Will I ever be a Mommy?... Yes I will!!

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Posted: 2003-02-21 15:36

Still CD 15 (FM Peak!) -

I forgot about the dream I had last night... it was a baby dream! And the baby was mine and it was a girl. But I was mad because my MIL was feeding her kiwi! I don’t think my MIL even knows what kiwi is! Lol It was kind of silly but it was still a dream where I had a baby!

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Posted: 2003-02-22 09:49
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CD #16 (FM Peak) -

Today is the big O Day! Second Peak on the FM this morning! And we've timed BDing really well too... last night, the night before and we will today too! I'm letting DH get his rest now! Lol I so hope this is it but if it is not at least I'm going to the new doc and hopefully he'll have some answers for us. Because we are doing everything right so there has to be something wrong.

And I just really think it is fate or a sign or something that my due date would be the exact day of our 6th anniversary! But I’m going to try to not get my hopes up too much... yeah right?!? :love10:

I also had another baby dream last night... I don't really remember what it was about other than I had a baby!

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Posted: 2003-02-25 13:13

CD 19 (3 dpo!) -

Tomorrow is my appointment with the new doctor. I’m not really sure what to expect or what he will do. It will probably just be more of a counseling session and setting up a game plan. DH is going with me and I’m happy about that for a couple of reason. One, I have support. And two, he’ll hear from the doctor about how alcohol affects his sperm count instead of me just telling him.

But I’m kind of hoping that I won’t need any further treatment but at least we’ll have a plan if this isn’t our month.

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Posted: 2003-02-26 19:48

CD 20 (4 dpo!) -

Well... my doctor appointment went pretty well and I like the doctor. He talked to us for a while and did a brief exam. And based on my temp charts he thinks I might have a progesterone deficiency and an LP defect. He likes the LP to be 14 days with no spotting and I usually get spotting anywhere from 9-11 dpo. He wants to do an endo biopsy and an HSG but he wants me to fax my chart to him on Monday. He's not sure if we'll be able to do any of that this cycle or not. He also likes to do the endo biopsy about 4-5 dpo (and I'm 4 dpo today) and not just before AF because he feels you get better results and it would be before implantation.

I had my records from my pervious doctor transferred and he told us a little more about DH's SA results. We were never told any numbers by the other doctor just that it was a little low. His count was 22 million (the doc said anything thing above 20 million was normal but is a little concerned) and his mobility was only 20%... he said it should be at least 60%. So... DH has to go for another SA.

I guess that is it!

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Posted: 2003-03-02 22:37

CD #24 (8 dpo) -

Well... not much new going on... just waiting for AF to arrive. I’m really not getting too excited this cycle... even thought we BD a lot because I just don't think we're going to get pg without help. But hopefully we won't have to do too much.

At church today we celebrated couples who were having their 5th, 10th, 15th, 20th, etc. anniversaries this year and it was really nice. But at one point the priest said something like "you stand here before your children..." and I just got really upset. I don't know how I kept from crying. We weren't standing before our children... and what if we never do!

Why is this so hard for some people and so easy for others? And why is it that the people who should never have the responsibility of raising a child are always the ones who can get pg so easily or on accident? I don't understand how anyone can get pg on "accident," don't they have a clue as to how it happens?!?

I guess I'm just feeling a little depressed right now so I think I'm going to go read (a non-TTC or pg book!) for a while and go to bed! :sad11:

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Posted: 2003-03-03 11:42

CD 25 (9dpo!) -

Even less optimistic this cycle... I just think it is not going to happen for us without help! And my boobs were a little sore yesterday and even more so today... a sure sign that AF is on her way. So it looks like we’ll be doing all the tests! Sad

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Posted: 2003-03-03 12:09

Still CD 25 (9dpo!) -

Okay... now I’m feeling kind of crampy! Maybe it is gas (TIM!) or something but... augh! :angry6:

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Posted: 2003-03-04 11:32

AAAUUUGGHHHH!!! This sucks so much! I started spotting last night... at 9 dpo! And I'm pretty sure it is not IB because my temp went down this morning... it is still above the coverline though but I'm sure it will drop even more tomorrow.

I was holding on to hope that I'd be one of those women you hear about who go see a fertility specialist and then get pg that same cycle. I guess I was just hoping that we didn't have to go through all the fertility testing... but no such luck!

