Will it be or not be

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Will it be or not be

Hi every one today I will start my ttc journal.

My DH and I have only been trying for a short while but I am already becoming frustrated!! But I know I shouldn't hold much hope to soon, as my DH and I both have health issues that may impeed our chances.
My mother though who have more loops than fruit loops knows and is excited and just can't wait to tell every one that we are "trying to have a little one". I just wish sometimes that she would think before she spoke as we have both told her that it may never happen..
Ok my darling factors going against me are:
1.An autoimmune arthirtis called seronegative arthropathy
2. When I was sixteen i was diganosised with PCOS which at the time didn't bother me that I got my periods every three months as they always managed to embarass the heck out of me no matter how hard I tried for them not too.
3. Because of the above mentioned I have taken BCP up until recently.

My Dh husband isin't int he clear either.
1. DH was born blind and now has some sight due to five operations when he was a few weeks old. And to keep his sight he has had to use a good seires of various steriod eye dropsover the past 25 yers. And because most people who use these type of drops are over forty no-one really knows the long term effects on fertility.

So I am feeling a little hopeless but at the moment DH sees trying for a baby fun and I hope it stays that way. As i need the good times to get through the bad week when AF comes.

I will descibe my bad week in the hope that i find that I am normal for this point of time in my life.. My bad week usually starts with the worst back pain which i spend the first half of the day hoping it just my arha giving me heaps then to the constant dull ache which gives it away and then by the evening i become irritated and cranky (at this point DH likes to duck for cover) then she shows and I become a sulky mess for a day or two until I get over the fact that I didn't concieve. Than i enjoy my week of moody cat becuase it make my work a little more interesting.

But either way the test yesterday came back negative despite beging over due for a decent AF (had strange spotting with no bleeding last week). Have been super tired the last three days and have had a great deal of nausea today and I can't stand the sight of food again.............. :? .....................but will let you know as I see the GP next week....

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Well today I had a talk with my mum about falling pregnant so hopefully now she will keep the information to her self. My DH was home with me today and we came very close to being sprung in the act of love by my mum. Yet we still are sure we never heard her come over, or even come inside (the back of our house was open), she even went to my work to see if I was there and that every thing was fine. Still feeling strange but I did a test first thing this mornign and still negative. :roll:

I get to choose my wedding photos's in the morning so that should be fun, even with my lovely mother-in-law coming with us. I am slowly hinting that Her DS and I are trying to concieve. I let it slip yesterday that I was no longer on the pill and my skin is letting me know it! I have never had this many pimples before not even when I was thirteen.

I am hating work for two reasons at the moment:
1. I hate christmas shopping, so it is a really bad time to work in retail.
2. There seems to be more new borns and pregnant women then usuall.
Not that I have anything against them it just gets to be a little much when every month she visits and there is no baby for you that time round. Still trying to work out what was happening around March and April this year??/???LOL

I didn't temp on time yeserday as DH had a minor surgery and I was all anxious to get him to the hospital on time. I have attached my chart though
http://www.pregnancy.org/bbt/gallery/776.png

well must be off to bed even though I have just got home from a really busy night at work

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Today will be a good day .......What who am trying to kid it is the saturday before Christmas and I have to work. :x The idea of work dosen't bother me too much on a week day or sunday(when I haven't got more improtant things to do with DH) but a saturday would have to be the worst even when it is not christmas but today will be hell!! At least I am not on my own in quest to find silly theives who think they can get away with it :twisted:

DH and I had a chat last night about ttc, he is worried that I am stressing about things a little too much and it wouldn't be such bad thing to be more settled. Thats fine but it didn't change how I felt. Maybe I am becomeing a little obbessive but I am trying to keep it under control.....I haven't started buying baby clothes or rearranging the house for a baby's room and pricing baby furniture. I am not going to do any of those things until I am at least 3 months pregnant. I just want to be pregnant first. My sister fell pregnant by accident thanks to antibio's &the pill. So I guess my theory is What is wrong with me????

Still been unwell in the afternoons and evenings... DH had to give me is yellow bucket Thursday night when we went to bed,just incase, becuase I felt that iickky and I was seriously worried at work yesterday afternoon that I was going to make a nice mess some where as the bin near by was very full....The smell of BO on people who don't wash or use deodornats does not help especially when it is so hot here.

Must get ready for work... think happy thoughts .... think happy thoughts...Christmas is good......Christmas is good

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Well it is four moe sleeps to santa, Who ever invented to the jolly man in the red suit....well i think you know the rest. Work is insane and I have to work tonight with superiviors that think being a Bitch is a full time sport and super bitch is there job.. Yep it is going to be fun.

DH and I had one of those weekends where alone time was not going to happen as we had one of those house guests that just don't know when to leave. I even told him tha he would have to leave early tomorrow as we have a Dr's appointment and I wold prefer if he did not join us.. he sulked making me feel like a royal bitch. But what am I meant to do.. When I got up it was apparrent that he was not going home and ended up coming with us. Funny enough though his worked called while we were waiting for my always behind Dr and wanted him in as soon as he could... so now he had to wait until Dh & I were ready... I like Karma.
Now the Dr's were interesting when he finally arrived for the day and I finally got in he says that the strange spotting could have been an early MC. :cry: But I still don't want to believe it is true.. Even though the pergo test was BFN
DH I were really peved that our house guest was still with us as I had had to go straight to work afterwards and found it very hard to be happy and jolly to the customers. But my partner in crime at work seemed to check as meny as the prams as she could... As she and her daughter(one of my supervisors) know what is going on and are being supportive of it, insted of the negative your young enjoy each other for a while comments that i have gotton from others. I stil wish that DH and I could have been able to talk about it as we were a little upset especially since my Dr' didn't want to send me for any tests to see if there is a cyst there or even if i am ovulating at all.. Might see if i can get into see my gyno in the new year, see if he has more apathy for me.
DH despite our little upset BD last night only to have broken our bed at the crutial moment. It is still very funny. :lovebed: So we moved our very thick heavy mattress and our fan into the lounge room. I guess our bed is not newly wed proff then. I think I will ring the store where brought it to see if there is a policy on things like this becuase the bed is only twelve months old and the part that broke was already assmbled when we got it. So I am sort of not happy but how do you explain what cuased it to break???? :oops: I just hope the person on the end of the phone has a sense of humor.....
with that funny for the day I best be off

