Will I ever be a Mommy?... Yes I will!!

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Will I ever be a Mommy?... Yes I will!!

Hello everyone! I guess I'm going to start copying & pasting my old journal but it is 6 pages long so it might take a while! :x

Here we go...

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Posted: 2002-06-24 17:01

Okay, here is my story. My name is Christina, I'm 28 (29 next month) and my husband and I have been married for about 4.5 years now & we are ttc our 1st child. We've only been really ttc for 2 cycles (which I know is not long at all) now but the torture of waiting and not knowing is driving me crazy. I am totally preoccupied w/getting pregnant! I really thought I was pg. I thought I had all the sign, breast tenderness, fatigue, a bit of nausea AND I was 5 days late (highly unusual for me). But the hpt was negative! So I called to doctor and I was sent for a blood test. Well… I got the results today… it was negative! Sad Which wasn’t a huge surprise because I started on Saturday. But now I don’t know how to count my cycle. For the past year it has consistently been 28-29 days and now I have 33 thrown in there! NOW WHAT DO I DO? I am seeing my doc on Wednesday just to make sure nothing is wrong. If anyone has some advice for me I'd really appreciate it.

Thanks,
Christina :???:

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Posted: 2002-07-03 16:39

I'm trying to keep a positive attitude! O should be here is the next few days. So dh and I are having :sex: every other day starting yesterday. I hope this is the month but I know it will happen when it is supposed to.

Baby dust to all of us who are ttc!
:babydustpink:
:babydustblue:
:babydustpink:
:babydustblue:

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Posted: 2002-07-15 16:43

CD #24!

Okay... I haven’t been writing here much because I’ve been trying not to obsess about TTC. But that is pretty much out the window as I’m on this website and others all the time! Smile

I really hope I’m pg but I have a feeling (or lack of a feeling) that I’m not. Sad I just think that with last cycle being messed up (AF 5 days late) from stressing that everything is not back on track yet.

DH and really want a baby! I just found out that another friend is pg (that makes about 6 friends who are expecting) and I’m SO happy for her but a bit jealous too. I think... why can’t that be me. Sometimes I think I will never be pg because it seems so unreal to me and I can’t even imagine what it feels like. But then I think, how can DH and I not be parents! He’ll be a wonderful father and I’m afraid I might not be able to give him that. I know it is way too soon to be thinking like this. We’ve technically been ttc since April 2001 but be just stopped using any birth control but weren’t tacking anything. If it happened, great! Then in January we were going to really start trying but I had to get a rubella vaccine so we couldn’t try for 3 months. So really this only our 3 cycle ttc and I know many of the women (and some men) have been ttc for so much longer than. I really feel for them and hope they are soon expecting. I just need to convince myself of what I’ve told friends... I’ll get pg when God wants me to. He has a plan for me and I need to trust in what he has in store for us.

I guess I’ve rambled on enough about my insecurities. If I’m not pg this cycle, I going to start charting my temp and get TCOYF.

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Posted: 2002-07-17 15:13

CD #26 –

Well... I still have a few more days of waiting. :bluesad: I’m really hoping that AF stay away but I’m afraid she’ll be rearing her ugly head. :angry4: If she does dare to show her face, I’m going to start charting my temp and get TCOYF to help me have a better understanding of what is going on with my body. Ughhh... I’m starting to feel a bit crampy so it looks like no March baby for us. :crybaby:

I just found out that another one of my friends is pg and while I’m happy for her I can’t help but be a little jealous too. Why can’t that be me?!? My sister is pg (EDD Feb. 9th) and I am SO, SO happy for her. She had a m/c in January at about 14 weeks! It was really hard for her, had to have a D&C. And so far everything looks great! Smile I also have about 5 friends who are expecting as well (2 are due this month! Smile ) and a couple of cousins too, so it seems as if baby dust is in the air or something. I'm constantly preoccupied with getting pg and babies.

I guess I should get back to work now and stop obsessing about it! I'm trying to stay positive! :mrgreen:

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Posted: 2002-07-18 14:37

CD #27 –

Still waiting, AAHHHH! Sad I can’t decide if AF is going to show or not. :rollingeyes:

Finding out that I’m pg would be the best birthday gift I could as for. (today is my birthday... the last one in my 20’s... aahhh!) So pleeaassseee let me have a BFP!

I did have a strange dream last night... I was taking care of a baby but it was a baby MONKEY not a baby person. That’s not really what I had in mind! :biglaugh: DH think I’m a bit crazy but that is nothing new.

Still waiting and trying to stay positive! :mrgreen:

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Posted: 2002-07-19 10:18

CD #28 –

Looks like no March baby for me! Sad I’m having brownish, pinkish spotting, which I usually get about a day or so before AF actually starts. And I’ve been having breast tenderness for the past couple of day. These are the main PMS symptoms I usually have. The other two are tiredness and headaches, which I’ve been having also but I just got new glasses yesterday so that may be contributing to my headache.