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Posted: 2003-03-06 16:18

CD 28 (12 dpo!) -

Well... I don’t know what the heck is going on with my cycle! :dontknow: I started spotting at 9 dpo and yesterday (11 dpo) and today there really hasn’t been much. Just a little bit of brownish-pick cm on the TP when I wipe. My temp is still above the coverline and has been the same for the past 3 days but the “low-battery” signal flashed on my thermometer this morning so maybe they aren’t accurate. I got a new battery today so we’ll see what my temp is like in the morning.

This is just so frustrating... why does something different have to happen every cycle to get my hopes up. I’m sure AF is on her way but I can’t help but think... “What if I am?!” I guess I’ll know either way in a couple of days... I expected AF to come on the 8th... so I guess I just have to wait! I hate waiting!

Here is My TCOYF Chart if anyone wants to take a look!

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Posted: 2003-03-07 12:02

CD 1 -

Well... AF is here! Not much else to say! :cry:

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Posted: 2003-03-09 22:19

CD 3 -

Still feeling pretty blue! :bluesad: I feel guilty for being upset... if I really believed that it will happen someday and that God has a plan for us I shouldn't get depressed when AF comes. I also feel like I'm surrounded by pg women and babies and families. I feel so lost and that I don't belong anywhere. People are always telling DH and I what wonderful parents we'd make but what if it never happens? I just hate that we're going to have to start all this testing! I don't know if this is going to cause me even more stress or help to ease some of the stress.

I'm sorry to anyone who maybe reading this because I've jumped around a lot and rambled a bit and also for being so down all the time. But thank you for listening!

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Posted: 2003-03-12 10:07

CD 6 (FM Low) -

Well... AF is gone... YEAH! I'm feeling a little better about this whole TTC thing but I still get depressed sometimes. My new doc called me Monday night at 9:45pm! I couldn’t believe he was working that late! He is having me come in for a Postcoital Test on March 19th. So DH is going to have to reschedule his second SA because he needs to abstain for at least 2 days before both tests and he had schedule to do it on the 19th as well. But since we need to do my test on a specific day of my cycle (just before O) and his can be done anytime, he’ll do his test another time. And then we’ll be BDing for O so maybe we’ll wait to see if we need to do it next cycle.

About 4 dpo, my doc wants to do an endo biopsy too. He does them before implantation would occur just in case there is a pregnancy. He also feels that gives a better result than doing it right before AF starts. If the results from the endo biopsy show that I do have a progesterone deficiency then I’ll start taking progesterone supplements (I’m not sure which kind or form) after O.

I guess that is about it on the TTC front. But on another subject... DH just found out he got a promotion at work so he is going to be making a bit more money and I got my annual merit increase...I’m getting a 5% raise in my salary. And it will be retroactive to January! So we’re both going to be making more $$ now and that is always good! Smile We’re also refinancing our house along with a loan we got to pay off some credit card debt and our car loan. Our payment for all 3 of these is only going to be about $100 more than just our mortgage payment is now... so we’re going to be saving money too! So thing are looking a little better for us finically!

I guess that is it for now!

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Posted: 2003-03-19 15:22

CD 13 (FM High) -

I had a postciotal test today and it was not good! :bluesad: There are supposed to be several sperm swimming forward in and out of the microscope field and there were only a couple. The one I was able to look at (kind of cool that the doc let me look through the microscope too!) was just swimming around in a circle instead of forward like it should be. DH is going for a second SA also and the doc wants the results from that before doing anything else with DH. The one good thing was that my cm was excellent... no hostile environment here... and I’m definitely having ewcm because the doc showed it to me and it stretched about TWO INCHES! So it looks like O is coming but it probably won’t matter if DH’s sperm don’t know how to swim to that egg.

The reason that the doctor wanted to do this test was because DH’s first SA came back with low mobility (only 20% when it should be at least 60%) and he wanted to see how they moved in my cm too.

The doctor still wants to do an endo biopsy to see if I have a progesterone deficiency. I will be sending my chart to him on Monday... I expect to be Oing on Saturday this week.

I guess that is it... I’m just really bummed right now and feeling like this is never going to happen for us. I don’t see how we could have a fulfilled life without children!