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Ok I think tonight I will fill you in on the background of DH and I.
DH and I have been married since April 2004. We met just over 3 years ago in Yahoo chat! DH has really great parents except for when it comes to us being parents. They say they are not ready to be grandparents, What do they need to be ready for? I ask. But they are not alone in parents not supporting us. My farther and his wife asked us straight out when we got engaged have we thought about what would happen if we have children and they are blind? that was 2 1/2 years ago and I don't think I will ever forget the rudeness that they showed to DH and I in our own home. We didn't talk to them for about 6 months when we got into full swing of planning our wedding because they were not happy with my right to choose who walked me down the aisle and give me away. (in the end we walking down our respective ailse in the double ailse church together and met up at the alter. It was very different and romantic) they can be so petty. We have not told them or even hinted that we are ttc. I feel I should give them the same respect about family planning issues that they have given me. The mushroom syndrome. Although I feel sometimes that I need to my step mother about ttc, becuase she has been through it all. But my pride will get in the way of that. As I felt very outed as a teenager when the rest of the family was aware of there plans and failed attempts to have a family, until the day my farther came to tell me that his wife was pregnant and she looked to be able to sustain the pregnacy. Dispite my sister and brother had known for years.
any way that is sour grapes and that is not where I want to be headed tonight.

DH and I are loving ttc as it keeps the romance and love in the air, making love every other day really is great excerise too.

the other news tonight is our bed is stil broke Sad so we are still sleeping on our mattress on the floor. What a shame with our bed broke our house guest can't come back to stay. oooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh. But the good in that is our bed is still under warnety, but know one has heard of this ever happening to this bed before, my theary is that people have fixed the problem themself due to either lack of knowledge of the warnety on the bed or just plain shear embarassemant. either way they have to fix the problem.

will keep you posted..
Good night all
2 sleeps to santa
LolLolLol

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Well it has been a very interesting few days since my last post. I managed to catch a thief or two before christmas, I got throguh the bedlam of christmas eve at work without being two much of a bar-hum-bug. Got the new foot end for our bed, but only after I rang the store to see what was being done about fixing the problem. Picked up our wedding photo's which were very very good. Travelled down to mt Tamborine to spend time with DH's family for Christmas. I have to coment on our room though at Mt Tamborine, It was just devine. DH's Aunty has a very old but very beautiful Chalet style home that came with most of it's bedroom furniture as it was too heavey and to difficult to move. Our room was a pink rose theme and had a wallpapered ceiling coverd in the tinest pink rosebuds. It is the most romantic room in the house. If only DH's Ill grandmother wasn't in the room next to us. Nan unfortunatly was diagnosed just after our wedding with ovarian cancer, and didn't respond as well as they hoped to treatment. So it was to be a special christmas this year. Christmas day was good every one seemed to have fun.

But boxing day I woke to AF :cry: and because DH family don't know what is going on it was very hard to say anything. We travelled home had a few niggle arguments with DH who seems to suffer PMS with me. And then went my mums. where by this time I was tiered and grumpy PMS really kicked in. So I went and laided down on my mums bed for a little while.
But I was still in the mood to be a bitch. Had a niggle with my sister who wanted to drive my car after she had a couple of drinks and I refused to let her. She picked me on a bad day. the rest of the evening went well until my 6 nearly 7 yearold neice wanted to play kids songs full ball on the CD player and as I was leaving my step farther chucked a tanty at about which left me in tears. But than the strangest of strangest things happened. Mum followed us out to the car she kept telling me not to let him get to me. And then she spat out the news that upuntil two days before christmas that she too thought she was pregnant as well so we had a big cry together she even didn't her christmas shopping for her mother inlaw as she was going tell them that they were to be grandparents again and It would be from there youngest son this time. But as the case served it wasn't to be. We had other bitches as well until my sister came outside. but I am still upset we didn't conceive but as I said to DH there is always next month

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Well with a great idea yesterday we are having the family for a BBQ today. My mother and Stepfarther and DH parents and sister are coming so this should be fun. There is still a lot of house work to be done and DH is allready tryingt o fix the fence he broke on Christmas eve. As work here needs to be done before ten o'clock otherwise it is too hot to anything. I have convinced my mum to make her potatoe salad, as noone makes potatoe salad like her.

I am absolutely sertain now that DH suffers PMS with me. He is even addmitting it. We seem to sparr off each other this week and it is silghtly amusing.

Best go

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Well al my visitors have left. My poor DH had a bad morning when he went to start the mower this morning it would not start so we call my stepfarther to come over early to help get it going and it still would not start so he chacked a tanty and went home got his mower and whipasnipper and mower and trim our whole yard. Sometimes he has his good days and other are just impossible. but today was good. I think though he had a chance to let off steam as my older sister is living with them with her duaghter. they have a nice simple three bedroom home and she has treated it like a revolving door since she left at age 17. Each time bring more and more baggage with her.
Can't wait for AF to leave me alone, I hate haveing heavy af's but really unuaslly I have had very little pain until I eat something. Than all hell breaks loose on the inside. talk about bad reflux. I thought I was going to pass out after dinner last night. I could bearly walk, not a good look in pouring rain and in the middle of Brisbane city.