So I guess its onto another month of ttc. I’m so bummed! :sad11: I’m almost in tears right now and I don’t know why I’m so upset because I really didn’t think I was pg this month. I guess I was still hoping it might be possible.

I’m going to buy TCOYF and start charting. Does anyone know what day of my cycle I should start taking my temp? And DH is going to get a gift of boxers but he isn’t going to like it too much because he says that he doesn’t like to be that “free” :goofy: but he’ll deal with it.

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Posted: 2002-07-21 10:38

CD# 2 -

Well... AF is in full swing! I had really bad cramps yesterday, had to take some Motrin, so they didn't last long. I usually get pretty bad cramps the day AF starts and 2 cycles ago they were so bad I had to go home from work. AF seems to be pretty heavy this month. Maybe because last month it was kind of short, 2 days of heavy flow and about a day of spotting and that was it, it is usually about 5 days long.

I bought TCOYF and a thermometer on Friday so I could start charting this cycle. I'm trying to figure out when is the best time for me to take my temperature. My DH works strange hours, 8pm-4am, so I usually wake up for a minute when he gets home at about 4:30am. I will usually of had at least 3 hours of sleep at this point so I have been taking it then. If I wait until I usually get up (about 6:30am) I won't have been asleep again for at least 3 hours so I don't think that would be accurate. But I'm not sure if because this is not the time that I usually get it that it will affect my readings or not at least it will be consistent.

I was kind of depressed about AF showing up (uninvited!) so I ate a box of chocolate (it was a small box so I don't feel as bad and DH ate a few too) and I want out last night with some friends and had a couple of beers. I guess it may me feel a little better but I'm still blue! Sad I just feel like I'm in a constant state of morning for a child that hasn't ever even existed yet. And I feel like it gets worse every month. Hopefully this waiting will make it that much sweeter when it finally does happen (this is me trying to stay positive) for us.

Please God, help me to understand and accept your plan for Daryl and I!

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Posted: 2002-07-21 19:15

Still CD# 2 -

AF this month is quite a whopper! Very heavy flow, cramps aren't so bad today but yesterday were really bad. Yuck! DH said that maybe it is because this month is going to be your last one for a while. I like his plan! Smile

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Posted: 2002-07-22 16:22

CD #3 –

I’m feeling a bit better today (at least no cramps) but AF is still heavier than normal but starting to slow down a bit.

I am so preoccupied with ttc and babies!! I check this website (and others) ALL THE TIME! My new thing is charting. Maybe that will help keep me focused (or it will just add fuel to the fire!). I think I’m losing it... babies and pregnant women were popping up everywhere... including my sister, I have 6 friends who are pregnant! Two of them are due NEXT WEEK! Don’t get me wrong... I’m so happy for them but I’m a bit jealous too. All but two of them got pg on the 1st try!

One friend was trying for a long time and was told the only way she could get pg was by IVF because both of her tubes were completely blocked by scar tissue. She was about ready to start the process but her cycle was of course late again. As a formality, the RE said they had to do a pg test and then they could give her meds to start her cycle. But much to her surprise... she was pg! :eek: The RE is still amazed as to how this happened! But it did and she is about to have her baby any day now! I like to tell this story because it gives me hope and helps me keep things in perspective because I haven’t gone through even half of what she did and look where she is at. So if anyone is reading this... I hope it give you hope too! Smile

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Posted: 2002-07-23 15:39

CD #4 –

Well... AF is starting to taper off. Smile But it usually slows down to almost nothing and then comes back just a little for about a day. It almost always been like that... I don’t know if that is “normal” or not.

I’m starting to feel a little better, emotionally, today. I’ve been charting my temp since CD# 1 and I’m ready to start BDing. I’m not sure if we’ll have :sex: every other day or every day. My doctor says every other day so the :bluesperm: is better quality. But I’ve heard that every day is fine. Of course, my doctor also told me to count CD #1 when I have spotting and not the first day of normal red flow so I don’t know. Maybe I should be looking for a new OB and not just going to my OB/GYN that I have been seeing for the past couple of years. And I was a bit annoyed with him the last time I was there because my appointment was at 4:30pm and a drug rep came in at about 4:35 (without an appointment) and he saw her during MY appointment. It was almost 5 before he saw me. So I might start doing some research for a new doctor... I don’t know.

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Posted: 2002-07-26 22:57

Well... DH will start Bding in the next few days. I'm still going to go by my cycle day because I'm not sure if I'm doing the temp and cm charting right. I haven't read a whole lot of TCOYF yet so I don't know if it will be accurate. We'll start having :sex: around cd# 10 and I'll see what kind of cm I have.