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Posted: 2003-03-25 10:59

CD 19 (3 dpo!) -

I’m having an Endometrial Biopsy tomorrow! My doc wants to do this to determine if I have a progesterone deficiency with is causing my LP to be too short. Which basically means that I start shedding the endo lining before a fertilized egg has a chance to implant. The treatment is pretty simple... progesterone supplements after I O. My doc does this 4 dpo instead of just before AF because he feels that the results are a bit more accurate and if a pg results from this cycle it is done before implantation occurs so there is very little risk. So we’ll have some answers in about a week! Hopefully it isn’t too painful! The nurse told me to take 3-4 Motrin beforehand.

DH is also going for a second SA because the last one his mobility was only 20% (it should be 60%) and is count was 22 million which is okay... it should be over 20 million. Also, the results from the Postcoital test (which is a test to look at how his sperm are moving in my cervical mucus) last week wasn’t that good. The doctor said that normally there are several sperm swimming in and out of the microscope field but he only saw a couple. I got to look too (kind of cool that I actually saw his sperm!) and I only saw one that was swimming around in a circle instead of straight forward. The doctor said this could be for a couple of reasons; the strong swimmers had already made their way up, he wasn’t deep enough in me (I know... TMI!), or his mobility is really low. We’re hoping it is the first 2 scenarios so on Friday and Saturday... WARNING TMI AGAIN... he made sure he was really deep! Smile And it seemed to make a difference because there was much less clean up afterwards! Lol Probably way more info than needed but hey... this is the reality of TTC!

So that is where we’re at! And hopefully we won’t have to go through much more before we get pregnant!

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Posted: 2003-03-30 20:58

CD #24 (8 dpo) -

Well... I had the Endometrial Biopsy and it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be! YEAH! I think even my doc was surprised when I said that it didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would. We don't have any results from my endo biopsy or DH's second SA yet but hopefully by the middle of next week we'll know something.

I guess that is about it... I'm not getting too excited for this cycle even though I'm in the 1WW. I just have a feeling that we're not going to get pg without a bit of medical intervention. Some divine intervention would be wonderful too and we've been praying for this for a LONG time now. I just hope that it is not too much longer and we're soon holding God's precious little angel in our arms.

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Posted: 2003-04-04 14:03

CD 2 -

Well... AF is here... no Christmas Baby for us. Maybe a New Year's Baby! I'm waiting to hear back from the doctor about the results from my test last week.

I guess that is about it!

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Posted: 2003-04-06 21:36

CD 4 -

I feel like I will never get pg! And it seems like every week or two I find out yet another person I know is pg. In the time we've been TTC, I've know about 15 (I've lost count at this point) people who have gotten pg. Why can we get pg!?!? Will we ever be parents?

I guess I'm just feeling depressed today...found out one DH's friends girlfriend pg... on accident!

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Posted: 2003-04-07 22:14

CD 5 -

DH second SA was even worse than the first... only 17 million sperm, 20% mobility and the shape was bad too! The doctor is referring him to a urologist. AND... the results from my endo biopsy was low progesterone but the doc is not going to give me any hormone supplements until we see what is wrong with DH. He figures why get my hopes up every month only to be disappointed.

I just have always had to deep-rooted fear that I will never be a mother and it seems to be coming true. How can this be happening? Why is it that any idiot or crack-head can get pg and not give two sh*its about that precious child when we have so much love to give to a child but no child to give it to?

I'm sorry to be so negative but I am so upset right now and I don't know how much more of this my heart can take.

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Posted: 2003-04-11 12:21

CD 9 -

I have been really depressed lately... especially since the results from DH’s second SA came back so bad. I’m not even doing my FM this month and I may even stop temping too. I think I just need a break. This is just so heartbreaking because I don’t know that there is a whole lot that can be done to help improve DH’s numbers. I just don’t understand why this is happening to us. And I’m not sure how I feel about some of the more invasive techniques like IUI and IVF. But I’m getting pretty hopeless that it will happen without those procedures.

WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?

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CD #24 (8 dpo) -

WooHoo... I finally finished copying & pasting my journal from the old boards... that was a pain! Sad

Anyway... not a whole lot new going on... just having these weird "symptoms" but I'm trying not to get too excited. My nipples have been sore since 3 dpo (now it is moving to my whole boob), I've been really tired, having heartburn and headaches, weird AF-like cramps and I've been a bit nauseous. But I really don’t think I could possibly be pg... with DH's low sperm count, mobility and shape AND my low progesterone... it would truly be a miracle! I'm not planning on testing unless AF is actually late. So that won't be until May 1st or 2nd and ONLY if I haven't had any spotting.