And the boys wanted t walk at the speed of light and i could bearly keep up with a ninty year old.

oh I hope it will all be over soon. Have to be better for New Years eve as DH has a really big gig at some fancy mansion on the brisbane river. Still trying to work out what would be best for me to wear as I will be required to help set up and still look good, My new black dress is long enough but has a very reavling cleavage. my other black dress is to short. what to do??
Oh well I will work it out later

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Had a really big D&M with DH last night after I finished my entry. We discussed the event of what would be our course of action if we did not concieve withing the next few months and how far we would be prepared to go with medical intervention. As DH as this thing about pain and being poked and proded he wants to have as little poking and proding done to him as possible.... Hello..... what is he complaining about? It will be me who gets poked and proded and looked at in areas that never see the light of day. Not that it worries me to much as last year I had early stages of cervical cancer burnt off. So I can deal with the legs up in stryups and people having a look. But we do both agree that we could not go to the IVF level of things. By that stage we will just have to settle on having a cat or dog or both. But I will always love my Dh, as he cares for me like knowone else. :biglove:
Well as I said there is always another month and this just could be that month. DH and will just have enjoy bding and who knows this could be our month.
I start my gym classes tomorrow so hopefully that will help shead my excess kilos.

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Ok ther is not much happenign on the ttc font althogh we are bding. Ok girls I think Ijust felt my first O pain. dull ache on the right side... Oh boy I hope it not wind pain. Oh well I will just have to sneak in a love session before DH goes to his band gig tonight.
Going to the Gym wasn't to scarey yesterday. and I am not even feeling sore today. But my trainer is very good and only started me off very slow. But I still did a good 20 minutes of cardo stuff (bike and tredmile). which is still better than 20 minutes sitting around doing nothing.
But I guess if I want a baby I am going to have to be fit and be getting fit now rather than oh my god after the baby and have to juggle in someone to look after bub while I go to the gym.
But I will stick at it and I might try and do a couple more days a week.
See if I can meet my goal in 6 months rather than 12 (my goal is to loose 15 kg, sorry I don't know what it is in pounds) My aim is not be tini whiny bikni or anythin just to be healthier. I f can loose the weight it will help with concieving and caring fo a baby.

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Happy New Years to every one!! :occasion18: :clinkingbeer:

Well last night was as comfortable as being in a foriegn enviroment can be. But it is always interseting to see how the other half live. My DH gig was at a mansion on the brisbane river. They had hired a marquee the same size as ther back yard so that the band had some place to set up and the people could dance. It was none the least a real eyeopener.
DH and I were put in an ucomfortable situation when a very drunk sixteen year old (yep it was that kind of party where mum and dad don't care what there children are upto under there noses) started aksing us about our sex life and are we going to have children, was I pregnant, and when are we going to have them. I seriously wanted to tell her that was none of her business but at that stage all I could to was laugh at her. I think if I didn't I would of said some nasty things probably to a nice girl. But it leads me to wonder does groing up in an eviroment of having every thing, allows children to grow up faster than they really should.
As this girl was under the asumption that if the boy buys you something nice, like flowers or jewlery that means that the sex will be good. And that really made me sad to think that a sixteen year old thought that way or needed to think that way. I just hope she dosent think that sex is only good when a present of love is given.
Any way I just hope that I will have a lovely bundle of joy this year or be carring one by next New years eve.

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There is not much happening on the ttc front except for bding. Today is the IL 30th wedding anniversary. So dh and I did the right thing and drove up to there home (100km away) for todays festivities. While princess Alice, dh sister arrived very late, after all the other invited guests had arrived despite having ment to come up with us. To make matters worse we had all gone intogether for there present, so we had to wait til she arrived to give it to them, even though I had done all the work of putting it together and organising the card and wrapping. It is very hard to come up with a creative way to wrap A4 size papers. Then she wanted to hand it to them so of course she got all the credit for it despite Dh and I doing all the work. AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
But other than that little spoil things went very well. Still dropping hints for them that we are planning to have children very soon. As much as PA annoys me I really needed her advice about a couple of things like baby asprin and the robatussim that is spoken about frequentaly on these boards. Becuase she studies Pharmacy and works in a private hospital that has little public pharmacies I was hoping she could tell me about the availability of these things here in aust. But she arrived late and we had to come home early this evening so dh can start back at work tommorrow. NO MORE HOUSE HUSBND :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
I will back to being a house wife who works two days a week now x-mas is over.
At least I will have going to the gym to fill in my day.
Must go for a swimm tommorrow I have not been for a month. OPPS :!:

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First I would like to thank all thoose who put forward the remakes about the robatussim. Especially Kris for adding the link about the information for dosage and why some women need to use it. Ok thats enough of my awards ceromony speach.
I thought it was all in my head or that I wasn't being aroused enough after I had the early stages of cervical cancer removed. (There was a long wait til we were allowed to BD again.). The only frustration now is that proseed is not easily available here down under yet. And couldn't we have used it last night. Talk about frustration and ruining the mood. But the twist gets better by lunch time today the robatussim had started to work it's magic. I have gotton my first real EWCM :blob3: :blob5: :blob6: :blob7: :woohoo:
I am so excited. but we have our house guest again and DH won't perform if we have visitors. But thats ok i might be able to convince him later about it.
I have been very good lately with my exercise though. I have swimming the last two day and I had a really good session at the gym. And I am still in shock about the amount of energy I have. It is wonderful not to wake up tiered every day. And need a rest by mid afternoon.