I'm trying not to think about it so much each month and trying to focus on the bigger picture. Maybe it will help me deal with my monthly mourning (but hopefully I won't have too many more months of that!) when AF shows up. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be pg. It seems like such a bizarre concept that I can't even imagine. Yet it is something I want very badly. What if I can't get pg? What will we do? Sometimes I wonder if I'm strong enough to be a mother and there are other times that I wonder if I'm strong enough to not be one.

I'm just praying that I'll soon have the answers to a least some of these questions and more importantly, the answers to my prayers!

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Posted: 2002-07-28 21:02

CD# 9 -

Not much new going on! I'm trying to figure out this whole charting thing. I think I have the temperature part down, but I'm having trouble figuring out the cm and cp part. I'm not sure what is considered creamy and what is eggwhite-like. I usually just seems watery, not sticky or creamy. In previous cycles when I wasn't charting, I would notice it and it seemed like I would get eggwhite cm at around cd #14-16 but I don't know. And because my cycle has consistently been 28-29 days (with the exception of 2 cycles ago being 33 days) I wouldn't think I ovulate any earlier that cd #12 or much later than cd #18. Which would mean that DH and I have been BDing at the right times. But maybe that could be the problem, it is possible I could be Oing later in my cycle and have a short LP.

I know, I know... I need to stop worrying! This is really only our 4th cycle ttc but I just had this expectation that it would happen right away (like it did for my mom and sister) and I'm impatient! And I know that there is like less that a 25% chance of conceiving each cycle but I still get my hopes up every month. I even go to the pg calendars to figure out when I'd be due, if I am pg what week I'm in and really just count my chickens before the egg is even fertilized let alone hatches. I wonder does anyone else do this? Do others ttc obsess about try to get pg? Or am I the only one who constantly goes to all the pg websites, has already read pg books and has a subscription to a pg magazine, and looks longingly at babies and families?

I just have this gut feeling (BTW- I'm crying as I type this :cry: ) that I will never be pg and have a child. I think that is partly why I wanted to wait so long after getting married to have children. I always said I wanted to be married for about 5 years before I had children and it looks like we'll be married for OVER 5 years when we have kids because we'll have our 5 year anniversary in November. I had many good reasons for wanting to wait and DH understood but what if I waited too long? Maybe 3 or 4 years ago we wouldn't have had any problems but now that I'm almost 30 (and I know that isn't old but they say your chances decrease every year) it is going to be harder for us to conceive.

Okay... when I started this entry I really didn't think I had much to say so I guess it is doing its job! Smile It is helping me get some of these fears, worries and concerns out. If anyone is reading this, I hope it doesn't depress you too much and thank for listening! Wink

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Posted: 2002-07-30 10:38

CD #11 –

Well... I had a baby dream last night! :sleepyboy: It was the first time the baby actually seemed real and was mine! A lot of times when I have dreams about babies, they don’t seem to be mine and I can’t really see their faces but I could last night, the whole dream was very detailed. I had a whole nursery (usually I don’t even have any diapers in these dreams!), I knew he was about 7 lbs when he was born, DH was there with me, and we were really happy. The only thing I can’t remember is the birth (but since I’ve never gone through childbirth I really can’t imagine what it is like) and his name but I know it was a boy.

I hope and pray we are pg soon!

I’m still charting. I’m wondering if it is normal that my temps seem so low. They are ranging for the most part from 96 to 97, that seems low. But maybe it is just normal for me.

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double post

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Triple post! Opps!

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Posted: 2002-08-01 22:11

CD #13-

I have ewcm! I have ewcm! I have ewcm! I so excited... I just noticed that I have ewcm that stretched about an inch. So it looks like I should be O'ing in the next day or so. But unfortunately, DH is not home right now (he works 8pm-4am) I think I'll leave him a note that we should BD when he gets home.

I know it is a silly things to get so excited about but this is my first cycle charting, not to mention the first time I checked to see if I had cm that stretched!
:jumpingbeans:

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Posted: 2002-08-05 15:54

CD #17 –

I still don’t know if I O’ed yet or not! I expect to O on CD #16 and I had ewcm starting on CD #13 and it seems to have dried up but my temps are still low (well below the coverline). In fact it went down from 97.3 yesterday to 97 today. Hopefully it will go up tomorrow. And maybe I didn’t O until today! I’m afraid that something might be wrong with my cycle or me. This is my first cycle charting but my temps seem really strange, up/down a lot and quite low. I guess I just so anxious! I want a baby so badly! I think DH thinks this is all I’m thinking about. And I’ve been thinking of BD’ing as trying to get pg and not making love. I know I shouldn’t think of it that way but I do. I just hope we timed BD correctly.

Here is My Chart if anyone wants to take a look!