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CD #26 (10 dpo) -

I think I got excited for nothing... I started spotting! :cry: It is just a brownish tint on the TP now but I always have this a day or so before AF. And my temp went down this morning. Here is My Chart but AF will probably be here in the next couple of days.

It looks like it is on to cycle #14 (or cycle # 21 if you count from when we stopped using b/c) and DH's urologist appointment this coming Monday. And I'm fairly certain that I will not be testing this cycle! :evil:

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CD 6 -

Well... just at suspected... AF came right on schedule! My LP was 11 days again with spotting starting at 10 dpo. Why does this have to be so hard?!?

DH was supposed to have an appointment with the urologist today but they called and it had to be rescheduled to next Monday. Which means that this month is pretty much a wash... AUGH! I hope it is something that is easy to correct. But I see my dream of having a family slipping further and further away.

I'm sorry to anyone who might be reading my journal because I feel like it is just so depressing all the time. So thanks for listening and I hope I don't bring you down too much!

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CD 17 (? dpo) -

I'm not sure if I've O'd yet or not... I've been sick all week so my temp has been messed up. In fact, I took my temp last night because I knew I had a fever and it was 101.4 so I haven't even been taking it in the mornings for the past few days. I think I may have still been having O pains today but I'm not sure.

O well... I wasn't expecting too much this cycle anyways. DH did go see te urologist and he really didn't do much. I really wish I could have gone with DH becasue he didn't seem to ask any questions. The doctor gave him a perscription to take for a month and then he goes back. As far as I can figure out it is an antibotic so the doctor must think there is some sort infection affect DH's sperm. But who knows...

I guess that is about all that is going on.

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CD 13 (FM High) -

Well... I haven't posted in a while but not much new is going on. I had a really short cycle last month... only 25 days... but it probably has something to do with having been sick.

I started using my FM again this cycle in the hopes that the meds DH has been taking the last month have helped his sperm. He goes back to the urologist on Monday and I hope to get some good answers but in the mean time... I should be Oing soon so the BDing marathon has started. He'll probably need to do another SA but it will probably be after I O so we won't have to abstain during O.

I've been a little down lately because I found out a few more friends are pg. One wasn't even try and didn't want to get pg for a couple more years. It is just so hard to see other get something I ache for so badly. And its not that I'm not happy for them I am but... I'm jealous... sad but true. This literally makes about 20 close friends or family that have gotten pg (and now some have had their babies) since we've been TTC. I just pray that it will happen someday!

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CD 32 (10 dpo) -

Well... it has been a while since I updated my journal... sorry! Sad I didn't O until CD 22 this month! I thought I had O on CD 16 like usually because I had a temp increase but my FM hadn't peaked yet so I figured that the FM was messing up for some reason. But I continued to do the FM and it peaked on CD 21 and I got more ewcm too. So I don't know what happened! Last cycle I was sick with an upper respiratory infection (took antibiotics) around O so I don't know when exactly I O'd but even not knowing when I O'd my cycle was really short... 25 days... and my temps stayed high even after AF was finished.

So I couldn't believe that I could be Oing at CD 22 so I took an OPK too and it was definitely positive... the test line in WAY darker than the reference line. There's no mistaking a FM Peak AND a + OPK. So I think I was getting ready to O but for some reason didn't. :dontknow: I'm just glad I kept doing the FM test sticks because otherwise I would have missed O.

So now I'm 10 dpo and trying not to get too excited or hopeful. But I can help noticing all the "symptoms" I seems to be having. Nothing big and there probably nothing but I've been crampy for the past couple days, my boobs aren't sore yet, and I've been really tired but all this has happened before and nothing. But yesterday for some reason my teeth were sensitive... I'm sure it is nothing but why would it suddenly hurt my teeth to drink cold water?

Only a couple more days to wait now and I'm going to try and hold off testing until AF is actually late so that would be on Saturday or Sunday.

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CD 5 -

Well... I think I'm going to take a break from TTC for a couple months. I talked to my doctor today about possibly starting IUI or something while we're waiting for the meds DH is take to have an affect. But the doctor said it is better to wait and have "healthy" sperm. So I'm not going to do anything... no charting, no FM, no OPKs, no nothing! Just BD whenever we feel like it. I am quite depressed and frustrated right now but what can I do. I just wish this wasn't so hard. :bluesad:

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CD 12 (I think) -

I haven't been anything this cycle... no FM, no charting, no nothing! It has been kind of nice in a way but I miss doing all of that stuff.