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Ok I have to say first my burst of energy did not last long. It is 11 am and I have already had my first nana nap for the day. Yep it is time to strangle the old fatguie problem. But given the amount of exercise that I did yesterday and the fact that I worked last night, should I really be surprised? Given all that i am going for a swimm this avo and I must rember to a least put sunscrean on my face!
With all that said and done I had a very empowering day yesterday I got up the courage to start asking for referalls to see a gyno/obs about ttc and the time it is taking and not ovulateing. I first rang Arthritis Queensland, becuase I had been to a meeting before x-mas where they had spoken about a wonderful gyno/obs who looked after women who have arthrits but know one had his contact details or name with them, only to find they are still closed becuase of x-mas and the new year. As a voluntry based organisation you can kind of understand. So I rung my nornal gyno/obs and spoke to his receptionist about things. I first asked about needing a referal and she said I would need one for Medicare purposes. I must of let out a big sigh becuse she asked who my Gp was and I told her. She than understood where I was coming from. My GP hates writting referals for any thing. So I told her I have a back up plan, another GP I saw when I was younger, who doesn't bulk bill any more not even for pensinors. But all well should end well by next week. I made two appointments yesterday One to see another Gp, Who is a colleague of my normal GP and the other to see my Gyno/obs.

But after having said all that I put in my temps this morning with FF, it came back saying I was 3dpo, I was in shock yet excited all at the same time so it really was a big :woohoo: moment. Even DH was still home to share that news with me. I just hope we have bd enough to catch that little eggy.

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Just a quick update.....
FF has now put my ovulation date forward a day so I am still three days past ovulation.
Oh and Yes I still went for my swim yesterday afternoon.
I found out that my DMother has got herself a new job. Not sure what doing or where but she has a job again. So there goes any chance of her doing my iroing, yes she ws going to be paid for it. But is good news none the less,

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Ok just a quick update on the scarey things in life.... Pain. As I mentioned in an earlier post that DH fears pain. Well the surgery he had before x-mas didn't work. So I am not sure where that leaves us now as I am not to thirlled if we have to wait until this Kidney stone decends to do any thing about it. DH has had three now in eighteen months & and the only way we foundout is that it exsited was when tha the first one decned the day after my surgery for CNI2. Great timing........NOT!!!!
But wil know more tomorrow when we see the uroligist(SP?). Hope it is not to scary.. But it may mean more money to be folked out.

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*Warning big vent*

Ok I will tell you about my day so far. It strted off as usual. Alarm roll over take temp kiss DH, head to the loo. We watched the eposoide of neighbours that DH taped for me last night becuase I was at work and he wanted to watch the crickect game. Then breakfast and then time to hit the shower. I Ironed the clothes while DH started his shower. I than finshed the ironing and went in to the bathroom and chatted to DH while he was finishing up. Any way the topic of me being persistant on doing only the hours that I have agreed to at work came up again. I keep telling Dh that it is a matter of prinicple and he keeps telling me that I should bow down to them and do the shifts b/c the money is good. Thena he tells me that If *I want to become pregnant* than we need to stop living week to week. Well to say then the war was on is an understatement. I asked him what he ment by that statement and his deffence was that I am the one that becomes pregnant not him. SO I put it to him that *we* become pregnant not Just *I*. I could just scream at him. And than not two minutes later I did. We have low water pressure issues in our old house so if you turn the cold water on on one tap the person int he shower getts boiled. to prevent this we uaslly warn the other person that we are goingt o turn a tap on to let them know to get out of the way. We this Am he didn't. Well I screamed and yelled like I haven't done for months. But it wasn't gratifying at all. So I got back in the shower and finished it off while crying. I was so mad with DH.

Now to update Dh we went to hi appiont ment withthe specialist this am.
He wants to have another go at this persistant stone on the last friday of Febuary. He is still at a loss as to why he is getting these stones but did suggest that maybe there is a small bubble kidney there, and that is why this kidney seems to contiue to get blocked. And yes there could be some link towards the eyedrops and this kidney stone but it has nver been reported before.
Any way there is my vent for the day.
I did go to the gym again though and I am feeling good for it.

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Feeling very confused tonight. :? I have a Dr's appiontment tomorrow to get a gyno/obs referral. I will be 8 days past ovulation and I am hoping that the gp will oder some blood tests to see if it has been a successfull month. I'm allways living in hope that each month is successful but This month I just feel strange about hoping. Evan though I know I have O'D I just not confident about having cuaght the little eggy and held on to it. I have had some pretty herendus backpain tonight and some front cramps that are not as servre as my back. But the back pain is more persistant than the cramps which just sneak in and out every know and then. I just hope it is not a sign of the wicked witch visiting this early. I don't think I could cope today or in the next day or two. I have been confused even more this week after speekign with one of the girls I work with about ttc and she warned me off the Gyno I have an appiontment with. So I am up in arms. I have been trying to track down a new gyno but I think I have found one at a private Hospital in Brisbane. It just means that I will have to travel to go to my appiontments and have a good plan laid out early with friends and faimly if I go into labour as DH can't drive. I still can't find out who the gyno is that the other women were talking about that has a good understanding about women with arthritis. I need a dr who is not affriad to think outside the square of normality here. Nothing in my body performs normal. Even when I have blood tests there are always one or two things that are seriously bazzar and don't make sense to people who don't know or understand the full picture. The one thing I found in my quest today is that only two places wanted me to speak with the dr who was not available at the time. Other just said get a refferal and then come and talk with us. But I am liking the idea of a female Gyno.