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Posted: 2002-08-06 09:23

CD #18 –

I think something is wrong with me... it is CD #18 and I don’t think I O’d yet! My temps are still WAY below my coverline and they’ve been all over the place (it looks like a ping pong ball!) and seem to be really low. For over a year, with the exception of a couple cycles ago when it was 33 days, my cycle has consistently been 28-29 days. So if it is CD #18 and I still haven’t O’d my LP will be too short! My only hope is that I O’d (or will O) later but then why did I have ewcm when I expected to O and we BD at all the wrong times. I’m so sad and depressed! :bluesad: I usually take my temp at 4:30am, when I took it this morning I was hoping it would be higher but much to my disappointment it was exactly the same as yesterday. I was (and still am) so upset I couldn’t go back to sleep and I just laid in bed crying for over an hour until I fell back asleep only to have my alarm clock go off 45 minutes later! So not only am I depressed, but I’m tired too! :sleepy1:

I think DH is getting annoyed with me wanting to try so hard. And having :sex: only to get pg, not just for the fun of it. Maybe I will be able to be more positive next month because it doesn’t look it is going to happen this month.

Here is My TCOYF Chart if anyone wants to take a look!

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Posted: 2002-08-06 13:40

Still CD #18 –

Okay... maybe I over-reacted! :eek: A few of the ladies here have given me some reassurance so I feel a little better. I also entered my info on the Babymed.com charting tool and it calculated that I O’d on Saturday so there is hope! Yeah!

Maybe my high temp on CD #12 was because I was a bit restless that night and that is throwing the coverline off. I don’t know but I guess I’m going to assume that I’m 3 dpo and see what my temps do in the next couple of days.

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Posted: 2002-08-08 09:50

CD #20 –

Well... I guess I O’d on Monday, 8/05... which was predicted by TCOYF software using cervical fluid dry-up signs. But I only have 2 temps above the coverline. So I elected to use the cervical fluid dry-up signs only because my temps don’t seem to be rising like they should. Maybe my temps rise slowly after O or they aren’t affected as much by the progesterone. I don’t know! :dontknow: So I guess I’m 3 dpo and AF is due to (NOT!) arrive on the 19th. Hopefully BD’ing on Friday and Saturday wasn’t too soon before I O’d on Monday. I also hope my cycle will be a little longer because if I have my normal 28-29 day cycle then I have a LP problem... so I hope to have at least a 30 day cycle!

Another thing... and I’m sure this has absolutely nothing to do with pg but... I threw up this morning! I use Listerine every morning but this morning it really made me gag and I threw up a little bit. Maybe it was just stress or something because I couldn’t possible be having pg symptoms yet at just 3 dpo! I hope, I hope, I hope that I am pg but I kind of think we’ll have another month of ttc.

I made an appointment with a new OB/GYN yesterday. I’m due for my annual exam in September and I wasn’t really happy with my old doctor and I prefer to have a female doctor. So hopefully I’ll like her better. And when I do become pg, I’ll have more options as to where I want to deliver because she delivers baby at 2 different hospitals.

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Posted: 2002-08-08 10:42

Still CD 20 -

Another thing... my boobs are starting to get sore! That is a normal AF symptom for me but it is not usually this early! I don't know what it means but I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much just in case the ugly witch decides to show up.

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Posted: 2002-08-09 10:00

CD #21 (4 dpo) –

My temp went up even more today! Yeah! :mrgreen: I hope they stay high for 15 more days and beyond! So I’m officially in the WAITING GAME now! I’m trying to not think too much about any “pg symptoms.” But is it SO HARD! My boobs are really sore, I’m really tired (the other day at work I was actually thinking about where I could go to take a little nap!) and I was gagging again today (but didn’t throw up again) when I use my Listerine this morning. But how could these symptoms be from pg if I’m only 4 dpo and implantation probably hasn’t even happened yet!

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Posted: 2002-08-10 20:04

CD# 22 -

AAAGGGHHH!!! This waiting is brutal! I'm due to miss AF on 8/19! I'm still trying not the think about any "pg symptoms" but I can't help it. Today, we were at the lake for a BBQ and I felt kind of nauseous. I ate a little bit but didn't want any of the desserts (not like me at all! :lol:) and there was a lot of duck poop (yuck!) that was really not helping matters! And I felt little "twinges" in my lower abdomen and breast are sore! I'm probably just grasping at straws here... I'm only 5 dpo!

My temp went down a little today but it is still above the coverline. Here is my chart if anyone wants to take a look... My Chart

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Posted: 2002-08-11 20:58

CD# 23 (6 dpo) -

Okay... I was feeling a bit nauseous all day yesterday and then while I was watching a movie I had this sudden urge to throw up! And I did! Then I was up about 3 times during the night (this most likely attributed to my high temp this morning) throwing up again. Maybe it was just something I ate because I am only 6 dpo and implantation probably hasn't even happened yet. Is it possible to be having m/s already? I don't think so but what the heck is going on and I've felt fine today.