I've been so emotional lately... I cry so often! In fact I'm crying right now. But I've really been try to be strong... especially with regards to my faith which has been such a struggle lately. Sometimes I feel as if not having a child is some sort of punishment for something I've done. But I know that is wrong and I don't believe that God works that way. I try to remember that when I suffer that he feels my pain too and that he is with me every step of the way.

For the past day or so I've been having these pains in my lower stomach... just above my pelvic bone. They are kind of sharp pain but mild and maybe it is O pain but that is usually towards one side or the other. So I don't know what it is.

It seem as if DH is having an alergic reaction the the meds he is taking because on Sunday I noticed that he had a rash or hives all over his stomach, back and chest. But he has been taking this med for a month and he is just having a reaction now? It doesn't make sense but we'll probaly call the doc to see what we should do. He wan'ts to wait a coulpe of days before calling to see if it gets better.

I guess that is it for now!

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I'm not really sure but going off cm and O pain I'm probably about 4-5 dpo now. DH and I did BD during O-time so it possible that something could happen but I'm trying not to worry too much about that. But I have been having waht seems like mild AF-like cramps today... probably just gas or something though! And I've still been SO emotional lately... I cry at everything and sometimes for no apparent reason! But I guess it just comes with the territory of struggling with TTC.

So we have this cycle and next before DH goes back to the urologist to see if the meds he is taking have helped his sperm count and motility. He just started the 3rd month of the meds so hopefully they're doing something. The hives/rash he had must have been from something else and not the meds because didn't stop taking them and it went away a day or so later. I kind of think he didn't want to have to start over with all this so he was hoping that he didn't have to stop them.

Well... only a few hours left of my 20's... tomorrow is my 30th birthday! :shock: I'm not really that upset or freaked about it but I just worry we're so much trouble getting pg with our 1st are we going to be able to have more than one child... or any? I know I still have lots of time but I'm not getting any younger!

I guess that is it for now!

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CD 3 -

On to cycle 16 of actively TTC! :cry:

I'm going to see a counselor tomorrow. :bluesad: I've just been so depressed and constantly preoccupied with TTC that I don't think of much else. I'm always tried and don't ever feel like doing anything... housework, going to work, getting out of bed, etc... and I'm afraid it is just getting worse. Sometimes I feel like I don't know how much more of this I can take and that the only thing that could make me happy right now is to get pg... and that isn't good. So hopefully talking to someone will help.

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CD 25 (8 dpo) –

Well... it looks like I’ll be moving onto cycle # 18 (26 cycles of unprotected BD) of actively TTC! Sad I started spotting today! I’ve started spotting as early as 9 or 10 dpo but this is early! I’m going to starting taking FertilityBlend next cycle to help get a run on things while we’re waiting for DH to finish his last month on antibiotics before going back to my doctor. Hopefully these meds have helped his sperm count, motility and/or morphology!

I’ve seen the counselor 3 times now and she helped me look at this whole TTC thing in a different perspective. I’m doing a bit better but it is still hard.

On top of the stress from TTC, I’m under SO much stress at work right now too. My title and job description changed and I have a lot more responsibility now and not much direction. I’m brought to tears on a daily basis at work... and I hate it. I’ve started looking for new job so maybe it is good that I didn’t get pg this month so I’m not starting a new job while pg. But I don’t want to be in this job much longer. So hopefully something will happen soon!

I guess that is about it!

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Well... it has been quite a while since I've updated this so I thought I'd better. After almost 2 years of TTC and many tests... including for DH's low count & motility... we're starting the IVF process.

The urologist could not find anything hormonal or physical causing DH's low numbers so since those are the only things they seem to be able to treat... there were no treatment options. With his numbers being so low IUI is not a very good options... basically would be a waste of time and money because the odds of it working are so low. So that leaves us with IVF, adoption or donor sperm.

Well, I want to have my DH's child so donor sperm wasn't really an option. If we went straight to adoptions and didn't at least try IVF I'd always wonder if we could get pg. So since we received an unexpected inheritance we decided to try the IVF. I really believe that this money was sent to us for a reason... God does work in mysterious way! Maybe this is how He is answering our prayers.

I have to have and HSG, which is scheduled for March 10th and we have an IVF consultation on March 19th. Things seems to be moving pretty quickly so hopefully we'll be able to start the process with my next cycle (I'm on CD 2 today) and start moving on an action plan.