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I have had my first real milestone here!!! I finally got my DR to agree to some tests... YEAH!!!!! Not only are we doing tests on me but on DH too. So we have the full story all at once. I haven't seen this GP in a good year or two mainly becuase of a BCP issue. But now that I am not worried about BC I have no problem seeing him. He was great today. Even though I did not get the refferal I wass hoping for I got a lot of encouragement and support. He did not like the cough syrap idea so what he dosen't know... you know the rest. He did like the fact that I was temping but wants me to temp vaginally for a more accurate result. And I am very cool with that. I am willing to try anything that is not too invasive at this stage. He remembered that I had issues with PCOS and said that it is something that I will always suffer but there are still women out there who have gotton preggos naturally with it. The blood test that he ordered was a pregestorne level for day 22 of my cycle and becuase that is a sunday I will have to have this on day 21 which is this saturday. I just hope and pray that the old witch stays away long enough for me to have the test done this cycle.
I think I have convinced Dh to have the test done but I want to wait to see if the old witch shows her face or not first. otherwise it could be a waste of time. But all is ready for him to go ahead with this at any stage. and there should be no dramas of getting the sample to the patholagy lab on time. Well this is me for a while I hope next time I post it will be with good news. But I am not counting a chickens yet!

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I woke up this morning feeling the need for a big big hug and DJ has given them. So this can't be AF I hate being touched and hugged when the old witch is around. I just wish FF would make up it's mind about when I O'd. This is the third day change! I am feeling not pregnant but not feeling if AF is around the corner either. I have tested three times and with no BFP. Now I feel like I need a good old fashion cry session, but I have no idea why. with the exception of my close callin the shower the other morning I have had nothing since. Why does my body think it has the right to play games with me. I hate this waiting and more waiting.
I will have to wait ntil at least wensday to get the results of my Progestrone test. But I am stil trying to remain level headed about this. I am now apparnetly 13DPO and this is just to excrutiating.

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GGGGGRRRrrrrrr ........ I will start again! (just lost this enrty out of sheer absent mindedness).
I am pretty certain that The old witch will vist by the end of the week. If not tomorrow! All I want to do today is cry. My tempretures have been slowly taking a nice even nose dive. And all the Preg tests have been negative even the really sensitve ones. So if She hasn't arrived by the weekend and my temps go back up I will test again but at the moment I don't see the point.
I just rang the Dr's and they haven't got my results back yet but think they maybe in this afternoon. I told the recptionist that I was just being impatiant and she that was fine I could call later today she was still going to be there. But the chances of getting her this afternoon is like one in three. But we will see. If I don't go to work I will ring, If I go I will ring tomorrow am.
I feel so frustrated I just want to cry. Or do I just want to cry becuase I am in so much pain today? Either way I just want to cry :cry: :cry: :cry:
I think I over did ysterday at the gym and at hydrotherapy. But last night John said to me that I was really serious about this gym thing. I said to him that I am. And he said that he is starting to notice the difference already in my face, it is already becoming less puffy and my second chin is getting smaller! I guess It has to start coming of somewhere. I mean I would love it more if it was coming of my thighs or butt. Than you can'thave every thing.

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*UPDATE*
Well I rang my dr's office back late this afternoon and they still didn't have my test results back. So the really nice girl went chasing them for me, and said she would give me a call back later after she had got them checked, about 40 minutes later my Dr rings me back, yes that's right my DR rings me! My progestorne was not good. it was only 2 so no I didn't O this month yet. He now wants me to redo the test in two weeks form the last test so saturday week. So that is what i am at very lost very confused and a DH who is not much better. Can I have my nice big rock now to crawl up under????

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Not too much has changed around here! still haven't ovulated, so still not prgnant!
Dh and I had some more D&M last night about having a family and telling his familly that we are ttc. I think they should know now and he still doesn't think they need to know yet. I want to tell them becuase they are very inteligant people and are wonderful support for both DH and I. So if anything were to happen unfavorabley they would definately like to know so that they could be there for both of us. I don't just want to tell them that we are trying to have children when we are pregnant.
So I think we are going to tell them this weekend. I hope we are. We again spoke about what our options are and how far we would like to go with medical help when it comes to ttc. I explained that I would be willing to take medication that brought on ovulation and that was about it. I am not sure what our other options are yet. But I know that withour limited funds that IVF is just not an option.
The heat Is really getting to me today so I am not going to the gym but I am going bowling tonight (airconditioning!!!!)

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Well the weekend was an emotional one! Crying whilst driving is not fun but hey what the heck some one has to do the driving.
Dh was beening very selfish and a "mouse" on saturday morning. He dosen't realise that I go out of my way to help him and yet he still continues to lie to me! Than when I cronfrount him he either tells more lies or won't explain himself. I know that they are not big lies but he still lies.
I want to just scream and rant and rave and hope that it will help. I know that it is not the answer. I let my anger at DH out infrount of his father last night and I really don't care. I explained to him that I was dropping him of at home taking his dad to the station and than going to my mums to take the pool key back. I turned in to our street and he asked why I was taking him home first. I just let fly with the classic "Don't you listen to me?" OPPs maybe I should have been more gental with FIL in the car but some times it is a little hard to take when you have run around all wekend for them and they can't be bothered listening to you.
So you guessed it not much is happening on the ttc front!!
Still the ILS don't know and all I want to do is just tell them but since I married a mouse I just have to live with his fear of his parents views.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH

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****Warning TMI*****

Well DH did his SA test today! He accutuly did it, I was so proud of him. For the last two weeks he has been trying to work out how to get the sample in the little jar and I must admit I was very curious too. yet I am still none the wiser. But he did complain that the jar was a little to small. Yes I do forgive him for boasting as it related to penis size and not fuild amount. He locked himself away with the visual materials he needed and did the task so I could than just get in the car and take it into the lab. I feel a little left out that he didn't ask me to help him with the task but I think I am over it as he did the task and was very ok with doing it for us!
As a big thank-you I brought him a chocolate bar that he was not to share with me.

