Well... I guess I O’d on Monday, 8/05... which was predicted by TCOYF software using cervical fluid dry-up signs. But I only have 2 temps above the coverline. So I elected to use the cervical fluid dry-up signs only because my temps don’t seem to be rising like they should. Maybe my temps rise slowly after O or they aren’t affected as much by the progesterone. I don’t know! So I guess I’m 3 dpo and AF is due to (NOT!) arrive on the 19th. Hopefully BD’ing on Friday and Saturday wasn’t too soon before I O’d on Monday. I also hope my cycle will be a little longer because if I have my normal 28-29 day cycle then I have a LP problem... so I hope to have at least a 30 day cycle!
Another thing... and I’m sure this has absolutely nothing to do with pg but... I threw up this morning! I use Listerine every morning but this morning it really made me gag and I threw up a little bit. Maybe it was just stress or something because I couldn’t possible be having pg symptoms yet at just 3 dpo! I hope, I hope, I hope that I am pg but I kind of think we’ll have another month of ttc.
I made an appointment with a new OB/GYN yesterday. I’m due for my annual exam in September and I wasn’t really happy with my old doctor and I prefer to have a female doctor. So hopefully I’ll like her better. And when I do become pg, I’ll have more options as to where I want to deliver because she delivers baby at 2 different hospitals.
Another thing... my boobs are starting to get sore! That is a normal AF symptom for me but it is not usually this early! I don't know what it means but I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much just in case the ugly witch decides to show up.
My temp went up even more today! Yeah! I hope they stay high for 15 more days and beyond! So I’m officially in the WAITING GAME now! I’m trying to not think too much about any “pg symptoms.” But is it SO HARD! My boobs are really sore, I’m really tired (the other day at work I was actually thinking about where I could go to take a little nap!) and I was gagging again today (but didn’t throw up again) when I use my Listerine this morning. But how could these symptoms be from pg if I’m only 4 dpo and implantation probably hasn’t even happened yet!
AAAGGGHHH!!! This waiting is brutal! I'm due to miss AF on 8/19! I'm still trying not the think about any "pg symptoms" but I can't help it. Today, we were at the lake for a BBQ and I felt kind of nauseous. I ate a little bit but didn't want any of the desserts (not like me at all! ) and there was a lot of duck poop (yuck!) that was really not helping matters! And I felt little "twinges" in my lower abdomen and breast are sore! I'm probably just grasping at straws here... I'm only 5 dpo!
My temp went down a little today but it is still above the coverline. Here is my chart if anyone wants to take a look... My Chart
Okay... I was feeling a bit nauseous all day yesterday and then while I was watching a movie I had this sudden urge to throw up! And I did! Then I was up about 3 times during the night (this most likely attributed to my high temp this morning) throwing up again. Maybe it was just something I ate because I am only 6 dpo and implantation probably hasn't even happened yet. Is it possible to be having m/s already? I don't think so but what the heck is going on and I've felt fine today.
Here is my chart if anyone wants to take a look... My Chart
I’ve been nauseous again today and not hungry. I’ve only eaten some toast this morning and some cantaloupe this afternoon. This is highly unusual for me; I usually can’t wait for lunch because I’m hungry. I usually drink a lot of water too and I haven’t wanted that either. I’ve also been having some pain in my lower abdomen. Could it be implantation? I hope so! I think I’ll be so depressed if you know who decided to show up again this month.
AF STAY AWAY!
Here is my chart if anyone wants to take a look... My Chart
I don’t think I’ll be needing those hpt’s I bought last night for this month! I’m spotting! I usually have light spotting a day or so before AF actually starts so it looks like we’re onto cycle #5 of ttc. I’m so depressed right now, I just want to cry but I can’t because I’m at work.
Okay... now I’m even more depressed. Not ten minutes after I made my last entry I go to get some lunch and what is the first thing I see when the elevator doors opens? A woman pushing her newborn baby in a stroller! I of course smiled at her and the baby (because babies always make me smile) but I was screaming and crying inside. Why does stuff like that happen? And why does it seem as if the entire female population is suddenly pregnant!?!
I just got off the phone with DH and I told him it looks like AF will be here tomorrow. I know he is a man so I shouldn’t expect some insightful comfort from him but I wanted something more than “I guess we keep trying” and “Should I get some boxers?” I know what he said was not terrible or insensitive but it wasn’t comforting either. But I don’t know that anything he would have said could make me feel better and I think he knows that so that is why he didn’t really say much.
I just hate this!
BTW-I just ate a king size Hershey’s bar! It made me feel a little better but not much.
Yesterday was not a good day! AF is in full swing, really heavy and bad cramps, on top of being depressed! And to top it off, we had a family picnic with DH's family. By the time we got there the cramps were feeling better but emotionally I still wasn't feeling real great. Then, within an hour of getting there, I learn the not 1... but 3 cousins are pg! I had to excuse myself so I didn't breakout crying in front of everyone. Good thing I had sunglasses on so they couldn't see my eyes! I am happy for them, especially for the one who has been TTC for 6 YEARS! And after several IVFs they are finally pg and expecting in December! Also, I started taking with them and I found out that one of the other girls who is pg has been TTC for 3 years and also had IVF done twice. I felt better and worse (a little) after taking with them. What made me feel better was actually talking about it to people and knowing that I'm not alone. And one of the girls gave me the "Good Luck Book." It is a book called "The Ache for a Child" by Debra Bridwell. She has given to 4 other people to read and they all got pg! So I hope it works for me too!
But the thing that made me feel worse is that if we do have some serious infertility problems, I don't think we'll be able to afford a lot of the treatments. We certainly couldn't afford $10,000 (for one cycle) for IVF! I'm so afraid we'll never have children! I know I get like this every month and all this stress is not helping but I can't help it. And I'm starting to feel like the disappointment of not getting pg gets worse every month and I get more depressed that the month before. I don't know how much more of this I can take!
Technically, we've been TTC since April 2001 but we weren't really "trying" (tracking cycles, BDing week before O, charting, etc...) until April 2002. But we have been having unprotected sex for over a year! Should I be concerned yet or not? I guess we're going to give it 2 months more before we start looking seriously into fertility testing.
Another thing, I'm concerned that my LP was only 11 days!
If anyone is reading this I hope you can understand it because I think I was rambling a bit. And if you are reading it, thanks for listening!