My job is going better... I guess maybe I just had to get used to it and at least I’m not brought to tears anymore. And I’m getting more comfortable and know people better now too. But I still don’t know that this is what I want to be doing but at least I have a job and we make decent money... some people don’t have that luxury.

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My HSG went well! My RE said that both my tubes are open and my uterus looked good and since we’re moving onto to IVF that was the most important thing. I was able to see the screen which was cool watching the dye stream through the tubes and kind of spill out. It wasn’t too painful... like bad AF cramps but maybe I just have a high tolerance for pain because I didn’t think the endo biopsy was that bad either.

Anyway, we have our IVF consultation next Friday so I’m anxious to get things moving and since everything looked good with my uterus hopefully our chances will be better.

I am really starting to believe that parenthood is within our grasp now and that we actually have an action plan now! For at least 6 months we’ve been told to just wait and see what happens with DH’s count. But from everything I’d heard and read I knew there weren’t a lot of treatment options so I felt like it was pointless to wait. We’re at the exact same place with DH’s count as we were 6 months ago... in fact it is worse... so I feel like that was a HUGE waste of time. But I guess there is nothing that can be done about it so there is no point in fretting over it.

I’m trying to learn to see if difference between wishful thinking and hope when it comes to TTC. So I’m hopeful that we’ll get pg on our first IVF cycle and since thinks seem to look pretty good with me I don’t think this is wishful thinking!

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BTW-I decided that I needed a more positive title to my journal! I've been too negative for too long now and it is time for a change! Smile

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We had our IVF consultation yesterday and it went pretty well and it looks like we will be able to start with my next cycle... CD 17 today. So this is probably going to be a long wait and I don’t think I’ve O’d yet either! :argh: But I think I should be Oing soon because I’ve had ewcm the past couple days.

The next steps are, I call on CD 1. I’ll go in on CD 3 for some blood work (and I think an u/s but that may not be until after the bcps) and start on bcps for 3 weeks. During that 3 weeks they’ll do a trial transfer just to make sure there isn’t going to be any surprises or problems during the actual transfer.

I guess that is it for now... I’ll update as we go along!

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CD1... onto IVF!

AF found me this morning so I called my RE and we’re beginning our IVF-prep cycle. On Monday (CD 3) I go in for blood work, u/s and paper work. Then I start BCPs for 3 weeks. They’ll also schedule the u/s guided trial transfer during these 3 weeks as well. And DH has to give a sample for cultures & IVF prep. He’ll then give a fresh sample to use after the retrieval.

So things are moving along. I think DH was still holding out hope that we got pg on our own this past cycle so we wouldn’t have to do any of this but no such luck. Sad But I’m SO happy to finally have something happening!

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One week down... 2 weeks to go with BCP. Haven’t had too many side effects from them. I’ve had headaches and nausea but that is pretty normal for me.

I had my CD 3 u/s last Monday and everything looked good. Except I probably have a left over follicle but that should be a problem and I go in Friday (4/16) for the u/s guided trial transfer so they’ll look to see if it is smaller from the BCP. That is partly why I’m on the pill, to kind of shut my system down.

We did get the results back from DH’s blood work and everything was negative except his Cystic Fibrosis tests. He came back as a carrier of the CF gene! So I had to go in on Friday (4/9) to have blood drawn for a CF test. The reason my RE suggested it was because of the male factor infertility and the IVF nurse told me that men who are carriers of the gene also tend to have fertility problems. So since they couldn’t find any other reason that DH’s count and motility were so low this could be the explanation. No one in either side of his family has ever had CF so we don’t know where it came from but I guess it is fairly common among Caucasians, kind of like Sickle cell anemia is among African American. If I’m negative then we should be fine, however if we have a male child he’ll likely have fertility problems as well just because he’ll probably be a carrier of the gene. If I come back as a carrier as well (which the odds are low that we’d both be carriers) then we have I think a 25% chance of having a child with active CF.

Hopefully we’ll have the results back from my CF test before I need to start the Stim injections, which would be about right about April 29th. I have to call the day I take my last pill to see if the results are in yet.

I’m really hopeful that this IVF will work for us. I just hope I’m not setting myself up for disappointment. I’m actually more concerned about multiples. I was talking to my Mom the other day and she said that in her side of the family there are 4 sets of identical twin in my generation and my Grandmother is an identical twin too. But I just have to keep reminding myself that God won’t give us more than we can handle... it might be more than we think we can handle but it will all work out.