Here is my chart if anyone wants to take a look... My Chart

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Posted: 2002-08-13 14:03

CD #25 (8 dpo) –

I’ve been nauseous again today and not hungry. I’ve only eaten some toast this morning and some cantaloupe this afternoon. This is highly unusual for me; I usually can’t wait for lunch because I’m hungry. I usually drink a lot of water too and I haven’t wanted that either. I’ve also been having some pain in my lower abdomen. Could it be implantation? I hope so! I think I’ll be so depressed if you know who decided to show up again this month. Sad

AF STAY AWAY! :violent1:

Here is my chart if anyone wants to take a look... My Chart

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Posted: 2002-08-15 13:20

CD #27 (10 dpo) –

Well... I don’t think I’ll be able to wait to test! I’m probably going to test on Saturday. That will only be 2 days before AF is supposed to be here. AF STAY AWAY! :violent1: And I will be 12 dpo too!

My temps have been even higher for the passed two days so that could be a good sign! :mrgreen: I hope, I hope, I hope this is my month!!! I’m going to be so depressed if it is not! Sad

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Posted: 2002-08-16 12:30

CD #28 (11 dpo) –

I don’t think I’ll be needing those hpt’s I bought last night for this month! I’m spotting! I usually have light spotting a day or so before AF actually starts so it looks like we’re onto cycle #5 of ttc. :sad11: I’m so depressed right now, I just want to cry but I can’t because I’m at work.

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Posted: 2002-08-16 15:08

Still CD #28 (11 dpo) –

Okay... now I’m even more depressed. Not ten minutes after I made my last entry I go to get some lunch and what is the first thing I see when the elevator doors opens? A woman pushing her newborn baby in a stroller! I of course smiled at her and the baby (because babies always make me smile) but I was screaming and crying inside. Why does stuff like that happen? And why does it seem as if the entire female population is suddenly pregnant!?!

I just got off the phone with DH and I told him it looks like AF will be here tomorrow. I know he is a man so I shouldn’t expect some insightful comfort from him but I wanted something more than “I guess we keep trying” and “Should I get some boxers?” I know what he said was not terrible or insensitive but it wasn’t comforting either. But I don’t know that anything he would have said could make me feel better and I think he knows that so that is why he didn’t really say much.

I just hate this!

BTW-I just ate a king size Hershey’s bar! It made me feel a little better but not much. :roll:

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Posted: 2002-08-18 20:11

CD #2 -

Yesterday was not a good day! AF is in full swing, really heavy and bad cramps, on top of being depressed! And to top it off, we had a family picnic with DH's family. By the time we got there the cramps were feeling better but emotionally I still wasn't feeling real great. Then, within an hour of getting there, I learn the not 1... but 3 cousins are pg! I had to excuse myself so I didn't breakout crying in front of everyone. Good thing I had sunglasses on so they couldn't see my eyes! I am happy for them, especially for the one who has been TTC for 6 YEARS! And after several IVFs they are finally pg and expecting in December! Also, I started taking with them and I found out that one of the other girls who is pg has been TTC for 3 years and also had IVF done twice. I felt better and worse (a little) after taking with them. What made me feel better was actually talking about it to people and knowing that I'm not alone. And one of the girls gave me the "Good Luck Book." It is a book called "The Ache for a Child" by Debra Bridwell. She has given to 4 other people to read and they all got pg! So I hope it works for me too!

But the thing that made me feel worse is that if we do have some serious infertility problems, I don't think we'll be able to afford a lot of the treatments. We certainly couldn't afford $10,000 (for one cycle) for IVF! I'm so afraid we'll never have children! I know I get like this every month and all this stress is not helping but I can't help it. And I'm starting to feel like the disappointment of not getting pg gets worse every month and I get more depressed that the month before. I don't know how much more of this I can take!

Technically, we've been TTC since April 2001 but we weren't really "trying" (tracking cycles, BDing week before O, charting, etc...) until April 2002. But we have been having unprotected sex for over a year! Should I be concerned yet or not? I guess we're going to give it 2 months more before we start looking seriously into fertility testing.

Another thing, I'm concerned that my LP was only 11 days!

If anyone is reading this I hope you can understand it because I think I was rambling a bit. And if you are reading it, thanks for listening! Smile

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Posted: 2002-08-19 14:29

CD #3-

I feel yucky! I think I'm getting sick! :sick: I have a sore throat, headache and I think I have a slight fever.

When I woke up this morning and took my temp it had jumped up almost a whole degree from yesterday (96.6 to 97.5). I hope this dosen't throw off the rest of the month for ttc and O!

That is about it that is going on.

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Posted: 2002-08-21 10:35

CD #5 –

Well... AF is starting to taper off! YEAH! But I’ve been sick the past couple of days. I didn’t go to work yesterday and only working a half day today. My temp on Monday night was 100.2 but I used my basal thermometer to take it so I don’t know if that makes a difference or not. I hope this flu/cold (or whatever it is) doesn’t affect O too much!