We are doing better with our relation ship in the last two days I have gotton over my anger with him and bcome more loving again.
All I wnat now is for the witch to show her face so we can move on with this cycle. As this is the longest cycle I have had in about 8 years (since going on BCP). (currently on CD33). I don't have any other signs of her apperance other than oily skin and scalp which is just driving me bonkers.
Oh well we have a house guest arriving soon must be off.

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What a day it has been. I had some really shocking sleep last night due to heat. I have been feeling the heat really really bad today, but I also have been so so busy. We started looking at houses today mainly what was in today paper but we are slowly getting an idea about how the market is going and moving. I went off and had my second blood test this cycle to see if I hae O'd yet or not. But there is still no sign of AF and it is really getting frustrating. Here two weeks ago I was praying that AF would hold off long anough so I could have the first blood test and here I am two weeks later still no Af and I have a second blood test for the same thing. When will this ever end. I think the women at the Lab are getting to know me. They know I don't lie when I tell them I am hard to bleed. Maybe Af has the same approach as my veins! I surely hope not!

To night though we are having to look after my 6 nearly 7 year old neice so her mother can go out with a new boyfriend for dinner. I don't really like this guy as I had a relationship with him that was on agian off again for a number of years. He is not the sort of person who I would call portentail brother-in-law material. Even my neice thinks that he is no good, as she told her mother not to let him the car when she went to pick him up. All I could do was smile. Children know a lot more than we give them credit for some times.

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:? Well my world has been turned upside down since my last post! More than likely when I was writting my last post we were robbed at home. Some one came into our house and stole My handbag and my husbands wallet. I was in my study on here and DH was watching TV with my neice. We didn't hear a thing. By the time we realised, on sunday we had been robbed they had emptied our every day savings accounts and tried to get cash off our credit cards. So AGAIN no sleep has really been had since saturday night.
But On the brighter side I have my Dr's appointment tommorrow. And I am looking forward to that and getting my test results back. I have set myself up for the worst I mean My week can only get better right? I am already tiered and emotional so a good cry at the Dr's may be all I need to pick myself up again.

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My exaughsten must be catching up with me as I slept really really well last night but it could have been the amazing BDing that was done right on sleep time too. Going to the gym has definately improved thing in the bed room if nothing else.

I went to the Dr's today and things were not as we hoped. I still haven't ovualted and more than likely not going to ovulate just yet. He gave me a refferal to a Gnyo and I can't get into see her for 3 1/2 months so I will try and see if I can get into see anther gyno sooner. I hate waiting.

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I got another referral today from my Gp. I forgot to put in my post yesterday that my progestorne was only 3. I have an appointment now to see the new gyno on the 14th March. But just for good measure I get to meet her before my appointment at the Young Arthitis support group morning tea on the saturday before, so that may make things either a litle wierd or really good.
Feeling very tiered and hot today. I am still to scared to open up our house as we have not heard from the owner yet. We have asked for some kind of screans to be put up around the back of the house.

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I am getting veryfrustrated today as I am now on CD45 and this is my longest cycle in 8 years. I have never been like clock work but even still It has never been this long since I started taking the pill. I have had several breaks from taking the pill over the years when I wasn't in a realtionship for a long periods of time. I think I may have O'd a week ago but I am still not sure. I got very excited lsat night when I visited the loo before bed to discover I had some spotting whilst at work. But it has stopped Sad . I was hoping it was AF starting but I guess I am not that lucky. But if I O'd when I think I O'd it could be a good sign. But who knows I give up on trying to work out my body! Maybe it was just a cyst bursting but who knows. I just feel so frustrated and cheated, I want new Ovaries!!!!!!!!! Please!!!!!!!

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My Ovaries must of heard my vent at them, AF showed her face today and I could not be more happier! Well maybe if I got a BFP. It just means that we can get a fresh start! how I am looking forward to that! DH is going out in sympathy with me again! He woke me this am to tell me he was in pain in his belly, it was on the lower right side. It wasn't until I had run the full question checklist, to see if I should be worried about his pain that i too noticed that I was in pain in the same area. When i finally was able to get to the toilet it was then I was aware that the witch had finally landed. Oh I do have to laugh, It makes me wonder what is going to happen in the labour ward if and when we get there! I can't wait.

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The witch hs shown no signs of stopping just yet. she has not been super heavey like usual either (sorry TMI). in fact more the opposite. I had an interesting weekend. Went to the inlaws on Friday night only to find my mother inlaw rather happy after having FIL work colleagues for drinks. She was quiet funny. But saturday morning she didn't remember that she had told us things or given me my new bag to replace the ones the theives took. I am still being treated on the outer by her, there were several times over the weekend that I tried to be involved in general conversation and she kept talking over the top of me. It was so frustrating.
Than on sunday when we were having a picnic while DH was playing she comes out with the dream she had about us starting with oh DS I had a dream about you, oh Yeah Jodie was involved to, You had a six yar old daughter who was blonde and could sing really well and play guitar. She was a suzi Quateo look a like dressed in full leathers. Playing in your band.
And then she made some remark about the child not getting her singing abilities from DH. She can be such a rude bitch sometimes and I feel powerless to stop her. It is definately a dammed if I do, dammed if I don't situtation.
I would have loved to do nothing more than tell her then and there that we are plaining a family and that people dreaming about us having children is very freaky thing at the moment. But I had to hold my tounge and respect DH's wishes. But i did make a comment along the lines of "so that was about six years from now". I wonder if she pulled head down from the sky long enough to get that one!