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We got the results back from my Cystic Fibrosis (CF) screening and it was negative. :clappy: The results were back in less than 2 weeks... maybe they put a rush on it or something. So this means that we’re not at risk of having a child with CF, which is a huge relief and now we can get started on our IVF cycle. I go in on Thursday, April 29th for my blood work, baseline u/s and we learn how to do the injections.

I’m really hopefully that this is going to work for us and I’m SO excited that we’re finally moving forward!

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We start out IVF cycle tomorrow! I’m so excited! :jumpingbeans: I picked up all my meds the other day and I only had to pay $100 out-of-pocket. The RE’s office said they thought DH’s insurance would cover the meds but couldn’t guarantee it. So I was relived when I got there and she said that I only had to pay the co-pays. SO I hope this is the start of more good things to come!

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:argh:

Back on BCP and our IVF is delayed! Sad My u/s showed that I still have a cyst on my right ovary and it has actually gotten bigger. So I can't start on the ovarian stim meds with a cyst. So I'm on a stronger BCP now and I go back on the 14th for another u/s to see what is going on and if it is still there then the RE will have to go in to drain it. This totally sucks!

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I went for my u/s on Friday and the cyst is still there! The only good thing the RE said what that last time it looked really clear and now the edges are really fuzzy so that could mean that it is shrinking.

So I have to finish this pack of BCPs and call when AF comes. I’ll have another u/s to see if it is still there and the RE will be there also to see if he’s able to remove it vaginally or will have to do a Lap. He thinks there might be some blood vessels in the way and going in the remove in vaginally could be dangerous. So it looks like I’ll probably be having a Lap done soon.

He also sent me for some blood tests. He said it was really just a precaution and he fully expects them to be negative but they were testing for cancer! He ordered a Cancer Antigen 125, Carcinoembryonic Antigen, Alpha-Fetoprotein, LDH and a Quantitive HCG. I’m not even sure what some of these are and I haven’t had a chance to look up any info. I couldn’t believe he was talking to me about cancer! I mean I’m only 30 this kind of stuff isn’t supposed to be happening!

So we’re still delayed with our IVF and who knows when we’ll be able to start. It looks like my hope of being pg by Father’s Day is gone!

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I went back for another u/s on 5/26 to check on the cyst and it is still there! :x The RE came in during it to see if he was going to be able to remove it vaginally (and let me tell you... he was pushing that probe up there really far... not at all comfy!) but there are blood vessels in the way so I have to have a Lap to remove it. So now I’m on another pack of BCP and my Lap is scheduled for 6/21. The only good news it that (if all goes well!) I’ll be able to start on my IVF shots on 6/25.

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Everything went well with my laparoscopy on Monday. The RE was able to remove the entire cyst as well as a little bit of endo he found. No cancer (thank God!) or any complications. I was really sore yesterday but am feeling quite a bit better today. Except I forgot to tell them that I get a rash when I use any sort of antibiotic ointments and they put some on the incisions so now I have this itchy rash around my belly button and the two lower incisions. I called to doc this morning and they said I could put some Benadryl and it to help with the itching, which has helped.

I go in tomorrow morning to start my IVF! YEAH! They usually do and u/s so we’ll be able to see that they cyst is gone and I’ll learn how to do the injections too. I just pray that we don’t have any more delays and we can finally get moving. Our IVF has been delayed for 2 months now because of that stupid cyst. So I’m praying for a Spring ’05 baby... or babies... hopefully no more than 2 but I’ll take whatever God blesses us with!

SO LONG HARRY! HELLO IVF!

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AF arrived right on schedule yesterday so I had my first IVF appt this morning, with an u/s (the ovary looks good where the cyst was removed), blood work and I learned how to do my injections. So I’m now in the Ovarian Stimulation phase, which is on average 7-12 days long. I’ll do an injection of Gonal-F (300 IU) for the next 3 nights. Then I go in on Sunday morning for my blood test to see how I’m responding and if the dosage needs to be adjusted. On Monday, I’ll be going in for an u/s everyday until the egg retrieval to see how the follicles are growing.

I’m so excited! :mrgreen: I never thought I’d be anxious to give myself a shot before but I can’t wait! I’m trying to be really positive about this and that about a month from now I’ll be... :preggo:

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I had my first follicle stimulating hormone injection (Gonal-F) at 8:10pm tonight. It was pretty easy and DH was there with me. Ovarian Stimulation... here we come!