I’m going to try to be better this month about the whole ttc thing. I need to remember that it is more than just BDing and that DH and I are make love not just trying to make a baby! I think DH was feeling a bit “used” last month but he did also say he enjoyed all the :sex: ! But we still need a game plan as to when we’re going to BD. So next week starts the BDing marathon!

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Posted: 2002-08-23 12:50

CD #7 –

AF is completely gone! :mrgreen: And I’m starting to feel better. I’m still a bit congested but at least my head doesn’t feel like it is going to explode any more. And my temp seems to be back to normal too!

I’m going to try charting my cervix position this month but I’m still a little confused by the whole thing since I haven’t checked it before I really don’t have a frame of reference. But I’m going to try! Smile

The BDing will start late next week but maybe we’ll get some practice in before then, just for fun! :sex:

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Posted: 2002-08-26 15:33

CD #10 –

Not much new to report! Gearing up for BDing this week as O should be happening in the next week or so! DH actually asked when we were going to “get started again!” So he is getting excited too!

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Posted: 2002-08-30 15:00

CD #14 –

Well... no O yet! Last month is was on CD #17 so hopefully it will be in the next couple of days but I haven’t had any ewcm yet so it might be a little late (maybe from being sick) this month. Last month I had ewcm starting on CD #13 but it is getting there, it is kind of watery now. I will just work out well with being off of work for a few days that we’ll have more time to BD before DH has to go to work.

I so hope this is our month but I have a feeling it won’t be. With my temps being so low I think I may have a hormonal imbalance or something. But why would my hormone be causing low temps? It seems like my low temps would be cause the hormones to be messed up. But why are my temps so low? I guess I’ll just need to wait until I go to the doctor next month. But we’re still going to be :sex: this weekend!

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Posted: 2002-09-02 14:44

CD #17 -

I'm not sure if I Od yet or not. Hopefully it will be today or tomorrow. I guess I'll know in a few days when my temps (I hope) go up. I had my lowest temp ever yesterday morning, 96.3! DH said, "No wonder you're cold all the time!" I wonder if my low temps could have anything to do with how easily I bruise? DH says that I get a bruise if the wind blows on me too hard! I need to start writing a list of questions to ask the doctor on the 24th.

Well... we've been BDing like crazy. I decided that maybe we should ttc in different rooms of the house this time... so we just have a couple more to christen! Lol Except yesterday we were on the couch in the basement and we got interrupted... by the dog! She is usually shut out of the room when we BD but there is no door for the basement and she was upstairs so we thought it would be okay. When we were just about finished (if you know what I mean) she came down and kept trying to jump on the couch with us and give us kisses. Needless to say, we couldn't "finish" and then DH had to get ready to go to work. So I guess yesterday was just for fun! We'll have to make sure we're behind closed doors today! :biglaugh:

I really hope this is my month! I'm getting tired of "acting" as if I'm pg, just in case, when I'm not. Every month I get so worked up and excited only to be let down. And it seems to be getting worse every month I don't get pg. And now more friends and family know we're try so I know they are wondering if I am yet. It has helped talking with people about our ttc troubles but I don't constantly want to be answering the "So are you?" question with "No not this month." This is just so much harder than I ever thought it would be. But I'm so glad I found pg.org! The women at this site have given me so much comfort and support I don't know how I could make if I didn't have them. So thank you everyone!

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Posted: 2002-09-03 14:17

CD #18 –

Well... we successfully BD yesterday with no interruptions! Lol I hope it worked! I just wish I could speed up time now so I know for sure if I Od and more importantly if we caught the egg. And if we didn’t so I can get some answers from the doctor. I hate this waiting!!!

I’ve been so tired lately :sleepy1: and don’t even feel like doing anything. Including cleaning the house... my house is pretty messy right now. I haven’t worked out in weeks and weeks... it probably almost been 2 months now. I wish my clothes were getting tighter for a better reason than just laziness! I just have no energy! I could go to sleep right now at my desk!

I guess that is about all that is going on! Good luck to everyone!

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Posted: 2002-09-04 14:51

CD #19 –

I’m starting to get depressed! I don’t think I’m going to get pg this month! It is CD #19 and I don’t think I’ve O’d yet! My temps are still way below the coverline and it went down from yesterday. Maybe O is later this month because I was sick early in my cycle. I don’t know. I just feel like crying half the time and the other half of the time I feel like sleeping! Why does this have to be so hard? Or maybe the better question is... Why do I have to make this so hard? :angry9:

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Posted: 2002-09-06 10:53

CD #21 –

I guess maybe I Od on CD #18! TCOYF software is basing it on cm only and not temp (which is what it did last month too) but I don’t know how accurate that is. So I guess I’ll consider myself 3dpo now and expect AF to (NOT!) show up on 9/14 or 9/15. Last month my LP was only 11 days so I’ll assume it will be about the same this month.