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Ok it has been a relatively crappy week. Last weekend I lost movement in my two of my fingers. But it has slowly been coming back to normal this week. My Dr is debating about weather it one of three things, A) Carple tunnels, Dirol pulled ligaments ithe the top of my hand or C) just a new place for my arthritis to call home! I haveen wearing a brace since monday night. I it is hot and uncomfortable but it seems t be helping every thing but my typing. I have only worked one day this week so next weeks pay is going to be crappy. I had another run in with the transport department over my licence and he took a mega crappy photo. Dh couldn't get his SA results last night becuase our Dr cnaclled his appointments for the day due to a death in his family. So now we won't ge them back until the 1st of March. Over a month since he did the test. When I rang the surgery, which I have been goin to for years and DH has bben going to for the last three. I told her the times at which we could go becuase I needed to drive Dh there and the stupid receptionist (who should know better) asked why Dh can't just drive himself! I was shocked and told he was blind! and she was like since when? I went since birth. I don't think it occured to her that we always come over together and we always have late or early morning appointments for a reason.!! And he wears thick heavy glasses as a fashion statement! Clueless!!! But we did have a minor break throught this week. we told DH's sister last night that we are trying to have a baby. She took the news very well but she has been told not to tell her parents as they are in denile about being old enought to be grandparents. So later to day it is back to the IL's for the night but I am going to go out and let my hair down a little, not much as I am still going to drive but just maybe a little.

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Ok I gave into my FIL and let him drive us into Dh gig and pick us up again! So boy I really did let my hair down. and it was great. I left my thermo at home. But my temps would have been screwed up anyway. We have been actively BDing over the weeks end and weekend, As who knows when I will O or though I think I have in the last day or so. My temps took a nose dive than shot back up today so lets hope they just keep moving back up. I did an OPK test and and got a faint line, This beeing the first time I have got anything using these things I am pretty stoked. I just hope that I didn't start using these a little too late. But I will keep you posted.

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Just did meredith quiz...


You are water. You're not really organic; you're
neither acidic nor basic, yet you're an acid
and a base at the same time. You're strong
willed and opinionated, but relaxed and ready
to flow. So while you often seem worthless,
without you, everything would just not work.
People should definitely drink more of you
every day.

Which Biological Molecule Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

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Lets go back to Wensday! After I sat on line for a period of time I went to work. Started to get lower abdo pains that felt more like the urge to move my bowls (Sorry TMI, but it will get worse.). Asked for my ten minuet break as soon as I could. Tried to use them did not work. Took some panadole. Contiued back to work. When I finished work I was still in a lot of pain. went home. Bowls finally moved, pain got worse, Cancelled our bowling outing. layed downed until DH got home. Still in pain. Had dinner watched TV pain getting worse. Rang my mum asked her what I should do. She said ring hospital. Rang Hospital (our local private one) they said come in as they were not very busy and the DR can look at me. Told Dh I would go in on my own and will be back soon.
Got to the Hospital and did all the usuall run down poke prod, are you pregnant, when was your last period, could you be pregnant, Do a pee sample. Every thing in urine was clear ok will do blood tests. Dr asks do you private health insurance? Yep, good we are going to admitt you. You have ultrosound in morning ok. Blood taken drip put in. Taken up to ward, Maternity ward of course!!! (NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS MUCH)(see my chart in FF you will understand). Rang DH informed him of the going ons organised him to pack me an overnight bag and bring it up to me. (11 pm now), DH arrives with bag of things. he stays until I am settled than goes home himself. ASK Nurse for some pain relief as the DR didn't give me any but ordered some for me. Very restless night sleep listening to newborns crying. So there I am in hospital alone and very scared. Gyno came early in the morning for a visit. instuctions were to fast after light B'fast. Fight with nurses over having b'fast. Utrosound booked, after ultro sound Dr came back said that I had a large cyst burst not to much free fluid temps down after being a little high. Blood pressure up though. Stay another night make sure all is ok. See in morning.
Friday AM told him I am going home, DH having surgery at Bris Private hosp. have to get him organsised. Dh brought clothes up had shower and left. YEAH i escaped. DH had surgery and he is still a little tired. but went ok. That night another cyst burst DH was snoring so I went downstairs and slept on ILs couch.
Still not wonderful bloated up big time and looking very preggo. Just wish I did have a baby in there.
**Sorry for the noval**

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Still in pain, rang My Gp can get in around 10:15, rang Gyno he is in surgery until after lunch but I can see him if I need too. Will update you as soon as I can. DH staye home today he is stil a little tired.

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Ok seeing my GP yesterday was useless. He didn't seem to interested, so I was lying down when my Gyno receptioist rang me back and said come in then. So there was a sensible answer to come. the Gyno thinks there maybe a little bit of infection floating around after the cyst burst and seeing they didn't give me any anti bio's in hospital I have to take some now. Once this is cleared he is going to look into doing a labroscopy and other tests provided all is well with DH SA. We will get thoose results tonight. So I got home last night had dinner took my medication started going to sleep during the news so I layed down on the bears bed and stayed there until 2:30 this am and than I went and crawled into our bed. and continued to sleep peacefully. So I had about 11 hours sleep. Wow! But I feel good this am.