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Everything is progressing well with our IVF. I’ve done 300 IU of Gonal-F injections for the past 5 days with no problems. And now I’m going in every day for blood tests and u/s. The results from my blood tests are:
6/24/04-Baseline blood test (Estradiol=15) & u/s
6/27/04-Blood test (Estradiol=139)
6/28/04-Blood test (Estradiol=188) & u/s (8 follicles on right ovary & 3 on the left)
6/29/04-Blood test (Estradiol=271) & u/s (9 follicles on right ovary & 6 on the left)

We anticipate going for retrieval over the weekend or early next week. So it looks like we’ll know if this worked by my birthday on the 18th... I could be getting the most wonderful birthday gift ever!

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Our embryo transfer is set for Thursday! I just got the call and out of the 14 eggs that we’re retrieved yesterday only 4 fertilized and there are 2 more that still could fertilize. They did the ICSI (Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection) on 12 of the eggs. I’m feeling a little disappointed because I know that not all of the fertilized eggs will develop further. So hopefully we’ll have at least 2 or 3 at the transfer. The nurse also said that if all 4 make it to day 3 then they might want to transfer all 4 but I’m not comfortable transferring 4. I don’t want to have to selectively reduce if I do get pg with multiples.

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I just got the call from my RE's office and we have three 4-cell embryos. The 4th one seems to have stopped developing after the 2-cell stage and the other two they were watching didn't developed beyond the zygote stage.

So, as of right now, we have 3 embryos for tomorrow's transfer! I guess I don't have to worry about transfering 4 embryos. My transfer is at 12:30pm EST, which DH is happy about because he works until 4:00am. Monday was a little rough for him when we had to be at the hospital at 6:45am.

I'm feeling a little better knowing that the 3 are developing normally so far but I'm going to be a nervous wreck for the next couple weeks. :?

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Well... our IVF failed! I just got my results and the blood test was negative. I don't know what we're going to do.

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Well... it has been a while since I’ve updated this. It seems like it has been longer than a month since we found out our IVF cycle was unsuccessful... I’m not sure if that is a good a bad thing. We went for our follow up with the RE and he really didn’t have any answers as to why it didn’t work. He was really pleased with my response to the meds. I was concerned that my follicles were a little too small. The RE said with the number and size of my follies at retrieval that he expected to get fewer mature eggs but from the 20 follies we got 14 mature eggs. I guess that is a higher percentage than normal. His major concern was that we only got 3 embryos from those eggs. There really isn’t an easy way to tell if the problem was the eggs or the sperm. So if we do it again we really have to hope that we get a better fertilization rate.

As far as doing IVF again we’re going to wait a few months, maybe until next year. I just have a lot of other stressful stuff going on in my life right now. But I’m trying to do everything I can to decrease the stress and that is why I got a new job. I hated my old job so that was causing unnecessary stress and I really like my new job. So that is one thing that has improved. I’m “trying” to not stress about TTC and I actually think it is starting to work. But this first cycle after the IVF has not been normal. I’m on CD 35 and I usually have a 28-29 day cycle. So I don’t know what it going on there. I know that the first cycle can be weird but I can’t help hoping that maybe we got lucky. If no AF by next week, I’ll call the RE and maybe I’ll test.

Now for the stress that I have no control over... my Dad’s cancer. Last September my Dad was diagnosed with stage 1 Lung cancer. He had the lower lobe of his right lung removed and did a round a radiation. All of his follow-up tests and scans had been normal until the beginning of July. The scan that was done in July showed that the cancer had spread to his liver, bones (ribs & spine) and some lymph nodes. Since the scan from May showed nothing, it seems to have spread fast. He is doing chemo so there is some hope but realistically my Dad, who is only 57, probably won’t see the New Year. I never thought I’d have to be facing this at the age of 31 but I guess this just goes to show that we never know when “our time” will be so we have to make the most of life.

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AF arrived today... finally! It only took 38 days.

I'm not sure what we're going to do as far as TTC goes but I'm going to start looking into adoption more. If we try IVF again and it doesn't work again then we'll be out of luck because we won't be able to afford to do anything... IVF or adoption. So I'm trying to come to trems with the posibility of never carrying a child but becoming a Mother another way.

This is a very difficult and important decision that I do not plan on taking lightly. So its going to take some time.

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