been wanting for awhile: from Conception to Birth: a Life Unfolds It's incredibly real pictures of babies inside the uterus, starting from conception! Oh, I love these pictures! Although it was $35, I just adore staring at these pictures. Even if we never get pregnant again, it's a great book to have.

Secretly though, I'm hoping this new purchase starts something. I bought a baby names book just before Connor was conceived. I know it's very superstitious and stupid of me, but still.. anything that might help, right?

I'm getting CM tonight, instead of spotting. My body is SO strange! If AF isn't here by Wednesday, I'll call my GYN. Maybe she can shed some light on this? It's probably that I didn't take the provera for long enough (5 days this cycle vs 10 days the last cycle) to induce AF. Oh, well, if all else fails, Clomid in May!

Pages

Log in or register to post comments