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Dh results are in. The amount of swimmers is down slightly but those that are there are all wondeful little swimmers, No Guid dogs required there! (DH is legally blind and was wondering if is swimmers needed guid dogs too!) But there was all so some signs of some sort of infection near by, not overly concerned with that as Dh has Kidney problems and seeing that all the mens tubes lead to one pipe it could be from that. So I guess now the problems lie with me. Not really surprised but I guess it is a little better with me than DH.

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Well disregard all I have said about my step mother todate. I finally got up the courage to talk with her about ttc. It was very enlighting experience. Although we have different problems in that area she understands all of the emotional turmoil we put our selves through in this long and rough road to having a baby. I am feeling better in my abdo area today but becuase of my immune system the antibiotics have killed it off enough so that I now have a cold. Can I ever win. I don't feel unwell just a little stuffy and I have a sore throat, so no real big problem just yet.

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I am pretty sure I am out! Will the witch just show her face and be done with it. I am also suffering from thrush thanks to the Antibio's that my gyno put me on, He gave two types at once!

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Yep I am out!!! The witch flew in while I was out! So that leaves me with the nasty combination of Thrush and menstration, can't life be simple for me and DH. To make matters even worse I have given the trush to DH. We BDed yesterday and I wasn't showing any symptoms yet but we both are now! Can't we do any thing alone.

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Well for my 500th post I have some good news through all of my crappy week. I had my appointment with the Gyno and I got a claer bill of health for my ovaries so I can start Clomid tomorrow. This is such great news, even if he is going with the conservitive method of 50mg a day. Dh is trying to remain calm and not get his hopes up to high but right now I feel good about what we are about to endevour into. BiggrinBiggrinBiggrinBiggrin

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Ok I did not know the mood swings could happen so fast! We were snipping at one another last night. The loverly thrush bug has not left either of us yet which is getting me down and now Dh is getting my cold too. Please let this all end. I want some normality back to our lives. We have had our fair share of issues already this month and last month to last us til next year.

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Well Dh and I had a good weekend. Not being able to bd was getting frustrating so we had to use a barrier method just so we could releive that tension. But thankfully we got over all our itches and scratches and have begun our Bding marthon properly. I think I am now starting to feel the Clomid working it's magic too. Bding last night was tinged with a small amount of pain and I am still having hot flushes. I am having one now as I type. I also been able to feel some pain around my ovary area in the last 24 hrs. I really hope we can get this to work very soon.
I had a arthiris support group meeting on saturday morning. It was great, one of the other ladies has a 5 month old who is just so cute. and it great to see how she and her Dh are coping. I am looking forward to that being me. I also asked her about how she is coping with bub and house work ect. And her answer was outsource. They have someone mow the lawn, do the ironing and cleaning. I think I maylook into at least getting an ironing lady. As Dh already has a mower man. Her other suggestion was thing like frozen foods that make things a little easier. It also gives us a little hope that having children is possible.

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had a great chat witht he lady at work whoose husband and Her have been trying for two years and are now starting to do IVF on her next cycle. She and I cycles are very close to matching each other, as she is feeling she is about to O today or tomorrow. I have been having stronger cramps today, more hot flushes and some terible headaches. It is really depleting my energy levels. I am just so tired. But if this helps I am all for it. I had an hour & half nap this afternoon. I don't know if it helped but I really want to watch my show tonight and our vidio dosen't work wondefully so it won't recored that channel.......Why is it only that channel the one that has all of my favorite shows on it!!!!!!

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I had a really sad appointment with my arthritis specaelist this week. Things are not good. In a test he did before X-mas he found that I have a clotting Antibodi called Anti-Cardiolipin. Basically means that I am a very high risk of miscarrieage. :cry: All I have wanted to do since then is to cry. It makes a lot of sense to a couple of things that happened late last year. I had spotting two weeks from the start of Af that lasted 1 or 2 days that was just so super light. Than Af came about 3 weeks later. during that 3 weeks my boobs hurt and I had major food sensistivities. I think I even threw up once or twice. I was so convinced I was Preggnant. But it was long before I joined these boards. So I guess I will never know if I did miscarry or not. But I have now been put on 1 Astrix a day ( a low Does asprin.) to help reduce the risk of blood clotts during pregnancy and every day life. They think that this maybe hereditry and it makes perfect sense again. As my mum had 7 miscarriages and I was 10 weeks premie but could have been 20 weeks, but they stopped her labour twice and put her on complete bedrest in hospital for ten weeks.
I seemed to have gotten alot of the dodgy genes in my family history.

Other than that I still haven't O'd yet and I cannot even get a surge line on an OPK!!!! What is with that? I should be Oing any day now!

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I still Haven't O"d, I can't even get a faint line on an OPK, I am using two diffrent types. there hasn't even been an evaporation line to get my hopes up with. I have been experiencing cramping pain on both sides so I think I may have a cyst again...... :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

Why can't I be normal!! I am so tiered I really can't be bothered with much at the moment.

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11 DPC and I still haven't O'd. I ordered in the maybe baby microscope so hopefully that my give me more of a clue and Help me save money on POAS OPKs. Still can't even get a surge line and my temps are going down :cry:

Will I ever Ovulate.

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I got the Maybe Baby microscope today and My temps went up.....Yeah! I think I have got parcial ferning on the mocroscope so I am waiting for the glass to dry. I am re testing becuase I pulled it out of the cubord and had a look at it to show Dh and it wasn't there before I went to work but I think I know where I was going wrong. I wasn't pitting enough spit on the glass.Nope I think I was wrong. But who knows this is all getting too much. I have a headache that would kill and I don't think I will see the light at the end of the tunnel just.

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Yeah I have finally Ovulated! took long enough lets hope though we covered our bases well enough!
I have my typicall sore boobs from Ovulation til witch so I know I have finally ovulated!

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