For the past couple of cycles I’ve noticed that I get depressed a few days after O. And feel as if I’ve already given up on getting pg for that cycle. And it seems to have gotten worse since I’ve been charting because I don’t seem to have a defiant or typical chart so I get frustrated. If I’m not pg this cycle, I’m going to try to be more relaxed about ttc next cycle. Maybe not even charting because that has seemed to make me even more stressed and frustrated. But I’m glad I’ll have 2 complete cycles to show my new OB/GYN because they may give us some answers that we wouldn’t otherwise be able to get. Like my temps being so low could indicate something... who knows!

I also need to try to make ttc not my main focus in life right now. DH made an interesting comment yesterday... he said, “It seems like the only thing that could make you happy right now is to be pregnant. And that getting pg is your (my) only focus in life.” He said it doesn’t even seem like I’m enjoying or doing the things I normally do, that I’m only thinking about ttc.

And the thing is... all of those comments were true! I need to refocus my life to make ttc a part of it but not the only thing.

So here is an attempt to focus on other things going on in my life. I have a really busy weekend coming up... my church has a big festival that I’ll be working at this weekend. My BIL and is girlfriend are in town from California and staying at our house. I’ve not met his girlfriend before so it will be nice to get to know her and he seems pretty serious about her. He has had lots of female friends before but he has not referred to any of them recently as his "Girlfriend." So maybe, at 31, he is settling down a bit... but probably not a lot or he would be him.

Next month I’m going to be taking a class to be certified as a “Child Passenger Safety Technician.” Which means I will be checking to see if car seats are installed properly. Which most of the time they are not. So that should be something fun and rewarding that I’ll be doing part-time.

My sister and BIL are going to be moving. He got a new job at a smaller CPA firm which will be really good for them because with the baby coming he won’t have to work so many hours. Right now they only live about 20 minutes from me but when they move, they’ll be over an hour away. I won’t have any family that is at all close to me anymore! Which makes me sad but I have to remember that I was who moved away to begin with and I’ll just need to make an effort to visit and call them more often.

I guess that is all that is going on... if anyone is reading this thanks for listening!

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Posted: 2002-09-10 10:17

CD #25 (7 dpo) –

Well it was a busy weekend, which was good because did didn’t even realize how many dpo I was until yesterday. Maybe it is because I really don’t think I got pg this cycle but I have not been stressing about it as much as usual.

We had our church festival this past weekend so I was working there most of the weekend and I’m really tired this week but I’m always tired so that is not new. I just wish I knew why I am so tired all the time... I feel like I could sleep all the time!

Not much else going on right now... just waiting for AF to show up and for my doc appt on the 24th so I can ask her all my questions and see what our next steps will be.

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Posted: 2002-09-14 19:07

CD #29 (11 dpo) -

Okay... I'm starting to get excited!! I really wasn't holding our much hope for this month but... AF is due tomorrow and so far there is no sign of her! (YEAH!) I normally have such bad breast soreness that I have to wear a bra to bed! But I've only had a feeling of heaviness and today some mild breast tenderness but not the usual. I don't normally have a lot of pre-AF symptoms; the breast soreness is the main one, so it is kind of hard to say. I have been a little more emotional... crying or getting teary over things that normally wouldn't bother me. I hope the lack of symptoms is a good sign and I'm not reading too much into it!

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Posted: 2002-09-16 14:18

CD #31 (12 or 13 dpo) -

I think I'm spotting! It is more like pink cm but I think AF is about to knock on my door and will probably be making herself right at home by tomorrow. If my temp is still above the coverline tomorrow and she hasn't shown up... I may test in the morning... just in case but I have a feeling the results will not be good. So it is probably onto another month of TTC.

The good thing is I have an appointment to see a new OB/GYN next week and I'll be able to ask her all of my questions and hopefully she'll have some ideas as to what to do next.

I'm probably going to starting using OPK next cycle but I hate to have to spend the money on them every month. But I guess it will be okay for a few months and if it goes longer than that maybe I'll look into getting a FM.

I guess that is it... I knew I shouldn't have even gotten my hopes up!

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Posted: 2002-09-17 21:57

CD #32 (13 or 14 dpo) -

I guess it is CD 32 because AF is not here yet... she was due this past Sunday or Monday. I've been spotting for 2 days now which is not normal. I usually have at most 1 day of spotting there she is here in full force... but there hasn't even been enough spotting to show up on a pantyliner, just a little bit when I wipe (I know tmi!). I don't know if this means I O'd later so AF is going to be later or if it could mean something else! This is so frustrating! :x

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Posted: 2002-09-18 10:21

CD #1 –

AF is definitely here! :sad11: And I have really bad cramps... I had to take some Motrin they were so bad. I usually try to avoid take much medication but I couldn’t take it anymore. My cramps seem to have gotten worse on CD 1 for the past few cycles... I had to go home from work they were so bad one time!

So I guess it is onto another month of ttc! *BIG SIGH* This is getting so frustrating! Why isn’t it working!?! I guess I’m going to start using an OPK this month to be sure of when I O. My temps don’t seem to be helping me much in that respect and charting the cm and cp is subjective so I’m not sure if I’m doing it right. Hopefully they will tell me for sure when I O.

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Posted: 2002-09-23 22:44

CD #7 -

Well... not much new going on. I'm going to a new OB/GYN tomorrow, I'm due for an annual exam and I'm going to talk to her about this whole ttc business.

I ordered a FM... from eBay for $126... that is much better than over $200! I hope it comes soon but I think I'll have to wait until next cycle to use it because I don't think you can start mid-cycle. I hope it helps!

I have to go to sleep now... this is one of the questions I'm going to ask the doctor about... Why am I SO tired ALL the time!?!

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Posted: 2002-09-26 17:03

CD #10 -

Well... things went pretty well at the doctors the other day. She thought everything looked good with the exam and is pretty sure I'm Oing based on my charts. I had some blood work done (should have the results from that in a few days) and I'm going for an internal u/s just to make sure everything is ok with my ovaries. And DH is going to have a semen analysis, which he is just thrilled about! Lol She also talked a little bit about Clomid as a possibility... to help increase the length of time the egg can be fertilized. But I have to wait for some of the test results to come back before we proceed with anything. She wasn't too concerned about my low temps yet, we'll see have the blood test result come back. So... nothing seems to be out of the ordinary so far.

So we going to wait until after this round of the BDing marathon to do the :bluesperm: analysis because we should be starting to BD in the next couple of days and I don't know if DH will be able to get in for it that soon!

Here is My TCOYF Chart if anyone wants to take a look.

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Posted: 2002-10-14 16:15

CD #28 (12dpo) -

I haven't written in here for a while... I've just been busy and trying not to let ttc consume my entire being and meaning in life. I'm still charting and we're still BDing during O week but I was getting a little obsessed, which was really affecting me emotionally.

So I'm just waiting to see if AF show up in a few days... which I think she will. I was so mad a DH on O day. I came home from work only to find him and his friend watching sports and drinking beer. This is after he said he wouldn't be drinking since we're ttc and the alcohol affects the sperm. So when he finally did come upstairs I was mad and in no mood to BD. But I knew I was probably Oing and we hadn't BD'd the day before either so we "had" to do it. Well... we tried but DH couldn't deliver the goods (IYKWIM) so even though we BD'd the day of O, it didn't really count because none of his little guys got up there.

But at least if this is not our month I'll be able to use my FM. And DH is going for a :bluesperm: analysis. I will go for a ultrasound so they can take a look at my ovaries.

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Posted: 2002-10-16 13:53

CD #30 (14 dpo) –

It looks like AF will be here in full force by tomorrow! :cry: I’m spotting today and my temps have been dropping the past 2 days. I had a spike in my temp 3 days ago and that seems to be a pattern for me to spike 3 days before AF starts. So I guess it is onto the FM and EPO. I think I’ll still chart so I can see if the charting and FM agree on O day.

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Posted: 2002-10-19 21:18

CD #3 -

Well... Af did show up and she is really heavy. I've notice it being quite a bit heavier for the past couple of months but it has been shorter too... only 3 or 4 days of medium to heavy flow and a day of spotting. I don't know if this means anything or not.

I started using my FM... nothing exciting going on with it yet... just turning it on every morning. I really hope it helps me pinpoint when O happens.

And now that AF showed up, I have an appointment on Oct. 27 for a pelvic u/s to see if anything is wrong with my ovaries. And DH is going to have a semen analysis done.

I hope we get some answers soon!

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Posted: 2002-10-28 13:33

CD #12 -

I went for my ultrasound this morning. They did a regular pelvic one and a transvaginal. Luckily the transvaginal one is done with an empty bladder... I can't imagine have that one done with a full bladder! They have to be read by a radiologist and then the results will be sent to my doctor. I should probably know something by Wednesday. The one thing the tech said was, "Have you ever been told you have a tipped uterus?" To which I said no, so maybe that is part of the problem but I don't really know what it means. Perhaps we just need to use a different "approach" so to speak. Lol

I should be Oing in the next week or so... the BDing begins today!

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Posted: 2002-10-30 11:49

CD #14 –

I’m wondering about this FM... I’m on CD #14 and it is still reading “low.” I think I usually O around CD #15 and I got ewcm this morning so hopefully it will show something soon. It has been having me use the test strips for the past 6 days and still low! But since I have ewcm today, DH and I will be BDing as if it is my fertile time. I’ve also been feeling some pain in my lower abdomen (an inch or so in from my hip bone) on the left side. I don’t usually have any O pain but maybe this month I am.

I really hope this is our month. I’d love to be able to surprise our parents with Christmas gifts telling them we’re pg.

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